Name: Tom Hanks Says He Won't Appear On Dave's CBS Show | Letterman
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Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Tom Hanks Says He Won't Appear On Dave's CBS Show | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-06-23. Transcript available.

We have, ladies and gentlemen, our last top ten list, the category of which
tonight is
Top Ten Things I Need to Do Before I Leave My Position Here at NBC.
Comes to us from the home office in Oneonta, New York.
Top Ten Things I Have to Do Before I Leave NBC.
Here we go, number ten.
Drop-off hairpiece at security desk.
Yes, I absolutely have to do that.
Number nine.
Vacuum out Bill Wendell, our announcer, and write down his mileage.
Yeah, I've got to do that.
Number eight, one final turn-your-head-and-cough visit to the NBC nurse.
Certainly looking forward to that.
Let's see that one.
Number seven, steal my weight and office supplies.
Number six, let my plastic surgeon step out and take a bow.
This has been his show as much as mine.
Number five, one last hot oil rubdown from the knowing hands of Mr. John
Chancellor.
Number four, return artificial leg to props department.
Yeah, I've got to do that.
Number three, get one more cheap laugh by saying the word,
Badafuka.
Number two, send change of address forms to that woman who keeps breaking into
my house.
Yeah, I'll take care of that.
And the number one thing I must do before I leave NBC,
untie Willard.
There you go.
Our first guest is a good friend of ours, I think in terms of show business
friends.
Don't you, Paul?
In those terms and in any other terms.
Been here many, many times.
A fine actor and has been in such motion pictures as Big.
Big, did you see that Big, Paul?
I loved Big.
And also a league of their own.
And his latest motion picture, entitled Sleepless in Seattle,
opens today, as a matter of fact.
Ladies and gentlemen, here he is, the always charming Mr. Tom Hanks.
Nice to see you.
Thank you very much.
Here I am on the, probably the show business event of the season,
and I might as well be Phyllis Newman out here on the show.
Nice to see you, Tom.
Thank you, thanks.
It's great to be here.
You know, it's kind of a bittersweet occasion, Dave.
How so?
Well, this is probably the last time you're going to see my puss on your TV
show.
What?
Whoa.
Well, it's just, it's a matter of, look, first of all, the only reason I'm
stepping foot
into the Ed Sullivan Theater is to see exactly where he's buried.
I don't know if you have a little cobblestone, a little plaque, I don't know if
he's on the
stage, I don't know if he's backstage.
I don't know who else is buried in there, I'm not sure.
No, they have him propped up in the lobby.
Kind of like Gumby here and the killer bees upstairs.
He's kind of an orangeade dispenser.
Now, the reason I'm not, I can't do your show anymore, Dave, is because I just
don't get
the time slot.
Why you would want to move to 8 o'clock on Sundays is beyond me.
Oh, Tom.
I know, I realize that, you know, your hours are cut down, you only work one
hour a week,
all you got to do is really stand in front of a curtain and say, now, have you
seen
plates spinning like this?
I don't think so.
Next, ladies and gentlemen, I'm sure your people are booking Cirque du Soleil
for the
next year and a half to come in and tumble.
You're just not going to have time for me, and quite frankly, I don't want to
lead in
Murder, She Wrote.
I'm sorry, I just don't want to.
Well, you know, but to me, you just described there what sounds like a very
satisfyingly
entertaining show.
Listen, I watch my friend Bob Saget on America's Funniest Home Videos.
That's not changing.
It's as simple as that.
All right.
Tom, let's talk a little bit about your illustrious motion picture career.
Oh, it's a checkered thing, and it comes and it goes, and sometimes we do good
work like
we did this week, and sometimes we choke, but the point is...
No, wait a minute.
Let's talk about a couple of chokes.
What would you regard as a choke?
Oh, no, no, no.
Nothing recently.
I mean, nothing since I figured out how to do it.
You know, not since old Dragnet, but, you know, the thing is...
