Name: Cher Calls Dave An Asshole | Letterman
Uploaded: 2023-09-13T22:00:28.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Cher Calls Dave An Asshole | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-09-13. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Cher Calls Dave An Asshole | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-09-13. Transcript available.

and also on the program now we've we've wanted to have this woman on the show
for
four years how many times have we asked her how many separate communications
have we launched from
our office to her at least 81 we've we've asked her to be on the show 81 times
and finally apparently
through a lapse of judgment anyway she's here tonight and of course i'm talking
about share
okay all right we're all we're all very excited we're excited aren't we paul
have you ever met this woman before yeah i worked with her you did a record
with her
before didn't you okay uh well she's going to be out here in a second let me
let me introduce her
it took my guest uh four years to agree to be on this program and we're very
happy she's here
a star in the truest sense of the word please welcome share
how are you fabulous thank you have you met david letterman how do you know i've
been waiting for
four years i wanted to see you how are you thanks for being here uh what was
the record you guys did
we did um take me home yes too far gone yeah did you was your leg broken no
that was bob bestie's
leg was broken that was bob okay right i'm glad that's interesting to you guys
right how's bob feeling
now he's better good good uh you smell terrific you really smell great what you
can do you mind if i
ask you i mean i mean i knew you'd smell nice but you smell oh you mean yeah
what is it can you mention
the center would you rather not yeah well it's two together one's real cheap
but it's called ritz and
it's like taboo good girls don't wear it and the other's real expensive called
um vanilla and you
just mix them up yeah yeah well the uh the end result is quite effective thank
you yeah now uh share
is this as good as it gets no no we got a lot of great stuff here really good
stuff here a lot of
really interesting provocative kind of thing all right what do you mean is this
as good as it gets
like what would have been a better thing to say to you what what should i have
said
i don't know because i've watched this show
well i i'm glad i'm i'm glad of that and uh i guess anything better than chuck
rodent anything
better than what you guys had with chuck rodent now you know you know you uh uh
i know you didn't want
to come on here for the longest time so why finally after uh nearly four and a
half years did you decide
to come on i don't know i i thought it was one reason but i'm sure that couldn't
know what is the
reason you thought i wanted to pay my hotel bill you have a big hotel i have a
huge hotel bill and i
thought you mean you're staying in new york now yes and and you don't have the
cash to cover the bill
well it's a pretty big one and so i thought i'll come on and and and see what
this guy is like and uh
well if you think this show will cover that hotel bill you were sadly misled no
i've heard of that
i've actually heard you get paid scale but it's not it's nickels and dimes it's
like i was saying
earlier the today show was on a cruise somewhere and we're working with hairpins
that's all we get
now now do you live in new york now you live in california no i kind of go back
and forth so
this time you're staying in new york how long have you been here since october
in a hotel since october no i've been uh i've i've been in a hotel for actually
the last couple of
months uh-huh and you want us to cover this did did we agree to pay for part
yes is that right no
uh okay so that you thought that was one reason but of course that's not really
the reason what what
was the real i mean you you must have had a change of heart about something no
actually
i don't know because i thought that i would never want to do this show with you
now why
now let's let's explore this a little why because you thought i was uh an ass
of course not booing they're just chanting share share
and and of course for you folks at home who may have missed that what she said
was she thought i was
an awfully nice guy no an astronaut yeah i thought you're an astronaut yeah no
you know what see i know
i know i know i knew that's how you felt i knew you probably felt that way
because i told the guy on
your show who's that oh that guy over there i don't know where he is now yeah
yeah because you guys had
tried to get me i was doing live at five one time but i very much enjoy your
show and and it well you
don't have to you don't have to say this now if you know you know well you don't
know me but i
wouldn't say it i mean because well we've always really you were when the show
first on the went on
the air you were on the original list of people we wanted to have because we
all thought the world of
you know and we're happy you were happy you're finally here now let's talk
about something else
okay you know i think a lot of people feel that way about me though
i just get that feeling you know well some for some reason it's it was well it
wasn't anymore but
it was frightening because i see right how you um deal with your guests and
sometimes it's really
great and you seem to like them and then sometimes if you don't like them i
mean
you might as well take a picnic lunch you know well yeah well i think because
you have the freedom to
