Name: Natalie Portman's Awkward R-Rated Movie Moment | Letterman
Uploaded: 2023-12-05T23:00:18.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Natalie Portman's Awkward R-Rated Movie Moment | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-12-05. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Natalie Portman's Awkward R-Rated Movie Moment | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-12-05. Transcript available.

You're going to be hearing a lot about our next guest.
She starred in the movie The Professional,
and she all but steals the motion picture Beautiful Girls,
a new film which opens February 9th.
Please welcome back the lovely Natalie Portman.
Nice to see you.
You know, when I heard you're going to be on the program again,
I get very, very happy.
Really?
Yeah, yeah, I'm very fond of you.
And I saw your movie Beautiful Girls.
That's very cute.
Thank you very much.
It's a great job.
Nice going.
You know, have you guys ever worked together?
No.
Yeah, it's exciting, though, to be here with Mr. Big Shot, isn't it?
We are now.
Yeah.
Why don't you tell the folks a little bit about yourself,
a little bit about your life?
I know that you're from this area.
You're still in school, obviously.
How old are you?
I'm 14.
14 years old.
I figured out that I've been alive as long as your show's been going on.
Does that trouble you?
Wow.
Well, it's nice to know something good has come of this.
Did you go to school today?
You're not in one of those showbiz actor schools, right?
No, I go to public school.
Yeah, that's good.
And I went to school.
You should stay in the public schools, because those showbiz actor schools,
Alec will tell you, you know, they're not what they...
You know, the kids can't even count.
I know 25-year-old actors who've been in those schools that can't count.
I can count.
I just can't count very hard.
Yeah, well, sure.
One million, two million, two million.
That's all you need.
That's all you need.
I can't count to 14 million.
So, Natalie, tell us, you were in school today.
Yes.
What grade are you in?
What is a 14-year-old?
I'm in ninth grade.
Ninth grade, and that's a freshman in high school?
Yes.
And what did you do today in school?
Well, I was supposed to have a test.
Yeah, in what class?
In English.
English?
We had to read a travel book, and we had this essay test, but the teacher wasn't
there.
But anyway, I...
Well, where was...
Why come the teacher wasn't there?
I don't know.
She was sick or something.
Yeah.
And so anyway, so I stayed up all last night reading my book.
I read On the Road.
On the Road, yeah.
Crazy book.
Yeah, and is that a good book to be reading when you're in the ninth grade?
It's like a druggie book.
Everything, it's all about, like, in every chapter, they do, like, heroin and
coke.
And then they said, they smoked some tea.
Mm-hmm.
Smoked a little tea.
And I was like, okay.
And then later, they...
You know, the problem with smoking tea, the bag keeps catching on fire.
Ah, ah, ah, ah, got a thing going there.
Yeah.
No, then later, they explained that that was marijuana.
Yeah, sure.
Well, I don't know.
Is that a good influence?
Did you learn anything from the book?
My history teacher recommended it to me, and I was like, why'd you recommend a
druggie book?
Yeah, well, why did they?
He's kind of a weird guy.
Yeah.
And what kind of a student are you?
Do you get pretty good grades?
Yeah, I'm a straight-A student.
You're a straight-A student.
Well, very nice.
I made...
I made honor roll.
Made the honor roll?
Yes.
I would think so, with straight A's.
Alec, what kind of grades did you get in high school?
I'm sorry to say something.
And do you ever get in trouble the way kids do?
I mean, you must probably have some things that go wrong for you.
Well, I mean, I don't really get in trouble, but, like, these things always
happen.
Like, me and my friend...
Me and my two friends...
What are their names?
Rachel and Lauren.
Yeah.
Are they here tonight?
No, they're not.
How come they didn't come with you?
They've got homework.
Oh, they've got homework, yeah.
And, anyways, so they were like...
God.
I'm sorry.
Corrupting the youth of America.
What about you?
You got homework?
Yeah, but I'm doing it in the green room between, you know, while Alec was
talking.
Oh, good.
Ideal circumstances to go with her.
I'm sorry, let's go.
I'm sorry, let's go.
I'm sorry, let's go.
I'm sorry, let's go.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
All right, so you and your friends...
So, me and my friends, we rented this movie called Threesome, and, you know, it's
appropriately
named, and whatever, and there's a scene where they get together, and her mom
walked in right
as that scene came on, so my friend, like, jumped up, she's like, "This isn't
Reality
Bite."
And she, like, got it out of, like, damn blockbuster.
God.
Pretty quick.
Pretty quick.
Who was in Threesome?
Um, Lara Flynn Boyle.
One of your brothers.
Oh!
Oh!
And, um...
I must say, if one of us doesn't get you, the other one will.
Oh.
I mean, corrupting you.
Oh, I meant corrupting you.
Man.
I was going to say, Kerouac and Threesome, you're in your 40s.
Where do you have to go in the next 40s?
You've got nowhere to go.
No.
No.
I mean, corrupting you.
Oh, I meant corrupting you.
Man.
I was going to say, Kerouac and Threesome, you're in your 40s.
Where do you have to go in the next 40s?
You've got nowhere to go.
Uh...
What do your folks do for a living?
Um, my dad's a doctor and...
Dr. Portman.
And my mom...
Dr. Portman!
What kind of doctor is Dr. Portman?
He's an infertility specialist.
Oh, well, that's very important now.
Yeah.
Because, you know, there aren't enough people.
And my mom...
What does mom do?
She...
Okay.
See, she always gets mad at me when I say she's like a housewife because she
says it sounds
like...
Nothing wrong with being a housewife though.
No, but she says it's like, it sounds like she's like married to a house.
Oh, I see.
Sure.
And that doesn't work.
No.
Because like, that doesn't reflect well on her personality.
Right.
And so then...
So then I was like, well, what should I say?
So then I started saying like, she was an artist because that's what she
studied in college.
That's good.
She's an artist.
That's good.
And so she's like...
So then everyone was asking me like, oh, what kind of art does she do?
And does she paint?
What kind of paints?
And I was like, I don't know.
Yeah.
So then...
So then now I just say, she's a mom.
It works.
Look at those teeth.
You have beautiful teeth.
Why, thank you.
You have lovely...
Look at those teeth.
Look at those teeth.
You have beautiful teeth.
Why, thank you.
You have lovely...
Look at those teeth.
Man, I've got a set of teeth.
The film is...
It's a very nice story.
Yes.
And the scenes that you're in couldn't be sweeter, couldn't be lovelier.
Thank you.
You do a wonderful job as you do in every piece of work you're in.
And it opens February 9th.
Yes.
Next Friday, guys.
I hope it's a big hit for you.
Thank you.
And go back to school now and study and get some more.
I will.
Thank you.
Natalie, nice to see you.
Thanks for being here.
Thank you.
Natalie Portman, we'll be right back.
Okay.
Alec, thanks again.
Good to watch the film.
The film opens now.
It's open now, isn't it?
The film opens this Friday.
This Friday, all right.
You should see mine first.
Then you.
Then you.
Absolutely.
And my best to Kim.
Yes.
And also to your lovely young daughter, Ireland.
Thank you.
That's a great story.
I couldn't be happier for you.
Natalie, nice to see you.
Thank you.
And good luck with your film, which opens on the night.
Thank you.
And also, my thanks to Dwight Yochum.
Tomorrow, kids.
Oh, and Claudia Schiffer.
Oh, yeah.
For heaven's sakes.
Thanks to Claudia Schiffer.
Thank you.