Name: Julianne Moore Likes To Lurk On The Internet | Letterman
Uploaded: 2023-12-04T23:00:27.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Julianne Moore Likes To Lurk On The Internet | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-12-04. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Julianne Moore Likes To Lurk On The Internet | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-12-04. Transcript available.

are you ready for our next guest yes sir fix yourself up you gotta look nice
when the guests
come out all right you know you're right you're right okay that's fixed up okay
i'm ready the best
i can do oh yeah you look great you look like a million bucks ready thank you
feel good our next
guest is a lovely actress who starred in the film nine months and also the hand
that rocks
the cradle her latest assassins with sylvester stallone opens on friday ladies
and gentlemen
please welcome julianne moore how you doing okay you look great did you notice
paul and i were
fixed up for you oh yeah yeah we fixed ourselves up for you do you know that
you know that paul was
actually the first celebrity i saw when i moved to new york city really kidding
yeah yeah when was that
yeah it was it was i went to a screening of a movie called heat and dust with a
friend heat and dust
yeah yeah a long time ago and and somebody said hey look there's paul schaefer
i never saw heat and dust
i never even heard of it wasn't me it sounds like a new combination cleaning
product and tv dinner from
swanson's well that i was and dust that i saw a movie no okay i understand now
uh you're a little
nervous is that true oh yeah you tend to be a nervous person i'm kind of a
nervous person what what
causes this nervousness i don't know it's i think it's a displacement of of
real things because i'm
nervous about stuff like i thought maybe i'd fall on my way from right there it's
never happened it's
never happened on the show do you fall a lot no so it's unreasonable
unreasonable fears
unreasonable fears like things like oh i'm not going to be able to merge here i
can't i'm in the
car and i can't merge i can't merge i'm not gonna be able to merge how do i go
and then i go oh i'm
over there i'm over there well merging is tricky do you use your return
indicators it's yeah you do and
you have to use all the mirrors and you have to turn around sometimes so yes
turn around i think no no
no you don't turn the car no that's that defeats the purpose of merging because
then you're in a
head-on collision and who cares really the merging is incidental at that point
uh and are you consumed
by this uh nervousness this neuroses is it a neurose that's how it's yeah it's
yeah i'd say i'm genuinely
neurotic that way you know things like people say hey hey why don't we get
together and play softball
and i go good idea yeah and i think no you know and they say no no it'll be
fine i go no i really don't
want to i'm kind of it kind of it's kind of scary and they say why is it scary
because the ball might hit me
in the face right so i won't go you know so it's that kind of well see now that's
not necessarily
unreasonable you don't think no and now that i think about it merging really
that's not an unreasonable
fear either have you ever been hit in the face with a ball oh sure yeah i you
know when you're a kid
well see these fears are well grounded there's nothing wrong with you maybe i'm
not yeah we find
ourselves in dangerous times that's right well you know when you're a kid and
you play dodgeball there's
always the one kid that's left with the you know there's the big kid with the
ball and then there's
the other kid in the other end of the court standing there going please don't
hit me please don't hit me
that was me yeah well so then i think you're okay yeah okay i won't need to see
you for a couple of
months then you're making real progress but call me my machine will be hooked
up if you need any help
uh you tell us about your career you began uh as many folks do in acting and
show business doing
commercials yeah did you enjoy that kind of work it's very lucrative isn't it
well i didn't book
very many of them i didn't get many parts yeah i went on a lot of auditions my
first audition when
i came to new york city was mentioned for like a shaving cream or or something
that you had to use
in the bathroom and it was for a couple there's going to be a guy and a girl
and and you kind of
i walked into the room and they said you know hi you know sign in and we're
gonna we're gonna parry
up with like philip here philip but before you you know but before you sit down
in the waiting room
here's a towel go into the ladies room take off your clothes and put the towel
on oh i've heard
about stuff like this yeah but you walk into the room and there are 30 people
men and women sitting
there wrapped in towels saying did you book that one last week i don't know i
think you know susan
got it and and that was my first my very first so it's not a legitimate
commercial at all it's just
a way to get a lot of people naked in the office right it's just something
amusing to do on their lunch
hour yeah people sitting around the front room in towels that's right uh tell
us about working
with sylvester sloan i'll tell you now everything i know about him i've met the
man he's been on the
show a couple of times he's tiny well he's not he's not the monolith that you
think he's going to
be i mean he is he is within human scale yes but even on the human scale he
would be closer to the
short end of the human scale well he's tiny he's i mean it's no no he's on the
human scale but he's
tiny yeah he's a tiny human that's it but he is i mean he is when you think
about it he is kind of a
a mythic figure sure he's rocky he's rocky he's like he's an icon yeah you know
so when you he's a
monolith he's a monolith so when you meet him and you find out that he's very
human and he's very
funny he's a nice man i didn't mean to suggest that he's not a nice man he's
very personable
and amusing has a one funny anecdote after another yeah and a wonderfully self-deprecating
sense of
humor yeah but he really is diminutive we had to put phone books in the chair
but he's on the human scale i'm not saying that there's anything unusually subhuman
about the guy
he's on the human scale so how did you guys hit it off oh really well actually
we had a really good
time and he's very generous and and funny and he always fell for my my favorite
joke which which is
a really stupid joke it's it's uh it's the you know it's the old it's this one
it's the you know you
have something like that he always fell for it
well that's not
it's not entirely fair because i i thought there might it might actually been
something there
that's not funny sister
so you would do that till sylvester stallion you know just to just to you know
just to keep going
through the day whatever you know it's just to so it's pretty much like here
look down there and
you know what do you play in the film you're not an are you an assassin no you're
the you're the prey
you're the hunter i'm the mark yeah i'm a i'm a surveillance expert a computer
genius who kind of
gathers information via the net and then sells it to the highest bidder and and
they happen both these
guys have a contract to to kill me and that's how we meet which is kind of how
you meet people in the
movies like that not really in real life but it's the way the future though
that computer that network
oh yeah yeah the global net the thing the web what do they call it the internet
yeah yeah yeah yeah
you can talk to people all over the country on that and yeah you can surf you
can lurk i like all
this surfing and lurking i don't know what that is lurking is lurking is when
you don't actually like
log on you don't you know say you're there i don't think i've ever logged on in
my life yeah
but see i don't i don't own a computer so i don't know what it is but my sense
of it is is that you
just kind of get in there and you go oh here's larry from phoenix yeah you say
hi hi hi larry how is
the weather in phoenix yeah and then you sit there and go we could use some
rain too larry
it's it's so much easier than just calling wrong numbers on the phone that's
right
well great fun to meet you this film of course would be like a huge blockbuster
won't it yeah
kind of an early holiday release is going to be uh skyrocketed yeah pre-halloween
well good for you
i'm uh couldn't be happier come back you want to come back sometime all right
come back sometime don't
worry about falling her balls okay all right nice to meet you julianne nice to
meet you julianne moore