kind of do whatever you want to because not that many people are watching yeah
that's right exactly
uh yeah but you know uh uh uh what you i i could explain this to you but that
we want to talk more
about you don't we i don't i whatever you want to do is fine with me you look
terrific you know you
really look great thank you yeah now i want to ask you about this uh a tattoo
and then you get how many
others do you have i have this one and i have um that one and i have another i
have two others
besides that four now why do you have tattoos because you've permanently now uh
uh scarred your
body yes i think that you know it's uh it's kind of it's like dolly parton says
when she does this
she feels she's beautiful you know when she when she i i like it there you know
i don't expect everyone
to like it but it it's i think it's beautiful and you don't have any second
thoughts about this
well i probably had a couple but you know after i thought about it i thought
you know i'd like to do
this you're really drunk when you got the first one no which was the first one
was this it uh no
i have i it's it's the one i'm sitting on was the first time oh well and and
what is that one oh
flowers and stuff like that yeah you've probably never seen it have you
uh think of it whatever you want uh oh i don't know i don't know and then you
have you have are you
okay i don't know well you know with that mark you kind of threw me out um you're
the first
person to call me that in person though i mean i'm sure they mutter that on the
way out
um what are we doing now we'll do a commercial you can stay a little longer can't
you so we'll
get something really rolling here it'll be great don't don't worry it'll be
great and we'll be
back here with the um thank you very much welcome back to the show this is sharon
of course you know
what i am you know this has really had kind of a uh disequilibrilequilibrasing
disequilibrium kind
of effect on me throwing me off my uh usual game yeah yeah uh now i understand
you had you were
going to wear some kind of uh uh uh uh an elaborate uh wig that's not with you
tonight was that is this
ring a bell with you no you had a wig sent to london and oh yeah i did but then
i decided i didn't want
to do that how do you know how do you send a wig to london and what do you have
done to it over there
well you just send it over in a box and someone combs it out and they send it
back to you why you
can't get somebody here to do that yeah of course you could but i can't and
anybody else with their
right mind would but i i you purchased this item in london no i pushed i had it
made here and i i thought
that i don't know i just i was getting ready and i thought well i think this
would be nice yeah well
it looks very nice and you look you look quite nice but the people who last saw
you on the academy
awards i think would uh mention that there's a striking difference i did more
clothes probably
yeah you were you had a big like a headdress and kind of it now what do you do
do you do you buy all
of those clothes well that i mean that was specifically made by by bob for for
the academy
awards and i don't think mackie bob mackie right and i don't think i'll i
probably won't ever wear
that again so what did that set you back he did it for nothing because for two
reasons first of all
it's great publicity for him and secondly i won't ever wear it so it'll
probably go on uh on a tour or
something like that but is it you mean like the shopping malls and that kind of
thing no like the
metropolitan museum so they had uh stuff you know some of my clothes in at one
time now now when you when
you uh do you buy any of your clothes sure now what what do you do do you keep
them all do you give
them away do you sell them what it becomes of them uh after you're done wearing
them i mean when you
grow tired of them well i don't you know i those kind of clothes i don't
usually keep and a lot of
times they're given to charity because they can get a lot of money for them you
know they go on
auction and stuff like that yeah and uh do you still have that enormous egyptian
kind of house in los
angeles yes do you really and it's decorated like what well it's you know it's
just a mo it's a very
modern house but it has it's like uh it's like a north african kind of house
like whitewash like a
greek house but it just has sunny airy open yeah yeah and and why why does that
i mean it's not freaky
but it that term kind of you know it's just it's a nice house yeah and and why
african kind of what
why that motif where are we going i'm gonna reach over here and grab something
like the
i'm i'm afraid of my text i'm sort of corn in there see i've liked you for a
long long time
you and i by the way happy birthday thank you now oh here we go wait a minute i
never said i didn't
like you no wait a minute i'm not finished i just want to tell you something if
i mean i guess i could
have come on still thinking that because you know i could i could act it out it's
what 10 minutes out
of my life or 15 minutes out of my life that's right uh but i i was a little
bit more curious about it so i
thought i would just come on and see well i appreciate your second thoughts on
them no they're
not second thoughts they're not mutually exclusive being interesting and being
an ass but i think
you're cute oh stop it now you you just had a birthday and uh how old are you
is it all right
to talk about how sure you and i are just about the same age i just probably
older than i just turned 39.
