Name: Sylvester Stallone's Neck-Cracking Moment on 'The Expendables' Set | Letterman
Uploaded: 2023-09-22T22:11:40.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Sylvester Stallone's Neck-Cracking Moment on 'The Expendables' Set | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-09-22. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Sylvester Stallone's Neck-Cracking Moment on 'The Expendables' Set | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-09-22. Transcript available.

our first guest is a two-time academy award nominee his films have grossed over
three and a
half billion dollars whoa three and a half billion dollars at the box office it
says here
well yeah that's right no out of the trunk of a guy's car no of course at the
box office
he is the writer director and star of a new film entitled the expendables which
opens on
august 13th at movie theaters ladies and gentlemen please welcome sylvester
stallone
let me ask you a question oh go ahead it says here uh two-time academy award
nominee now didn't you
win an academy award i was robbed thank you no but for best screenplay no we no
it was best picture
best picture i lost best screenplay to a guy named i think it was patty chayefsky
and they said look
we'll give you the award if you can spell his name give it to him it's done uh
nice nice to have you
back how you doing what's your summer like what are you doing uh actually i'm
just uh trying to uh
understand why my wife books vacations in arizona in august things like that
you were on vacation in
arizona oh man arizona and then she goes you know i forget it we'll go to florida
instead so the next
week we're in florida and and i came home and you know luckily there was no
sharp objects in the house
because i was going to end it right there you know honey i'm home and i'm dead
now let me you get to
is it two daughters three daughters it's three daughters and it's uh everything
everything in
the house is female the cats the dogs i'd like to have one male companion so i
went out and bought it
can i have the roughest dog in the world i look in the dog's thesaurus which
you've got it you've got to
get a copy of and it says catahoula leopard dog raised in the swamps of new orleans
considered the
quote thug of the canine world my butt that's it i'm getting you got one of
those i got a thug dog so
he comes around he's got crystallized they're kind of off center you know this
dog this dog is gonna do
some terrible things somewhere anyway i love the dog but unfortunately he had a
certain portion of
his body like his reproduction system was kind of red ish like like mistletoe
like holly
and my wife said you know this this is clashy with my drapes is his
so anyway i go off to do rambo i go off to do rambo
and i come back and my dog has now been turned into a housekeeper chipette yeah
oh my god that's
right i said what happened to the package she goes gone the way of where you're
going oh
you poor guy i feel bad you should feel bad for me i mean you know uh now has
it changed the dog's
behavior uh actually he's become incredibly aggressive and he snaps at
everything
like what don't take the other thing i've only got that little thing left and
it doesn't work
leave it oh my god wow uh but in in terms of uh the the daughters their their
daughter
their father is sylvester stallone what is that does that come up at all it
comes to blood because it's
it's it's uh i said you have a lot to live up to your your father has killed
many people
and beaten up many people and i want you to find a man that kind of resembles
that and
uh that's not going to happen so i've set a a bar kind of high bar they can get
married somewhere
between 45 and 50. prime well that's prime time for first marriages and i'm
serious and i've got like
10 people 10 places in forest lawn waiting for the guy who dares show up well
it's nice that you're
open-minded i know i mean the guy better come in a suit of armor with a lance
and horses now the uh is
it true that the girls are here yeah they are here of course they're like in my
dna they're everywhere
can we take a picture of them yes please they're in the green room i want you
to meet them oh there's
the family look at that
wow and i can imagine that they just constantly all right yeah i love that
a-d-d-d come to me but they they of course just charm daddy whatever they want
they get
whatever they have i think hopefully you have a choice they sit there see girls
cry they ball they
they they grow into fits they they lock themselves in bathrooms now you know
how long can you stay in
a bathroom man has like a 15 minute thing i gotta get out of the bathroom they
sit there they have meals
sent in okay i want to be i want to see you by the time you're 16 get out i
want to say like meal
service in the bathroom you know you have an unusual household i do it's it's
like it's it's
the dog's got to match the drapes well when you push the doorbell it goes
push the doorbell it's like what are those kind of houses yeah there you go
this uh uh we have the pictures here of you uh oh you know what happened i was
thinking about this
i think the last time you were on the show uh you and me and the orange chopper
guys uh orange
county chopper guys went for motorcycle rides who else was there with you and
me me and bruce bruce
willis bruce and his harmonica and and you really is right you know you come
with some great ideas but
that was not one of your better ones it was you have bruce who like a wonderful
guy i'm just i don't
know like a bum and he's in a suit right we go outside in the rain with three
bikers it was chilly
it was chilly and these men are revving this thing up now when you're not used
to a bike they have
custom flaming pipes so imagine taking a waffle iron and dropping it down your
pants imagine i'm telling
you it was i couldn't believe i'm dying and the other thing is these these
motorcycles are uh they're
not for guys like me they're probably more for guys like you but they're they're
just well you know
what you're you know what you're doing i don't know what i'm doing for guys i
have a you know kind
of like somewhere between a sense of adventure and a death wish yeah this is
