Name: Fan Request: Parallel Parking On 53rd Street | Letterman
Uploaded: 2023-06-30T22:41:07.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Fan Request: Parallel Parking On 53rd Street | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-06-30. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Fan Request: Parallel Parking On 53rd Street | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-06-30. Transcript available.

What we're going to do tonight out on 53rd Street, we have kids, 15, 16-year-old
kids who have their
learner's permits. I think they're all from the Tri-State area, New Jersey. I
don't know where
they're from. And they're in their car with their parents. And all night long,
these kids,
right here on television, are going to be parallel parking.
Hey!
Pretty good.
Turn on the camera. Let's go right out there.
This is pretty good.
Look at that.
We've had cross-town traffic tied up for eight hours, ladies and gentlemen. So
if you're
having trouble getting from the east side to the west side, it's because of us.
Our first
kid here tonight is Paul Fiore. Paul, is that you?
That's me.
Hi, Paul. Nice to meet you.
Hi, Dave.
Where are you from, Paul?
I'm from Nutley, New Jersey.
And where do you go to school?
Nutley High School.
Nutley High School? And are you taking drivers in? I was just talking about
when I was a kid,
you had to take the driver's ed. Are you taking the driver's ed?
I took driver's ed first marking period this year. It's over now.
How did you do in the driver's ed course?
I did pretty good. I got a B.
A B? Well, that's not so bad.
And was there...
Anything unusual about your instructor, Paul?
Um, not too unusual enough.
Okay, good. Good.
And, Paul, this is your father right there. Your father's name is Frank. Frank,
nice to see you.
Thanks, Dave.
Thank you for coming in. And so, with the permit that Paul has here, he can
drive the car as long as you're a passenger. Is that how it works?
That's right. And during daylight hours.
Okay, during the daylight hours. Well, we'll move right along then.
And, Paul, how close are you to actually getting your driver's license?
I'm going to get it in October.
In October. Are you excited about this?
I am excited.
It's going to be the longest summer of your life, isn't it, Paul?
Yeah.
You're just dying to get behind the wheel of that car. And what will you do
then?
Uh, you know, I don't know. Take it down the shore. Get some friends in there.
Babes. Babes. Babes. Babes.
Frank, is Paul a pretty good kid, a pretty good student? Everything all right
there? No trouble, really?
No trouble, Dave. Great guy.
Okay. And what kind of car are you driving tonight, Paul? What kind of ride is
that?
This is a Thunderbird.
Oh, sweet, my friend. Nice ride. Slip, buddy.
Uh, wow.
Oh, sure. Now, we've just guaranteed that you'll be followed home.
Um, are you excited? Have you parallel parked much before, Paul?
Uh, the first time I ever did it was this Saturday.
Uh-huh. How'd that go?
Uh, I was, in the beginning it was shaky, but I kind of had it at the end.
Yeah. Now, when, when you go to the DMV, will they test you on parallel parking?
Is that part of the examination?
Yeah.
Okay. All right. Are you ready?
I'm ready.
Okay. Anything we can do for you? Do you need a, I mean, uh, you all right? You
want to think it over? You want to...
I'm fine. I'm going to go.
Okay. Do me a favor, just for a second, before you begin, uh, put the, is the
car started?
Not yet.
All right. Start her up.
All right. Is this automatic transmission?
Yeah.
Okay. Is the emergency brake on?
No.
Okay. Put the emergency, put the emergency brake on.
Step on the pedal there.
Yeah.
Step on the pedal.
Oh, Lord.
All right. All right.
Okay.
The emergency brake is engaged. Is that correct, Paul?
Yes.
And, and where is the gear, uh, lever indicator? Are you still in park?
Yeah, I'm in park.
Put it in park. All right. Is there anyone in front of you?
No.
Are you sure?
I'm positive.
Is there anyone behind you?
Yeah.
All right. Floor it. Floor it. Open this thing up. Let me hear it. Floor it.
Put the pedal to the middle.
All the way.
Floor it.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
All right.
If it were up to me, you'd get the license, you know?
Okay, Paul. I hope that loosened you up a little bit. Here you go now. Take all
the time you need.
