Name: Dave Tries To Guess The 2023 Thanksgiving Pie | Letterman
Uploaded: 2023-11-23T22:43:58.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Dave Tries To Guess The 2023 Thanksgiving Pie | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-11-23. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Dave Tries To Guess The 2023 Thanksgiving Pie | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-11-23. Transcript available.

Hi, welcome to the Barbara Gay Show. This is Mary Barclay and Dave Letterman.
Hi, happy Thanksgiving, everybody.
Happy Thanksgiving.
Happy Thanksgiving.
I thought the parade this year, I heard it advertised, the Macy's Thanksgiving
Day Parade.
Yep.
They say, it's now the greatest parade in the world.
I agree.
To me, and wow, nice going to all you parade people because, and the Rose Bowl
people are
slipping their wrists now.
Who said it was the greatest parade?
Somebody promoting the Thanksgiving Day Parade.
And this year, which I think is genius, and if you're in the public, you've got
to keep
thinking, like Madonna is my inspiration.
Keep reinventing.
You've got to keep reinventing.
This year, they kept the parade route a secret.
So, people didn't know where it started.
Wow.
Didn't know where it ended.
So, it was, ooh, you had a lot of that.
Like a scavenger hunt.
A bit of a scavenger hunt, and I applaud that.
In fact, I will.
Wow.
Interesting.
And then, at the end, Bullwinkle comes out, and Santa's there with Bullwinkle.
Wow.
A whole different look.
No, Snoopy.
That's it.
Snoopy.
Snoopy, yeah.
It was great.
Everybody had a good time.
When we used to be in business, the parade would come right down Broadway, and
once or twice
a year, the wind would be too high for the balloon, so they'd just drag them
down the pavement.
That's fun, too.
Yeah.
And then the wind, one of them got out of control, and there's always a family
from Minnesota gets
injured when the balloon gets out of control, but they're in our thoughts and
prayers.
They got taken away?
Let's just let it go.
Sure.
We need to cut that part out.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Good.
So, we'll have Art Donovan's coming today.
Jesus.
You remember when you talked to that little kid about the upholstery farm?
Oh, that's cute.
About the what?
About the...
Upholstery farm?
He kept saying to you, I went to an upholstery farm, and you kept saying upholstery
farm.
Really?
He was saying upholstery farm.
Oh, upholstery farm.
You thought he was at upholstery farm.
Who was the kid?
It was just when you were talking, Dave talks to kids.
Oh, the poor...
I hope I didn't hurt his feelings.
No, it was hilarious.
Oh, oh.
Upholstery farm.
I think of it all the time because...
I don't recall that.
Roll the clip.
Well, I have a story for you about Thanksgiving.
Let me hear the Thanksgiving story, Erin.
Well, Jackie goes to this special upholstery farm.
It's like at least 100 miles from here.
It's an upholstery farm?
Yes.
And she buys this 25 giant pounds of turkey.
Oh, a poultry farm.
A poultry farm.
Is that what it is?
It's a poultry farm.
It's an upholstery farm.
Anyway, Thanksgiving.
I would say it's my favorite holiday.
Anybody?
Right?
Yeah, I think so.
Yeah.
I like it all but getting together with family.
Exactly.
I like the turkey.
I like the pines.
Yeah, I like the big meals.
I like the parade.
I like the food.
Well, I'll tell you something.
Every now and then I'll come upon a meal that I think should replace the
Thanksgiving turkey.
What?
Yes.
That is un-American.
Because the turkey is always like, it's either edible or maybe not edible and
you eat it anyway.
It's all about the sides.
Hello?
The sides, sure.
But I-
What else do you have a meal that's like four different potatoes?
Come on, that's great.
But I had a cheeseburger a couple of weeks ago in Indianapolis.
Unbelievable.
Maybe, perhaps I've had as good but never better than this.
And I just thought, this is what I want for Thanksgiving.
Where was that?
That would be strange.
It was in Indianapolis at our place, the working man's friend.
God, was that good.
Gee, many God, that was good.
And I just thought, well, why don't we have this for Thanksgiving is what I
thought.
Because Thanksgiving has something to do with killing turkeys.
Sorry.
Anyway, on Thanksgiving every year, your dear, sainted mom would bake pies and
you would guess them.
My mother was one of the great bakers of my lifetime.
And that's a narrow.
She's one of the great bakers of all time.
And boy, could she-
Let me just say a couple of things about pie.
A lot of dopes think they're making pies.
And what they do is they just slap together some goo and then they put it in
crust.
