Name: Jennifer Lawrence Has Stomach Issues | Letterman
Uploaded: 2023-06-22T22:06:00.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Jennifer Lawrence Has Stomach Issues | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-06-22. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Jennifer Lawrence Has Stomach Issues | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-06-22. Transcript available.

ladies and gentlemen our first guest an academy award-winning actress who stars
in the eagerly
anticipated film the hunger games mocking jay part one it's in theaters on november
21st here's
the lovely the luminous jennifer lawrence everyone look at that beautiful you
look great
you look wonderful thank you oh my god whoa the crowd can't help himself jennifer
jennifer how you
doing good i loved meeting gabe and justine backstage yeah how do you know
these people
um justine has been like one of my best friend for like i don't know seven
eight years not not a
friend from kentucky but no we met out in l.a she was my friend's um roommate
and i won't say on air
what the first words i ever heard fly out of her mouth when she like flew in
the room
but it solidified our friendship i was like you me forever so she enters the
room and some phrase is
uttered yeah yeah two of the most inappropriate things you could ever possibly
say and we hadn't
met so i was like oh right off the bat yeah let's be together forever okay let's
uh two words let's get
an apartment together two two two words right first initial um sh first initial
is sh it wasn't it no
no no no no no i wasn't you said initial and i was just thinking on my own yeah
it was first letter
huh don't say it just i'll guess it just okay okay first letter first word
first letter i have to s s okay
all right all right second word first i'm too nervous for this second word
second word first letter f
second word okay sorry i'm on so many antibiotics
i'm sick again wow that's i can't my whole brain my whole brain is blank you
don't know what it's
like to come out and be on your show everybody's like oh but i can't see them
it just sounds like
noise what'd you want to hear and then and now you're like quizzing me top star
i didn't go to high
school days i'm on antibiotics yeah god again all right so your friend will
just pass through this
once more and then we'll let it go i don't want to do this you're in the room
and in comes your
friend and in comes this italian meatball with curly hair right and she says
two words it was two like
sentences oh two sentences oh bad words forget it i thought it was two two
words oh no i'm sorry
all that was that huge misunderstanding i'm sorry to waste everybody's time no
no i'll just uh get out
all right so what did she say i can't tell you what she said oh no just tell me
just tell me and
then i'll see if it's suitable for the audience we really i'm sorry this is we
really can't
wow wow it's like having the president's wife on that was that was unbelievable
oh my god i know so
you can see you open right up did both those things happen um yeah yeah they
did they both did happen
thank god thank god how about that yeah wow well let's just think about that
for a second we'll be
right back with jennifer lord
oh you know what since the last time i saw you here uh two things i i had an
upper and lower and
in this in the what do they call it oh the yeah i had those indian because of
you i went and had the
the top and the bottom the upper and lower um i made you want to cleanse out
your bowels well no
because you you were having stomach uh problems and i thought holy crap i
better go and it was a
wonderful experience well thank you for that and yeah it was so good i was
hoping that i'd have to
come back monthly but they said you don't have to come back for five years oh
really josh and i were
talking about getting colonics together but we were like can we get a couple's
colonic but like
platonic like a platonic colonic do you guys have those yeah i bet they do but
you were okay everything
turned out to be fine everything was fine yeah i i think that i had the ulcer
for so long and i was
just kind of treating it was there really well this is my theory i think that i
had a month before i could
actually go get the the end and um so i you know went off coffee and alcohol
and sugar and oh it was
awful yes and then so i think that by the time they saw it it was not i it was
gone but i i can't accept
that i'm crazy and that nobody said you were crazy are people saying you're
crazy maybe they're just in
my head the voices in your head are telling you you're crazy that's not but i
don't believe them
yeah they're always talking nonsense but let me ask you this another uh anatomical
question could they
see signs of a ulcer existing they said that there was blood in my stomach
which could be an old ulcer
