Name: Dave's Morning Show Debut In 1980 | Letterman
Uploaded: 2023-06-23T15:29:07.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Dave's Morning Show Debut In 1980 | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-06-23. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Dave's Morning Show Debut In 1980 | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-06-23. Transcript available.

Good morning. I'm William Qualls, security officer at NBC for five years. I'm
supposed to welcome the David Letterman show to NBC and to remind you all to
carry your NBC identification with you at all times. I don't know who David
Letterman is. I don't care who David Letterman is. If he doesn't have his ID
card, I'm going to have to shoot him.
It's the David Letterman show live with Valerie Bromfield, Edie McClure, Bob Sarlott,
Edwin Newman with NBC News and Frank Owens and the David Letterman Symphony
Orchestra. Plus David's guests, Jeff Greenfield, Esther Satterfield, John and
Keiko Alpert and Hester Mundes.
Ladies and gentlemen, the man for whom NBC canceled three game shows, David
Letterman.
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With my parents.
I had to think there for a second, didn't you, Donna?
Ladies and gentlemen, Donna is staying with her parents, okay?
So, if Donna's husband or boyfriend or both are looking in, she's staying with
her parents.
What do you do for a living?
I'm a nursing instructor.
Nursing instructor, and you're here on vacation having a fun time.
What other wonderful things have you done besides come here and let me humiliate
you for a minute or two?
Well, I've run around New York City.
Fleeing for your life?
No, we don't want to start that.
It's a wonderful place to be.
You know what's exciting?
Have you taken the tour of this building?
Yes.
Would you enjoy it?
Mm-hmm.
I used to enjoy it.
Another satisfied tourist, ladies and gentlemen.
Actually, I used to be a guidette here.
A guidette?
Mm-hmm.
When they had tours.
They don't have tours anymore?
Not that I know of.
I think they have somewhat of a tour.
No tour.
No tour?
No tour.
Well, by gosh.
We'll get you folks a tour.
Don't worry.
If you are wandering through the halls in this building, this morning I saw,
you know who Willard Scott is?
Mm-hmm.
No.
He's the weatherman on the Today Show.
Kind of a big guy, so I'm in his shorts in the hallway.
So look for that.
Keep plenty of film on hand.
Thank you for chatting with me, Donna.
Go ahead and have a seat.
That's Donaldson.
What is your name, sir?
Alvin Stroller.
Alvin, do you mind standing up?
Where are you from, Alvin?
I'm also from Texas.
Do you know Donna here?
No, but I don't live but about 85 miles from her.
Well, good.
Maybe.
Yeah.
Fat chance, Al.
Donna here? No, but I don't live, but about 85 miles from her. Well, good.
Maybe. Yeah. Fat chance, Al.
No, no, no. Are you here on vacation, I guess? Yes, sir. Sure. And have you
eaten breakfast yet, Al?
Yes, sir. What do you do for a living? I work for Rural Electric Cooperative.
Rural Electric Cooperative. That's difficult to say. Let's all try that. Rural
Electric.
Joke. We don't all have to do that. I have not eaten breakfast. Would you mind
going out for a little something?
I'll do it. Okay, Al. Stay right there. Who would like a little something? What
do you want?
Eggs over. No, no, no. Nothing. Coffee. Black. Okay. Anybody else? An orange
juice.
An orange juice. One coffee. Black. One orange juice. Two coffees. How do you
want it?
Can I get a cheese day? Wait a minute. One at a time, son.
Regular. Regular coffee. Okay. So, orange juice. Coffee. I'll take coffee. Bob,
you want something?
Yeah, I'd like a hot steaming cup of coffee. Okay. So, that's... What is that?
Five cups of coffee.
Cheese and bagels. One orange juice. No. That's it. The contest is over, sir.
Thank you.
Can you handle that for us? I'm down here very soon.
No, you can do this. You ever been here before? No, sir. I haven't.
All right. Well, there's a cafeteria up on the seventh floor. We're on the
sixth floor. Hold this, Al.
I have some money. How much do you think that'll run? What do we have? Five? I
feel like Monty Hall.
I already went the door, which Carol Merrill is pointing to now, Al.
How many coffees did we have? Four or five? Five? Five coffees. One orange
juice. All coffees were black.
There you go. Ten bucks, Alvin. If you don't mind. And get a little something
for yourself. Do you mind?
I'll try. Which direction?
This man is trembling with apprehension. I'm going to point you that way. Go on
up there, Al.
Have a nice hand for Al, ladies and gentlemen.
Here, hold this. Do you mind holding that?
I have a very definite feeling that Al is going up there against his will,
ladies and gentlemen,
but he'll be back with coffee moments from now.
A lot of people ask me, well, actually, not a lot.
Closer to a couple of people.
They say to me,
Dave, why don't you tell us a little bit about your background?
We actually hardly know anything about you.
Of course, we know that you have hosted the Tonight Show, but let's face it,
who hasn't?
So, I thought I'd start off my new show with a brief biography of myself, and I
have some visual aids here.
Something that not everyone realizes, I was actually born in the first two-story
mobile home ever constructed in the state of Indiana, still standing, I believe.
And, uh, I was raised by professional wrestlers.
And, uh, do you folks have any idea how hard it is to get a picture of wrestlers
holding a baby?
Apparently not.
Uh, so shortly thereafter, I became a, uh, street performer, and I would, uh,
perform things for people on the street.
Here, I'm being paid some money for simply placing my forehead to the pants cuffs
of this elderly gentleman there.
Wish I was getting coffee.
Um, uh, working odd jobs like that, I finally saved up enough money to purchase
this uniform you see me here in, and I went into business with my Uncle Herb.
We became tie inspectors, we're examining a specimen here on a pedestrian who
has been tranquilized for that investigation.
Tie inspector, we'll check these microphones before the end of the day.
Later!
I, of course, attended Ball State University.
In Muncie, Indiana.
This is, of course, the administration building, and this is the new building,
uh, the School of Architecture right there.
Right after college, I went into business for myself, and it, uh, frankly, didn't
work out like I had hoped.
Uh, it was the first, uh, combination all-you-can-eat buffet and blood bank,
and, uh, well, from there, I went on to my next job.
That was, uh, here I am pictured here as a stand-in for yearbook photos.
Fairly lucrative.
Now, it was just a short step from that particular job to my next full-time bit
of employment.
That is, local television personality.
Hi there.
First of all, turning instantly to the magic spinning box,
you see here a very, the highly poisonous Venezuelan canal snake.
No, that's not right.
Don't jump up from your cereal bowl.
As you can see, that videotape was made several years before the invention of
the blow dryer.
Well, that pretty much brings us up to date.
My favorite movie is Viva Las Vegas.
My favorite soup, we have a photo of this, is lentil.
There you go.
These folks are applauding lentil soup.
My favorite restaurant trick is requesting more parsley.
It's a kind of a, kind of a trick I play.
I say to the waiter, I say, excuse me, waiter.
Could I, could I have some more parsley?
You know, like who, uh, wants more parsley?
You understand?
Ah, never mind.
We'll be right back with Edwin Newman and an NBC News update.
Thank you.