We're going to give you one opportunity. If we have time later, if you don't
make it first time successfully, you can come back a little later.
All right. You ready?
Here we go. Paul Fiore, ladies and gentlemen, from Nutley, New Jersey. Parallel
parking.
All right. See the space that he's trying to get into. What's the matter? Is
there a problem there? What happened? Is he all right, Paul? Okay. All right.
All right. Here we go.
Here we go. As I recall, as I recall, you pull up to the car on the right and
then you kind of measure off. You want to be right there in the middle of the
driver's side door. Here we go.
Here we go, ladies and gentlemen. Parallel parking. Paul Fiore and his father.
Black Thunderbird. Here we go.
Oh, this looks good. All right, Paul. Very close. Very close. One more. Cut it
again. Square it off.
That was pretty close, Paul. Pretty darn close. Going to try it again.
Okay. Okay. He's in reverse. The lights come on.
Here we go.
All right, Paul.
All right, right there. Paul, can you hear me?
Yeah.
I tell you what. You and your dad just take a little trip around the block.
Cool off.
You were pretty darn close that first time. I thought you were just going to
pull out a little bit and finish it up, but you wanted to do it from the
beginning.
Yeah.
You wanted to be a hero, didn't you?
I admire that, and we'll give you another shot if we have time. All right?
All right.
Nice meeting you. Thank you very much, Paul.
I'm thinking now, maybe later, I should go out and give it a shot.
Sure.
You know, the parallel parking.
It is not easy, and there's a lot of pressure. We want to try and get one more
kid in here before we bring out Lennox Lewis. This guy is Tim Riley, I believe.
Tim, are you out there?
Hey, Dave.
Hi, Tim. Nice to see you, buddy. How are you doing?
Pretty good.
And where are you from, sir?
Fairlawn, New Jersey.
Fairlawn, New Jersey. All right.
How old a kid are you?
16.
16. And you took the driver's ed there in high school?
Yeah.
How'd you do?
I did all right. Not too well.
Yeah.
What was the grade you received for the class?
A B.
A B? Well, that's not so bad.
A B. Are you kidding me? A B is not bad at all.
What's the matter with you?
I don't know. I'm sorry.
That gentleman with you to your right is your father, I guess?
Yeah, it's Mike.
Hi, Mike. How are you? Nice to see you.
Good. How are you?
How is Tim as a kid, Mike? Is he all right?
Very good.
Very good.
And you have brothers and sisters?
Two sisters.
And you took some time off from work to be here, Mike? Is that what's happened?
Yes, I did. I took the afternoon off.
What do you do for a living?
I sell mattresses.
Sell mattresses. All right.
And how soon would you like to see Tim get into a mustache?
A mustache? Pretty soon.
All right. Look at those. Pretty good.
Tim, have you done much parallel parking?
I did it once.
You did it once?
Only once.
Does the idea of parallel parking make you nervous? Does that put more pressure
on you?
A little bit.
I think that may be the trickiest part of driving, don't you think so?
Sure. Oh, yeah. Tough.
All right. What kind of car are you working with here, Tim?
My dad's Mercedes.
Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Wow.
Well, don't, you know, don't be wrinkling this boy up. You know what I'm saying?
Yeah, he's warning me about it.
Anything you need from us? Anything we can do to help settle you down?
You've taken a look at the course. You saw the first guy give it a shot.
Jeff, I guess, was his name? Paul. You saw him?
Yeah.
Did you learn anything from Paul?
Don't hit the cars.
All right. Don't hit the cars.
Keep your head down. All right. Here we go.
Tim Riley, ladies and gentlemen, Fairlawn, New Jersey, parking his dad's big,
black, greasy Mercedes-Benz.
Here we go.
We'll ride up. Measure it off with the car.
Okay.
Slap it into reverse.
Cut it.
Yeah, I think so.
Everybody's a backseat driver.
Hard.
Hard.
Hard, you know.
Here we go.
Somebody call Allstate.
All right. One more truck.
Square it off and give it another shot, Tim.
You're...
Oh, I would have taken that, you know.
Cut it.
Here.
