Name: Martin Short Is Here To Warm Your Christmas Balls | Letterman
Uploaded: 2023-12-25T23:00:07.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Martin Short Is Here To Warm Your Christmas Balls | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-12-25. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Martin Short Is Here To Warm Your Christmas Balls | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-12-25. Transcript available.

Ladies and gentlemen, our first guest is one of the funniest gentlemen we know.
This man is currently reprising his role as Frunk in the big holiday film,
Father of the Bride, Part 2.
Please welcome our Canadian Santa, Martin Short.
Happy Yuletide!
Happy Yuletide!
Marty, it's great to see you.
Thank you very much for coming back to see us.
Congratulations on the film and happy holidays.
Well, thank you very much.
How are things going?
Well, things are going unbelievably.
Well, let me just say a few things to you.
Please do.
Before we get, you know, into the ice.
I understand.
Because I saw you at rehearsal and I was stunned.
You look fantastic.
I did, don't I?
Oh, yeah.
It's unbelievable.
It really is.
You look super duper.
Thank you.
It's the holly jolly thing.
It's the Antonio Banderas hair thing you're doing.
It's the tie.
Everything.
It all comes together.
What have you done?
I thought it was a new cast member of Friends when I first saw him.
Oh, wow.
No, it's true.
Somebody pinch me.
Is it melatonin?
No, I can't really.
Is it the new chin?
No, I just take care of myself.
I watch for you.
It's a new chin.
Yeah.
Have you had a little Mexican surgery there?
No, everything is just fine.
Ah.
Now, let's talk a little bit about you.
What are you up to?
Are you enjoying the holidays?
Are you your family here in town?
What's going on?
I am filled with the magic of New York at Christmas.
I am.
It's true.
Thanks for remembering.
But it is.
It's such a great, it's unbelievable season.
Yeah, it's one of the great times to be here, the holidays.
People are singing about bells over bells, bells in the air, bells.
Let's do a little, come on.
Bells, bells, ding dong, bells, bells, bells, bells, bells, bells, ding dong,
ding dong, ding dong, ding dong, ding dong, ding dong, ding dong, ding dong,
ding dong, ding dong, ding dong, ding dong, ding dong.
And that's called a counterpart.
It is.
No, because my first time I ever came to New York.
How old were you?
I was 13 years of age.
Just a kid.
Yeah, pretty much.
No, not pretty much.
That's a kid.
Oh, that's a kid.
And I came with my family.
We stayed at the Astor Hotel, which is not there anymore.
Oh, great.
No, it's gone now.
Where'd they take it?
I don't know where they took it.
But we saw all the shows.
Yeah.
It was Christmas time.
Oh, boy.
We saw Golden Boy with Sammy Davis.
I want to be with you.
I was doing Billy Crystal.
Sammy was great.
And Sammy, he broke up during the show, and he came out at the end during the...
I've got to explain, so you cats don't go away feeling like you're out of
something.
Uh-huh.
It was great.
Yeah.
We saw Tony Bennett at the Latin Quarter.
He's the best.
We saw...
Come on.
What?
Come on, do a little Tony Bennett.
Well, you know, sometimes I wonder.
I'm not always convinced if you'd like me to.
Oh, come on.
Get a hold of yourself.
Really?
Yeah.
All right.
Your golden smile...
No, too high.
Let me try a little lower.
Your golden smile will shine for me.
Yeah.
Thank you.
And that was in the lobby.
He hadn't come out.
That was in the lobby.
That was in the lobby.
He was excited.
But then we went to Sardi's.
Oh, what a great place.
My favorite restaurant.
Is it still open, Sardi's?
Yes.
Yeah, sure.
My picture's hanging there, you know.
Is that right?
Well, that's quite an honor.
Because you yourself have graced one of the great stages of Broadway, haven't
you?
Yes, yes.
And I remember your opening night gift.
It was so nice.
Oh, yeah.
You remember that?
Yeah, sure.
And misunderstood, because often Candy Grahams aren't appreciated the way they
should be.
Now, my picture, it's actually, my thing, they didn't quite capture me.
It's more of a Karen Black thing.
But if she works Broadway, then they can save the money.
No, no, but you have to.
But I was at Sardi's.
Yeah.
And more with Martin, so that doesn't inspire me.
No, no, finish it up.
Are you serious?
Finish it up, yeah.
Well, no, no, it was just unbelievably exciting, because I was a kid expecting,
you know, 13 with my family, looking around.
Of course.
And I'm looking for celebrities everywhere I go, the only one was Ambie Davis,
for a long time.
Yeah, that's all right.
And she was only a Schultz-y thing.
Yeah, well, sure, yeah.
But then Tony Randall walked in.
Oh, he's a great guy.
Sat down beside me, I heard him ordering.
Yeah.
I'd like some cottage cheese with pineapple, please.
Very excited, I went up to him.
Joan Crawford.
Oh, the great Joan Crawford.
I went up to her, she was very elegant.
I was nervous.
Where did they take her?
