Name: Martin Short's Halloween Treat | Letterman
Uploaded: 2023-10-31T22:33:43.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Martin Short's Halloween Treat | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-10-31. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Martin Short's Halloween Treat | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-10-31. Transcript available.

Our first guest is one of the funniest Canadians of all time.
He stars in the revival of the Broadway musical Little Me,
which opens November 12th, already, already sold out.
Here's our good friend, Martin Short.
Nice to see you.
They're so fond of me.
How are you doing? Yes, they are, and well, they should be.
Oh, really?
I think so.
Thank you.
How are you?
I'm very good. And can I say something to you?
What's that?
And again, you know, I always go through this last-minute concern
that I'm going to come across like this big phony.
But you look fantastic.
You do!
What have you had? I mean...
And this is what I'm thinking.
I think you've had some work done.
I mean, is it pectoral implants?
Is that what you've had?
Have you had some Botox?
Electrolysis?
There's a whole Lord of the Dance thing about you.
It's fantastic.
I swear to you, I was backstage, like I'm going to lie,
and I thought, I'm watching the show,
I said, wait a second, why do they have Dawson's Creek on?
They didn't.
They had you on.
You look good.
Thank you very much.
Yeah.
You look great yourself.
Oh, I look like a lawyer.
I was backstage, I said, I look like a lawyer.
I know why you look so great,
because you have the preview, the opening night glow.
The pre-opening night glow.
You're about...
Yeah, exactly.
November 12th.
This is the second time in a big Broadway production.
Yeah.
And I'm very excited, because I know...
I always get so much on my mind.
What night are you coming again?
I'll be there first night.
Really?
I'll be there opening night.
Wow.
I'm there, down front, opening night.
Because your presence, whenever I get scared,
because sometimes I get real scared,
and I look out and I know that you're there,
because, you know, I know you always send me
that traditional candy gram,
but that's not enough.
To know that you are there.
Send me a big vibes.
I am there, buddy.
Thanks, honey.
Now, tell me about the...
Tell me about the...
When people, famous people, come,
do they always...
Do they automatically come backstage?
Well, yes.
You know, you always know who's out there.
Mm-hmm.
Now, how do you know that?
Because you're doing it every night,
and it's like someone will say,
hey, you know, Joe...
One night I was doing,
Joey Butterfield goes out there.
Quickly.
So you spent act two saying,
now, what do I do?
He's gonna come back.
Do I shake his hand?
I don't approve of everything he's done.
But, you know,
you want people to love you,
so you shake them,
and you go out and have dinner.
A big theater fan, nonetheless.
Off to Earth, though.
But, no, no, I'm...
It's very important the way you come back.
It's called going around, by the way.
Going around?
Yes.
Are you going around?
Really?
Yes.
And you have to go around in the correct way.
Mm-hmm.
You know, Tony Randall came backstage the other night.
He would know.
He did it beautifully.
Martin, Martin.
He came in with great enthusiasm.
You did well indeed, dear boy.
And he gave me a high slap.
It really hurt.
But I didn't pretend that it hurt,
because I was honored.
Liza Minnelli.
No one comes back better than Liza.
Really?
You're terrific, honey.
It does that.
This is the way you come around.
Yeah.
Sunday Night Alone.
Sir John Gielgud, 94 years age.
Oh, my.
It must have been a thrill for you.
It was very exciting.
Yeah, I would think so.
He said, I said, Sir John...
And I think he was pleased.
I think he said,
no one is better than this man.
Ball comes back.
Ball Schaefer knows his way around
a Broadway theater.
I've run around.
It's the same thing every time.
He'll say,
wow, fabulous.
That was a fresh kick.
You score big, babe.
It doesn't mean it's not sincere.
I do so much.
No, no, no.
I'm sincere.
Well, first of all,
you've got the shades on.
We don't even know
if you can see anything.
That's the point.
It doesn't make any difference
whether you mean it or not.
It's how you sound
when you're back there.
You know when you want someone
to come back
and tell the truth.
Exactly.
You must lie in show business.
Right.
No one...
Let's say I'm watching your show.
All right.
Let's say I'm watching your show
and let's say one night
I kind of...
Let's say just one night
it was a little bit off.