healed up but i don't know anything about bacteria isn't it i don't know i just
you know go to the
hospital all the time but i don't actually pick anything up i don't i haven't
started learning
anything a bit of hypochondriasis what's that i haven't yeah uh
what's that and yes where i i i always think that i uh have something and then
i i go and have tests
um that does sound familiar yeah but i just don't think i have that either but
is there a test for it
is there i did have i did just have strep throat when we were in austria doing
press and it was
like the first day and we all got so sick and i like woke up from this fever haze
and i was like
getting like an iv with like antibiotics or something and my doctor was like 18
or 20 wearing ripped
converse and jeans and a shirt that says a real woman never lets her man leave
hungry or horny
and i was like whose little brother is giving me an iv
this was in austria drug dealer austria yeah in austria in the tradition of sigmund
freud
yeah uh now tell me about is this the first time on film oh here's the other
thing i wanted to tell
you since the last time you were here i went to see the silver book play linings
the
yeah silver linings like you really took silver linings playbook yeah that was
tremendous thank you
i love them movies thank you
and i hope i hope you'll uh make other movies like that not not exactly like
that but like a
like a nice movie you tell me what to do and i'll do it no no no no i don't i
don't know what to do
you know but it was i enjoyed it oh thanks yeah and now uh in this movie is
this the first time
on film where you sing yeah that was sorry that took me to a very dark place i
do not like singing in
front of other people it's like my biggest fear i cried on set that day
apparently i'm crying all the
time but um yeah no that was awful i'm like scarred from my childhood because i
have a mother that used
to a southern mother who would just tell me that i was amazing at everything
and that i could do
everything and then but i can't and i have a really bad and i have this voice
like this like tone deaf
amy winehouse like voice like when i was like eight and so i sang in front of
the school because i was
like i can do that i can do anything remember the song have a holly jolly
christmas and my dad
like laughed for like the entire week i would hear him around the house like
have a holly like
imagining me i was like oh god um yeah i'm just you know i hate it i hate it so
now uh you got to sing
in front of the crew and the cast and everybody in this movie yeah what is the
song you're singing
something particular the hanging tree which is where i felt like going the
morning i showed up
now let me ask you this uh did uh i don't know how to say this exactly uh did
they uh when i go see
the movie and i see you singing am i hearing you singing yeah weirdly but i don't
know i put my fingers
and i haven't i still haven't heard it but everybody's told me that it's you
that it's me because i was like
will you guys please get you know lord to really sing it in lip sync you know
right um and they
said no it's really your voice so i avoided that scene how would that go uh
what do you mean the
song oh i don't oh my god you're trying to get me to sing no no this is the
second time i've
threatened to walk off you know never
i can't move my arms in this house hey you got a house you bought a new house
congratulations this is your first
new homeowner first time yeah it's my first great i think you can't possibly
regret it it's
a lovely thing to do and have your own home and it's nice okay good i have so
many regrets how long
have you had the place um i guess uh like a month month maybe i haven't moved
in yet though is california
yeah big huge movie star kind of a house no it's like it's small it's like good
enough for i mean good
enough it's good enough for me it's just like big enough for you know me and
some change how many
how many square feet i don't know 50 50 square 55
what's the square root of this house wow that's a i got i don't ask questions
like that i only ask is
it haunted did anybody die no no how do i turn the heat up now you don't
believe in the the hauntings
and stuff like that do you that's of course i do i believe in anything
unrealistic really i have
first of all i've had a ghost i've been haunted by a demon so what does that
even mean i don't know what
that means i had a ghost when i was visiting my ex-boyfriend nick in namibia in
africa um and like
we would turn off all the lights and we'd turn the burglar alarm like the you
know motion detectors
whatever on and go up to bed and then it would go off and the burglar alarm
would go off and then we
both walked down the stairs and then like a lamp would be on or like the oven
door would be open
and then nick would just be like oh well i guess that's it go back to bed and i
was like oh hell no