She was sitting there, well, she was into, she smiled at one point, and a hunk
of makeup fell
off, but she caught it and threw it right in the Waldorf salad, which I thought
was nice.
Just a hunk, just chunked out of her face.
But I said, I said to her, Ms. Crawford, you are just, it's such a thrill to me.
She said, thank you very much.
I asked for some olives and didn't get them.
Can you find out what the problem is?
Thanks a lot.
But still, for a kid, it's a big thrill.
Well, the biggest thrill was when my ultimate, when Jerry Lewis walked in.
Oh, my God.
Are you kidding me?
Jerry Lewis was at service?
Jerry Lewis walked, and I kept saying, isn't this amazing?
These are all the people I impersonate.
Talk about good fortune.
But when I hear them go, hey, lady, I need another bit of ice, please.
I got so happy.
Lady.
Now, I showed my gift there from George Burns earlier, and I understand you
have a little
memento that's very significant and important to the both of us, isn't it?
Frank Sinatra turned 80 years of age yesterday, and I'm wearing blue in honor
of that?
In honor of old blue eyes.
You know, they have the white...
By the way, when did you...
That's unbelievable.
Did you know his eyes were blue?
I found this out coming in.
Really?
Yeah.
Because did you not once tell me that they were hazel, but he wore lenses?
No.
I remember yes.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
You told me that.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Well, anyway, I went to the auction, and I bought this picture for you.
That takes us back, doesn't it?
And I think you remember the night.
Let me just see that.
Oh, wow.
And so when I saw that there, for sale, I thought...
Yes, sir.
Take a look at that.
There's, of course, Frank.
There's Marty.
And there I am.
Isn't that good?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Can I have that?
It's for you, honey.
Frank looks steamed.
You and I are enjoying a good laugh, apparently, at Frank's expense.
Honest to God.
And Frank, hey, I don't get it.
It ain't funny.
What's going on?
Don't you talk about my son that way.
Or whatever he was saying.
Do you remember the night?
Oh, of course I remember the night.
What was it?
It was the night that we had the photo taken.
I see.
Let's talk about the movie.
This is great.
You're a Frank.
Frank, the wedding, the social organizer, planner, Frank.
The wedding coordinator.
And this one is the Baba.
Baba coordinator.
Yeah.
Oh, you're handling the baby.
Yes.
What can you tell us of Frank?
Well, Frank, he is the father of three and the mother of two.
Now, this is the other thing.
No.
No, he's a great.
He's a great.
He's a great.
This is another thing.
I just enjoyed that.
Thank you.
Yeah.
He's a, no, he's a man of great style.
I know, yeah.
And he, if he saw you, would love what you're doing because he's very elegant,
very Eastern
European.
Thank you.
And he's very filled with life and he helps them prepare for their baby's, baby's
suite
that he builds for them.
Exactly.
Sure.
Now, we have some, a film clip of the father of the bride part two.
You know, Steve Martin was here a couple of weeks ago.
What a terrific guy he is.
Oh, he's very, very good.
Great in the film as, as are you.
Now, tell the folks what we're going to see here.
Um, well, this is just a clip where, you know, Frank.
Frank, right.
Um, becomes someone who is almost a part of the family.
Yeah.
And, and, and helps both Diane Keaton and Kimberly Williams in the midst of
their pregnancies.
Uh-huh.
All right.
He's there for them for all manner of a problem, turmoil, travail, what have
you.
All right.
Yeah.
Here we go.
Martin Short, Frank, in Father of the Bride, part two.
Hello.
Marty.
Yes.
Marty.
Yes, Davey.
Marty, Marty, Marty.
Yes, Pappy.
My old friend, Pappy.
Do us a favor.
Yes, sir.
Before you leave, although you can come back and bake.
You want to come back and bake?
Sure.
I thought you asked me to.
To come back and bake.
But before you leave temporarily.
Okay.
Yeah.
Yeah.
How about favoring us with a song?
Wow.
Yeah.
Um.
What, what does, what does one do?
You know, Dave, in, in my business or in our business, when a time of season
lingers, it
becomes an institution.
You know, what if I wander overly soon?
Yeah.
You know, interesting story.
I was getting, um, some plaque removed from teeth that had been bonded, which
is not supposed
to happen.
But anyway, I got thinking.
I got thinking about Christmas and how we must respect this time of year.
We must embrace Lady Christmas.
And if we do, you know what, Dave, I think she'll embrace us.
Paul?
You've got to treat Lady Christmas kindly.
You've got to sprinkle her with mail.
Then she'll light your tree and warm your Christmas balls.
You've got to give two little children.
Be generous of soul.
And she'll jingle all your bells and deck your halls.
So in closing, Mr. Letterman, here's a tip from an elf who knows.
This frosty chick will warm you to your toes.
Just remember, Christmas is a lady.
Christmas is a lady.
So don't hit her with a humpback.
Oh, she's out of there, you big lump.
And you'll kiss your lady.
Bye-bye.
Martin Tork.
Ladies and gentlemen, what a thrill.
Martin Tork.
Thank you.
David Lennon, right down.
We'll see you next time.