Name: Carol Burnett Wants To Take Dave Somewhere He's Never Been | Letterman
Uploaded: 2023-04-27T23:11:09.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Carol Burnett Wants To Take Dave Somewhere He's Never Been | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-04-27. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Carol Burnett Wants To Take Dave Somewhere He's Never Been | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-04-27. Transcript available.

- Our first guest is one of the great stars
of American television, and this Friday night,
ladies and gentlemen, she will be returning to CBS
to star in "The Carol Burnett Show."
It's a pleasure to have her back here with us tonight.
Say hello to Carol Burnett.
Carol!
- Oh, yeah.
Welcome.
Thank you very much for being here.
I'm sorry we've had so much trouble,
but I think things will go better now.
You look terrific.
- Thank you.
I just came from getting my hair cut.
- No, did you really?
- Vidal Sassoon was the first person
who ever cut my hair real short.
- Is that right? - Yes.
- You know, we heard another story like that earlier tonight.
A woman on our staff said the same thing with her.
So, up until then, when I was going all through high school
and college and my first marriage,
maybe that's why it ended,
I used to have rollers in my hair.
And then, finally, when Vidal came here in 1960,
I went to his place and did that.
He was quite nice, actually.
- Yeah.
Yeah, that was the old Vidal.
- That was the old Vidal.
- Sure, yeah.
- Ah, geez, you look terrific.
- Thank you.
- I'm very excited about this program,
and help me out here with a little bit of confusion,
because the last time you were here,
I think you were getting ready to start a show on NBC.
- That's right.
- You had the show.
- Yes.
- And it was on Saturday evenings.
- That's right, at 10:00.
- And it was a huge hit.
- It wasn't that huge.
Yeah, but it was doing okay.
But it was an anthology.
And we had difficulty doing an original 22-minute play a week,
and it wasn't the fun that a variety show was.
So I asked if I could go back to doing what I like best.
- Yeah, now this is more than just going back to another show.
I mean, this is going back to, I guess, the studio
where you did the original variety show.
- Yes, yes.
- And spent 12 years there.
- 11, but thank you, yeah.
- 11, I'm sorry.
- Yeah.
- And with your old friends at CBS,
many of whom, I guess, are gone now, right?
- Dead or gone.
- So was this a difficult decision for you to make?
- No, not a bit.
And we had one day in which NBC could have said,
we'll do the hour variety show.
And so we waited, and legally, then we could go over to CBS.
And I was really happy because I kind of felt,
well, I do feel more at home there.
Sorry, we're on NBC.
- Yeah, just barely.
- Oh, well, yeah.
- Well, come on over to CBS.
- Are the trucks here?
- It's terrific to be back on that.
Well, you worked on that stage.
- Yeah, I did.
I spent one month there.
- We talked about that the last time I was here.
- It's a great studio.
- It's super, because it's a real little theater.
- Yeah.
- And it's a hot little house.
I love it.
- So now you're back in the thick of things,
and have you given up your home in Hawaii?
- No, I still have a home in Hawaii,
and I go and veg out there as much as possible.
- And what is that like?
I mean, is it like an eight-hour plane flight,
and then you take another plane to another island?
- No, no.
I'm on Oahu, which is where Honolulu is,
and right at the foot of Diamond Head.
But I do have a house.
I don't just sit at the foot of Diamond Head.
But I just sit on the lanai.
I'm not a sun worshiper anymore.
And then when I need a city fix,
I go to Waikiki and just laugh at everybody.
- But don't you become, when you leave your house,
part of other people's vacations?
You're kind of like, "Oh, look, there she is."
- Only if you go to the hotels,
and where the tourists are, and stuff.
But around the neighborhood and everything,
I'm just another Hawaiian.
- Yeah.
Do you see Don Ho at all?
- You know, he hasn't called me in ages.
- But is he near where you are?
- Yes.
- Yeah.
And a lot of people live there.
You know, I've never been to Hawaii.
- You have? Well, come on over.
- Is that a serious invitation,
or a talk show invitation?
- It's serious.
- Oh, is it really?
- Yeah.
- I'll tell you what,
do we have a clip of your show?
- I think so.
Yeah, it's our first show,
and Marty's short is the guest.
- He's a very funny man, very, very funny,
and ideal for this kind of show, I would think.
- It's great, I loved working with him.
Do you want to tell us a little bit more about the show,
or should we just look at the clip?
- No, no.
- Okay, this will be on the first show,
beginning Friday evening.
Okay, here's Carol Burnett and Marty Short.
Watch this closely.
- I saw your face.
- I saw your face.
- And I ascended
Out of the common place. Into the rare. Somewhere in space. A anxious day.
