Name: Stupid Human Tricks: Man Puts A Tarantula In His Mouth | Letterman
Uploaded: 2023-04-17T23:04:16.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Stupid Human Tricks: Man Puts A Tarantula In His Mouth | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-04-17. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Stupid Human Tricks: Man Puts A Tarantula In His Mouth | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-04-17. Transcript available.

Okay, ladies and gentlemen, it's time now for a little something we call Stupid
Human Tricks.
Very nice people from all over North America visiting us here in the Ed
Sullivan Theater.
They have little tricks, little stunts, little activities.
Please do me a favor, make our first participant feel at home.
Say hello to Claire Dutra.
Claire, come on up.
Welcome to the program.
Claire, where are you from?
I'm from Dublin, California.
Where is that?
What part of the state?
It's in the East Bay.
East Bay.
You know, we were just in San Francisco a couple of weeks.
My God, what a lovely part of the country.
I missed you there.
Do you like living there?
Yes, I do.
I actually live in Chico right now.
I go to Chico State University.
Well, I'd keep that to yourself.
I know.
I don't even know what that means.
There's just something to say.
It's a party school.
They do say that.
It is a party school?
Yeah.
Good for you.
Yeah, we had a great time.
Nice people, beautiful scenery, and lovely food.
All right, Claire, let's see.
What are you going to do for us this evening?
I'm going to be my own date.
If that's what's going on, how much of a party school can it be?
You know what I'm saying?
When you think about it, how sure is it?
How much?
Put these belt on.
What?
You're going to be your own date?
All right, Claire, it's going to be your own date.
Do you need, like, music or a drum roll?
A drum roll would be great.
How old a woman are you?
Do you mind if I ask?
I am 22.
22?
I'm 49.
Oh, God, I'm 49.
And I wonder why I can't see anything.
All right, Claire, you're going to be your own date.
Here we go.
All right.
What can I?
Oh.
All right, let's see that and take a look at that.
There she is.
Claire, Claire, Claire.
Whoa.
Well, look at how cute you are, though.
Thank you very much.
Thank you so much.
Have a good trip, back to California.
I will.
Bye-bye.
Thanks.
How about that?
Well, okay, ladies and gentlemen, here's Johnny Hasboon.
Johnny Hasboon is here.
Hi, Johnny.
All right.
Good.
How are you?
I don't care if you're going to set fire to your ass, you're still finishing in
second
place.
It just don't make any difference.
You know what I mean?
There's just not much you can do here, Johnny.
I'm sorry.
You know, I have a...
Okay.
What are you going to do?
Is it Hasboon?
Johnny Hasboon?
Well, yeah.
Johnny, where are you from, Johnny?
I'm from...
I came from San Francisco.
Oh, San Francisco as well.
Well, good idea.
I want to tell you again, we had a lovely time out there, and oh, I'm just
praying to
God, you're not your own date.
I like her.
I like her.
Do you like Claire?
Well, isn't she cute?
I like Claire.
I'd like Claire to come out and stay the rest of the show out here.
All right.
Johnny, tell the folks what you're going to do here.
I'm going to surround my lips around this pint, drink it while I'm balancing
this chair
on my head.
Yeah, fine.
I'm sure, you know, I'm sure it's great.
You just came out at the wrong time.
You know what I'm saying?
If you had been first, we'd all be going, oh, my God!
But, you know, it's the luck of the draw here.
You're in the number two slot, and nobody cares now, you know?
Yeah.
Okay, Johnny, he's going to do something.
He's going to put his mouth on that, and then he's going to...
Oh, okay.
Johnny Hasboon, ladies and gentlemen.
Here we go, Johnny.
Here we go, Johnny.
Here we go.
Atta boy!
Thank you, Johnny.
Very impressive.
Good job, sir.
Ladies and gentlemen, and that is why they call him Johnny Hasboon.
Wasn't that a band, like, in the late 70s?
Johnny Hasboon?
Yeah.
No, Johnny Hates Jazz.
Johnny Hates Jazz.
What was the same thing?
Eh, something like that.
Our next participant is Ray McCarrig.
Ray McCarrig, ladies and gentlemen.
Hi, Ray.
How are you?
Hey, Dave.