But still and all, you got to say, that's a great idea to make a motion picture
about
that wonderful, legendary half-hour of television.
Oh, yeah, yeah, especially from a guy like me who is still pretty much defined
by what
he watches on TV.
I have three...
That's not good.
No, it's not...
No, but it's who I am, and it's who most of us are, Dave, and you're making
quite a good
career out of it, I might add.
I have three cardinal rules as far as watching television.
One is, if there's a James Bond movie on Sunday night, I'm home watching it.
Secondly, anything with cleavage.
Hey, is that Adrian Barbeau?
Oh, let's watch this.
And thirdly, if...
This is good news for your family.
Thirdly, if there's an Elvis Presley movie on Saturday afternoon, I don't care
how long
the kids sit in the car, we're not going to Disneyland.
I'm going to watch Clambake.
I'm watching Speedway.
What is your favorite Elvis Presley film?
Well, I had...
Originally, probably my favorite was Viva Las Vegas, but just reason.
Oh, great film.
Fabulous.
I have a makeup man who actually, a friend of mine who had done my makeup, had
did Elvis.
Is that right?
Yeah.
You know, we'd like to have him sit in the audience when we go to the Sullivan
Theater.
I'll introduce him.
You got it.
Danny Streetpack.
But I just recently saw Roustabout, which is at the...
Rocketed to the top of my list.
Yeah, he works for a circus, right?
Well, what it is, is first of all, it's a stellar cast.
He's got...
Barbara Stanwyck is in Roustabout.
Barbara Stanwyck walked around Hollywood, had lunch at Chase and saying,
I'm doing this movie with Elvis.
And it was Roustabout.
And there was this one moment where Elvis is just taking the job there.
It's about a carnival.
Roustabout a carnival.
And he says, I can't believe I'm here.
I'm working for a circus.
And they cut away to this very big, dramatic single of Barbara Stanwyck turning
back to Elvis
with just her eyes blazing like they hadn't done since, I don't know, since Audra
lost
a herd on the South 40.
And she says with a fire in her eyes, this is not a circus, mister.
This is a carnival, and don't you forget it.
And Elvis, before he broke out into a song about Roustabout, Roustabout,
before he broke in, I said, okay, all right, I'm sorry, okay, let me get this
straight now.
I guess a circus has like elephants, right?
And I guess a carnival has like a Ferris wheel.
Okay, but I'm telling you something right now, they both got sawdust.
Roustabout.
Yeah.
Roustabout.
Very nice.
It's insane.
I'm on a roll.
Anything from Roustabout, Paul?
Anything at all from Roustabout?
I know Heartbreak Hotel.
There you go.
Oh, not even close.
I don't know.
But what I wanted to talk to you about is some of the leading women, the stars
that you've worked with in your films.
That's where this all sort of began.
I've worked with Meg Ryan.
I've worked with twice.
She's in Sleepless in Seattle.
She's lovely.
I'm telling you, I'll do anything she wants to, anytime.
Is she a nice woman?
She's a very nice woman.
You get along, you're friends?
Oh, yeah, yeah.
As a matter of fact, my wife, who was also in the movie, we're all good friends.
We hang around.
The kids play together.
Oh, that's nice.
We're sort of neighbors.
We're just regular folks.
Yeah.
And funny thing about Meg Ryan, an Amway distributor.
No!
I didn't.
I had no idea.
Is that right?
We've actually had to stop going to her house.
Because she has that display in the front of the street.
Always pushing.
Okay, Shackley's basic age.
Here's a check.
We'll take three more crates.
I wish you could always use a couple extra bucks in these recessionary times.
Well, yeah, yeah.
You know what we could do is just turn on the cameras two or three nights a
week and have
Paul and the band play for an hour, and that would be great.
That's all you really need.
Yeah, babe.
I don't know.
I don't know.
The absolute best TV talk show band in the bidness.
David, thank you so much.
And I say bidness.
You know why, don't you?
Because you really want to say industry.
No, no.