Until I know. There's a chance that you'll care. There's a chance that you'll
care.
He taught me a makeup trick and that that I never knew. What is that? Well, I've
always used tooth black if I want to chip a tooth or black it out. But what he
did was get tooth white and we painted the two front teeth white and they just
popped out just like Bugs Bunny. You know, that's what I do. Same thing. I've
done that for years. You know, I don't know if I mentioned this the last time
you were there. You remind me. Oh, I'm sorry. Hey, good catch.
What is that? That was an eraser. I pulled it out of my pencil. Thank you. It
did? Yeah. Everything is inventoried here at the network. We have to put that
right back.
You remind me of my sister, my older sister, Jan. You look like my sister.
Really? Yeah. I usually get, you remind me of my mother. No. No, my sister.
Your sister. Yeah. And when I say older, I mean she's like three years older
than I am. That's what I meant. I didn't, you know. A lovely girl, I'm sure.
Yeah, she is. A wonderful woman.
What do you want to talk about?
Well, when you're going to come to Hawaii.
You know, I'd like to come out there because I've never been there and
everybody says it's beautiful.
But now I'm on the east coast of the United States and that, you know, kind of
like triples your flying time.
That's true.
Yeah.
When you decided you were going to start the variety show at CBS again, did you
hear from the old cast that was on your original variety show saying,
well, what do you think? Are we going back to work here or not?
Nope.
You didn't hear from it at all?
Nope.
Wow.
Don't you love these guests and say, yeah.
Nope.
No.
There is an open invitation to the gang to come on.
I think Conway is going to come on.
Tim Conway.
Yeah.
Very funny man.
He's going to come on probably around, let's see, we're going to do 13 shows.
So we think we'll have him on the 13th.
And he wants to write a sketch about Mr. Tudball and Mrs. Wiggins that we used
to do.
I love what he wants to do.
Because if you know those characters, Conway wants to write a sketch where Mrs.
Wiggins accuses him of sexually harassing.
Great idea.
You know, he's got the little dwarf things.
Oh, I know.
It's like a multi-million dollar deal.
I miss working with him.
I adore him.
Very funny guy.
Very nice man.
Nice man.
And you never knew what he was going to do from one show to the next.
That was part of the appeal of that show.
Absolutely.
So many people saw you folks having fun.
That's right.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Now was that, again, real fun or just TV fun?
Oh, that was real fun.
Yeah.
This is...
You know who was here a couple of weeks ago and we had all kind of trouble with
him?
Who's that?
A very nice guy and a man for whom I have the highest regard as an actor and
really a decent fellow.
Charles Grodin.
Chuck, yeah.
Yeah.
Now the two of you at one point joined a club, started a club.
Chuck asked me out to dinner once and I thought he was putting me on, but
because I'm a friendly
person, he said, why don't we start a club about being friendly?
And I said, well, how do we do this and why?
And he said, because most people are impolite to one another.
When you go out to a restaurant, very few times does somebody actually look at
the person
waiting on them and thank them for the cup of coffee.
Or when you go to the market or when you go to a department store, that you
actually say
that's a very nice jacket you're wearing or how do you get your hair that...
So that you should be polite to people and nice and not rude.
And so we went on various talk shows and we started Club Friendly.
And it kind of worked for about a week.
We got a lot of letters and Chuck's mother was answering all this mail from all
over the
country and it was a bit cutesy.
But he is quite a friendly person.
I understand he doesn't behave that way sometimes.
We have trouble with Chuck.
On talk shows.
And we have trouble with him, you know, because he's psychotic.
That could present a little bit of a trouble.
He's not as friendly with us as he might have been with you.
He was terribly friendly with me.
But was that a joke or was that...
No, he really means it.
Oh, no.
Yes, he does, David.
No, he doesn't.
Yes, he does.
This guy would die if a stranger touched him.
Yeah, but he'd be friendly as he was dead.
Let's see.
Have we covered all the things we want to talk about here?
Sure, we have.
The big show begins, what time is it on CBS?
Nine o'clock CBS.
Nine o'clock Friday night.
Good.
And this one, can you even imagine this one going 11 years?
No.
Yeah.
What would you be happy with if this were on the air for how long?
Five years?
At least 13 weeks, and then we'll see what happens after that.
Get through the first 13.
That's it, yeah.
A pleasure to see you.
Thank you very much, and good luck.
Carol Burnett, ladies and gentlemen.
We'll pause here.
Knock that.
Hey, wait, hey.
Hey, hey.
Hey, hey.
Hey, hey.
Hey, hey.
Hey, hey.
Hey, hey, hey.