Well, you're watching tonight.
I'm watching right now.
I've got a hand mirror with me.
No, let's say it's a little bit off
and I run into you.
Right.
You know,
wherever we run into each other,
the steam or wherever we tend to,
you know,
we're doing a spritz.
I'm not going to say,
hey, Dave, boy,
does your show stink?
I'm not going to say that.
No, of course not.
I'm going to say fantastic.
Right.
You know,
and that's what people must do
because no one wants someone
to come back and say,
hi, that was sensational.
I didn't...
I liked you.
I liked you better
than other stuff.
It's always the people.
It's always.
It's true.
You're sort of...
You learn...
I have learned hatred
by doing a show.
Yeah, right.
Because you go,
ooh, I lied to you
in your last 18 films.
Oh, yeah.
Lied and lied
and pretended that you were good.
All right,
let's put the ugliness
behind it now.
Let's talk about...
Let's talk about
the production itself.
Little Me,
it's eight...
eight characters
all played by yourself.
Is that right?
Is that possible?
Eight characters...
Well, how the hell
can you do such a thing?
Well, they dwell within me
rent-free, first of all.
And I don't know.
It's...
It's...
It's...
It's that whole comedy
legend thing.
Name...
Name the characters.
Can you name them?
Name the characters.
I play Noble Egglestone.
One.
I play Val de Val
de French Entertainer.
Two.
I play, um...
Mr. Pinchley,
the old man.
That's three.
Hey,
you've been to school
and everything.
Yeah.
I play...
Wow, that means...
Yeah, I know.
It's something, isn't it?
Yeah, something's going.
It's not us.
Yeah.
Um, did I say Mr. Pinchley,
the old man?
You have five left.
Oh, yeah.
Well, okay,
how about
Prince Cherny of Rosenzweig?
All right.
A country so small...
All right, you're halfway home.
...defeated to Luxembourg.
How about Otto Schnitzler,
the German director?
Otto Schnitzler!
All right, five.
Okay, Bernie Buxbaum,
the agent.
Six.
Modeled after a dear friend
of ours, Buddy Mora.
Oh, is that right?
You have to have a model
for these people.
Yeah.
Buddy Mora is fantastic.
He's legendary
in show business
because he comes to you
before an opening
or before a show
and he will be with you
right up until the moment
that the curtain opens
and you go out.
That's right.
And he's been doing this.
He's a man over his career
is known for one thing
and maybe one thing only.
He perfected the standing nap.
My dear God.
I didn't know that.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
I didn't know that.
Buddy?
Buddy.
Oh, yeah.
Good luck.
Break a leg.
I didn't know that.
Yeah.
But, you know,
he's thinking
and he's planning
during that nap.
Don't underestimate the nap.
No, no, I'm not.
I never underestimated it.
I think he did pretty well
under their tutoring.
Oh, everything's fine.
Oh, everything's
fantastic.
All right,
you have two more now.
I do?
Yeah.
Um, did I say
Ed Grimley?
No, but Ed Grimley?
Ed Grimley?
Now we're getting some more.
Oh, come on.
Thanks for remembering.
Now, wait a second.
There's more.
You know,
I'm under tremendous pressure.
I know you are.
I know you are.
Um, did I say
Prince Czerny of Rosenzweig?
Yeah.
Is it Val,
the Val,
the French Edited Theater?
Yeah, that's it.
I don't know.
There's two more.
But now,
trust me on this.
Why am I going to lie?
Now, people,
when they go,
will they get
all eight every night?
No, I'm going to do
selective.
This is...
Well, I don't know.
You don't seem to be
familiar with all eight.
Have you ever been to the theater?
Do you get out?
You do this show.
You drive to Connecticut.
You speed home.
I've heard the stuff
about this meeting.
And then what do you do?
Then what do you do?
Of course,
it's a set play.
Eight shows a week.
Right.
Yeah.
And you do every character
every night.
Every night.
Now, are you the only one
in the play?
No.
No.
Good Lord, no.
We have the Fagoters
of Beautiful Faith Prince.
We have Brooks Ashmanskis.
Okay,
that's all eight now,
right?
You get those other things?
Yeah,
those are the other things.
Now you get the other things.
Are you excited?
