Name: CBS Mailbag: Dave's Crew Dishes Celebrity Gossip | Letterman
Uploaded: 2023-10-26T15:00:06.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'CBS Mailbag: Dave's Crew Dishes Celebrity Gossip | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-10-26. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'CBS Mailbag: Dave's Crew Dishes Celebrity Gossip | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-10-26. Transcript available.

Let's open up the old CBS mailbag.
Here we go.
Wait, oh, yeah, wait a minute, Mr. Postman.
Wait, wait, hey, hey, hey, Mr. Postman.
Mr. Postman, look and see.
Oh, yeah.
Is there a letter in your back to me, Mr. Postman?
Wish it had been a without mail.
But did you answer my viewer mail?
How about that, ladies and gentlemen?
Ladies and gentlemen, the Marvillette stop.
The Marvillette.
The Marvillette.
Thank you, ladies.
How about that?
I like that.
Isn't that something?
Very, very nice.
That's the way it should be done.
Absolutely.
Sounds like a million dollars.
Thank you, kids.
Letter number one.
Dear Dave, if you could design a float for the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade,
what would it look like?
John Sharples, Tallahassee, Florida.
You know, nobody's ever really asked me about this.
The parade goes right down Broadway in front of our offices every year,
and we all enjoy it.
And I know everybody on the staff loves it.
Tony, you, weren't you in the parade one year?
You marched in the Thanksgiving, last year.
Didn't you march in the Thanksgiving Day Parade?
It wasn't the parade, exactly.
Well, what was it?
But it was a big deal.
A big deal, yeah.
Yeah, everyone in my apartment building came out to watch.
Oh, my God.
Is that right?
I remember...
Everybody's got a flashback.
Shut up!
Shut up!
You're the one who should be evicted!
I don't care!
Who wants to live with you people anymore?
You're much a idiot!
I don't care!
Mama, rato, la porcaria!
No importa!
Mama, bravo!
So you were evicted.
Well, I guess it was nice they all turned out.
Yeah, it was nice they all turned out.
You know, you can stay at my place if you're looking for, you know, to...
That will be the day.
It seemed unnecessarily harsh, didn't it?
Letter number two.
Dear Mr. Letterman, do you fire people yourself or does someone else do your
dirty work for you?
Sincerely, Donna Fox, Santa Monica, California.
This is a tough situation, and we've been on the air a long, long time, and we
don't like firing people.
But every now and then, you've got a troublemaker, a rabble rouser, you know,
just a personality conflict,
and you've got to do the right thing.
But we always try to have fun with it.
Oh, really?
We do?
Yeah.
Really?
I think everybody enjoys a good look.
Maybe not immediately, but later when they look back on it.
I see.
For example, I was thinking about one just the other day.
Ah, good.
Here you go, Chris.
Oh, wow.
Thanks a lot, Rupert.
How much do I owe you?
Nothing.
This one's on Dave.
Really?
Yeah.
That's great.
Thanks a lot.
Welcome.
See you later.
Oh, hell.
I just want to get through this so we can hear the marvelettes again.
Yeah, I hear you.
Letter number three, dear Dave, does Biff ever take off his headset?
This is from John Morosky, Jameson, Pennsylvania.
It's a question about one of our stage managers, Biff Henderson, and he has the
headphones on.
And, you know, it's a good point.
I don't think I've ever seen, but I don't think I've ever seen Biff without the
headphones, and I'm always interested in what you're actually listening to.
What do you hear in there, Biff?
Well, I don't take them off during the show, Dave.
Uh-huh.
But, uh, what I'm listening to?
Yeah.
You want to hear it?
Yeah.
Do you mind?
No.
Okay.
Bring the microphone over there.
Okay.
It's The Tonight Show with Joe Brown, featured to The Tonight Show Band.
I can't believe it.
I, uh, I, uh, I, I can't believe it.
You can't believe it either.
I can't believe it.
I, I, I only listen to the monologue.
Oh, yeah.
All right.
Okay.
I don't feel so bad now, Biff.
Thank you.
Wow.
He only listens to the monologue, though.
That's what he said.
Then he turns in.
That's right.
Letter number four.
Dear Dave, do you ever tell tall tales about your experiences with celebrities?
Uh, Brett Anderson, Hilton Head Island.
Uh, you, you're talking about people who come on the show and then later I go
shoot my mouth
off of, no.
You don't do that because it, it's part of the, uh, talk show host credo.
There is an unwritten law, there is an unwritten law of conduct.
And that would be violating a contract.
Uh, Dave.
And so.
Dave?
Yes.
Pat.
Dave, uh.
Pat Farmer, one of our stage.
Hi, Pat.
Hi, Dave.
How are you?
I, I tell the celebrity stories all the time.
What?
Yes.
Take a look.
Oh my God.
Sorry I'm late, guys.
I was just having sex with Gwyneth Paltrow.
Wow.
Now, Harold, Harold, you don't, you don't do that, do you?
Well, I'm proud to say I do.
What?
I'm being, I was up all night with J-Lo.
She doesn't seem that engaged to me.
Oh, no, no, no, no.
I'm, I'm stunned.
Now, Kenny, Kenny, don't tell me you do that as well.
Yep.
Take a look.
Oh, no.
So, after the show, I nailed Jim Belushi.
Baby, it meant nothing.
That's the ugliest thing I've ever heard in my entire life.
You should be ashamed of yourselves.
All right, let's close up the CBS mailbag.
You better wait, wait, wait a minute, Mr. Postman, wait, wait a minute, Mr.
Postman, wait, wait a minute, Mr. Postman, wait, wait a minute, Mr. Postman,
wait, wait a minute, Mr. Postman, wait, wait a minute, Mr. Postman, deliver the
letter, the sooner but better.
Mr. Postman, let her, the sooner but better.
Mr. Postman, let her, the sooner but better.