Name: Don't Try This At Home! Dave Welcomes Kid Scientists | Letterman
Uploaded: 2023-08-23T22:00:12.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Don't Try This At Home! Dave Welcomes Kid Scientists | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-08-23. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Don't Try This At Home! Dave Welcomes Kid Scientists | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-08-23. Transcript available.

Our first guests tonight are students of our science teacher friend, Lee Merrick,
so it goes without saying that they're all lucky to be alive.
Ladies and gentlemen, from Naperville, Illinois, here are the kid scientists.
Kids, nice.
How are you?
How are you doing?
Do you like science? Do you enjoy science?
Yep.
Always use it for good, never for evil, all right?
You promised me that?
Always use your science for good, not evil. Do you understand?
What is your name?
Amelia Schuster.
Amelia Schuster, from Naperville area?
It's Illinois, huh?
Yeah.
Do you like living in Illinois?
I guess.
Yeah.
Illinois is the what state?
The prairie state?
The prairie state?
What else?
It's the...
No, no.
It's the...
What else is Illinois?
Illinois is the...
Corn.
Corn state?
Yes, very good.
Illinois is the...
On education state?
The education state.
You're just making stuff up, aren't you?
Land of Lincoln.
Land of Lincoln.
Ever heard of Land of Lincoln?
Yeah.
Yeah.
What about Land of Lincoln?
Would it have killed you to cough that one up?
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
They're still thinking about the giant donut.
Amelia?
Yeah.
How old are you?
Twelve.
Twelve.
Brothers and sisters?
A younger brother and an older sister.
Things good at home?
You get along well with your sisters and brothers?
Not really.
Really?
What's the problem?
Is there trouble?
Is there turmoil?
Do you fight like cats and dogs?
What's going on?
I don't know.
We just don't like each other, really.
Really?
Does that ring a bell, Paul?
Yeah.
Yeah.
But you like science.
Mm-hmm.
That's something, isn't it?
Yeah.
And you have a little science demonstration for us here tonight.
Mm-hmm.
Okay?
I'll just follow you through it.
Here we go, Amelia.
You need this.
All right.
There you go.
Some glasses.
Compliment.
Oh, you have some.
And you need this?
Okay.
All right.
Okay.
Oh, wow, Paul.
It's at Light FM you listen to all of that.
It's the Carpenters.
Oh, I love that sound.
And what I'm going to show is energy transformation.
Energy transformation.
All right.
And what I have here is butane under pressure.
Oh, but you're just a kid.
Can you...
Should you be handling butane under any circumstances?
Or get under pressure?
Probably not a good idea, but then who cares?
All right.
Let's go.
What do you do there?
Should I put these on?
Do you have yours on?
Well, I've got them late for later.
Do we need them now or later?
Later.
Oh.
What about these?
Do I need these now or later?
Yeah.
Now.
Now.
My eyes!
A giant donut.
I'm sorry you weren't here.
Now you want these.
What about the kids?
Don't they get them?
We just don't care about them.
Here, boys.
Here.
Just ring a bell.
We couldn't afford four of them.
Can you hear me?
Okay.
And what you need to do is light the match and drop it in.
Oh, I'm lighting the match and drop it in.
Yeah.
I guess you'll be in the car, right?
Okay.
And then you have to, like, go away really quick.
I have to do what?
You have to walk, like, get away after you drop it.
All right.
You kids get out of here.
You kids go way over there.
You go way over there.
Fall.
Tell the band to get down.
Everybody get down.
All right.
I got the thing.
Seriously, get down, kids.
Don't be screwing around here.
Get down.
Everybody get down like this.
I want to see it.
Get down.
Everybody.
Okay.
Here we go.
Just like this.
Huh?
Yeah.
That's pretty good.
Nice going.
Congratulations.
Well, you guys, you guys got your work cut out for you now.
You got a pretty good science experiment.
What's your name?
Nate Koppel.
Nate?
Nate.
Nate, nice to see you.
You too.
You have family?
Brothers, sisters?
Really annoying brothers.
And are they older?
Are they younger?
Both older.
And do they push you around a little bit?
