Name: Dave Talks To Kids About Thanksgiving | Letterman
Uploaded: 2023-11-21T15:58:48.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Dave Talks To Kids About Thanksgiving | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-11-21. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Dave Talks To Kids About Thanksgiving | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-11-21. Transcript available.

How do they mix stuff in, do you know?
They take out the blood.
They take out the blood and...
The guts.
The blood and the guts.
And then they mix them all together in a bowl.
Uh-huh.
They microwave it for a few minutes.
And then they make it into ice.
That's right, then they freeze it.
I'm a mimic at sounds.
Oh, you're a mimic at sounds.
So if we can hear a sound, you can mimic it then, right?
Here's a turkey.
How do you celebrate Thanksgiving?
Turkey!
Yeah, the big turkey.
Can you guess how old I am?
I'm 74.
74 years old.
Tell me the story of Thanksgiving.
The pilgrims came to this country, and then what happened?
They came over with the ship called the Mayflower.
The Mayflower, exactly.
And they started off with the speedboat, but it wasn't speedy at all.
So they picked the Mayflower.
Hi, Alex.
How are you?
Fine.
Happy Thanksgiving.
Happy Thanksgiving, George.
Dave.
In the summers, I operate a talk show camp for aspiring talk show hosts.
It's like a three-week camp in the woods.
I'll give mom and dad a brochure before you leave, all right?
Would Michael Jordan be there?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yes?
Michael Jordan?
Are you psychic?
Michael Jordan will be there?
Yes.
I love him.
Well, there you go.
Well, I have a story for you on Thanksgiving.
Well, let me hear the Thanksgiving story, Erin.
Well, Jackie goes to this special upholstery farm, like at least 100 miles from
here.
It's an upholstery farm?
Yes.
And she buys this 25 giant pounds of turkey.
Oh.
A poultry farm.
A poultry farm.
Is that what it is?
A poultry farm.
A poultry farm.
A poultry farm.
A poultry farm.
A poultry farm.
A poultry farm.
Here's something you can do, Alex.
You get a big bowl of gravy and just say, "Hey, Grandma, watch this," and then
just go.
Like that.
You know what I mean?
Just go nuts in the gravy.
Yeah.
And white powder is all over the turkey and kitchen, which is also covered with
glass.
And everybody's hysterical.
I think he did it on purpose because he's a vegetarian.
Are you sleeping, Dave?
Oh.
Erin, thank you very much for coming by.
We'll be right back with Madonna.
Okay.
Are you married?
Do you have a job?
Married and I have a job.
You're married and you have a job?
Yeah.
Oh, that's very nice.
Two years.
How old are you, Alex?
Five and a half.
How long have you been married?
Ten years.
Ten years.
And what's your wife's name?
George.
When I was a kid, I had one chore and that was that I had to check Grandma for
mites.
You know?
Mites.
And guess what?
If Grandma had mites, you know, that's the garden hose and the steel wool.
Garden hose and the steel wool.
I know a couple of things.
Do you know the Macarena?
No, I don't know how to do the Macarena.
Can you do the Macarena for us?
Yeah.
This, this.
Right.
Then here and here.
Right.
And...
It's a little like how we used to check Grandma for mites.
So this is the first time for a kitty?
Yeah.
Do you like cinnamon?
Yeah.
Uh, and if you squeeze kitty real hard, does kitty make this noise?
Oh.
Yep.
Meow.
No meowing.
No meowing.
No meowing.
No meowing.
No meowing.
No meowing.
No meowing.
No meowing.
Meowing.
Probably you'd be on it.
Probably I'll be on David Leatherman with you.
Oh, well that'd be fun.
That'd be nice to have you on.
Do you go see Santa?
Do you talk to Santa?
Magic cradle.
Magic cradle.
Magic cradle.
And you put kitty in the magic cradle.
Is that right?
No.
And you rock kitty back and forth till he erps up dinner.
No.
Oh no.
Kitty burps.
No.
The alphabet song?
Sure.
A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, L, N, N, O, P.
You have, uh, your hair is very nice.
Thank you.
It's kind of woozy, isn't it?
Kind of woozy.
Well, you know what?
Woozy.
You know what?
What, what?
My hair is really naturally poker straight.
No, it's not.
Q-R-S-T-U-V-E-W-X-Y-Z.
Do you have any relatives that are creepy?
They give you the creeps?
Do you have relatives you don't like to see?
I'm scared of Uncle Marty because his head might pop off to a monster head
because his hair comes off.
Uncle Marty's hair comes off.
That's too bad.
Uncle Marty has a toupee and he frightens you.
Look, I'll throw you on the table.
It's a joke.
Are you on some kind of medication now that's making you delirious?
My name is not Oswald Coverpot.
I am the penguin.
I'm not a human being.
Maybe we better let Spencer lie down in the back room for a few minutes.
Yes, sir, it's the kid.
It's Thanksgiving.
The kids love Thanksgiving.
I love the kids.
Very cute.
Bye-bye.
Bye-bye.