Name: Dave Uncovers The Ugly Truth About NBC | Letterman
Uploaded: 2023-06-14T15:12:52.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Dave Uncovers The Ugly Truth About NBC | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-06-14. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Dave Uncovers The Ugly Truth About NBC | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-06-14. Transcript available.

You know, ladies and gentlemen, recently I uncovered a scandal involving
millions of
Americans who were being duped by a few large corporations. Now, let's face it,
I'm not an investigative reporter by profession. Nonetheless, I risked my life
making the film
you're about to see. I'm well aware that by showing you this, I'm jeopardizing
my job,
as well as the jobs of Paul Schaefer and the band. But believe me,
it's worth it to inform the public about what's going on. Watch closely, if you
will.
I remember the evening it all started. It had been a pretty good day at work,
and I was returning to Mrs. Johnson's boarding house where I live.
Hi, Mrs. Johnson. Hello, David. When are you going to finish that sweater?
What are you watching? It's our lucky night. The Cosby show is on.
Oh, great. I know he's one of your favorites. Wait a minute. He's, uh, he's not
on the whole
Thursday night, is he? Oh, David, I don't ask questions. I just watch TV.
There's nothing wrong with that.
Is there? Are you sure this is Cosby?
I think so. It's not one of their better episodes, though.
Yeah. It just seems like there's a little something, uh, off about the whole
thing.
Maybe it's the set.
This is the CBS Television Network.
Uh, Mrs. Johnson, do you mind leaving the room for just a minute?
Wait, David, what's the matter?
Oh, nothing. Nothing serious, I, uh, I hope.
Oh, and, uh, tell the other boarders not to come down here.
You know, you're mighty purdy when you're mad.
Oh, hi, Paul. Thanks for coming.
Dave, you're white as a ghost. What's wrong?
Yeah, I know. Sit down. I'll tell you about it.
Uh, Paul, you know, earlier tonight, uh, I'm watching NBC, or at least I think
I'm watching NBC.
Well, it turns out that I'm watching CBS.
Now, if I'm not mistaken, Paul, CBS is stealing ideas for television programs
from NBC and putting them on their air.
Dave, that's ridiculous. Is this one of your comedy routines?
Well, I wish it was. This, this thing, whatever I'm watching, it sounded just
like the Cosby show,
but, uh, it was a cheap CBS imitation.
All right, all right. This alleged show on CBS, was it as good as Cosby?
No, no, no, no, no. That's just it.
It had none of the warm, emotional content of the Cosby show, but do you think
CBS cares?
David, are you going to stay up all night?
It's almost midnight.
You're frightening the other boarders.
I'm sorry, Mrs. Johnson. I'll be up in a couple of minutes.
Hello, Mrs. Johnson.
Paul Schaefer, I should have known it was you causing a stir.
Get on home now.
I never should have read it to show people.
Listen, Paul, do me a favor. Tomorrow, go over to CBS and do some snooping
around.
Let me know what you're finding.
Well, all right, if it'll make you feel better, Dave, but I think this sounds
pretty far-fetched to me.
If anyone was going to believe me, I'd need plenty of evidence.
So I spent all night reading everything I could get my hands on.
I even thought I might uncover something by doing the TV guide crossword.
Okay.
Eight blank enough is.
Eight is enough.
That's right.
That's an NBC show, isn't it?
Or is it?
My whole world was topsy-turvy, but I had to keep going.
If not for my sake, for the sake of the people I love.
The more I read, the more dirt I uncovered.
And by morning, every illusion I had about TV was shattered.
Who is it?
Dave.
Dave, it's me.
Oh, geez, Paul.
Come on in.
Come on in.
Oh, my God, Paul.
Who did this to you?
CBS?
Dave, this is bigger than CBS.
ABC is in on it, too.
They've got a new show that's a ripoff of Miami Vice.
Sit down.
Sit down.
Take care of yourself.
Listen, this is the kind of thing that has been going on for years.
Remember MASH, the CBS show that everybody thought was so great?
Yeah.
Well, it turns out before it was a TV show, it was a movie.
And you know The Odd Couple?
That was a movie and a play.
Oh.
Yeah, but that's not the worst of it.
They're even stealing people.
Remember Captain Kirk on the great show on NBC, Star Trek?
Yeah.
Okay.
Look at this.
T.J. Hooker, an ABC show.
It's the same guy.
What are we going to do?
I'll tell you what we're going to do.
We've got to make the world listen.
We've got to tell people.
We've got to make them believe it.
Oh, my God.
Oh, no.
Look at that.
Come back here, you cowards.
Hey, hey!
Hello, David.
Hello.
Hello, David.
Oh, my head.
Where am I?
Hello, David.
Good evening.
Tom Brokaw?
David, look, I'm sorry that we had to knock you out like that and rough up your
little friends,
but you must understand, we just can't let this information out.
Wait a minute.
You're behind all of this?
Dave, actually, I wish that I were, but like everyone else here at NBC, I'm
just a stooge for Bill Cosby.
Wait a minute.
I don't get it.
He was the one being ripped off.
Hey, come on, Dave.
Don't be so naive.
The fact is that NBC is just as guilty as the other networks.
Even Nightly News, the Today Show, we all steal from each other.
And all of your favorite NBC entertainment shows.
Well, they have their roots in the past as well.
Family Ties, Hill Street Blues.
Misfits of Science.
No, unfortunately, Dave, that's an NBC original.
But the point is that no one is innocent in this business, not even NBC.
And believe me, it is for the good of television.
That's why we have to play along, not to make any waves.
Do you have any questions?
Yeah.
You know that ABC show, 2020?
Hugh Downs.
Now, is he the anchorman?
Is he the host?
The reporter?
Dave, well, look, look, I can't get into that.
All I do is take my orders from Mr. Cosby.
By the way, Bill wanted me to tell you that you should put a little more
emotion, a little more warmth into your own show.
Okay, well, I'll sure try.
And he said that you can start by giving me a little hug.
All right, David, that's enough.
Oh, one more thing, by the way.
Would you stop making fun of Brian Gender?
Oh, yeah, all right, sure.
You know, I really learned an awful lot that day.
And since that time, believe me, I've tried very hard to make late night the
warmest show on television.
Thank you, good night, and God bless each and every one of you.
We'll be right back with Michael Keaton, folks.