this is like for the mongrels
would be comfortable and we go out and it's raining and i think okay uh we you
can only the the streets
go opposite directions every other street so i get us all screwed up and we end
up over on sixth avenue
and it's rush hour and it's just we were we were gone for 45 minutes it's true
and we look like you
know we're out there and it's yeah he's in a suit i mean it just doesn't like
smells angels the biggest
losers of all time like and you actually were burned on the pipe oh my god man
i had fried cajoles
really but it burned early yeah but it worked its way up yeah well i can't help
you with that did we
mention their names uh yeah it's uh plague no no it's sophia uh 16 and scarlett
and my incredible wife
hello hello ladies thank you very much for being here that chip is yeah yeah
yeah yeah okay thank you
keep that sugar going honey
try the glaze
wow this is an x-ray it looks like it's your uh neck uh and there's some
foreign object there in the neck what
is what are we looking at why are we looking at it is this really you can't you
tell look at my hair
august 2009 what had happened is people thought uh it was a very difficult
fight scene with steve
boston in the movie and when you have a low budget like usually in a big film
like uh a team okay let's
have the fighter jet go out and blow up that aircraft carrier and in my movie
lower budget you have to say okay
steve why don't you go over and punch it punch gently in the face and then you
come over and kick me
that's pretty much the way we were after so he goes okay and i said let's do a
big fight scene in the
end i'm just going to stand there you just crack me as hard as you can and i'll
know exactly where to
fall so don't worry about it so where i fell was in a cave entrance and it
snapped my head back
and it just it cracked my neck so people thought you know what i've heard of
some cheesy publicity stunts
but the old cracked the neck one we haven't heard that that's tough it looks
like they've plated it
and put some screws into the cadaver bones which means i have a couple of
ghosts walking around in
my neck cadaver bones put together and screw it in but these are cervical vertebraes
that have been
they were crap was it this the spiny process was correct well what it was they
took a bone spur
and went zip into the spinal column so the legs it became like mr noodle yeah
it's mr noodle by the
way the good news is you're mr noodle uh but that's serious stuff because we're
working right
up there toward the brain stem where everything comes and goes now will that
plate stay in there
that's exactly it goes off every time it goes to the airport is that right yeah
i said yeah i can take
off the belt buckle pile but i can't take off the screw so that's that's i
thought they used non-ferrous
metal for something like that kind of ferrous metal yeah like like titanium or
something that well that
wouldn't magnetize you know you know you're good you know your screws yes oh
yeah i know my screw
so there's a lot of guys in the movie uh everybody knows that it's uh governor
california is in the
movie what was what was that like was that it was great because you know he
hadn't acted in his six
so finally i said oh he's gonna be like a little rusty and then bruce comes in
and i said bruce i want
you to try something really hard be bruce arnold i'll be myself and and we'll
do this incredible
once-of-a-lifetime thing then arnold had a problem because he looked i work for
the government okay
well why don't you come in on sunday like at four o'clock in the morning you're
not bothering anybody
there's no pollsters up don't worry about it so he came in bruce came in we did
the scene two or
three takes and left it was kind of like a and the scene takes place in a
church so it's kind of like
a hollywood opening in a church with no burgers it was great you know we kind
of made it like hey just
pretend it's an opening yeah was it fun is it it was great i mean these guys
they really do have
something special they didn't get there by accident and hopefully i can put
them in the next one if if
if the film works yeah and and you do you wrote and directed and the acting and
that's a lot of
pressure isn't it really it is it's it's it's crazy and who else is in it a lot
of tough guys a lot of
you got randy couture who's six-time world champion who six-time world champion
mixed martial arts guy
oh my god these guys are dangerous aren't they you know what they they don't
know their own strengths
like andy i mean randy kept air mailing people into these we we shot in an old
fort with solid brick
walls and i would notice these stuntmen hitting the wall like about seven fixed
feet up crash boom and
finally they were begging me don't touch me anymore seriously i can't take it
yeah this guy said i'm so
i'm so beat up i can't breathe straight and steve austin's going you know he's
a tough guy but please
you know like this ain't he ain't gonna take me out no they're they're the real
deal and they asked me
like if you put all these tough guys off long run and jet lee in a room
together and let's see who
comes out if you walked in ten minutes later you'd see randy couture sitting on
top of us having a
chocolate fudge sundae yeah that's what i got he's he's the he's the real deal
oh my god i'm telling
you what happens if these guys if things don't go their way what happens then
well you put on a dress
and say what can i do anything sir i'm your waitress for the evening what put
on a dress let's uh we'll
give you a maid service let's look at a clip here can you explain what we're
going to see sir i'll try
i i this takes place in somalia where the pirates have taken over a ship and
they bring us in and we
have a certain way of handling things that is you know really diplomatic and i
think politically
correct as you'll see all right the expendables opens august 13th take a look
and that takes place
at the beginning of the movie well thank you very much for being here it's a
great pleasure to meet
your family good luck with the film thank you sylvester stallone ladies and
gentlemen
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