Name: Dave Crushes Things With A Steamroller | Letterman
Uploaded: 2023-04-19T22:09:08.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Dave Crushes Things With A Steamroller | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-04-19. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Dave Crushes Things With A Steamroller | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-04-19. Transcript available.

Since we began the tradition back in the mid-60s of mashing stuff with a steamroller
has not just been a hobby, but a way of life for those of us here on the show.
So tonight, we once again prove that it is much easier to tear down than it is
to build up
as we go now to a construction yard somewhere in New Rochelle.
A few short weeks ago, who knew that mashing stuff with a steamroller
would become America's newest national obsession?
Well, it has, and that's why we're going to destroy some more junk for you here
tonight.
This is the man who will be driving the equipment. What is your name, sir?
Joe Nagel, Jr.
And what kind of a machine do we have?
It's your basic 14-ton vibratory roller.
28,000 pounds of stuff.
Yes, a lot of stuff.
How long have you been driving this?
About three years now.
Are you excited?
Tickled pink.
All right. May we have the first item to be destroyed, please?
Something tasty from the commissary.
My favorite commissary treat would be the raspberry-flavored gelatin dessert
mold.
Ah, yes. Makes me hungry just standing in it.
The Dogwood Lodge Bowling Trophy.
What year?
68 or 69?
68? 69? All right.
Yeah, that's 68.
How about a nice styrofoam cooler of beer?
Cooler full of beer.
Now we're getting somewhere.
Yes, sir.
The one beer to mash when you're mashing more than one.
Yes, ma'am.
What can I do for you?
I can't get the last drops of toothpaste out of this tube.
That's really annoying, isn't it?
Yep.
Really is.
All right.
We'll see what we can do.
Thank you very much.
If you want to bring your brush over here, there's several brushings there.
Will Lee's bass guitar.
What kind of a cynical monster are you?
That's how this man makes his living.
Will Lee's bass guitar?
No.
Forget it.
I just won't be a party to that.
Paul Schaefer's glasses.
Okay.
Paul Schaefer's glasses?
Fine.
No problem.
Now, this is the one thing I figured we'd destroy, but, you know, you can still
wear these.
I like a pizza with a really thin crust.
Okay.
That's a great idea.
A thin crust?
You want the real thin crust?
The thinner, the better.
Okay.
For a really thin pizza, first you have to grease the pan.
Okay.
Next, roll out the dough and add the tomato sauce.
And then add your favorite toppings, mushrooms, anchovies, money and cheese,
sprinkle on some pepperoni.
And then add your favorite toppings, mushrooms, anchovies, money and cheese,
sprinkle on some pepperoni.
Okay.
Okay.
And then you simply serve it with a shovel.
Yes, sir.
We'll be mashing more stuff next week.
Johnny Bench is here.
We'll be right back, folks.