Are you thrilled about this?
Oh,
it's fantastic.
Because I know
the last time
when you were on
a promise is promise
is when you did that.
Oh, by the way,
how about that card
you sent me
with the big flower?
Oh, I'm glad you got it.
I did.
Now,
and then you went
to like Sardi's
after closing.
I go to Sardi's
all the time
because my picture's
up in Sardi's.
Yeah.
I was,
when I did
The Goodbye Girl,
another.
No.
Oh, come on.
That's not
why I mention
a Tony nomination.
I was awarded
a picture in Sardi's.
This is one
of the greatest honors.
It's a caricature.
They gave it to me.
It was a live hookup
on CNN.
Oh.
The day of,
the day of the
Tony nominations.
They hooked up
and they did an unveiling
and the picture
looked so not like me
that I said to them,
I said,
you know,
this is fantastic
because if,
now I'm blanking
her name,
if Karen Black
ever did a Broadway show,
you could save the frame
because the picture
was completely like this.
So,
and I did it as a joke
and it's a great honor.
And then Mr. Sardi
came over.
No, Mr. Sardi?
Yeah.
The actual Sardi guy?
Sure.
And, uh...
Yeah, no,
it's Vince Sardi
in the world of showbiz.
No, he,
Mr. Sardi came over.
No, he did.
And he said,
listen, you know,
he said,
Marta,
you're not crazy
with that picture.
I said,
oh,
I'm so honored
to have this picture.
does it look
exactly like me?
That's not the point.
Yeah, yeah.
I'm just so thrilled.
He said,
you know,
this new guy
we're using,
he does a different style.
I don't know
if I like it
as good as the old guy.
A new guy?
Yeah.
How long have you
been using it?
23 years,
he said.
They're just testing him.
Just testing him.
No,
you look over,
it's on the wall.
It's a go to Sardi's.
Go to Sardi's.
So I sit underneath
the picture.
I've had many triumphs.
I've had some defeats.
Let me ask you a question.
I don't know
if you've seen the reel.
Let me ask you.
Let me ask you a question.
Yeah, yeah.
You've sung for us
Christmas is a Lady.
That was,
can I give you the date?
Yeah.
That was in December of 95.
There you go.
You've,
you've,
the second,
the second in the trilogy.
Is it unimportant
or important
if the order is out
of the all-scars?
You started Broadway,
Broadway is a Lady.
Your third show
at CBS.
Broadway is a Lady.
Was Broadway is a Lady.
Okay.
September, 93.
Then Christmas,
is a Lady.
Yeah.
Tonight.
Filling the trilogy.
Yeah, this will be it now.
Yeah.
This completes the trilogy.
Yeah.
What do you have?
Halloween is a Lady.
Wow.
That is wonderful.
Marty Strokes,
Halloween is a Lady.
Thank you, Dave.
You know,
trick-or-treating
is a phenomenal,
phenomenal thing
and it's an institute.
Should I,
can I sit right,
No.
No, I'll go right over there.
You know,
in my business
or in our business,
when an institution
lasts for many, many years,
we like to call it
a tradition.
You know,
I've always had
a very warm spot
for Halloween
because it's,
I don't know if you remember,
this is the first time
Dave and I met
at the annual
Jim Neighbors Halloween party.
I remember
Dave had come
as the Tin Man
from The Wizard of Oz
and he was so cute
saying,
bang on my heart
if you think I'm perfect.
You know,
he kept doing that
and people didn't respond
but they thought
it was fun.
The point being
that when you think
about Halloween,
Pappy,
you think about
a day
that means so much
to the inner child.
Listen to the lyrics,
see if you don't agree.
Paul?
You've got a treat.
Lady Halloween,
kindly.
You've got to
give her your respect.
Then she'll
ride your broom
like no witch
ever has.
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
I love this love.
You have to
carve her pumpkin
gently
with a knife
that's extra thick.
Then she'll gladly
trick your treat
and light your wick.
So in closing,
Mr. Letterman,
here's a tip
from a goblin
who knows.
This ghoul
will jack your lantern
down to your toes.
Just remember
Halloween
is a lady.
Thank you.
Halloween
is a lady.
So don't cross
her black cat,
Pappy,
or you'll make
this dame unhappy
and you'll kiss
your lady.