Ooh.
I'll paint any car for $99.95.
All right.
These poor kids.
It's hard.
Doing this stuff is difficult.
Oh, wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
I'll cut it back there.
Okay.
I don't know.
Yeah, all right.
Stop now.
Okay, we're going to call this off, Tim.
Nice try, buddy.
You and your dad, take a blow, circle the block, come back and give him another
shot.
That was pretty close, though, wasn't it?
It wasn't so bad.
Pretty close.
Hard to do that.
Oh, hard enough, didn't it?
Hard to do that with a guy with a TV camera and, of course, your dad with his
big mustache.
Forget it.
We're going to let Paul, the first kid, try it again.
In the meantime, here's Tim now.
We've got a mustache for Tim.
So, his dad, there he is.
That's good.
Okay.
All right.
Now, this is Paul.
He was our first Parker in the Black Thunderbird.
Paul, have you thought about it?
You know what you did wrong?
You're going to give it another try?
I'm going to try again.
You know, that first time, you're actually pretty close.
If you just, you know, pulled out and squared it off, you'd have been in there.
You'd have been in someplace shopping by now.
You know what I mean?
You'd be having dinner.
For a lot of folks, that's it.
You're done right there.
All right.
Here we go.
One more shot.
Paul and his dad, Frank, from Sutley, New Jersey.
Black Thunderbird.
Trying to parallel park.
Right out there on 53rd Street, ladies and gentlemen.
Boy, look at the crowd.
When I was parallel parking, you'd get crowds 10, 15, 20,000.
And now, it's just stragglers, passers-by.
Seems to be a little wide.
Get him a tugboat.
Oh, no.
This...
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
Hold it.
Hold it.
This is okay.
And as the old joke goes, you can walk to the curb from there.
Oh, so close.
Now, this is...
This shows...
Swing it straight.
Go ahead.
Straight.
Oh, yeah.
Bingo.
Uh-oh.
Uh-oh.
Dad's not happy.
All right.
Now, cut it back.
Wait, wait, wait.
Put it in reverse now.
Cut it back.
Later, that same night.
Is he in?
All right.
Is that space too tight?
Is that the problem?
Have we given the kid enough room?
I think we have.
Is that some kind of trick space?
I don't think so.
Okay.
It's tight.
There he is, ladies and gentlemen.
He's in.
Nice going, Paul.
Close enough.
Thank you very much.
Thank you, Frank.
Thanks a lot, Dave.
Let's try another kid.
Let's go back out there.
Have a young girl this time, Danielle Hanson.
Hi, Danielle.
How are you?
Good.
How are you?
Are you excited?
Yes.
Have you seen the boys?
Yes, I have.
They haven't done so well.
No.
Yeah.
Is that your father there with you?
Yep.
This is my dad.
What's your name, sir?
Rich.
Hi, Rich.
Nice to see you.
Nice to meet you.
How long have you been driving, Danielle?
Since October.
Uh-huh.
Close to getting that license?
July.
There you go.
You doing any parallel parking?
Just with the driving school once.
Yeah.
How'd that go?
Okay.
Don't discount the wind.
You get a little wind there, I see.
All right.
Take it away, Danielle.
Good luck and Godspeed.
Here we go.
Driving a white Jetta.
Danielle Henson.
Parallel parking.
We've determined this is not a trick space.
This is a regulation New York City parking space.
She's casing it.
No.
Here we go.
We'll need AAA to get her in from there.
Not even, not even.
Well, wait a minute.
Maybe she knows something here.
Go forward again.
Try it again.
All right.
We're going to try it again.
Yeah, give it another shot.
You cut it a little wide there, Danielle.
Give it another shot.
And by the way, those other cars are rental cars, so don't worry about them.
You kind of feel your way into that spot.
That's all right.
You know, no.
They're calling it off.
They've called off the jam.
All right.
I tell you what.
Thank you very much.
Nice try, Danielle.
Thank you.
Oh, I don't know.
Is this in here?
All right.
We'll give this a shot.
Hey, Biff.
How are you?
Okay.
Yeah.
There you go.
Perfect.
Good night, everybody.