Name: Viewer Mail: Where In The World Are Dave And Paul? | Letterman
Uploaded: 2023-07-13T15:06:26.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Viewer Mail: Where In The World Are Dave And Paul? | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-07-13. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Viewer Mail: Where In The World Are Dave And Paul? | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-07-13. Transcript available.

okay it's time ladies and gentlemen for our viewer mail let's answer it now
see i know somebody who has uh been diagnosed as having this because she was
bitten by a tick
and her dog one of her dogs has it yeah and so i'm thinking i might have it
you are a little bit of a hypochondriac no i'm not slightly uh letter number
one dear dave uh do
you really mean it when you reply wow to your guests achievements or are you
off in a day's
land and that's the easiest thing to say without committing a conversation uh
just pondering the
thought lisa may andra uh under palmyra new york wow great letter i was waiting
to see the tin man
yes i know and the straw man
it was a lovely beautiful lovely did a great job yes totally spontaneous it was
12 minutes long it was a
little yeah a little hefty uh dear dave number two begins uh my dog barks and
acts crazy whenever he
sees you on television what kind of powerful subliminal messages are you
sending out that bugs my dog so
much curiously wondering spring mcgraw neosho missouri uh let's see gee uh
spring i have no idea why the
dog would be barking whenever he sees me uh maybe i look like somebody he knows
uh maybe my voice
breathless uh could be hormonal could be anything
that was a beauty
and a lot a lot of talking between verses in the last night yeah it was talking
well the little
things the little connecting i wonder if i could have planned you know that
kind of stuff that's my
song huh no no no no well that's the rap how late are we now two minutes left
we got plenty of time
you don't think so do you i'll bet you a hundred dollars we finish on time all
right
letter number three dear dave i've never done anything special i probably won't
ever do anything
special so i could be a special guest on your show thank you
oh no the person the person who wrote this letter paul didn't uh there's no
name they didn't sign
their name on that is there uh any return address no there is no return address
i'm afraid not and you
know what that means don't you paul do we have to yes absolutely we must we
absolutely have to we
have no choice we'll be right back let me here we go okay i'm sorry but there's
there's no other
way around i think i'm gonna lose my hundred bucks by the way
i'm sorry excuse me you got a second did you write this letter is that your
handwriting
hi i'm sorry did you write this letter is that is it you didn't send that line
no
excuse me ma'am is this your handwriting let's try downtown let's go to the
village
all right this is not working all right let's see what we got oh here pardon me
excuse me did you
write this letter did you send that to me is that yours no no oh i'm sorry is
this is this your
letter are you sure did you send that to me no i don't know paul let's let's
try pennsylvania
all right
excuse me i'm sorry did you write this letter no is that your handwriting you
didn't send that to
me all right thank you very much excuse me son i'm sorry to bother you did you
write this
man these philadelphia kids are snotty
dave this is getting ridiculous i think that no but paul we have to find out
who sent me this
letter if it means asking every single person on the face of the earth let's
get going all right
uh hey hey billy i'm talking to you can you hear me did you write this letter dave
answer up pal dave
you're starting to get cranky now i think it's it's late anyway let's get back
to the show okay
i'm awfully sorry can you find it in your heart to forgive me
you know my uh my birthday my birthday is not till april what i say my birthday
is not till april april yeah so we went through all this crap for nothing yeah
but we can still
have a great party
screw it yeah never mind just screw it yeah
all right so i owe you a hundred bucks all right let's let it ride we'll double
it up on the second
half hour all right so it's a total now of two hundred dollars on the whole
show
okay uh we got another letter left oh man
to the bank yeah i got a little money are you betting on your own
i'm betting i'm betting that it'll be on time i'm not betting again
uh should we do four morty huh okay letter number four well you wait just wait
till you see how i
speed through the second half hour all right uh dear dave my parents hate it
when i watch your show
when i'm home they don't think you're funny and they say paul is a big nothing
they can't understand
why anyone would stay up so late to watch such garbage is there anything you or
i could do to bring
them around sincerely steve moss university of florida gainesville florida you
know uh gee steve i don't
think there's really anything i can do but i do think your parents criticism is
unnecessarily harsh
you know i i don't mind it if somebody doesn't think i'm funny but i i
certainly don't agree that
paul is a big nothing paul what did you think of this letter what i say what
did you i'm sorry dave i
i wasn't listening
it's me i was here all along hey look at those floating glasses that's pretty
funny you know steve
we were wrong to think the letterman show is garbage you can watch it whenever
you want gee thanks
the preceding message was brought to you by this network in association with
the national council
of churches
okay uh we got a great show paul schaefer in a matter of moments will be debuting
his brand new
single for us on our program the lovely and talented