Bye-bye.
Martin Shortland
is going to win.
David Letterman.
Opening November 12th?
November 12th.
November 12th.
Little me.
Always a pleasure.
Thank you, Martin.
Thank you.
We'll be right back
with Eddie Izzard
and tonight's
Top Ten Live.

Martin Short's Halloween Treat | Letterman

Our first guest is one of the funniest Canadians of all time.
He stars in the revival of the Broadway musical Little Me,
which opens November 12th, already, already sold out.
Here's our good friend, Martin Short.
Nice to see you.
They're so fond of me.
How are you doing? Yes, they are, and well, they should be.
Oh, really?
I think so.
Thank you.
How are you?
I'm very good. And can I say something to you?
What's that?
And again, you know, I always go through this last-minute concern
that I'm going to come across like this big phony.
But you look fantastic.
You do!
What have you had? I mean...
And this is what I'm thinking.
I think you've had some work done.
I mean, is it pectoral implants?
Is that what you've had?
Have you had some Botox?
Electrolysis?
There's a whole Lord of the Dance thing about you.
It's fantastic.
I swear to you, I was backstage, like I'm going to lie,
and I thought, I'm watching the show,
I said, wait a second, why do they have Dawson's Creek on?
They didn't.
They had you on.
You look good.
Thank you very much.
Yeah.
You look great yourself.
Oh, I look like a lawyer.
I was backstage, I said, I look like a lawyer.
I know why you look so great,
because you have the preview, the opening night glow.
The pre-opening night glow.
You're about...
Yeah, exactly.
November 12th.
This is the second time in a big Broadway production.
Yeah.
And I'm very excited, because I know...
I always get so much on my mind.
What night are you coming again?
I'll be there first night.
Really?
I'll be there opening night.
Wow.
I'm there, down front, opening night.
Because your presence, whenever I get scared,
because sometimes I get real scared,
and I look out and I know that you're there,
because, you know, I know you always send me
that traditional candy gram,
but that's not enough.
To know that you are there.
Send me a big vibes.
I am there, buddy.
Thanks, honey.
Now, tell me about the...
Tell me about the...
When people, famous people, come,
do they always...
Do they automatically come backstage?
Well, yes.
You know, you always know who's out there.
Mm-hmm.
Now, how do you know that?
Because you're doing it every night,
and it's like someone will say,
hey, you know, Joe...
One night I was doing,
Joey Butterfield goes out there.
Quickly.
So you spent act two saying,
now, what do I do?
He's gonna come back.
Do I shake his hand?
I don't approve of everything he's done.
But, you know,
you want people to love you,
so you shake them,
and you go out and have dinner.
A big theater fan, nonetheless.
Off to Earth, though.
But, no, no, I'm...
It's very important the way you come back.
It's called going around, by the way.
Going around?
Yes.
Are you going around?
Really?
Yes.
And you have to go around in the correct way.
Mm-hmm.
You know, Tony Randall came backstage the other night.
He would know.
He did it beautifully.
Martin, Martin.
He came in with great enthusiasm.
You did well indeed, dear boy.
And he gave me a high slap.
It really hurt.
But I didn't pretend that it hurt,
because I was honored.
Liza Minnelli.
No one comes back better than Liza.
Really?
You're terrific, honey.
It does that.
This is the way you come around.
Yeah.
Sunday Night Alone.
Sir John Gielgud, 94 years age.
Oh, my.
It must have been a thrill for you.
It was very exciting.
Yeah, I would think so.
He said, I said, Sir John...
And I think he was pleased.
I think he said,
no one is better than this man.
Ball comes back.
Ball Schaefer knows his way around
a Broadway theater.
I've run around.
It's the same thing every time.
He'll say,
wow, fabulous.
That was a fresh kick.
You score big, babe.
It doesn't mean it's not sincere.
I do so much.
No, no, no.
I'm sincere.
Well, first of all,
you've got the shades on.
We don't even know
if you can see anything.
That's the point.
It doesn't make any difference
whether you mean it or not.
It's how you sound
when you're back there.
You know when you want someone
to come back
and tell the truth.
Exactly.
You must lie in show business.
Right.
No one...
