Name: CBS Mailbag: Dave's Baldwin Brothers Lullaby | Letterman
Uploaded: 2023-11-09T23:00:37.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'CBS Mailbag: Dave's Baldwin Brothers Lullaby | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-11-09. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'CBS Mailbag: Dave's Baldwin Brothers Lullaby | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-11-09. Transcript available.

- How you doing, ladies and gentlemen?
I hope you and your family, your friends and your loved ones,
Paul, help me out on this.
Paul and I both hope you, your family, your friends,
your loved ones.
- Have.
- Have a lovely-- - Wonderful.
- Lovely, safe and sane holiday weekend.
- Holiday weekend, yes.
Yes, we do.
- What holiday are we talking about?
- I, I, what is it?
- I don't know.
- There's no...
- I'm sorry, forget I brought the whole thing up.
- Okay, no, a lovely weekend.
- It's the malt liquor talking.
- Yeah, we have, hope you have a lovely weekend.
- I love you people.
- A sentimental drunk, oh, great.
- See, have a lovely weekend.
- That's what it is.
- Ye are so beautiful.
- To me.
- One of those guys?
- Yeah.
- Yeah, I know.
Ladies and gentlemen, Friday night we open up, we answer,
you know, we do this because we care about you,
the home viewers.
We answer our viewer mail because we care.
We want to establish a connection.
This is the original two-way television.
We open up the old CBS mailbag.
Here we go, Paul.
- We get letters, we get letters.
We get sacks and sacks of letters.
- Okie dokie.
Hypnotized by the rhythmic clapping.
All right, letter number one.
Dear Dave, it seems like every time I crack open a magazine,
there's Paul Schaefer staring back at me
with a chocolate milk all over his face.
Alexander Steinhardt, San Francisco, California.
That's pretty good.
You know what he's talking about, Paul,
and I think this is not bad.
This is the new issue of Rolling Stone,
and on the back page, look at there.
There's our buddy, Paul Schaefer.
- That's the chocolate.
- It's the big shot.
- Chocolate milk mustache.
- Mr. One, Patman dude.
And it's kind of a pleasant coincidence
because this is the current issue,
and look who is on the cover.
Yours truly, Dave.
So, Paul's on the back.
- Wow, look at you.
- There I am on the cover.
- Well, you look great.
- Yeah.
He's nice, he's nice, ain't it?
He's fun to pretend, huh?
- Let her, come on, let daddy buy a cocktail.
- Oh, sentimental book.
- Conventioneers.
Every hotel in the city right now that's going on.
Dear Dave, is there somebody you haven't seen
for a while that you really miss?
Yours, Ron Lalonde.
Inuvik, Northwest Territories, Canada.
You know where Inuvik is, Paul?
Ever heard of it?
- It's up north.
- Yeah, Northwest Territories.
- Oh, Northwest Territories.
Yeah, well that's that big area at the top of Canada.
- You were right, it would be up north, yeah.
- It's by the, and it's out west.
So it's Northwest.
- Out west, north and west, excellent.
- Northwest Territories, by the Yukon.
- What a bright student we have in Paul.
- Well, thank you, thank you so much.
- The question is, dear Dave, is there somebody
you haven't seen for a while that you really miss?
A good question, Ron.
Back in 1985, as you know,
I starred in the hit situation comedy,
My Daddy the Nurse.
I played a male nurse trying to make ends meet
in a small town in Colorado,
and playing the part of my son in those days,
Paul knows him, was a fine young actor, Joey O'Neal.
There he is right there.
That's a scene from My Daddy the Nurse, that's right.
Well, I haven't seen or heard from Joey
since the show was canceled after its first season,
but he's here with us tonight, live via satellite.
Turn it on, ladies and gentlemen,
please welcome Joey O'Neal.
- Oh, man.
- Joey.
- Hiya, Mr. Letterman.
- How are you doing there, Joey?
Nice to see you, tough luck.
What exactly are you in for, buddy?
- Dave, the only thing I've done wrong
is I'm guilty of stealing the hearts of America
from 1985 to January of 1986,
plus I dealt enormous amounts of heroin.
- Right, all right.
Well, we're certainly sorry to hear that, Joey.
Joey O'Neal, ladies and gentlemen,
thanks for joining us, Joey.
- I love you, this is how it is.
- I like you too.
- I love it.
I don't like it, I don't like it, I don't like it.
I don't like it.
- That's right.
It's the first rule of comedy,
when you don't have an ending, drag him off.
- That's right.
- Just let him rant and then drag him out.
Letter number three.
Dear Dave, what do you do when you just can't sleep?
Yours, Eva, across Los Angeles, California.
Everybody has little tricks and I have one pretty effective.
I used it, gosh, it seems like it was just the other night.
I used this to get to sleep.
Always works like a charm.
- One Baldwin brother, two Baldwin brothers,
three Baldwin brothers, four Baldwin brothers,
five Baldwin brothers.
- One Baldwin brother, two Baldwin brothers,
three Baldwin brothers, four Baldwin brothers,
five Baldwin brothers.
- That's right.
- One Baldwin brothers.
- One Baldwin brothers.
- One Baldwin brothers.
- Bingo, zippy.
Adios, you're right on.
- Bingo, zippy.
Adios, you're right on.
- Bingo, zippy.
Adios, you're right on.
- Bingo, zippy.
Adios, you're right on.
- Bingo, zippy.
Adios, you're right on.
- Bingo, zippy.
- Bingo, zippy.
- Bingo, zippy.
- Bingo, zippy.
- Adios, you're right on.
- Bingo, zippy.
It works like a charm as well.
- Check it out.
- Letter number four.
Dear Dave, how many chickens can you fit in the theater
without cramming?
Luke Browning, Woodside, California.
How many chickens can you fit in the theater without cramming?
You know, that's a fascinating question. Let's just, let's just, I tell you
what, I tell you what, let's find out how many.
Let's just, let's just. Thank you so much. Thank you so much. Thank you very
much.
Chickens. Chickens. Chickens. Chickens. Chickens. Chickens. Chickens. Chickens.
Chickens. Chickens.
Can I help you? Yes, sir. I'd like to buy a couple hundred, uh...
Doggies. Doggies, please. No problem.
Good job, man.
All right, lesson number four, when you don't have an ending, bring in the dogs.