i'm 40. yeah now was this all right for you any kind of psychological problems
turning 40 emotional
problems i wasn't crazy about it you know i would have i would rather be
turning 29 or 30. yeah but
you look better at 40 than most people you know are going to look at 20. you
know yeah so it doesn't
that that that should be that's like for a fat girl you don't sweat much
uh so you're not crazy about being 40. no yeah but i'm not crazy about the
alternative but it's okay
it's like i know that lots of women are supposed to say oh they're really
thrilled about it but i don't
think that very many are really really yeah yeah uh you know i find that the
the odd numbers this
makes no sense at all but okay but the like the rest of this has um but but the
the odd numbers bother
me more than the even numbers like 39 i was more comfortable at 38 and 36 than
i was at 37 and 39
and so i'm looking forward to 40. but i think for men it doesn't make any
difference you don't think
so yeah okay you want to look at some of these i don't really want to but i see
you have them and i
imagine that that's what we have to do we don't know we don't have to look at
those at all well what's
the second one i'd like to see this all right yeah i guess we could look well
you know i wanted those
were a nice time okay well there you go because i i wanted to know if you if
you see uh are still in
contact with uh mr bono and this is taken at what point in your career uh this
was i think probably the
some of the first pictures ever taken uh-huh i was and how old were you there
16 16. that's
unbelievable what is sunny doing now he has a restaurant in palm springs and
also in la
or is that no that he saw that one then do you get along well with him to this
day yeah
okay and this is uh roughly again from the same age 21 21 all right or 20 that
was about 20.
now explain this picture to me what what was the purpose here oh i would say
this depicts sunny and
share life at home
uh-huh well that's a surprise this didn't work out then isn't it um okay uh
coming up later uh what
do we got there a little note okay uh monday on this program belinda carlisle
you know belinda carlisle
formerly with the go-go's will be here and uh also stupid human tricks and then
uh we're gonna hear
from uh david sanborn and the band is playing a little later great terrific
thank you very much
and uh so now what are you up to what uh uh movies plays music i'm gonna do an
album and i'm also gonna
do uh two movies what are the films uh one of them is called suspect and the
other is called fatal beauty
with with whom anybody we uh should know about not not right now okay and and
one now why has it been
five years since you did a record well because i i wanted to be an actress and
it seemed like that's
everyone said you can't do that because you're a singer so i just stopped yeah
but you missed it
yeah i like singing i like music and do you work las vegas anymore no yeah you
you made a huge sum
of money there working every week in las vegas didn't you yeah but you also
felt that that would
inhibit your uh it did people just didn't want to know about it yeah but do you
think you can go back
to that at any point i don't know i don't really know i like what i'm doing a
lot now i like acting
i really i i enjoy it and you have to cut you really have to like what you're
doing yeah well you
you've certainly been able to do that i mean you you i think you've uh uh
proven to a lot of people
and perhaps to yourself that uh you can be taken seriously as an actress as
well as a regular entertainer
i was taken seriously as an actress and i don't i'm much better as an actress
than i am
whatever else i did before well me too yeah
uh all of that thank you very much uh so will you ever come back and see us
again yeah i will
all right so we took a little bit off your hotel yeah just a tiny bit but it
was worth it i had a
good time and i it'll be fun well you know it was a lot of fun for me to meet
you because like i said
i used to watch you were the same age and i used to watch your shows on cbs and
i thought this woman is
very funny and and certainly intelligent and attractive and we were all very
happy you were here tonight
and i hope you come back thanks i will yeah maybe i'll get a tattoo
now that that didn't seem like i was kissing up to you then did it no okay good
because i meant it
okay but i always feel like a jerk saying that kind of thing because people at
home are used to
seeing that kind of crap on tv but they're not used to sing it from you
yeah well okay now uh
i know you have a bus to catch so we'll uh uh we have to do something station
identification a
commercial and a commercial it's a commercial and then we'll be right back that's
all it is
and by the way from now on i'm going to try and be a nicer person
i think you're doing just fine obviously oh yeah but what are you going to say
no she's crazy about it i i you know i i didn't i didn't i don't like being
that called names on my
own show so i'm gonna be i'm gonna try and be it i know oh i'm sorry there i am
being an
apparently some things just don't change do they
poor gentleman over here giving me one of these and i i jumped on him well i'm
i'm awfully sorry
i'll send send you and your wife some flowers

Cher Calls Dave An Asshole | Letterman

and also on the program now we've we've wanted to have this woman on the show
for
four years how many times have we asked her how many separate communications
have we launched from
our office to her at least 81 we've we've asked her to be on the show 81 times
and finally apparently
through a lapse of judgment anyway she's here tonight and of course i'm talking
about share
okay all right we're all we're all very excited we're excited aren't we paul
