Name: Viewer Mail: What's Inside Dave's Jumbo Fan Club Package? | Letterman
Uploaded: 2023-05-18T15:05:36.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Viewer Mail: What's Inside Dave's Jumbo Fan Club Package? | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-05-18. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Viewer Mail: What's Inside Dave's Jumbo Fan Club Package? | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-05-18. Transcript available.

Here, ladies and gentlemen, I don't know what's the matter with me, but this is
the only thing, when I got out of bed this morning, I had to look forward to.
It's the Phil is the caller there, Donahue, countdown calendar.
Now, Phil is moving his show from Chicago to New York, and each day, as the
magic time arrives or gets a little closer, we cross off another day.
And Monday, I'm really looking forward to, because then we get to cross off the
entire weekend, and he'll be in here early in December, and they'll start
broadcasting out of this beautiful facility sometime in January.
So, we encourage you folks at home to make up one of these.
It's fun, and it's educational.
We've filled on a new countdown calendar.
All right.
Tonight, we answer our viewer mail.
In addition to having a fine program for you, we started off by responding to
our fine viewers who have written in letters.
Let's get right to it.
Letter number one says, Hi, Dave.
What I want to know now, Dave.
By the way, these are actual letters from actual viewers.
Dave, since I know that you do a lot of hitchhiking around this country, what
is the best line for scoring a free meal from an unsuspecting motorist?
Thanks, Dave.
John C. McElroy, Mobile, Alabama.
How about this?
I know where there's a shallow grave.
Can I have $10 for dinner?
Probably would work.
All right.
Letter number two.
That's true.
We do a lot of hitchhiking, Bill and Paul and myself.
And sometimes Hal goes with us, and we hitch all over the country.
It's a lot of fun.
Dear Dave, letter number two begins, I've been a fan of you and Elvis Presley
ever since the late 50s.
Would it be possible to show a one- or two-minute clip of Elvis Presley's
entrance on stage at the Hawaii concert?
That was a magic moment.
Do you remember that, Paul, when it was beamed by satellite all around the
world?
I do remember that.
Your friend Donald J. McCayman, Fairview, Pennsylvania.
Well, Donald, I wish that there was something we could do for you, but that
footage obviously is very expensive.
We don't own it, and we would really have to pay a lot of money.
But what we can do is give you the next best thing.
Yes, it's another amazing impression by our own assistant audio man, Al Frisch.
Al, take it away.
Al, take it away.
Eerie, did you get goosebumps watching that?
Uncanny, I thought it was uncanny.
Nice job, Al, thank you very much.
Letter number three, dear Dave, I thought you guys made enough money without
having to, let's just start all over again for the benefit of the youngsters
tuning in tonight.
Dave, I thought you guys made enough money without having to resort to such
carpetbagging.
How much do you get for each so-called fan that joins?
Oh, I see, he has an ad there from a magazine.
Can we see the ad again?
What does it say?
Fan clubs, Larry Bud Melman fans, David Letterman fan club, jumbo club package.
Chuck Schilling writes this letter.
This really upsets me.
The guy looks at the ad.
Right away, he assumes it's a money-making deal.
Well, Chuck, I don't personally make one dime from that fan club, nor does NBC,
nor does anyone else.
We have one of those jumbo packages.
I'll show you what's in it, and then you judge whether or not it's a pretty
good deal.
Okay, let's see what you get for your $6.
You're always looking for extra hangers, right?
Okay.
Here's a copy of American Way magazine, the magazine of American Airlines.
We have some complimentary wash and dries, the moist towelette.
We have plenty of coupons.
We have saltines.
And we have packets of ketchup.
The total value of the fan club jumbo box, $7.25.
Now, by the way, you know, Paul, whoever is running these little ads, they're
weasels, and they should be hunted down and arrested.
You mean you don't have anything to do with those?
No, we don't know where they're coming from.
They're people, bootleggers, outlaws, ne'er-do-wells, thugs, punks.
Have we sent in for an actual package?
Has anybody sent in for an actual jumbo packet?
We've got to do that.
We should do that, though, right?
The guy's making money.
He has property in Bel Air, and he should be stopped.
So when you see an ad like that, don't waste your money on it.
We have nothing to do with it.
Can I say that?
Yes.
All right.
But by all means, continue to watch this fine program.
I've lost the will to live.
I don't know what the hell it is.
I've just lost the will to live.
Someone applauding.
Oh, thanks, ma'am.
Thank you very much.
I hope you're fading fast, Dave.
Goodbye.
You know, on my damn cable system, I have one channel now.
All I get is that thousand-cycle tone, 24 hours a day.
It's like a day-long test of the emergency broadcast system.
Okay.
Ladies and gentlemen, we're going to hose down the audience here with ice,
and we'll be right back to meet medical columnist Ruth Nathan Anderson.