no it was uh all night like this and then everything that followed probably
was in my mind two things here uh one flattering impression of the ex-boyfriend
no that's uh and two faulty wiring uh okay yeah motion detector stuff like that
goes off all the time
yeah i don't know well this new house that i moved into is covered in like
crystals like the woman before
had like a crystal that's creepy person come and like so everybody who's come
into the house
since i've owned it thinks that i'm an unrealistic crystal person that and so
but so then i was like
talking to my friend i was like get these out of here like i don't know what do
they do and she's
like i can't move them no they'll hex you that's right and i was like what it's
bad and then my dad
told me because he came out to do construction on my new house which is so cute
i know um and he told
me that the fountain in the back was turned off because it was taking
prosperity from the former
owner so i don't know what that means i don't know what that means either but i
don't want to turn it
on well no the crystals it sounds like the crystals that's that's bad mojo uh
but now tell me a story
about your uh a dad because i know people still live in kentucky and i know
people drive by looking
for your house right and people still live in kentucky yeah well your family
your family still
lives there yeah part of your dad yeah my parent my family has been hilarious
with the fame thing
because they haven't changed at all which is great in theory but there are some
changes sometimes that
need to be made like when somebody like comes up to the front door and is like
is this where jennifer
lawrence lives and my parents are like yeah she's our kid she lives she's up
there you know or like
when i read it like like jennifer lawrence's grandmother does exclusive
interview and like it
wasn't true but like i don't know i can totally see my grandmother just being
like oh yeah things are
great she's dating a new guy you know just like going on she didn't it was a
fake interview but you
wouldn't want it any other way you want your parents to be your parents the
people that supported you
the people that were around you the people that that helped you become who you
are for god's sakes
of course god you're making me feel like a butthead i didn't mean it in a bad
way i didn't say you
meant it in a bad way i'm just trying to be avuncular what you should have that
with that
definitely now uh this will be the third uh mocking hunger games and then and
then i get them
confused yeah and then and then you have one more after this um yes but you're
all done filming
yeah we filmed them all at the same time so i'm whenever i talk about the movie
i have no idea which
movie i'm talking about yeah uh but i'm being honest but for and you've built
quite a tremendous
franchise these things have made uh the first two over a billion dollars for
god's sakes and as i
always like to ask you are you getting a little taste oh yeah huh you're doing
all right and as i
always tell you yes yeah good good will you ever take some time off as a yeah i
took some time off i
lost my mind it was awful what do you mean the time off made you a little edgy
oh my edgy yeah
i just like like oh my god i don't even know i don't even know how to explain
how crazy i went
yeah or like what happened i just i have a little of that i'm worried that i'm
retiring maybe you
heard and uh don't do it i don't want to just keep doing this until you die and
i'm gonna do it too
i feel the same way and we need you because i'm uh i'm sitting at home a couple
of weeks ago and it's
tuesday and the next thing you know i'm watching ellen and i thought oh this is
this is not right this is not no this is not good uh so so we'll look for
another project i mean do
you have hobbies do you play golf you play golf right i don't like i'll go to
the driving range
and like drink some budweiser but like i don't like play golf but the driving
range is the best
that's yeah i know because golf golf is a complete waste of time god get up
there and whack out a
bucket of balls that's the best yeah yeah it's okay good that's i'll do that
but i don't know yeah
i mean i've been trying to find i want to go fishing the only person that'll go
fishing with me is my
best one of my friend's boyfriends but we don't want her to come because she'll
be a pain
on the camping trip but then we're both like well we can't go on a camping trip
together so we're
trying to work out the logistics i'll take you semantics i can take you okay i'll
go with you
yeah and security yeah um what nothing nothing
i didn't say anything that's funny because i heard that i heard that i was told
your hearing was bad
no no it's fine believe me there's a lot of me that's bad but not the hearing
um okay now a
mockingjay it's a fictional bird that's symbolic in the film yeah sorry i just