Anybody can put the goo in there.
That's not the issue.
The issue is the crust.
And my mother made exquisite crust.
It was a work, epicurean work of art.
The crust that she made.
Perfect in texture and taste.
And then she would put the filling in.
Whatever you put in that crust made it a tremendous pie.
Butter or Crisco?
Did your mother use butter or Crisco?
She-
You want to know something?
Yeah.
You want to know something?
Lard.
Yeah, that's Crisco, right?
No, Crisco is not lard.
Crisco is some manufacturer.
You know, she would actually get lard.
Really?
Like she would go to a butcher and get lard?
No, we had a lard guy.
Oh, of course you did.
Anyway, what was I talking about?
Yeah, the pie was great and I've never had better.
Well, Walter bought a pie and he's challenging you to guess it.
Okay, this is key lime.
No.
Oh, can I guess?
Mary, do you have a guess?
Yeah.
I'm going to go apple.
I'm going to go straight apple.
No.
I'm going to go pumpkin.
No.
I'm going to go-
Blueberry.
No.
Blueberry.
Key lime.
No.
Pecan.
No.
Rhubarb.
No.
Is it a Thanksgiving pie or is it just a, can we ask some questions?
It's not a traditional piece.
It's not a traditional piece.
Oh, it's mince meat.
No.
It's two ingredients.
Oh, God.
Right there.
Is it a summertime pie?
Apricot boysenberry.
It's heavy.
No.
A heavy pie.
Hmm.
Is it-
Lemon meringue.
No.
You get your lemon, you get your meringue.
Yeah, that would be good.
Are we going to be able to eat this pie when this-
Boston cream.
No.
Is it a fruit pie?
No.
Oh.
Bologna.
Is it a chocolate cream pie?
Chocolate fudge pie.
Chocolate fudge pie.
Banana cream.
Banana cream.
No.
Chocolate-
Now you're getting cooler.
Banana fudge.
No.
You're on track with chocolate.
Chocolate chiffon pie.
No.
Chocolate chip pie.
No.
Chocolate chip pie?
Chocolate chip cookie pie.
Yeah.
No, but you're more on the-
I didn't even know this was a pie before.
Well, then what are we doing here?
How do we possibly know that this is a big hit on Neptune?
Yes, it's a big hit on Neptune.
I give up.
Do you know it, Gaines?
I want to eat the pie.
Yeah, Walter told me before he handed it to me.
Okay.
Well, let's keep going because this is great.
Oh, my God.
Later that evening.
So it's not fruit.
Right.
It's chocolate.
We know it's chocolate.
Right.
Chocolate banana.
Chocolate banana pie.
No.
Not fruit.
Chocolate chicken pie.
Chocolate.
Oh.
Chicken pot pot pot.
It's a chocolate cream pie.
It's not-
This kind of ties into a discussion we've all had about this certain type of
food before.
Oh, I know what it is.
It's a peanut butter, chocolate peanut butter pie.
That is what it is.
Yeah.
Thank you very much.
It is a chocolate.
I haven't looked at it.
Open the box.
It is a chocolate peanut butter pie.
Wow.
It's really good.
I think that would have went well.
So it has like the chocolate cookie crust, cookie crumb crust.
Is it like goo in there or is it cake?
Is it cake or a pie?
Let's open it up and take a look.
Every once in a while your mother would throw something in and you'd be like,
oh, like this.
Let's go to the records.
I feel like mom would not have thrown in a screwball pie like this.
No, this is-
It did.
It looks really good though.
It did.
God, I can smell the peanut butter.
But it should be.
This should be on every-
Oh, wow.
Whoa.
There you go.
Give it a shot, kids.
Am I alone eating?
No, but someone has to be the taster.
Okay, I'll do it.
Against my will.
What do you think?
That's a good pie.
Too much peanut butter, not enough chocolate?
No such thing.
Well, there is a lot of peanut butter in this.
Anybody else want to trust it?
No, I'm going to taste it.
You want some of this, mom?
No.
Yeah, the graham cracker crust.
My mother was the queen of the graham cracker.
She was queen of crust.
Yeah.
The queen of crust.
The queen of crust.
Well, anyway, thanks for joining.
Happy Thanksgiving.
This show sucks.
It doesn't suck.
It's got pie.
Huh?
It's got pie.
Smash and subscribe and do all that.
What happens?
What happens when they subscribe?
Nothing.
Thanks for coming.
You get pie out of it.
I have diabetes.
That's pretty good.