Name: CBS Mailbag: Dave Returns To His Old Grocery Store | Letterman
Uploaded: 2023-07-27T15:17:56.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'CBS Mailbag: Dave Returns To His Old Grocery Store | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-07-27. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'CBS Mailbag: Dave Returns To His Old Grocery Store | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-07-27. Transcript available.

Letter number one, dear Dave, I heard you were a bagger at Atlas back in the
day.
What's the story?
Rock on Rob Goodwin, Williamsport, Pennsylvania.
Well, Rock on Rob here is talking about a time in my life when I was a kid,
just a high
school kid, and I worked at a wonderful place.
It was a grocery store near my home.
It was the Atlas supermarket, and I was a bag boy.
I was a stock boy.
I did everything.
I loved it, and I haven't been back to the Atlas supermarket for, geez, I guess
20, 25
years until a couple of weeks ago.
I went back there.
I want to tell you something.
Man, did that bring back memories, walking through the aisles of that place.
Ooh, boy.
Oh, man, I can't believe it.
This is, this is amazing.
It's just exactly the way it was when I worked here.
Uh-oh.
Oh, my God.
I can't believe it.
I put this milk in the shelf, look at that, 30 years ago.
What do you got here?
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
What happened to the stuff?
Oh, there it is.
There it is.
I got to do that.
By the way, that's the first rule of comedy.
If you can make people sick to their stomach, that's as good as a laugh.
Yeah, do it.
Yeah, exactly.
Okay.
Letter number two.
Dear Dave, if you and the Late Show crew and band were stuck on a desert island,
which
one would be the first one to snap?
Sincerely, here's Rob Roush of Albany, New York.
This is one of those psychological exercise kind of questions.
And I'm not sure who would snap, Rob, but by the way, this is an excellent
opportunity
now to introduce a brand new character to the Late Show.
Pat Farmer, the stagehand, stranded on a desert island.
Pat, here he is right there.
For seven long years, I've been stranded on this island, my skin baking in the
merciless
sun, my throat stinging with the sharp tang of salt water.
Nothing to do but scratch the names of loved ones in the sand and watch as the
waves wash
them away.
Like few other men, I truly know what it means to be alone.
Hey, Pat.
Hey, Ken, what's up?
Want to go grab a beer?
Sure.
Rob Roush, Pat Farmer, Kenny.
Kenny Sheehan and Pat Farmer.
Take a bow, boys.
Come on.
Let's hear it for him.
What a nice job.
There they are.
Wow, that was...
He brought the outfit from the house.
Letter number three.
Letter number...
Oh, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
Excuse me.
Well, you fall into old patterns.
Dear Dave, we were wondering if you could babysit while we enjoy an evening on
the town.
Sincerely, Amy K. Smith of Provo, Utah.
This is a great question.
And you know why?
Because recently, here at The Late Show, a lot of our staff members, a lot of
our good
friends have been having babies.
For example, I don't want to embarrass anybody, but our executive producer, Rob
Burnett, and
his lovely wife, Eunice, a couple of...
Well, just last week, had another baby girl.
They have Sydney, and now they have Lucy right there.
Congratulations.
She's a beautiful little girl.
Look at that baby.
Look at how sweet that baby is.
Cute.
Alan Coulter, our announcer, not so very long ago.
Alan and his wife had twins.
What are their names, Alan?
Benny and Billy, Dave.
Benny and Billy.
Congratulations.
They're beautiful kids.
And I love the red hair.
That's very, very cute.
Yeah.
I believe that's the only case ever in the history of recorded medicine that a
child has been
born with a toupee.
Am I right about that?
It has never happened before.
And about seven months ago, our band leader, Paul Schaefer, and his lovely wife,
Kathy,
also had a baby.
What's your baby's name, Paul?
What's the baby's name?
This is Sam.
Sam.
Yeah, and he's, isn't he?
He has your eyes.
Yeah, thank you.
He really has your eyes.
Thank you.
Yeah.
Does your wife have the purple hair?
She doesn't, no.
She doesn't have the purple hair.
She has black hair, so I don't know.
Right in.
Speak into the mic, Dave.
That's odd.
Let's just keep.
Purple hair.
We thought, we thought it'd be better we just go with the purple hair.
Letter number four.
Hey, Dave, has Biff ever sumo wrestled a chicken?
Sincerely, Glen Ham's Gresham, Oregon.
Well, how about it, Biff?
Biff Henderson, where are you?
Have you ever, have you ever sumo wrestled a chicken?
Dave, that's stuff for kids.
But I have dabbled in the martial arts.
Bring it on, John Kitty.
Come on, baby.
Come on.
That's stuff.
Well, there you go.
That's the old CBS mailbag.
That's the old CBS mailbag.