I'm from bidness, bidness.
I'm from the streets.
Oh, you are from the streets.
So I say bidness.
What is the word in the street, by the way?
That's good.
Mr. Hanks, we were talking about women you have worked with.
Now, I know you also worked with national treasure, Cher.
Well, look, let me explain.
I didn't work with Cher so much as I worked for Cher.
A lot of people have worked on Cher.
Well, I don't know.
I'm not even sure what that means.
Not touching it.
I was a bellman or bellboy, as they're called to in derogatory terms, in
Oakland when she
was married to Greg Allman.
Greg Allman.
Greg Allman.
And I had to go to her room and take a bag that had been inadvertently
delivered to her
room and take it over to Dickie Betts' room.
Actually, Dickie Betts, a famous guitarist.
Right.
So, it had a profound effect on me in two ways.
One was that, you know, Greg answered the door.
And Greg had that little kind of thing right there.
What is that?
Oatmeal?
Is it a thing?
And, you know, I'm there looking stupid in my red blazer and my rainbow tie and
hair, which
was very big back then.
And I said something to the effect of, I'm here to take the bags.
And I said, oh, yeah, yeah.
What is it?
What is it?
Hey, Tutts.
Which bags has these got to go?
Oh, Greg.
And she kind of, like, appeared for a moment off to another and then
disappeared.
But I got a, you know, bona fide glimpse at her.
So, what happened was is that now it was, I mean, that was Cher.
It was Cher Allman, as she was known back then.
And she was toots.
So, I had a girlfriend at the time.
And she immediately became toots.
Very, very classic.
Hey, toots, I'm off at 10.
Hey, toots, let's go to Ghirardelli Square this weekend.
Hey, toots.
And now the women who were important to me are always, always toots.
It's very hip-touched.
Very hip-touched.
The other thing, the other thing that really came out of that experience was I
immediately
started experimenting with heroin.
And it's not anything like it's cracked up to do.
You might as well just drink a bunch of coffee, Dave.
It's the same exact sensation.
I'm joking.
Of course you're joking.
I'm telling a joke based on show business legend from years and years and years
ago.
Now, have you since had a chance?
Because this to me is the delightful thing, one of the many delightful things
about life.
Because you were a bellhop, 16, 17, 18.
And then suddenly now you're Mr. Huge box office superstar.
And you could visit with Sherry.
You could work with Sherry.
You could tell her this story.
The only show business personality I've actually got to meet and say, you know,
I once carried
your bed with Slappy White.
Oh, I broke Slappy White's golf clubs when I was.
Slappy White is a comedian in Vegas.
He's a legendary show business figure.
I was incredibly excited to take his huge suitcase for him and carry it over to
the trunk of his
matador or whatever it is and try to put it in.
Now, Slappy yells everything.
And he did to me.
Take my suitcase over to my car.
Here are keys to my car.
So I took the keys.
I took the keys over and I lifted up the dress.
Put it in a second.
Put it in the trunk of my car.
So this huge, massive suitcase.
And I popped the trunk on his thing.
And it's loaded.
The trunk is filled.
It's got his golf clubs.
It's got all kinds of stuff.
And I lifted up this huge suitcase and like, you know, counter lever it over.
And it lands with a thud.
And I'm trying to push the trunk of his car closed.
And I know that I put his suitcase on top of his golf clubs.
I mean, he must have had 400 golf clubs in this golf club.
Every conceivable golf club tool was in this.
And I'm pushing it down like this.
And from all across the parking lot, I hear, you're bending the shaft.
Stop bending the shaft.
I swear, Slappy White came running about 400 yards like this.
You're bending the shaft.
Stop bending the shaft.
So I met Slappy White at the Academy Awards.
And I apologized for breaking his golf club so many years ago.
It couldn't be a more flattering characterization.
Tom, it's a distinctive delivery that Slappy has.
The big movie, Sleepless in Seattle, opens now, opens today.
It opened today, as a matter of fact.