Quite a bit.
Yeah, that's what older brothers...
Touched a nerve there.
Well, all right.
So, but the important thing, Nate, is you like science.
You find that an enjoyable outlet for your inquisitive mind and a recreation as
well.
Is that correct?
Yes.
Okay.
What are we going to do here?
I'm going to be demonstrating Newton's Third Law.
It's going to be demonstrating Newton's Third Law, which is objects at rest
tend to stay
at rest unless acted upon by some outside force.
No.
No.
You want to watch me light the bottle again?
What is Newton's Third Law?
For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.
Oh, yes.
For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.
Great.
What do we do?
How do we do this?
Let's go.
Well, first, I'm going to need to warm it up because it's cold in here.
All right.
What are you warming up there, Nate, exactly?
The cannon.
Mm-hmm.
He's warming up the cannon.
Whoa.
You're going to need your goggles.
Oh, here we go again.
And your goggles.
I've been lucky to get out with my life and my goggles.
All right.
Okay.
What about the friends here?
Everybody?
They don't need them.
They don't need them.
Well, they should wear their goggles.
Yeah.
We put your goggles on.
Tell that other kid to put his goggles on, too.
Tell the other kid we may not have time for him, too.
Here.
Here we go.
I want you to use this layer to ignite the fuel.
Touch it through the hole on the top.
Right here?
The hole on the top.
Okay.
Everybody get down again.
Same as before.
Get down.
Get down.
Everybody get down.
Get behind the desk.
You two.
There we go.
That scared me.
That's pretty good.
That's pretty good.
That scared me.
That scared me silly.
Thank you very much, Nate.
You're welcome.
I hope everything works out at home.
Here, sir?
Scott Offit.
Scott?
Nice to see you, buddy.
How are you?
Great.
Do the three of you guys all go to school?
Nope.
I go to Cary, Illinois.
Uh-huh.
So it's a different school altogether.
So did you meet on the plane coming out here?
Um, yeah.
Things going along pretty well?
Yeah.
Everybody having a nice time?
Have you ever been to New York City before?
Yes.
Oh.
Have you been before as well?
Yeah, I used to live in Buffalo.
Oh, well.
One day, Paul, you and I should plan a trip to Napierville.
Yeah.
All right, Scott.
Was it Scott?
Yep.
All right, Scott.
What are we going to do?
Well, I'm going to show you with this bowling ball about conservation of energy.
Conservation of energy.
All right.
Conservation of energy.
Now, I want you to stand right here.
I'll stand right here?
Yeah.
Stand right here.
Right here?
And I want you to hold this bowling ball up to your nose.
All right.
Now, Scott, promise me, no screwing around.
You know what I mean?
There won't be any screwing around.
Nothing wacky.
Hold it right up to my nose?
Yeah.
Please, get out of the line of the...
Don't press it against your nose.
Don't press it against my nose.
Just hold it right there.
That's the first thing they teach you in bowling, by the way.
Just hold it right up.
Don't press the ball against your nose.
Yeah, that's good.
The other one is don't lick the pins.
That's rule number two.
All right.
Here we go.
Now, when I say go, I want you to let go.
All right.
But I'm worried about the kids.
Kids, please, please.
Now, when you let go, the energy in the ball will turn into energy of motion as
it swings
in a low arc.
All right.
It's going to come back.
But normally, it would smack into your face.
You're lucky.
It won't smack into your face.
Yeah, there's a stroke of luck.
It's friction in the rope.
Friction?
Yeah.
And it slows the ball down.
So it's going to land just short of hitting you in the teeth.
Is this also a physics law that we would know?
Yes.
What is the law?
It's the law of conservation of energy, basically.
Okay.
Can I go now?
You ready?
Well, don't push it.
Don't push it.
Just let go.
And don't move your head forward.
Okay, I'm not going to.
Just like this.
Ready?
Go.
Anton.
Whoa.
The kids.
The kids.
Thank you very much.
Have a nice trip back to Illinois.
Yeah.
Nice job.
Thank you.
Great job.
Amelia, pleasure to meet you.
Travel safe.
You're back to Illinois.
Good boy.