Name: The Chris Elliott Jr. Show! | Letterman
Uploaded: 2023-10-04T15:00:09.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Chris Elliott Jr. Show! | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-10-04. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Chris Elliott Jr. Show! | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-10-04. Transcript available.

Yep. Yep. Okay. All right, buddy. Hey, here we go. Hey, hey!
There we go. All right. There we go. Okay.
All right, ladies and gentlemen, thanks for coming. Thanks for joining us. You
know,
years ago, you used to go to your convenience store, get yourself a loaf of
bread, maybe a
quarter of milk for mommy, pick up a pack of Lucky's for the old man. If you
had something
left over, you'd get yourself a Slim Jim for the walk home. Nowadays, it ain't
so, though.
You go in there, you say, hey, give me some melted cheese from my nachos, pop
one of those
prefab Sloppy Joes into the microwave, and give me five bucks for Super Unleaded
on pup number
four. It ain't the old days anymore, folks. Convenience stores, are they still
convenient,
or are they nothing more than high-tech whorehouses? Next on the Chris Elliott
Jr. Show.
All right, ladies and gentlemen, we got a hot one here tonight.
Joining me at home base over here is the senior vice president of the Southland
Corporation. These
are the Sweetie Pies that own 7-Eleven. Say hello to David Letterman over here,
folks.
Thank you very much.
Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo!
I got to tell you, it doesn't sound like you're going to win any popularity
contests here tonight,
pal. All right, let's hear your side of it.
You know, Chris, looking at you is kind of like looking at a map of the
constellations.
Okay, pal, whatever you want to say, go ahead.
I think if you're going to do this running character week after week, you
should get some real
guests in here instead of pretending I'm somebody else.
Well, let me tell you something, pal. The only thing I got to do is die and pay
taxes and give
the wife one of these, ba-boom, every now and then.
Well, I'm sure she looks forward to that.
All right, well, here's the question. How come there aren't any women working
at 7-Elevens?
Well, you know, Chris, I don't work at 7-Eleven, but I'm guessing there are
plenty of women
who work at 7-Eleven.
Well, you know, maybe it's one of those funny stores, huh?
No, well, I don't know.
Huh? You checking me out?
No, I'm not checking you out.
Huh? Yeah? You like what you see?
No, I don't like what I see.
Huh?
You break it. You bought it, honey. All purchases final.
Chris, is there a gas leak in your neighborhood or something?
All right, well, we got a lot of callers out there.
Let's go to the phones.
Let's go to the phones.
You're on the Chris Elliott Jr. show.
Hello?
Yeah, is this Chris Elliott Jr.?
Yes, it is, pal.
Yeah, I'm one of the pages here at NBC,
and we're watching the show down here in the page lounge.
Uh-huh.
Can I say something?
Sure, go ahead, pal.
You suck!
I hate you!
Put Dave on!
Okay, cut him off, cut him off.
Boy, the wackos are out tonight, huh, folks?
All right, let's get another call.
You're on the air.
Hello.
Hello?
Yeah, Chris, this is Hal.
Yeah, Hal, where are you calling from?
From the control room.
Control room.
What is that, a restaurant here in town?
No, that's where we control things.
The control room.
What can I do for you, Hal?
Yeah, you're out of time, buddy.
All right, good point.
Well, let me sum up.
Convenience stores.
Here's my plan.
One store per state.
Government regulation for every store.
No microwaves, no Pac-Mans, no Big Gulf slurping nacho machines.
Just milk, butter, and eggs.
And let the pavlin-puking Lettermans go to the supermarkets just like the rest
of us.
Good night!
Hotel accommodations for some guests of this program were finished by the Omni
Berkshire Place Hotel,
Manhattan's green and civilized oasis in exchange for this announcement.
For reservations, call 1-800-THE-OMNI.
Hotel accommodations for all the people who are in the room.
Hotel accommodations for all the people who are in the room.
Hotel accommodations for all the people who are in the room.
Hotel accommodations for all the people who are in the room.
Hotel accommodations for all the people who are in the room.