Name: This Woman Swallowed A $5000 Diamond | Letterman
Uploaded: 2023-10-16T15:00:33.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'This Woman Swallowed A $5000 Diamond | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-10-16. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'This Woman Swallowed A $5000 Diamond | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-10-16. Transcript available.

Now here's an interesting thing.
Our next guest, the woman made headlines.
She drank a single glass of champagne at the 65th annual Tampa Women's Club
Luncheon.
Ladies and gentlemen, here's Miriam Tucker.
Thank you so much for being here and welcome to the show.
Welcome to New York City.
You live in Tampa.
You were attending a women's club, 65th anniversary.
Tell me, what does the women's club do that you're affiliated with?
We do lots of things.
We support the Metropolitan Ministries, lots of organizations that take care of
children.
How long have you been a member?
About two years.
Two years.
This was a special gathering of the club, and to commemorate it, they had a
little bit of a giveaway to the members.
What was that?
Well, it was a fundraiser for $20.
This was something we'd never done before.
But our charity this year is Champions for Children, and everything we do
during the years for that.
Well, that's lovely.
So...
So our big fundraiser was that we were going to have glasses of champagne, and
you could pay $20 for a glass of champagne.
Right.
And how many people participated in that?
About 300.
A little more than 300.
300 people had a glass of champagne.
Yes.
$20, here's your glass of champagne.
Yes.
Now, what was the, there was another part to the...
Well, there was to be one real diamond, which had been donated by Continental
Wholesale Diamonds.
An actual diamond.
An actual one-carat, beautiful, perfect stone.
In the champagne.
And the other champagne glasses contained what?
Cubits circonias.
Oh, so they were phony diamonds except for one real diamond.
So somebody in the 300 will get the real diamond.
So you get the glass of champagne, and what happens?
That's right.
I'm not really a drinker, but I took a little sip to bring the level of the
champagne down.
I've heard you really are a drinker.
Yeah.
Well, I've heard that you're quite an oiler, is what I've heard.
Not true.
All right.
Anyway, I took a little sip to bring the level down so that I could bring my
stone out and
put it beside my table to be checked, to see if I had won the real diamond.
It's a $5,000 stone, isn't it?
It was worth $5,000.
It's a beautiful stone.
And realized immediately that I had swallowed it.
You knew immediately that you had swallowed the diamond?
Yes.
What, now, do, I've never had a diamond in champagne.
Do they not sink to the bottom of the glass?
You know, I want to do some research on that.
I'm told.
I'm told that the real one is natural, comes out of the ground, and the cubic zirconias
are man-made, which make them a little bit heavier, and they're built a little
bit different
also.
All right.
So now, a little bit of embarrassment.
You think, okay, I've swallowed what probably is the phony stone.
Yes.
Probably not the real one.
The odds are it's not going to be the real one.
Exactly.
So now, they go around checking to see the stones at everybody's table.
And how does that go?
Well, I was so embarrassed, I didn't want to tell anybody that I had done
something that
dumb, and so I just kept quiet, and thinking that they'll find the real winner
of the diamond,
and I'll never have to tell anybody.
Yeah.
Me too.
However, the jeweler and his assistants went around checking all the stones
from the champagne
glasses, and came up with no winner.
No winner.
No winner.
Oh, my.
So now...
Wow.
Now...
Now I have to fess up that I've swallowed the stone that was in my glass, still
never
dreaming it would be the real one.
Right.
So...
Well, now, now what do we do?
It's probably a lot of that...
Well, now...
Fine.
Now what are we going to do?
Miriam, you've screwed it up again.
Screwed it up again.
So the lady who was really handling the thing, she was as horrified as
everybody else, so she
said, "We're going down to the hospital and have an x-ray to see if we can find
it."
Uh-huh.
So I said, "Okay."
So it starts out as a lovely luncheon out.
Right, right.
Ends up at the hospital.
So we go down to the hospital and they check the x-ray and they can't find it.
Can't find it.
And so they said, "Well, give us another ring with a diamond in it."
And they put it under the x-ray and said, "Diamonds don't show up in x-rays."
Oh.
Oh.
Completely wasted your time.
So...
But meantime, I had said...
Meantime, I had said, you know, just in case, just in case we don't find it anyplace
cells, I have a colonoscopy schedule for Monday.
that a girl
Monday morning at eight o'clock and so I said I'll mention to the doctor if we
don't find it
and the colonoscopy is completed I hope everything is fine health-wise and what
does the what does the
doctor say to you at the end of the procedure well when I woke up he was at the
end of my bed
and he and I looked at him he said I found it I think here we have the the the
photographs or
however they image this with the colonoscopy it's pretty obvious that there you
go
everything else looks just fine Miriam
so uh then what becomes of the uh the diamond well we still at that point didn't
know if it was the
real diamond oh for heaven's sake so so my daughter said well mom you know on
the way home is the
jewelry store why don't we stop in and have them test it so so the doctor was
able to remove the
the diamond yes it it was uh hooked it was okay that's fine
end of story he removed it
so we went by the jewelry store to check it just and never dreaming that it was
the real thing I
still thought it would be a cubit zirconia and gave it to them and they it hadn't
been cleaned it was in a bag and everything
and uh so they they checked it and came out and said this is the one this is
the one
yeah congratulations and uh what did you decide to do we have the stone here
and what did you decide to do with it once uh it was uh confirmed as the actual
uh diamond
well it has such a story I have one granddaughter and I decided when she's a
little older she's 13
when she's a little older I'm going to give it to her with story
thank you thank you very much
where's the actual diamond oh yes it's a gorgeous it really is a gorgeous stone
isn't it uh so i'll put it on a little necklace
this store has uh story has gone around the world and it's been a little fun I
would think right
at first it wasn't no of course it wasn't no that's how these things always
start out
but I finally decided if you can't join them I mean if you can't beat them join
them
that's right and so I'm having fun you get a little attention some fun and
calls attention
to your organization there in tampa the tampa uh women's club uh well it's
great fun having you
here and we have a little gift for you try not to swallow these
there you are miriam
thank you very much may i say one more thing yes
my colonoscopy doctor asked me to please if i could tell everybody to get their
colonoscopy
you may not find a diamond but you could find something a lot more important
save your life
that's right you took the words right out of my mouth
that's right
lady hey lady
we'll be right back
oh okay
atlas genius here sit right down here no you sit right down here that's good we'll
be right back
and we'll be right back
you
you