i don't know why i just
got the giggles yeah it's all right uh but the movie there's funny parts in the
movie right
uh yeah elizabeth banks is hilarious in the movie as effie my character is not
like a bucket of laughs
so well you're the thing you're the you're the guy you're the the human you're
the you you're you're
it's all on your back she is the most masculine one in the whole that's not
what i meant you know
i just i just misspoke no but i but i i mean that where do we go from here
he keeps trying to get me to talk about the movie and i'm not gonna do it i've
been doing it all week
oh you don't want to talk about it oh no i'll talk about it let's show a clip
what is it going to be
oh you know what i saw in the in the trailer you you got an arrow a bow and
arrow and there's a
fighter jets coming and you only got the one arrow and so you you shoot the one
plane and it careens
into the other plane and they both blow up and i said that's reminiscent of the
7-10 split in bowling and
and then and then that was what we modeled with after and then that was what
inspired us for that
scene uh mary uh in my office looked up the 7-10 split and we watched 7-10
splits all afternoon
do we can we get a 7-10 split here can we get one loaded up ready to go is it
ready no we should
do a split screen and really kind of see what the hell you know what i'm
talking about with a 7-10 split
uh no but you know what i'm talking about in the trailer that i know that i've
seen are you talking
about so the pins i can't move i'm chris farley fat guy in a little coat does
it just does it split
down the middle and then the two pins let me see and then there's like a path
made what is the clip here
where do i look what oh me oh god i do this every time wait a minute he asked
me what the clip is and
i assume he's talking to somebody else um sorry we see the trailer where he
does missing wait a minute
wait a minute okay i'm running the show
huh i just saw it this afternoon it'll take just a minute we have to just go we
have to show the
trailer i'm so sorry okay i'm so are we now should i say what it's about now
what do you want to do
you want to i don't know what do you want to do you want to get out of here
this feels so much this feels right this feels better thank you thank you okay
so in this clip okay in this clip do i explain the clip i'm so good at hosting
um in this clip
uh i'm i discover that pita is alive i want to show the 7 10 split fine
and that was fun thank you so much thank you good luck with your intestines
thank you and yours all right

Jennifer Lawrence Has Stomach Issues | Letterman

ladies and gentlemen our first guest an academy award-winning actress who stars
in the eagerly
anticipated film the hunger games mocking jay part one it's in theaters on november
21st here's
the lovely the luminous jennifer lawrence everyone look at that beautiful you
look great
you look wonderful thank you oh my god whoa the crowd can't help himself jennifer
jennifer how you
doing good i loved meeting gabe and justine backstage yeah how do you know
these people
um justine has been like one of my best friend for like i don't know seven
eight years not not a
friend from kentucky but no we met out in l.a she was my friend's um roommate
and i won't say on air
what the first words i ever heard fly out of her mouth when she like flew in
the room
but it solidified our friendship i was like you me forever so she enters the
room and some phrase is
uttered yeah yeah two of the most inappropriate things you could ever possibly
say and we hadn't
met so i was like oh right off the bat yeah let's be together forever okay let's
uh two words let's get
an apartment together two two two words right first initial um sh first initial
is sh it wasn't it no
no no no no no i wasn't you said initial and i was just thinking on my own yeah
it was first letter
huh don't say it just i'll guess it just okay okay first letter first word
first letter i have to s s okay
all right all right second word first i'm too nervous for this second word
second word first letter f
second word okay sorry i'm on so many antibiotics
i'm sick again wow that's i can't my whole brain my whole brain is blank you
don't know what it's
like to come out and be on your show everybody's like oh but i can't see them
it just sounds like
noise what'd you want to hear and then and now you're like quizzing me top star
i didn't go to high
school days i'm on antibiotics yeah god again all right so your friend will
just pass through this
once more and then we'll let it go i don't want to do this you're in the room
and in comes your
friend and in comes this italian meatball with curly hair right and she says
two words it was two like
sentences oh two sentences oh bad words forget it i thought it was two two
words oh no i'm sorry
all that was that huge misunderstanding i'm sorry to waste everybody's time no
