Name: Fan Request: Viewer Mail Shocker | Letterman
Uploaded: 2023-05-12T15:06:01.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Fan Request: Viewer Mail Shocker | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-05-12. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Fan Request: Viewer Mail Shocker | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-05-12. Transcript available.

Ladies and gentlemen, every Friday night we take a few minutes here to answer
actual viewer letters from actual viewers who have been kind enough to write in
from all over this great North American continent.
And as always, the presentation of tonight's viewer mail is being assisted by
the wonder of the Westinghouse Puma 206 axis robotic arm.
Here it is. Take a look at it in action.
There it goes, springing to life.
Hi, how are you? Nice to see you.
Hey, watch. Hey, hold it. Watch.
Tell you.
Okay.
Hey, hey, that's, hey, that's getting on my nerves.
Letter.
Letter number one.
Thank you very much.
Come up to the office for a cleaning.
Dear Dave, my sister is bored with your show.
She's reading a trashy, steamy sex novel, What Should I Do?
Your friend, Stacey Purchase, Tallahassee, Florida.
Oh, boy, this is kind of insulting.
Gee, Stacey, I don't know what to tell you here.
Paul, what do you think Stacey should do?
Her sister is reading some kind of cheap, steamy sex novel there.
I'm sorry, Dave.
Were you talking to me?
Letter number two, ladies and gentlemen.
Comedy, comedy, comedy.
Thank you very much.
Dear Dave, if your viewers are seeing my handwritten letter on their TV screens
right now,
obviously they are, what are you seeing on the blue card you were holding?
Just wondering, Dana L. Doak, Lake Oswego, Oregon.
Well, I'll tell you what I'm looking at.
Here, as a matter of fact, you just take a look and see for yourself what I'm
looking at.
See, look at this.
It's harness racing from Yonkers Raceway.
You can't beat it for non-stop action.
That's what I'm looking at, Paul.
I can see that.
That's great.
Letter number three.
All right, just hand it to me politely.
Hey, hey, I said politely.
Hand me the damn letter.
Dear Dave, today I had a laundry mishap.
I accidentally used liquid fabric softener and dryer sheets on a load of
laundry
that had been washed with detergent with the fabric softener built in.
Oh, my God.
This overkill of softener has turned my clothing into a wet pudding-like goo.
Any advice?
A big fan.
Mark D. Spivey, Sawyer Air Force Base, Michigan.
All right, Mark, listen to me carefully.
Do not, I repeat, do not try adding starch to your clothing.
Fabrics with too much softener undergo a strange chemical reaction
when exposed to, oh, my God.
Oh, no, it's Mark Spivey's laundry.
Run for your lives.
Call the Pentagon.
Al, Al, we frightened Al again.
Al, Al, close your mouth.
All right, it's only a little skit.
We're just pretending here.
You all right?
It's hard.
Out of time.
Yeah.
All right.
Get it.
He's got a heart attack.
Letter number, is it four?
Is that where we are?
Letter number four.
There we go.
Letter number four.
Why, thank you very much.
Dear Dave, how many pairs of glasses slash sunglasses does Paul have?
How does he decide which to wear?
There's a question about you and your eyewear, Paul.
Uh-huh.
Just curious, Robert Klein, Lincoln, Nebraska.
Well, Robert, Bob, Paul, actually, I think he wears a new pair of glasses every
day.
Isn't that right, Paul?
Well, uh, yes, that's true.
Yeah, that's right, you do.
That's true.
Every day you wear a new pair, don't you?
Yes, that's right.
Tell him why every day you wear a new pair of glasses.
Uh, I don't feel like that.
No, come on, tell him.
I don't feel like explaining why.
Hal, Hal, can you run some bogus videotape as an explanation for this?
Sure.
Okay, watch this.
Hey, guys, good night.
I'll see you tomorrow.
Well, well, well.
Look who we have here.
It's Paul Schaefer.
Hi, Dave.
Yeah, hi.
I gotta get home.
Oh, yeah?
What's your hurry?
Well, I got some piece to do.
Hey, hey, listen, Paul, let me ask you a question.
You don't, uh, you don't have any money on you, do you?
Oh, for God's sake, Dave.
No, I don't have any money.
You don't have any money on you at all, huh?
No.
You don't mind if I check, do you?
Oh, come on.
We don't do this.
Every day, Dave, I don't have any money on you.
Well, now look what you've done.
Every day we seem to go through this.
Sorry, hey, sorry, Paul.
I don't know what I'm supposed to do.
Okay, there you go.
That's why every day is at the end.
Monday, three, three, three wheels in one.
Sensitive.
Hormones to will.
Hormones to will.
Sincere.
Oh, gosh, sir, there's a big question mark on that one.
Smooth.
Yo, baby, yo, baby, yo, baby, yo, baby, yo.
Three, three, three faces of will.
Fresh, fresh, Fresh Prince on NBC Monday.