Nice to see you, sir.
Nice to see you.
Wow.
Ray.
Yeah, got you right here.
Man, look at that.
That's a very impressive assortment.
Are those real tattoos?
Real.
Wow.
Well, you know, right there, that's a pretty good trick.
No, ain't seen nothing.
Where are you from?
Where are you from, Ray?
San Jose, California.
San Jose, California.
Also from Northern California.
Nice to have you here, sir.
What line of work are you in?
I work for telecommunications.
And you look like you're probably a tough guy.
In your spare time, are you a tough guy?
No.
Huh?
Really?
I'm a single parent.
Okay, a single parent.
And, but you could be a tough guy.
Nothing wrong with being a tough guy if you need to be a tough guy.
I'm just trying to get out of this.
I don't know what I'm saying.
Uh-huh.
All right, Ray, what are you going to do for us this evening?
I'm going to put a tarantula completely in my mouth.
Now, see?
See?
That's a tough guy, isn't it?
Going to put a tarantula in his mouth?
You got to be a tough guy.
All right, Ray, sure.
Go ahead.
And blow bubbles.
And blow bubbles.
He's tough but sensitive.
You see, that's his sensitive.
The tough guy, the sensitive guy.
All right, and kids, kids, please, please don't try this at home, you know?
If you want to try this, go to a neighbor's house.
Okay, Ray, go right ahead, sir.
Blowing bubbles with a tarantula in his mouth.
Here we go.
Has it got the stinger in it and everything?
Well, you could drop dead right here, couldn't you?
Sweet week.
How do you know he won't...
Be careful.
I better put on the glasses for this.
I wish Claire was coming back.
Oh, my God.
What are you...
He's going to kill himself.
Got a little champagne music.
Are you all right?
Are you all right?
Ray McCarrick, ladies and gentlemen.
Oh, my God.
Look at that.
There we go.
How come he doesn't stink?
He doesn't know better.
Wow.
Very impressive.
Thank you, sir.
Nice job.
Ray McCarrick.
You know, this is what a wimp I am.
If I was trying out for the show, this would be my trick right here.
Now it's time for a stupid human bonus trick.
Do me a favor.
Say hello to James Brewster Thompson.
James, come on out here.
Hi, James.
Nice to see you again, buddy.
How are you doing?
Hey.
Lisa Riggio.
Riggio.
Nice to see you.
How are you?
And Cordelia Clancy.
Cordelia, pleasure to see you.
And you must be Hutch.
All right, sir.
What are you guys going to do here this evening?
Well, I'm going to jump rope with all three of my friends here.
Oh, you are not.
No, you're not.
And Hutch is going to play bass.
You're going to jump rope while your friends hang on you.
Yeah.
All right, what can I do for you?
Oh, you've got to hand me the rope as soon as I get everybody up.
That's the kind of thing I can handle.
Hand me the handles in both hands.
Make sure the rope is not twined.
Is that it?
Just like that?
Yeah, just like that.
Okay, I can do that.
All right, okay.
All right, touch.
Here we go.
Anybody need a boost up?
There goes Hutch.
All right.
Hey, Biff.
Hi.
Are you going to hop on there, Biff?
Talk about a quadruple take.
All right.
There we are.
And now we...
Okay.
Now, where did...
Who gets these?
All right.
Where are your hands, James?
I can't...
Where are your...
I'll get them there, sir.
Okay, wait a minute.
Hey, Dave, my shirt.
There you go.
All set?
All right.
Yeah, hold on.
Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute.
You got hooked up there on your thing.
Okay.
All right.
All right, now you get it.
All right, here we go.
Okay, you got a thing here.
That's the problem.
It gets hooked up on the thing.
Yeah, you got a deal.
All right.
All right.
Yeah, whatever you do, don't hurt me.
That's the key to the successful trick.
All right, let's...
You want to try it again?
All right.
I think you understand now why this is in the bonus position, don't you?
It's just that compelling, isn't it?
It's just that magnetizing.
It's just that hypnotic.
Here we go, James.
Wow.
Wow.
Wow.
You all right?
Thank you.
You all right?
All right.
Thank you very much.
There they go.
Bye-bye.
Bye-bye.
Bye-bye.