And I understand that the reviews on the film are great.
It's huge in San Diego.
People seem to love it.
And it looks like another big blockbuster for you.
It's a very nice movie.
And the odds are always against you creating that.
But Nor Efron did a wonderful job.
Well, you know what I think it is?
And I've expressed this to you before.
I think that it's you.
I think people go to see your work because they know you're a good actor.
But more importantly, I think they know you're a nice guy.
Except for Slappy White, perhaps.
I would not go on nationwide TV and say it's anything other than the best damn
movie you'll ever see.
We're all very proud of it.
It's a great movie.
Yeah, but you used to be on heroin, I understand.
No, no.
The Hulk.
No.
It might happen.
It's good to see you.
I want to try.
Stop bending the shaft.
Hey, stop bending the shaft.
Something very satisfying about that.
Tom, it's good to see you.
Thank you so much for having me, James.
Have a great summer.
I hope it's a big, huge giveaway for you.
Tom Hanks, ladies and gentlemen.
Ladies and gentlemen, if I can pass along one word of advice to you this
weekend as you're getting ready to pursue your weekend leisure activities.
Stop bending the shaft.
So, this is our 1,809th and final show for NBC.
We began the program cold day in February of 82, and here we are in the middle
of June, a lovely summer evening in 93, nearly 11 and a half years, and we're
wrapping it up.
I want to thank the folks at home who have watched us all those years.
It seems unlikely that we would get together and do this every day if you folks
weren't at home watching.
But, you know, but you folks have been terrific, and one of the really nice
things about it is knowing that you were there to take a look at what we were
up to each and every night.
Obviously, the staff and the crew, all of the people who have worked with us up
on the 14th floor, everybody who works down here on the 6th floor, everybody
who works throughout the building to help us do this program every night.
When you folks at home tonight, as we roll the final credits, just do me a
small favor and take a look at the credits as they roll by, and know that the
success of this program over the years, first and foremost, is due to the hard
work, efforts, and loyalty of the names of the men and women that you'll see go
by tonight.
And you folks, all of you, have my thanks and my friendship, and I couldn't
express that to you enough.
Paul Schaefer, I've said this from the very beginning, I hope you people at
home understand just how good Paul is.
Paul and his band are, without a doubt, the best in the business today.
How about that band? It's nice of you. Thank you.
And early on, I noticed that the nicest thing for me coming to work each day
and the most exciting part of every show we have ever done has always been
your music, and I mean that absolutely, and I would do this all over, but I
sure as hell wouldn't do it over without you guys.
Thank you. Well, you have been fabulous to work for all these years.
It's been a thrill every night. It's been new and different every night, and
thanks a lot.
I'd like to see you wear a tie at the new place.
Well, I'll work on it.
Also, I began a relationship with NBC in the late '70s in roughly 1978.
I was a guest on The Tonight Show with Johnny Carson, and it was, I think, the
most exciting moment of my life in big-time television.
And I've had an association with NBC ever since, and through all of those years,
I have never been anything but completely proud of my relationship with this
network.
And I hope, in some small measure, that they took some pride in our
accomplishments.
For me, it's just been terrific.
Uh, the, the gentleman who will take over this program is, uh, Conan O'Brien.
Uh, I've met him a couple of times.
The only thing I know about Conan for sure is that he, you know, he's been in
prison.
That's, that's all I, I don't know, I know he killed a guy.
I don't, uh, and he, um, he's been on the show, and, and, uh, as I said to him
when he was a guest on our program,
uh, I hope for Conan and his staff, uh, all of the success and the happiness,
uh, that we here have been able to achieve.
And I sincerely mean that for him and his folks.
Uh, also, I, uh, I hope that he finds it in his heart, uh, sometime down the
road, uh, to invite me back here from time to time.
I, I, I would get a kick out of that.
Um.
So, that's, uh, that's it, I want to thank, uh, Bruce Springsteen for being
here, what an evening, and, of course, Tom Hanks.
