Name: Staff Favorite Moments: Writer Jill Goodwin | Letterman
Uploaded: 2023-05-16T15:00:12.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Staff Favorite Moments: Writer Jill Goodwin | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-05-16. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Staff Favorite Moments: Writer Jill Goodwin | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-05-16. Transcript available.

Hi, I'm Jill Goodwin, and I worked at The Late Show, starting as an intern, and
then a receptionist,
then assistant to Jude Brennan and Barbara Gaines, then a writer's assistant,
and finally I was a
writer on the show from 2010 to 2015. One of my favorite memories of the show
is when I was
assistant to the executive producers. One of my jobs was keeping track of monologue
jokes that
freelancers would send in. One night I'm sitting through and I see all the
regular names of
freelancers, and then there's a sheet that said Carson. That's when I learned
that Johnny Carson
would send in monologue jokes for Dave via fax. I would just get to read a raw
page of Johnny Carson
jokes, then I would make sure that he got his $75 check or whatever. This is
kind of exciting. These
guys have built this rocket ship and they're sending people into outer space.
It's unbelievable. They
went up and they sent new records, new altitude records for civilian spacecraft,
50 miles into
space. And from that height, you know this probably, there are two things, two
manmade
things that are visible from 50 miles up. One, of course, is the Great Wall of
China, and
the other, Donald Trump's hair. That's right. Two things. I owe everything in
my professional
career, whatever success we've attained to Johnny Carson, because he was nice
enough to give me
the opportunity and throughout my career was always very supportive. As a
matter of fact, every
one of those jokes I did a few minutes ago were written for us over the last
couple of months
by Johnny Carson. And tremendous, tremendous act of friendship.
So when I was a writer's assistant, I got a call from my best friend, Emily,
who lived in
Des Moines, Iowa, and was a news reporter at the time. She said, "I'm at this
press conference,
and our lieutenant governor is giving a speech about swine flu, and she can't
stop coughing." And
coughing and sneezing were, I guess, some of the symptoms of swine flu at the
time. And
I talked to the head writers. They said, "Yeah, let's take a look." They showed
it to Dave before
the show, and he liked it, and it aired that night. Those procedures are in
place, and we're
following them.
Wait a minute. Patty? Patty, are you? Okay, sure. Yeah, maybe you better --
yeah, we'll
we'll give you a call tomorrow. Wow. That's a confidence builder, isn't it?
One of the kind of most ridiculous things that I got on the show, I think too
many times,
was this Dick Cheney animation. So I asked Graphics to make a very rudimentary
kind of
device that we would see. It would just look really, really silly and childlike.
You know,
it aired that night, haha. Dave continued to throw to that several, I think, 15
times. It
was always kind of like, "Well, this was just supposed to be a very dumb one-off,"
but it's
the kind of thing where if it tickles him that he'll just remember it and keep
going to it.
Do you like medical science and the advancements? I mean, when you see stuff,
Dick Cheney is
hooked up to a battery-powered heart pump. That's what keeps him alive. He has
no pulse because
it's -- he doesn't. That's true.
Dick Cheney has no pulse because it's all pumped by a machine. He talked about
it and
showed you the mechanism on the Today Show earlier. Here, look at this. It's
fascinating. Watch.
It's a wondrous device. It's really a miracle of modern technology.
And you have a battery pack. It's a -- I wear it on a vest. And there's a
control element here. And then two batteries. And it's -- it gets about 12 eyes
each.
It looks like it was -- it looked like it was giving off a little smoke there.
We'd often have to write monologue interrupts for Dave. One of mine that I
enjoyed was St. Pat Farmer.
You got the green. I got the -- yes, it's -- And by the way, I don't want to
interrupt you, but Patrick, St. Patrick, and so congratulations on celebrating
your namesake day, St. Patrick's Day.
You're Patrick.
Thank you, Dave. And you're not going to believe this, but I'm also a saint.
No. Now, that's -- that's cute, and I understand maybe a little -- but I don't
think you're actually a saint. What -- what makes you a saint?
Well, I am, Dave. Well, for one thing, I've put up with your bull for 22 years.
Good night, everybody.
What did he say?
So, in one of my pitches for one of Dave's birthdays was a cake that reads, "Happy
Birthday, asshole," to make it a little less obvious -- half of the word happy,
half of the word birthday, and then just whole at the end.
And I remember people saying, like, "You call Dave an asshole?" And I'm like, "I
thought that's what we did."
Yeah, we do that all the time on this show. That's one of the things.
And -- and the staff, God bless them, and I said, "Please, uh, don't -- you
know, let's don't go crazy here. Don't do anything, you know, because it's
going to be embarrassing, and -- and your -- your adoration is all I want."
