Name: Dave Says Goodbye To Hello Deli's Rupert Jee | Letterman
Uploaded: 2023-10-06T22:00:35.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Dave Says Goodbye To Hello Deli's Rupert Jee | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-10-06. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Dave Says Goodbye To Hello Deli's Rupert Jee | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-10-06. Transcript available.

Ladies and gentlemen, say hello to the owner operator of Rupert G's Hello Deli,
Rupert G.
Come on over, Rupert.
Good to have you with us, Rupert.
We've known you for a long, long time, and, you know, tomorrow's our last show.
I appreciate you getting fixed up.
What was life like for you before we moved into the neighborhood?
It was pretty boring.
Yeah, were you making any money in there at all?
I was making a little.
A little money, and then we come along and kaboom, now you're on Easy Street,
right?
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's been interesting.
You can write your own ticket now, my friend, right?
I hope so.
Yeah.
Are you going to miss us?
Big time.
Yeah.
Big time.
But in addition to running the deli, and I've said this before, Rupert, how
many delis do you think are in New York City?
Thousands.
Thousands, and the Rupert G's, hello, deli, is one of them.
One of them.
But pretty quickly, you became a part of the show.
And, again, thank you for your generosity, and we had a lot of fun together.
And then we used to do a piece where you had some apparatus, you could hear me
talk, you had a camera on there, and we would walk around, and you would be
like a puppet.
I would tell you what to say and what to do.
And then we had a lot of fun with that, and then a lot of fun with that, and
then we had to stop.
Do you remember why we had to stop?
Yeah.
Yeah, someone pulled a knife on us.
Yeah.
So we had to stop.
That would have given the whole show a black eye.
But it was fun right up to then, wasn't it?
It was, yes.
Okay.
So we're going to show you some videotape going back to December 2nd, 1994.
Is that when we started this?
Yes.
First time we did it with Rupert, yeah.
Is that right?
Is that what we're going to see tonight?
It's a compilation.
Compilation.
But the first time was in December, 1994.
All right, let's take a look.
Fun with Rupert G., ladies and gentlemen.
My name's Steve.
I'm really hungry.
Oh, my name's Steve.
I'm really hungry.
I'd like a quarter pounder.
I'd like a quarter pounder.
A half pounder.
And a half pounder.
A three-quarter pounder.
And a three-quarter pounder.
And a pounder.
And a pounder.
And then maybe a five-pounder.
How about a five-pounder?
Is your name Billy?
Is your name Billy?
I'm sorry?
I can't bother you the customers.
What do you care, tough guy?
What do you care about that, tough guy?
How much do you weigh, Lance?
How much do you weigh, Lance?
135.
135.
Wow, you skinny son of a bitch, ain't you?
You skinny son of a bitch.
Hey, Mr. Universe, how's it going?
Hey, Mr. Universe, how's it going?
Yes, sir.
Yes, sir.
Lance, can I get you something?
Can I get you something?
You skinny son of a bitch.
Skinny son of a bitch.
I'm going to pull this tablecloth right off the table.
I'm going to pull this tablecloth right off the table.
And leave the ashtray in place.
And leave the ashtray in place.
Here we go.
One, two, three.
Here we go.
One, two, three.
Yeah.
Yeah.
What do you think?
What do you think?
Pretty good.
Pretty good, huh?
I can do one of two things.
I can either ask you to leave like I'm doing, and you can leave, or I'll call
the police and
have them move you.
You ever seen the jazz box?
You ever seen the jazz box?
Here we go.
Here we go.
Hi, ladies.
Ladies.
My name's Jeffrey.
My name is Jeffrey.
What do you want?
What would you want?
I would like the tomato and mozzarella focaccia sandwich, please.
I'll tell you what, I'm going to have to go across the street and get it there.
I'll tell you what, I'm going to have to go across the street to get it there.
Because they know how to make a sandwich.
Because they know how to make a sandwich.
We don't know what the hell we're doing here.
We don't know what the hell we're doing here.
But we're just playing grab ass in the kitchen today.
We're just playing grab ass in the kitchen today.
Oh, grab ass.
How do you do, ma'am?
My name's Steve.
How do you do, ma'am?
My name is Steve.
Can I get you anything?
Can I get you anything?
No, thanks.
How about some more napkins?
How about some more napkins?
They're on me.
They're on me.
Stay right there.
I'll get some napkins.
Stay right there.
Here you go.
Here we go.
Knock yourself out, honey.
Knock yourself out, honey.
Are you talking to Mayor McCheese?
Are you talking to Mayor McCheese?
$64.74?
One second there.
Hey, Dave.
Yes, sir.
I don't have enough money.
Would you like some fresh ground pepper?
Would you like some fresh ground pepper?
Let me put a little fresh ground pepper on that bread.
Let me put a little fresh ground pepper on the bread.
No, would you stop it?
I'm serious.
What's the problem?
What's the problem?
It's a condiment.
This is a condiment.
You're aggravating the hell out of me.
I don't want pepper on my bread, okay?
I said no.
Where would you like the pepper?
Where would you like the pepper?
I don't want any right now.
All right.
How about your friend?
How about your friend?
I want you to get out of my face.
I want another waiter.
Wait a minute.
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
Who are you, Martha Stewart?
Who are you, Martha Stewart?
What are you wearing over there by the rim?
By the rim.
By the rim?
Yeah, just with your thumb down in it.
Yep.
Get it down in there.
Just get it all the way in.
Is it in the water?
Yep.
Okay.
There you go.
You know, I don't want it.
Take that back.
Just take it back.
What's the problem now?
What's the problem now?
Put your finger in my glass.
Just get out of here, okay?
It was my thumb.
It was my thumb.
Put your thumb in your finger or whatever.
I don't want it.
Rupert, can you see if they've got, like, rubber gloves you can carry it out
with?
Can you get your thumb down in it?
Yeah.
There you go.
There you go.
Oh, my gosh.
That was awful, wasn't it?
Crazy.
You must have been very uncomfortable doing that.
Yeah, I was.
Oh, my God.
Well, thank you again and continued success in the future.
Rupert G., ladies and gentlemen.
The Hello Delegate.