Stop beating the sheds!
The next time we see you folks, it will be, uh, Monday night, August 30th, at
11:30.
Have a good night.
Thank you.
Goodbye, everybody.
Bye.

Tom Hanks Says He Won't Appear On Dave's CBS Show | Letterman

We have, ladies and gentlemen, our last top ten list, the category of which
tonight is
Top Ten Things I Need to Do Before I Leave My Position Here at NBC.
Comes to us from the home office in Oneonta, New York.
Top Ten Things I Have to Do Before I Leave NBC.
Here we go, number ten.
Drop-off hairpiece at security desk.
Yes, I absolutely have to do that.
Number nine.
Vacuum out Bill Wendell, our announcer, and write down his mileage.
Yeah, I've got to do that.
Number eight, one final turn-your-head-and-cough visit to the NBC nurse.
Certainly looking forward to that.
Let's see that one.
Number seven, steal my weight and office supplies.
Number six, let my plastic surgeon step out and take a bow.
This has been his show as much as mine.
Number five, one last hot oil rubdown from the knowing hands of Mr. John
Chancellor.
Number four, return artificial leg to props department.
Yeah, I've got to do that.
Number three, get one more cheap laugh by saying the word,
Badafuka.
Number two, send change of address forms to that woman who keeps breaking into
my house.
Yeah, I'll take care of that.
And the number one thing I must do before I leave NBC,
untie Willard.
There you go.
Our first guest is a good friend of ours, I think in terms of show business
friends.
Don't you, Paul?
In those terms and in any other terms.
Been here many, many times.
A fine actor and has been in such motion pictures as Big.
Big, did you see that Big, Paul?
I loved Big.
And also a league of their own.
And his latest motion picture, entitled Sleepless in Seattle,
opens today, as a matter of fact.
Ladies and gentlemen, here he is, the always charming Mr. Tom Hanks.
Nice to see you.
Thank you very much.
Here I am on the, probably the show business event of the season,
and I might as well be Phyllis Newman out here on the show.
Nice to see you, Tom.
Thank you, thanks.
It's great to be here.
You know, it's kind of a bittersweet occasion, Dave.
How so?
Well, this is probably the last time you're going to see my puss on your TV
show.
What?
Whoa.
Well, it's just, it's a matter of, look, first of all, the only reason I'm
stepping foot
into the Ed Sullivan Theater is to see exactly where he's buried.
I don't know if you have a little cobblestone, a little plaque, I don't know if
he's on the
stage, I don't know if he's backstage.
I don't know who else is buried in there, I'm not sure.
No, they have him propped up in the lobby.
Kind of like Gumby here and the killer bees upstairs.
He's kind of an orangeade dispenser.
Now, the reason I'm not, I can't do your show anymore, Dave, is because I just
don't get
the time slot.
Why you would want to move to 8 o'clock on Sundays is beyond me.
Oh, Tom.
I know, I realize that, you know, your hours are cut down, you only work one
hour a week,
all you got to do is really stand in front of a curtain and say, now, have you
seen
plates spinning like this?
I don't think so.
Next, ladies and gentlemen, I'm sure your people are booking Cirque du Soleil
for the
next year and a half to come in and tumble.
You're just not going to have time for me, and quite frankly, I don't want to
lead in
Murder, She Wrote.
I'm sorry, I just don't want to.
Well, you know, but to me, you just described there what sounds like a very
satisfyingly
entertaining show.
Listen, I watch my friend Bob Saget on America's Funniest Home Videos.
That's not changing.
It's as simple as that.
All right.
Tom, let's talk a little bit about your illustrious motion picture career.
Oh, it's a checkered thing, and it comes and it goes, and sometimes we do good
work like
we did this week, and sometimes we choke, but the point is...
No, wait a minute.
Let's talk about a couple of chokes.
What would you regard as a choke?
Oh, no, no, no.
Nothing recently.
I mean, nothing since I figured out how to do it.