Yes.
But we had a little cake. Were you up there for the cake?
Of course I am.
Here. I -- I got late. Take a look at the cake. It's just beautiful.
So, we'd go to the Super Bowl with Biff. Biff was game for anything.
I don't remember what the joke was. It involved a wig and a mustache, and it
must have been like,
"I've been doing this forever," and then, you know, here's me at my first Super
Bowl, and, you know,
he'd have a full head of hair. We couldn't get the wig on him correctly.
This is an itchy old, cheap-ass piece of .
A lot of times, we'd get the directive, "Think of stuff that Dave can do
without having to leave the desk."
So, it was Easter. I did do-it-yourself peeps. So, Dave bought into that, and
he colored the peep himself,
and he actually ate it. And I remember thinking, like, "Oh, gosh. I hope they
use the food-safe markers,
you know, and I hope it doesn't stain his teeth," because for a split second,
his tongue was black,
and I was like, "Should I go home now?" You know, I didn't know what was going
to happen.
Then you take a thing, and if you want them yellow, you just...
Coloring it with a yellow highlighter.
Yeah.
Now, look, you telling me...
Let me see what you got.
There. Look at that.
That's exactly...
Sure.
Actually, it looks very cute.
It's a character, yes.
Nicely done. Beautiful.
The proof is in the...
Uh-oh.
Oh, no, you shouldn't.
No, I wouldn't eat them.
One of my most comical and slightly traumatic memories is from a pre-tape,
and it involved an audience member getting shot or stabbed or something and
blood squirting from him.
The squib went the wrong direction. The blood splattered behind the camera and
covered me from
head to toe. So, I'm just standing there, covered in fake blood, as the
audience is
loading in. And it also happened to be when David Crosby and Graham Nash were
trying to rehearse.
I just turn up and see David Crosby look at me, just with pity.
As an intern, you would get asked to be an extra in remotes or pre-tapes.
I wasn't used to it as a writer, but I felt very honored to be asked to be in a
top 10 towards the
end of the show. And so, all you want to do is make Dave laugh, and it did. And
so, I was just
glad I was number nine, got it out of the way, and ended up being a great
experience.
David Crosby: Okay. Thoughts that they have had, recurring thoughts, 4,000
times at least.
That's the number of shows. This is the number of times they've had those
thoughts.
David Crosby: Number nine, writer Jill Goodwin.
Jill Goodwin: Maybe today I'll get to meet Dave.
David Crosby:
David Crosby: Well, maybe you will, maybe you won't.
Jill Goodwin: This one is a testament to how
great our graphics department was at the Late Show. They were revealing the
Queen's portrait,
so we took real footage, and as it comes down, the idea was to make the Queen
look naked. We actually
used a photo of the painting of Bea Arthur naked that had sold for like a
million-plus dollars the year
before. I just remember that graphic being really skillfully done for a very,
very silly joke.
David Crosby: What I'm trying to say is they unveiled the official
royal portrait of the Queen. I think you'll enjoy this. Watch.
David Crosby: Oh, Brooke. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
So sorry.
Julie Goodwin: The day of the last Late Show was insane, and I don't think I
realized that this piece
aired until I saw it on the show that night. Everyone's gathered around for a
party to say goodbye to Dave,
but Dave can't be bothered to actually show up and say goodbye, so we hologram
him in.
David Crosby: Speaking of emotional farewells, here now is my goodbye,
farewell statement to the staff that took place earlier today. I hope you enjoy
this.
today. I hope you enjoy this. One of everyone's favorite late show guests was
Bill Murray. I had
the pleasure of getting a couple of my things picked for his entrances. He
always did memorable
entrances. One was Dave announces that Bill Murray's here. Come on out. He
doesn't come out.
Cut to 53rd Street. A bound and gagged Bill Murray is let out of the back of an
SUV.
Bill Murray really got into the part. So thank you. Ladies and gentlemen, the
one and the only Bill
Murray.
Oh, shit. Oh, God. Just don't kill me. Just don't kill me, please. Oh, God. I've
got
kids. You guys are Americans. What's the deal? Oh, you guys are Americans. Ah,
ah, ah. Oh, God.
Oh my God.
Bill, for God's sake, what was that all about?
It's nice to be back.
Well, nice to have you back.
Are you okay?
The holidays are going to be rough this year.
I'd often have to take papers to Dave's office.
I'm Dave, you're me.
Okay.
Just hand me the paper, okay?
No, just hand me the paper.
No, just...
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Thank you, Jill.
*laughs*