Let's say I'm watching your show.
All right.
Let's say I'm watching your show
and let's say one night
I kind of...
Let's say just one night
it was a little bit off.
Well, you're watching tonight.
I'm watching right now.
I've got a hand mirror with me.
No, let's say it's a little bit off
and I run into you.
Right.
You know,
wherever we run into each other,
the steam or wherever we tend to,
you know,
we're doing a spritz.
I'm not going to say,
hey, Dave, boy,
does your show stink?
I'm not going to say that.
No, of course not.
I'm going to say fantastic.
Right.
You know,
and that's what people must do
because no one wants someone
to come back and say,
hi, that was sensational.
I didn't...
I liked you.
I liked you better
than other stuff.
It's always the people.
It's always.
It's true.
You're sort of...
You learn...
I have learned hatred
by doing a show.
Yeah, right.
Because you go,
ooh, I lied to you
in your last 18 films.
Oh, yeah.
Lied and lied
and pretended that you were good.
All right,
let's put the ugliness
behind it now.
Let's talk about...
Let's talk about
the production itself.
Little Me,
it's eight...
eight characters
all played by yourself.
Is that right?
Is that possible?
Eight characters...
Well, how the hell
can you do such a thing?
Well, they dwell within me
rent-free, first of all.
And I don't know.
It's...
It's...
It's...
It's that whole comedy
legend thing.
Name...
Name the characters.
Can you name them?
Name the characters.
I play Noble Egglestone.
One.
I play Val de Val
de French Entertainer.
Two.
I play, um...
Mr. Pinchley,
the old man.
That's three.
Hey,
you've been to school
and everything.
Yeah.
I play...
Wow, that means...
Yeah, I know.
It's something, isn't it?
Yeah, something's going.
It's not us.
Yeah.
Um, did I say Mr. Pinchley,
the old man?
You have five left.
Oh, yeah.
Well, okay,
how about
Prince Cherny of Rosenzweig?
All right.
A country so small...
All right, you're halfway home.
...defeated to Luxembourg.
How about Otto Schnitzler,
the German director?
Otto Schnitzler!
All right, five.
Okay, Bernie Buxbaum,
the agent.
Six.
Modeled after a dear friend
of ours, Buddy Mora.
Oh, is that right?
You have to have a model
for these people.
Yeah.
Buddy Mora is fantastic.
He's legendary
in show business
because he comes to you
before an opening
or before a show
and he will be with you
right up until the moment
that the curtain opens
and you go out.
That's right.
And he's been doing this.
He's a man over his career
is known for one thing
and maybe one thing only.
He perfected the standing nap.
My dear God.
I didn't know that.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
I didn't know that.
Buddy?
Buddy.
Oh, yeah.
Good luck.
Break a leg.
I didn't know that.
Yeah.
But, you know,
he's thinking
and he's planning
during that nap.
Don't underestimate the nap.
No, no, I'm not.
I never underestimated it.
I think he did pretty well
under their tutoring.
Oh, everything's fine.
Oh, everything's
fantastic.
All right,
you have two more now.
I do?
Yeah.
Um, did I say
Ed Grimley?
No, but Ed Grimley?
Ed Grimley?
Now we're getting some more.
Oh, come on.
Thanks for remembering.
Now, wait a second.
There's more.
You know,
I'm under tremendous pressure.
I know you are.
I know you are.
Um, did I say
Prince Czerny of Rosenzweig?
Yeah.
Is it Val,
the Val,
the French Edited Theater?
Yeah, that's it.
I don't know.
There's two more.
But now,
trust me on this.
Why am I going to lie?
Now, people,
when they go,
will they get
all eight every night?
No, I'm going to do
selective.
This is...
Well, I don't know.
You don't seem to be
familiar with all eight.
Have you ever been to the theater?
Do you get out?
You do this show.
You drive to Connecticut.
You speed home.
I've heard the stuff
about this meeting.
And then what do you do?
Then what do you do?
Of course,
it's a set play.
Eight shows a week.
Right.
Yeah.
And you do every character
every night.
Every night.
Now, are you the only one
in the play?
No.
No.
Good Lord, no.
We have the Fagoters
of Beautiful Faith Prince.
We have Brooks Ashmanskis.