You know, not since old Dragnet, but, you know, the thing is...
But still and all, you got to say, that's a great idea to make a motion picture
about
that wonderful, legendary half-hour of television.
Oh, yeah, yeah, especially from a guy like me who is still pretty much defined
by what
he watches on TV.
I have three...
That's not good.
No, it's not...
No, but it's who I am, and it's who most of us are, Dave, and you're making
quite a good
career out of it, I might add.
I have three cardinal rules as far as watching television.
One is, if there's a James Bond movie on Sunday night, I'm home watching it.
Secondly, anything with cleavage.
Hey, is that Adrian Barbeau?
Oh, let's watch this.
And thirdly, if...
This is good news for your family.
Thirdly, if there's an Elvis Presley movie on Saturday afternoon, I don't care
how long
the kids sit in the car, we're not going to Disneyland.
I'm going to watch Clambake.
I'm watching Speedway.
What is your favorite Elvis Presley film?
Well, I had...
Originally, probably my favorite was Viva Las Vegas, but just reason.
Oh, great film.
Fabulous.
I have a makeup man who actually, a friend of mine who had done my makeup, had
did Elvis.
Is that right?
Yeah.
You know, we'd like to have him sit in the audience when we go to the Sullivan
Theater.
I'll introduce him.
You got it.
Danny Streetpack.
But I just recently saw Roustabout, which is at the...
Rocketed to the top of my list.
Yeah, he works for a circus, right?
Well, what it is, is first of all, it's a stellar cast.
He's got...
Barbara Stanwyck is in Roustabout.
Barbara Stanwyck walked around Hollywood, had lunch at Chase and saying,
I'm doing this movie with Elvis.
And it was Roustabout.
And there was this one moment where Elvis is just taking the job there.
It's about a carnival.
Roustabout a carnival.
And he says, I can't believe I'm here.
I'm working for a circus.
And they cut away to this very big, dramatic single of Barbara Stanwyck turning
back to Elvis
with just her eyes blazing like they hadn't done since, I don't know, since Audra
lost
a herd on the South 40.
And she says with a fire in her eyes, this is not a circus, mister.
This is a carnival, and don't you forget it.
And Elvis, before he broke out into a song about Roustabout, Roustabout,
before he broke in, I said, okay, all right, I'm sorry, okay, let me get this
straight now.
I guess a circus has like elephants, right?
And I guess a carnival has like a Ferris wheel.
Okay, but I'm telling you something right now, they both got sawdust.
Roustabout.
Yeah.
Roustabout.
Very nice.
It's insane.
I'm on a roll.
Anything from Roustabout, Paul?
Anything at all from Roustabout?
I know Heartbreak Hotel.
There you go.
Oh, not even close.
I don't know.
But what I wanted to talk to you about is some of the leading women, the stars
that you've worked with in your films.
That's where this all sort of began.
I've worked with Meg Ryan.
I've worked with twice.
She's in Sleepless in Seattle.
She's lovely.
I'm telling you, I'll do anything she wants to, anytime.
Is she a nice woman?
She's a very nice woman.
You get along, you're friends?
Oh, yeah, yeah.
As a matter of fact, my wife, who was also in the movie, we're all good friends.
We hang around.
The kids play together.
Oh, that's nice.
We're sort of neighbors.
We're just regular folks.
Yeah.
And funny thing about Meg Ryan, an Amway distributor.
No!
I didn't.
I had no idea.
Is that right?
We've actually had to stop going to her house.
Because she has that display in the front of the street.
Always pushing.
Okay, Shackley's basic age.
Here's a check.
We'll take three more crates.
I wish you could always use a couple extra bucks in these recessionary times.
Well, yeah, yeah.
You know what we could do is just turn on the cameras two or three nights a
week and have
Paul and the band play for an hour, and that would be great.
That's all you really need.
Yeah, babe.
I don't know.
I don't know.
The absolute best TV talk show band in the bidness.
David, thank you so much.