no i'll just uh get out
all right so what did she say i can't tell you what she said oh no just tell me
just tell me and
then i'll see if it's suitable for the audience we really i'm sorry this is we
really can't
wow wow it's like having the president's wife on that was that was unbelievable
oh my god i know so
you can see you open right up did both those things happen um yeah yeah they
did they both did happen
thank god thank god how about that yeah wow well let's just think about that
for a second we'll be
right back with jennifer lord
oh you know what since the last time i saw you here uh two things i i had an
upper and lower and
in this in the what do they call it oh the yeah i had those indian because of
you i went and had the
the top and the bottom the upper and lower um i made you want to cleanse out
your bowels well no
because you you were having stomach uh problems and i thought holy crap i
better go and it was a
wonderful experience well thank you for that and yeah it was so good i was
hoping that i'd have to
come back monthly but they said you don't have to come back for five years oh
really josh and i were
talking about getting colonics together but we were like can we get a couple's
colonic but like
platonic like a platonic colonic do you guys have those yeah i bet they do but
you were okay everything
turned out to be fine everything was fine yeah i i think that i had the ulcer
for so long and i was
just kind of treating it was there really well this is my theory i think that i
had a month before i could
actually go get the the end and um so i you know went off coffee and alcohol
and sugar and oh it was
awful yes and then so i think that by the time they saw it it was not i it was
gone but i i can't accept
that i'm crazy and that nobody said you were crazy are people saying you're
crazy maybe they're just in
my head the voices in your head are telling you you're crazy that's not but i
don't believe them
yeah they're always talking nonsense but let me ask you this another uh anatomical
question could they
see signs of a ulcer existing they said that there was blood in my stomach
which could be an old ulcer
healed up but i don't know anything about bacteria isn't it i don't know i just
you know go to the
hospital all the time but i don't actually pick anything up i don't i haven't
started learning
anything a bit of hypochondriasis what's that i haven't yeah uh
what's that and yes where i i i always think that i uh have something and then
i i go and have tests
um that does sound familiar yeah but i just don't think i have that either but
is there a test for it
is there i did have i did just have strep throat when we were in austria doing
press and it was
like the first day and we all got so sick and i like woke up from this fever haze
and i was like
getting like an iv with like antibiotics or something and my doctor was like 18
or 20 wearing ripped
converse and jeans and a shirt that says a real woman never lets her man leave
hungry or horny
and i was like whose little brother is giving me an iv
this was in austria drug dealer austria yeah in austria in the tradition of sigmund
freud
yeah uh now tell me about is this the first time on film oh here's the other
thing i wanted to tell
you since the last time you were here i went to see the silver book play linings
the
yeah silver linings like you really took silver linings playbook yeah that was
tremendous thank you
i love them movies thank you
and i hope i hope you'll uh make other movies like that not not exactly like
that but like a
like a nice movie you tell me what to do and i'll do it no no no no i don't i
don't know what to do
you know but it was i enjoyed it oh thanks yeah and now uh in this movie is
this the first time
on film where you sing yeah that was sorry that took me to a very dark place i
do not like singing in
front of other people it's like my biggest fear i cried on set that day
apparently i'm crying all the
time but um yeah no that was awful i'm like scarred from my childhood because i
have a mother that used
to a southern mother who would just tell me that i was amazing at everything
and that i could do
everything and then but i can't and i have a really bad and i have this voice
like this like tone deaf
amy winehouse like voice like when i was like eight and so i sang in front of
the school because i was
like i can do that i can do anything remember the song have a holly jolly
christmas and my dad
like laughed for like the entire week i would hear him around the house like
have a holly like
imagining me i was like oh god um yeah i'm just you know i hate it i hate it so
now uh you got to sing
in front of the crew and the cast and everybody in this movie yeah what is the
song you're singing
something particular the hanging tree which is where i felt like going the