Okay,
that's all eight now,
right?
You get those other things?
Yeah,
those are the other things.
Now you get the other things.
Are you excited?
Are you thrilled about this?
Oh,
it's fantastic.
Because I know
the last time
when you were on
a promise is promise
is when you did that.
Oh, by the way,
how about that card
you sent me
with the big flower?
Oh, I'm glad you got it.
I did.
Now,
and then you went
to like Sardi's
after closing.
I go to Sardi's
all the time
because my picture's
up in Sardi's.
Yeah.
I was,
when I did
The Goodbye Girl,
another.
No.
Oh, come on.
That's not
why I mention
a Tony nomination.
I was awarded
a picture in Sardi's.
This is one
of the greatest honors.
It's a caricature.
They gave it to me.
It was a live hookup
on CNN.
Oh.
The day of,
the day of the
Tony nominations.
They hooked up
and they did an unveiling
and the picture
looked so not like me
that I said to them,
I said,
you know,
this is fantastic
because if,
now I'm blanking
her name,
if Karen Black
ever did a Broadway show,
you could save the frame
because the picture
was completely like this.
So,
and I did it as a joke
and it's a great honor.
And then Mr. Sardi
came over.
No, Mr. Sardi?
Yeah.
The actual Sardi guy?
Sure.
And, uh...
Yeah, no,
it's Vince Sardi
in the world of showbiz.
No, he,
Mr. Sardi came over.
No, he did.
And he said,
listen, you know,
he said,
Marta,
you're not crazy
with that picture.
I said,
oh,
I'm so honored
to have this picture.
does it look
exactly like me?
That's not the point.
Yeah, yeah.
I'm just so thrilled.
He said,
you know,
this new guy
we're using,
he does a different style.
I don't know
if I like it
as good as the old guy.
A new guy?
Yeah.
How long have you
been using it?
23 years,
he said.
They're just testing him.
Just testing him.
No,
you look over,
it's on the wall.
It's a go to Sardi's.
Go to Sardi's.
So I sit underneath
the picture.
I've had many triumphs.
I've had some defeats.
Let me ask you a question.
I don't know
if you've seen the reel.
Let me ask you.
Let me ask you a question.
Yeah, yeah.
You've sung for us
Christmas is a Lady.
That was,
can I give you the date?
Yeah.
That was in December of 95.
There you go.
You've,
you've,
the second,
the second in the trilogy.
Is it unimportant
or important
if the order is out
of the all-scars?
You started Broadway,
Broadway is a Lady.
Your third show
at CBS.
Broadway is a Lady.
Was Broadway is a Lady.
Okay.
September, 93.
Then Christmas,
is a Lady.
Yeah.
Tonight.
Filling the trilogy.
Yeah, this will be it now.
Yeah.
This completes the trilogy.
Yeah.
What do you have?
Halloween is a Lady.
Wow.
That is wonderful.
Marty Strokes,
Halloween is a Lady.
Thank you, Dave.
You know,
trick-or-treating
is a phenomenal,
phenomenal thing
and it's an institute.
Should I,
can I sit right,
No.
No, I'll go right over there.
You know,
in my business
or in our business,
when an institution
lasts for many, many years,
we like to call it
a tradition.
You know,
I've always had
a very warm spot
for Halloween
because it's,
I don't know if you remember,
this is the first time
Dave and I met
at the annual
Jim Neighbors Halloween party.
I remember
Dave had come
as the Tin Man
from The Wizard of Oz
and he was so cute
saying,
bang on my heart
if you think I'm perfect.
You know,
he kept doing that
and people didn't respond
but they thought
it was fun.
The point being
that when you think
about Halloween,
Pappy,
you think about
a day
that means so much
to the inner child.
Listen to the lyrics,
see if you don't agree.
Paul?
You've got a treat.
Lady Halloween,
kindly.
You've got to
give her your respect.
Then she'll
ride your broom
like no witch
ever has.
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
I love this love.
You have to
carve her pumpkin
gently
with a knife
that's extra thick.
Then she'll gladly
trick your treat
and light your wick.
So in closing,
Mr. Letterman,
here's a tip
from a goblin
who knows.
This ghoul
will jack your lantern
down to your toes.