have you ever met this woman before yeah i worked with her you did a record
with her
before didn't you okay uh well she's going to be out here in a second let me
let me introduce her
it took my guest uh four years to agree to be on this program and we're very
happy she's here
a star in the truest sense of the word please welcome share
how are you fabulous thank you have you met david letterman how do you know i've
been waiting for
four years i wanted to see you how are you thanks for being here uh what was
the record you guys did
we did um take me home yes too far gone yeah did you was your leg broken no
that was bob bestie's
leg was broken that was bob okay right i'm glad that's interesting to you guys
right how's bob feeling
now he's better good good uh you smell terrific you really smell great what you
can do you mind if i
ask you i mean i mean i knew you'd smell nice but you smell oh you mean yeah
what is it can you mention
the center would you rather not yeah well it's two together one's real cheap
but it's called ritz and
it's like taboo good girls don't wear it and the other's real expensive called
um vanilla and you
just mix them up yeah yeah well the uh the end result is quite effective thank
you yeah now uh share
is this as good as it gets no no we got a lot of great stuff here really good
stuff here a lot of
really interesting provocative kind of thing all right what do you mean is this
as good as it gets
like what would have been a better thing to say to you what what should i have
said
i don't know because i've watched this show
well i i'm glad i'm i'm glad of that and uh i guess anything better than chuck
rodent anything
better than what you guys had with chuck rodent now you know you know you uh uh
i know you didn't want
to come on here for the longest time so why finally after uh nearly four and a
half years did you decide
to come on i don't know i i thought it was one reason but i'm sure that couldn't
know what is the
reason you thought i wanted to pay my hotel bill you have a big hotel i have a
huge hotel bill and i
thought you mean you're staying in new york now yes and and you don't have the
cash to cover the bill
well it's a pretty big one and so i thought i'll come on and and and see what
this guy is like and uh
well if you think this show will cover that hotel bill you were sadly misled no
i've heard of that
i've actually heard you get paid scale but it's not it's nickels and dimes it's
like i was saying
earlier the today show was on a cruise somewhere and we're working with hairpins
that's all we get
now now do you live in new york now you live in california no i kind of go back
and forth so
this time you're staying in new york how long have you been here since october
in a hotel since october no i've been uh i've i've been in a hotel for actually
the last couple of
months uh-huh and you want us to cover this did did we agree to pay for part
yes is that right no
uh okay so that you thought that was one reason but of course that's not really
the reason what what
was the real i mean you you must have had a change of heart about something no
actually
i don't know because i thought that i would never want to do this show with you
now why
now let's let's explore this a little why because you thought i was uh an ass
of course not booing they're just chanting share share
and and of course for you folks at home who may have missed that what she said
was she thought i was
an awfully nice guy no an astronaut yeah i thought you're an astronaut yeah no
you know what see i know
i know i know i knew that's how you felt i knew you probably felt that way
because i told the guy on
your show who's that oh that guy over there i don't know where he is now yeah
yeah because you guys had
tried to get me i was doing live at five one time but i very much enjoy your
show and and it well you
don't have to you don't have to say this now if you know you know well you don't
know me but i
wouldn't say it i mean because well we've always really you were when the show
first on the went on
the air you were on the original list of people we wanted to have because we
all thought the world of
you know and we're happy you were happy you're finally here now let's talk
about something else
okay you know i think a lot of people feel that way about me though
i just get that feeling you know well some for some reason it's it was well it
wasn't anymore but
it was frightening because i see right how you um deal with your guests and
sometimes it's really
great and you seem to like them and then sometimes if you don't like them i
mean
you might as well take a picnic lunch you know well yeah well i think because
you have the freedom to
kind of do whatever you want to because not that many people are watching yeah
that's right exactly
uh yeah but you know uh uh uh what you i i could explain this to you but that
we want to talk more
about you don't we i don't i whatever you want to do is fine with me you look
terrific you know you
really look great thank you yeah now i want to ask you about this uh a tattoo
and then you get how many
others do you have i have this one and i have um that one and i have another i
have two others
besides that four now why do you have tattoos because you've permanently now uh
uh scarred your
body yes i think that you know it's uh it's kind of it's like dolly parton says
when she does this
she feels she's beautiful you know when she when she i i like it there you know
i don't expect everyone
to like it but it it's i think it's beautiful and you don't have any second
thoughts about this
well i probably had a couple but you know after i thought about it i thought
you know i'd like to do
this you're really drunk when you got the first one no which was the first one
