Name: Dave's Wardrobe Malfunction | Letterman
Uploaded: 2023-04-13T00:43:31.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Dave's Wardrobe Malfunction | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-04-13. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Dave's Wardrobe Malfunction | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-04-13. Transcript available.

hi i'm barbara this is mary barkley this is dave hi hi barbara hi mary hi
everybody thank you
for joining us i love being on the barbara gain show thank you for inviting me
the uh i'll be
quite frank i'll be candid i'll be transparent the bookings seem to have slowed
down i've never had
any bookings okay so they're steady so they're steady in what they are yeah yes
uh do you have
a little story i heard well uh i was thinking about it because today is my
birthday and thanks
to all the people who sent the cards and letters of well wishes uh happy
birthday thank you very much
thank you and i know when i say cards and letters you have no idea what i'm
talking about
this comes under the category of uh why i can't leave the house maybe maybe
trouble in new jersey
no no they're coming for you um last night i went to a premiere premiere you
did yes premiere
and excuse me for dropping names at the museum of modern art oh you know what i'm
saying yes so this
was a-lister stuff right so um we we get there uh early my wife and i regina
accompanied me because she
loves all things about the museum of modern art i think i've been there once
and was accused of
loitering uh so anyway we we're there for the screening and the screening is a
jimmy chin and
his wife chai their their newest offering and i think it's called wildlife and
it's the story of
chris tompkins uh married to the late uh doug tompkins and they helped uh build
a national park system
for uh chile and argentina and everything that is patagonia so you love this oh
yeah well how can you not love it
but the scenery uh was compelling it was just uh delightful and we were told
that uh to be there
at six if you wanted to go through the uh the red carpet thing well i don't
want to go through a red
carpet thing you come to the house i don't have a red carpet anywhere near the
place sure thank you mary
thank you i was laughing oh yeah okay so i uh we don't get there at six we get
there at 6 40. we drive
right in no traffic and we get there at 6 40 parking right across the street it
was great couldn't have
been easier we we walk into the museum oh hello mr letterman that's my
impression of people generally who
who work at the museum i don't mean any offense that just seems to be the way
that's general people
that's right that's the people here do that again no hello mr letterman that's
not a gender that's
nothing that's just that's nothing no that's just a guy or a woman do you don't
do your dumb guy voice
now hey what are you hey what are you doing here get away from the picasso
asshole yeah that's my dumb
guy uh so anyway we walk right in and we're uh the everybody say oh again that's
the generic voice are
you coming through the uh the party line the red carpet line and i said no uh
no i'm not but that you
know thanks and and so they pretend to be upset uh full well knowing that they
take my picture then what
yeah so anyway we go sit down i don't know their problem they didn't go
anywhere okay what i like
to do when i'm out in public i look for toupees and hair pieces uh and plastic
surgery so we we spend
some time spotting people we think a modern art but that's good good pickings
right oh yeah yeah
hey we're not in kansas anymore hey
so now uh seven o'clock comes the film hasn't started 7 30 comes the film hasn't
started we're
getting antsy because we're hungry and i can tell my blood sugar is dropping
and that's not where you
want to be get a little yeah yeah you do get a little hangry and and the the
milling is seems to be
at a peak it's just like okay we've had enough milling around everybody be
seated 7 30 they haven't
started the film 7 45 when we hear a disembodied voice hello hello please will
you take your seats
hello again i don't know where it came from i don't know who it was it might
have been one of them ai
things that's probably what it was robots yep so uh okay robots there there's
an introduction and uh the
the movie uh we watch the movie and uh it's glorious just a fabulous movie and
uh just glorious and at
the end uh my wife and i we hop up and we race out and i say what what i often
say uh is i have to use
the men's room because uh frankly i have to use the men's room now hey we'll be
right back
uh so i run into the men's room and i'm dressed pretty much like this except i
got a jacket
and this you know people understand this what i'm going to tell you happens is
it's part of the human
mechanism and if it's happened to me it's probably happened to walter walter
you'll you don't know what
i'm talking about yeah okay so i run into the men's room and uh you know what
goes on in the men's room
yeah so i don't know why i'm amused by that but anyway uh so i come out and i
put my coat on and
i've got the thing and we go we're going across the street and i see a
photographer one of them
paparazzi guys hey dave he says and he's got his camera and click click click
click click click click
and so i put on my big phony show business smile smile i like that click click
click click click click
and now my wife and i cross 53rd street go right into the parking garage here
comes the car
i'm gonna drive home so i want to be at my most comfortable so i take off my
jacket and it's
oh my god it's stuck the jacket is stuck so why do you kids think my jacket is
stuck wasn't your jacket
caught in the door barbara uh in your pants i had tucked my jacket into my
pants you tucked your jacket
into your pants that's right so i'm oh lord what what is this uh and i finally
pull it out and i think
whoa what a dumb guy and then i think oh no wait a minute this this man on the
other side of the street
is taking photos of me with my jacket jacket in your pants another great
photography experience that's
right so now i'm thinking this is why you don't leave home because in my mind
it's going to be like
uh when uh the the lalea dalai lama the lali dama uh invited people to come up
and kiss his tongue or
suck his tongue hey who wants to suck my tongue and it's going to be like one
of them uh viral memes
yeah yeah i'll become a meme yeah so that's uh that's why and now we can finish
up on this story
why i should never leave the house now i'll take questions well that is but
that's kind of like a
good story story story yeah yeah yeah now do we know if it won anyway do we
know if i doubt it
yeah take a look yeah because that would be a nice ender for this story oh
wouldn't it be great if
there's a photo of me with my jacket tucked into my pants like every every old
man you see in a
nursing home and forgive me that's not ageist because i have a birthday and i'm
76 so i can say
things like that right right yeah i think you can yeah yeah we could always reenact
it here if you can't
find the photo well i didn't bring my jacket right but i'm sure it's something
i've done it i want to
thank you girls for inviting me on the show today it's a lot of fun uh thanks
for having us do people
watch this no all right night uh yeah oh no you wrap it up yeah so uh uh thanks
for watching don't
forget to subscribe don't forget to vote for us with a webby and remember it's
not me tube it's youtube
that's right and then also warren's ivan just keep voting thanks for good night
say goodbye
what'd you get i didn't do it yet i got to get it
oh please some good voice work in this episode oh thank you very much walter i'm
a consummate performer rich little right here yeah