morning i showed up
now let me ask you this uh did uh i don't know how to say this exactly uh did
they uh when i go see
the movie and i see you singing am i hearing you singing yeah weirdly but i don't
know i put my fingers
and i haven't i still haven't heard it but everybody's told me that it's you
that it's me because i was like
will you guys please get you know lord to really sing it in lip sync you know
right um and they
said no it's really your voice so i avoided that scene how would that go uh
what do you mean the
song oh i don't oh my god you're trying to get me to sing no no this is the
second time i've
threatened to walk off you know never
i can't move my arms in this house hey you got a house you bought a new house
congratulations this is your first
new homeowner first time yeah it's my first great i think you can't possibly
regret it it's
a lovely thing to do and have your own home and it's nice okay good i have so
many regrets how long
have you had the place um i guess uh like a month month maybe i haven't moved
in yet though is california
yeah big huge movie star kind of a house no it's like it's small it's like good
enough for i mean good
enough it's good enough for me it's just like big enough for you know me and
some change how many
how many square feet i don't know 50 50 square 55
what's the square root of this house wow that's a i got i don't ask questions
like that i only ask is
it haunted did anybody die no no how do i turn the heat up now you don't
believe in the the hauntings
and stuff like that do you that's of course i do i believe in anything
unrealistic really i have
first of all i've had a ghost i've been haunted by a demon so what does that
even mean i don't know what
that means i had a ghost when i was visiting my ex-boyfriend nick in namibia in
africa um and like
we would turn off all the lights and we'd turn the burglar alarm like the you
know motion detectors
whatever on and go up to bed and then it would go off and the burglar alarm
would go off and then we
both walked down the stairs and then like a lamp would be on or like the oven
door would be open
and then nick would just be like oh well i guess that's it go back to bed and i
was like oh hell no
no it was uh all night like this and then everything that followed probably
was in my mind two things here uh one flattering impression of the ex-boyfriend
no that's uh and two faulty wiring uh okay yeah motion detector stuff like that
goes off all the time
yeah i don't know well this new house that i moved into is covered in like
crystals like the woman before
had like a crystal that's creepy person come and like so everybody who's come
into the house
since i've owned it thinks that i'm an unrealistic crystal person that and so
but so then i was like
talking to my friend i was like get these out of here like i don't know what do
they do and she's
like i can't move them no they'll hex you that's right and i was like what it's
bad and then my dad
told me because he came out to do construction on my new house which is so cute
i know um and he told
me that the fountain in the back was turned off because it was taking
prosperity from the former
owner so i don't know what that means i don't know what that means either but i
don't want to turn it
on well no the crystals it sounds like the crystals that's that's bad mojo uh
but now tell me a story
about your uh a dad because i know people still live in kentucky and i know
people drive by looking
for your house right and people still live in kentucky yeah well your family
your family still
lives there yeah part of your dad yeah my parent my family has been hilarious
with the fame thing
because they haven't changed at all which is great in theory but there are some
changes sometimes that
need to be made like when somebody like comes up to the front door and is like
is this where jennifer
lawrence lives and my parents are like yeah she's our kid she lives she's up
there you know or like
when i read it like like jennifer lawrence's grandmother does exclusive
interview and like it
wasn't true but like i don't know i can totally see my grandmother just being
like oh yeah things are
great she's dating a new guy you know just like going on she didn't it was a
fake interview but you
wouldn't want it any other way you want your parents to be your parents the
people that supported you
the people that were around you the people that that helped you become who you
are for god's sakes
of course god you're making me feel like a butthead i didn't mean it in a bad
way i didn't say you
meant it in a bad way i'm just trying to be avuncular what you should have that
with that
definitely now uh this will be the third uh mocking hunger games and then and
then i get them
confused yeah and then and then you have one more after this um yes but you're
all done filming
yeah we filmed them all at th