Name: Viewer Mail: Anton Fig Bites The Head Off A Bird | Letterman
Uploaded: 2023-09-28T15:00:24.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Viewer Mail: Anton Fig Bites The Head Off A Bird | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-09-28. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Viewer Mail: Anton Fig Bites The Head Off A Bird | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-09-28. Transcript available.

first let's do the top 10 category tonight from the uh a smattering of disinterest
in the audience
tonight uh from the home office in lincoln uh lincoln nebraska elvis presley's
top 10 household
hints today today is elvis presley's birthday so we have compiled for you 10
top 10 elvis presley
household hints here we go number 10 a little club soda will get food stains
out of satin capes
number nine bargain metal polishes may discolor your solid gold piano number
eight use blow dryer
to speed up defrosting time on tv dinners number seven a wad of gum will keep
your medallion from
sliding around your chest number six stubborn stain on auto upholstery buy a
new car
number five jewel encrusted belts make good emergency snow treads number four
put las vegas souvenirs
on mantle for that museum effect number three out of hairspray try pam number
two
for a classy dessert remove sticks from eskimo pies before serving and number
one
a small handgun makes any tv remote control
okay friday night that could mean one and one thing only that's uh time for our
viewer mail
actual letters from actual viewers from all over north america here they are
right there let's get to
them here we go you know you know paul when we started with this program six
years ago whatever it
was they had us you should have seen the little rat hole they gave us for an
office it was about the size
of this desk and me and paul and everybody in the band and the producer and the
production staff and the
crew and everybody had to share this one office seriously was about this big
and now today we own the entire
14th floor
we we took over we just took over the entire 14th floor and and really pissed
off a lot of guys who
wanted those offices and we got them so will i finally get an office now oh
sure you get a suite
after six years letter number one have an office dear dave okay well so far i've
huh hello talk about
that later so far i've gotten no response for any of my letters to late night
why don't you at least
send gracious postcards in acknowledgement of viewer mail just as the today
show did after i wrote them
an insulting letter about willard scott losing patience stacy sataway new york
new york uh well
stacy you're not being fair here of course we would send you a gracious postcard
if you sent us an
insulting letter about willard scott
whatever this is is hanging down here under the desk
can you hear that
well if that were if that were true i could retire
no it's a piece of equipment oh that's what it is
if that were true i could retire did i just get here i'll say it's a piece
we have a two-year-old on the show tonight
dear dave i have often noticed that when you come out in the beginning of the
show you button
up your jacket well i feel this shows as much of a lack of taste as zipping
your fly on camera
why don't you show a nice close-up of anton while you're busy dressing yourself
uh anton's fan
karen murphy huntington station new york uh i was talking about the anton
figure drummer well karen
i'm sorry if i offend you by buttoning up my jacket but uh you know frankly i'm
not so sure that
cutting over to a picture of anton is a great idea either he uh he actually has
some very peculiar
habits of his own so i don't know that we'd really accomplish anything but now
anton oh don't please
don't do that tonight no are you oh anton oh my god you see oh
and he's enjoying it
you heathen paul don't let him eat another one of those birds
there those birds are for everyone anton don't hog them wow
to a horrible start tonight uh between anton's birds and my equipment we're
going straight downhill
uh number three during the week commencing december 20th my wife and i will be
hosting lord and lady
livermore and their son michael on a previous visit to this country they have
enjoyed watching the late
night with david letterman show and have expressed their desire to see the show
live when they are in
new york wow that's very nice very truly yours anthony j o'brien manhassett new
york well needless to say
we were extremely honored by this request and i would like to take this
opportunity to welcome
our distinguished foreign guests in the audience we have lord and lady livermore
there they are on the
aisle stand up folks and say hello nice to see you glad they could make it that's
awfully nice
that's uh it's kind of exciting don't you think paul pretty exciting i don't
know dave i don't i think
it's a little obscene fawning over foreign royalty anyway don't you think yeah
well yeah you know
thank you this is a country where a guy rises or falls by his own efforts
really and not and not
some accident of birth i say let's kick those tea bags out oh no paul i don't
know that and replace
them with real americans are you with me no i don't know let's get some real
americans in here
come on get some real americans in here
all right if you guys want any canaries we got plenty over here that's the way
those guys actually
look yeah i know that's that's the scary staff members and they didn't uh that's
it
they didn't dress they did not dress up no at all no wardrobe there no sir uh
dear dave i work across
the street this is letter number four i work across the street from you 1251
avenue of the americas
and i noticed some construction on top of 30 rockefeller plaza where we are uh
can you tell me
please what they are building curiously keith p underwood underwood new york
new york well keith
good question and we're all very excited about it it's a statue let me show you
we have a picture here
it's a statue of bryant gumbel as neptune and this is what it's going to look
like when it's completed
i i think it's a lovely addition to our skyline don't you paul brian gumbel as
neptune
you never forget do you huh you never forget letter number five excuse me
pardon me uh dear dave why
is it you wear wrestling shoes i think you should wear some baseball or bowling
shoes or maybe some
fishing boots sometime uh your bud ted jents uh johnson chico california uh
well ted to tell you
the truth the reason that i wear these wrestling shoes is just because uh they're
they're comfortable
and uh there was this one time they actually came in pretty handy one night hal
do we have that file
tape ready to go okay watch this and i think it's self-explanatory ted ladies
and gentlemen it's a real
pleasure to introduce a true living legend and one of hollywood's all-time best
we're thrilled she's here
tonight miss betty davis okay great betty i got a great idea what do you say i
get a mat out here
and we'll we'll do some wrestling and i'll try and take you down two or three
falls collegiate rules
okay well all right i'll let you do that okay and wrestle
thanks you know sometimes in comedy you have to do things that you're not proud
of
uh we got a good show susan sarandon is here stephen wright and uh the little
guy
from cincinnati hank martin we'll do this and a lot more when you come on back