And I say bidness.
You know why, don't you?
Because you really want to say industry.
No, no.
I'm from bidness, bidness.
I'm from the streets.
Oh, you are from the streets.
So I say bidness.
What is the word in the street, by the way?
That's good.
Mr. Hanks, we were talking about women you have worked with.
Now, I know you also worked with national treasure, Cher.
Well, look, let me explain.
I didn't work with Cher so much as I worked for Cher.
A lot of people have worked on Cher.
Well, I don't know.
I'm not even sure what that means.
Not touching it.
I was a bellman or bellboy, as they're called to in derogatory terms, in
Oakland when she
was married to Greg Allman.
Greg Allman.
Greg Allman.
And I had to go to her room and take a bag that had been inadvertently
delivered to her
room and take it over to Dickie Betts' room.
Actually, Dickie Betts, a famous guitarist.
Right.
So, it had a profound effect on me in two ways.
One was that, you know, Greg answered the door.
And Greg had that little kind of thing right there.
What is that?
Oatmeal?
Is it a thing?
And, you know, I'm there looking stupid in my red blazer and my rainbow tie and
hair, which
was very big back then.
And I said something to the effect of, I'm here to take the bags.
And I said, oh, yeah, yeah.
What is it?
What is it?
Hey, Tutts.
Which bags has these got to go?
Oh, Greg.
And she kind of, like, appeared for a moment off to another and then
disappeared.
But I got a, you know, bona fide glimpse at her.
So, what happened was is that now it was, I mean, that was Cher.
It was Cher Allman, as she was known back then.
And she was toots.
So, I had a girlfriend at the time.
And she immediately became toots.
Very, very classic.
Hey, toots, I'm off at 10.
Hey, toots, let's go to Ghirardelli Square this weekend.
Hey, toots.
And now the women who were important to me are always, always toots.
It's very hip-touched.
Very hip-touched.
The other thing, the other thing that really came out of that experience was I
immediately
started experimenting with heroin.
And it's not anything like it's cracked up to do.
You might as well just drink a bunch of coffee, Dave.
It's the same exact sensation.
I'm joking.
Of course you're joking.
I'm telling a joke based on show business legend from years and years and years
ago.
Now, have you since had a chance?
Because this to me is the delightful thing, one of the many delightful things
about life.
Because you were a bellhop, 16, 17, 18.
And then suddenly now you're Mr. Huge box office superstar.
And you could visit with Sherry.
You could work with Sherry.
You could tell her this story.
The only show business personality I've actually got to meet and say, you know,
I once carried
your bed with Slappy White.
Oh, I broke Slappy White's golf clubs when I was.
Slappy White is a comedian in Vegas.
He's a legendary show business figure.
I was incredibly excited to take his huge suitcase for him and carry it over to
the trunk of his
matador or whatever it is and try to put it in.
Now, Slappy yells everything.
And he did to me.
Take my suitcase over to my car.
Here are keys to my car.
So I took the keys.
I took the keys over and I lifted up the dress.
Put it in a second.
Put it in the trunk of my car.
So this huge, massive suitcase.
And I popped the trunk on his thing.
And it's loaded.
The trunk is filled.
It's got his golf clubs.
It's got all kinds of stuff.
And I lifted up this huge suitcase and like, you know, counter lever it over.
And it lands with a thud.
And I'm trying to push the trunk of his car closed.
And I know that I put his suitcase on top of his golf clubs.
I mean, he must have had 400 golf clubs in this golf club.
Every conceivable golf club tool was in this.
And I'm pushing it down like this.
And from all across the parking lot, I hear, you're bending the shaft.
Stop bending the shaft.
I swear, Slappy White came running about 400 yards like this.
You're bending the shaft.
Stop bending the shaft.
So I met Slappy White at the Academy Awards.
And I apologized for breaking his golf club so many years ago.
It couldn't be a more flattering characterization.
Tom, it's a distinctive delivery that Slappy has.
T