Name: CBS Mailbag: Martin Short Drinks Expired Eggnog | Letterman
Uploaded: 2023-12-14T16:00:14.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'CBS Mailbag: Martin Short Drinks Expired Eggnog | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-12-14. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'CBS Mailbag: Martin Short Drinks Expired Eggnog | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-12-14. Transcript available.

Let me remind you of one thing, actual letters from actual viewers.
Here we go, let's get right to it.
Paul, when I call off the number, you reinforce it by calling it off a second
later.
I'm your man.
Here's how this works.
Here we go.
No, you're the man.
No, you're the man.
No, you're the man.
No, you're the man.
You are the man.
No, you're the man.
How can I possibly be the man if you're the man?
You're the man.
You're the man.
Letter number one.
Letter number one.
Thank you very much.
Dear Dave, with Christmas coming, could you tell us how Santa Claus gets into
your house?
Merry Christmas.
Ryan Beckerman, age 10.
Ashley Beckerman, age 12.
Kerry Beckerman, age 15.
Kerry Beckerman, age 40.
But for a second there, I was reading the white pages, you know what I mean?
Actually, kids, here's how Santa gets into my house.
Mrs. Claus breaks into the place and then opens the door for Santa.
Letter number two.
Letter number two.
Dear Dave, I figured I could come over to the theater.
And watch the Times Square festivities with you, what do you say, anxiously
awaiting Austin
Faberman.
I think this letter is referring to the big New Year's Eve celebration in Times
Square.
Sure.
And you know, it's a great idea, Austin.
And thank you very much for the offer.
But New Year's Eve, I'm not going to be anywhere near the Ed Sullivan Theater.
And with any luck at all, I'll be having just as much fun as I did last year.
Oh, man, was that great.
God, I remember it like it was something that taped a few years ago.
One, two, one.
Happy New Year's Eve.
Happy New Year, America.
Happy New Year.
Happy New Year.
Happy New Year.
Happy New Year.
That's really right.
Happy New Year.
- Quite a linguist, aren't I? Letter number three. - Letter number three. -
Letter number three.
Dear Dave, what does your office look like during the Christmas season? Sincerely,
Lisa Krawitz, Woodbury, New Jersey. Excellent question, Lisa. I tell you what,
we have a camera, an actual live video camera up in my office right now. Jerry,
do me a favor, turn on that camera. Let's show the folks how the place looks.
There's the wreath on the office door. You open it up. There's the beautiful
tree. We have some wreaths there. We have some candy for the kids. And over on
the wall, there's the wreath on the office door.
There's another, look, another little kind of, oh, these are my assistants.
That's Keith and Steve. Hi, boys. Happy holidays. - Merry Christmas. - It's
Dave. - Happy holidays. - Thank you. - You too. - Yeah.
My assistants. - Nice. - Yeah, they got their, got their little elf suits on
for the, for the holidays. Make it this. All right, all right. Easy boys. No,
no roughhousing.
Santa will have to come up there and discipline you.
Letter number four. I wish we were doing five letters because my favorite
Spanish number, of course, is five. Cinco.
- Of course. - But we're only doing four. - Right, too bad.
I'm just going to pretend we're up to letter number five now. - Okay.
Letter number five. - Letter number five. - Cinco. - Cinco. - Cinco. - Cinco. -
Cinco. - Cinco. - Thank you. All right.
Dear Dave, how old is your eggnog? Just curious, Elise Ashuri, Silver Spring,
Maryland.
Excellent question, Elise. And what a coincidence, because tonight, right now,
it's time to play,
How old is your eggnog? Here we go.
Thank you.
All right.
We have movie stars on tonight.
And now, ladies and gentlemen, here is our surprise celebrity guest to play,
How old is your eggnog? Come on in and say hello.
Mr. Martin.
Come up later and pull out the payroll for him.
Okay.
All right, keep going.
All right.
Okay, Marty, it's now that time. You know how we play the game. Go ahead, load
up, taste it. - I sure as heck do, Davey.
- And then taste it. Tell us, how old is your eggnog? Here we go. - Right?
Okay.
I say, uh, uh, that's, that's about a year and a half, Dave. - A year and a
half. All right, Stephanie, let's see the actual expiration date on the eggnog.
There it is. And it's July '94. Yes, close enough. What do we have for him,
Stephanie?
- A brand new duckbuster! - It's a duckbuster!
- A duckbuster! - Good luck to you. Thank you for playing "How old is your eggnog."
Easy, easy. He'll be fine. He'll be just fine. Don't worry about it. Okay. All
right.
We'll be right back.
We'll be right back.