was this it uh no
i have i it's it's the one i'm sitting on was the first time oh well and and
what is that one oh
flowers and stuff like that yeah you've probably never seen it have you
uh think of it whatever you want uh oh i don't know i don't know and then you
have you have are you
okay i don't know well you know with that mark you kind of threw me out um you're
the first
person to call me that in person though i mean i'm sure they mutter that on the
way out
um what are we doing now we'll do a commercial you can stay a little longer can't
you so we'll
get something really rolling here it'll be great don't don't worry it'll be
great and we'll be
back here with the um thank you very much welcome back to the show this is sharon
of course you know
what i am you know this has really had kind of a uh disequilibrilequilibrasing
disequilibrium kind
of effect on me throwing me off my uh usual game yeah yeah uh now i understand
you had you were
going to wear some kind of uh uh uh uh an elaborate uh wig that's not with you
tonight was that is this
ring a bell with you no you had a wig sent to london and oh yeah i did but then
i decided i didn't want
to do that how do you know how do you send a wig to london and what do you have
done to it over there
well you just send it over in a box and someone combs it out and they send it
back to you why you
can't get somebody here to do that yeah of course you could but i can't and
anybody else with their
right mind would but i i you purchased this item in london no i pushed i had it
made here and i i thought
that i don't know i just i was getting ready and i thought well i think this
would be nice yeah well
it looks very nice and you look you look quite nice but the people who last saw
you on the academy
awards i think would uh mention that there's a striking difference i did more
clothes probably
yeah you were you had a big like a headdress and kind of it now what do you do
do you do you buy all
of those clothes well that i mean that was specifically made by by bob for for
the academy
awards and i don't think mackie bob mackie right and i don't think i'll i
probably won't ever wear
that again so what did that set you back he did it for nothing because for two
reasons first of all
it's great publicity for him and secondly i won't ever wear it so it'll
probably go on uh on a tour or
something like that but is it you mean like the shopping malls and that kind of
thing no like the
metropolitan museum so they had uh stuff you know some of my clothes in at one
time now now when you when
you uh do you buy any of your clothes sure now what what do you do do you keep
them all do you give
them away do you sell them what it becomes of them uh after you're done wearing
them i mean when you
grow tired of them well i don't you know i those kind of clothes i don't
usually keep and a lot of
times they're given to charity because they can get a lot of money for them you
know they go on
auction and stuff like that yeah and uh do you still have that enormous egyptian
kind of house in los
angeles yes do you really and it's decorated like what well it's you know it's
just a mo it's a very
modern house but it has it's like uh it's like a north african kind of house
like whitewash like a
greek house but it just has sunny airy open yeah yeah and and why why does that
i mean it's not freaky
but it that term kind of you know it's just it's a nice house yeah and and why
african kind of what
why that motif where are we going i'm gonna reach over here and grab something
like the
i'm i'm afraid of my text i'm sort of corn in there see i've liked you for a
long long time
you and i by the way happy birthday thank you now oh here we go wait a minute i
never said i didn't
like you no wait a minute i'm not finished i just want to tell you something if
i mean i guess i could
have come on still thinking that because you know i could i could act it out it's
what 10 minutes out
of my life or 15 minutes out of my life that's right uh but i i was a little
bit more curious about it so i
thought i would just come on and see well i appreciate your second thoughts on
them no they're
not second thoughts they're not mutually exclusive being interesting and being
an ass but i think
you're cute oh stop it now you you just had a birthday and uh how old are you
is it all right
to talk about how sure you and i are just about the same age i just probably
older than i just turned 39.
i'm 40. yeah now was this all right for you any kind of psychological problems
turning 40 emotional
problems i wasn't crazy about it you know i would have i would rather be
turning 29 or 30. yeah but
you look better at 40 than most people you know are going to look at 20. you
know yeah so it doesn't
that that that should be that's like for a fat girl you don't sweat much
uh so you're not crazy about being 40. no yeah but i'm not crazy about the
alternative but it's okay
it's like i know that lots of women are supposed to say oh they're really
thrilled about it but i don't
think that very many are really really yeah yeah uh you know i find that the
the odd numbers this
makes no sense at all but okay but the like the rest of this has um but but the
the odd numbers bother
me more than the even numbers like 39 i was more comfortable at 38 and 36 than
i was at 37 and 39
and so i'm looking forward to 40. but i think for men it doesn't make any
difference you don't think
so yeah okay you want to look at some of these i don't really want to but i see
you have them and i
imagine that that's what we have to do we don't know we don't have to look at
those at all well what's
the second one i'd like to see this all right yeah i guess we could look well
you know i wanted those
were a nice time okay well there you go bec