Name: Bruce Willis Is Very Excited About His New Film "Die Hard" | Letterman
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Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bruce Willis Is Very Excited About His New Film "Die Hard" | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-02-13. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bruce Willis Is Very Excited About His New Film "Die Hard" | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-02-13. Transcript available.

Our first guest tonight has won an Emmy for his role as David Addison on the
hit runaway series
on ABC Moonlighting and his brand new film is called Die Hard. Folks, please
welcome back here
Bruce Willis. Good to see you. What a show so far. Thank you very much. Thank
you. We're all quite proud.
Cooked, didn't it? It smoked. Screamed. Can I ask you a question? Sure. I want
to whisper this to you.
Well, no, we can't whisper. Did you say blows on TV? I may have, yeah.
I may have said something blew or blows. TV has changed.
It's changed, but it hasn't gotten better is the problem. You know, since the
last time you were here,
which was, I guess, two years ago, many different things have happened to you.
A few different things, yeah. For instance, you're married and have a baby on
the way.
Yes, I do. Congratulations. That must be terribly exciting. It is very exciting.
How long ago were you married? I was married, let's see, I guess.
Well, this is not a good sign. No, I was married. I was married within a year
of this time.
I was married about nine months ago, ten months ago. Just round it off.
Just round it off. And you got married in Las Vegas once?
I got married in Vegas once, and we weren't able to get any wedding gifts in
Vegas,
so we had a big wedding in L.A., of course. We got a lot of nice things then.
That was the whole point of the second wedding? You betcha.
And was it a big deal? Paul, was the wedding big?
Well, I didn't exactly get an invitation, but I would have...
It was real big, Dave. It was a...
It was a big way.
I think our producer was there. Robert Morton was there.
Did you know he had been invited?
He did get invited.
That wasn't a clerical error?
You know, I don't want to bring this up now because of the strike and
everything that's going on,
but, you know, Bob owes me a little bit of money, Dave.
Uh-huh.
Do you have any influence with him at all? Can you...
How much money are we talking about?
Close to 30 bucks.
Yeah, we can get it.
All right.
Yeah. We can... I won't say that.
We'll take care of that. Thank you anyway.
Thanks, buddy.
What a show, folks, huh?
Now, stop that. There's nothing wrong with this show.
This is a great show.
You know, about a half an hour of sweetening, and we're in business.
Mimes.
Got the mimes back there.
And now you're expecting a baby? When is the baby due?
We are expecting a baby. The baby's due at the end of September.
A little arrival.
Babies.
Babies, yeah.
It's actually very exciting, having a baby.
Shopping for baby clothes is quite an exciting process.
You don't do that, do you?
I bought a little roller coaster.
We're a little toy roller coaster.
A little roller coaster?
It means nothing to you, I know.
A roller coaster?
A little, tiny, little roller coaster.
Well, that could really hurt the child.
You think so?
Oh, he'd whip his little head around.
No, don't.
Well, I figured if with a safety bar and a little harness.
Oh, Bruce, no, you've been misguided.
This is not a good idea.
I can tell Demi about that.
All right, and your wife is Demi Moore?
Demi Moore.
Lovely woman.
The lovely Demi Moore.
She's backstage with the mimes.
Yeah.
And you have a house now?
Where is your house?
I have a house.
Is this the same house where all the trouble took place?
No, Dave, it's not.
This is a different house.
Well, wait a minute.
Let's talk about the trouble.
Let's get right into that.
I'm glad.
We didn't even wait for that.
That was a long time ago, though, wasn't it?
That was, oh, gosh, that was about a year or so ago.
Memorial Day, Fourth of July or something?
Memorial Day.
I was celebrating the, you know, memory of the many veterans that, don't laugh
at that.
We were celebrating Memorial Day up at the house there.
And, you know, the whole thing got blown out of proportion by the tabloids, of
course.
I know you've had a lot of problems with the tabloids yourself.
But what happened, it was a real simple thing, you know, that the music, yes,
was a little
loud.
The cops came.
But what party, say you have 10 parties, maybe two out of 10 are going to have
louder music
than they should.
Yeah.
It's a very common thing.
It was 10 o'clock, Memorial Day.
We were celebrating, like I said, the memory of, you know, the many veterans of
foreign wars
in and about the country.
But the cops came to the door, and I made a mistake.
I didn't recognize the uniform.
I said, I'm sorry.
I said, I'm sorry, we don't want any cookies.
And he goes, and he says, hey, we're not rookies.
And I said, no, no cookies.
And he told his partner, write that down, insulting an officer.
And the guy made a mistake, and he wrote down, assaulting an officer.
And, of course, we had...
Oh, there you go from there.
Go to jail, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
So, it was a big mistake.
It just was a big mistake.
But all that sort of thing is behind you now.
You're a happily married family man, soon to be.
I am a married family man.
Was there one thing in particular that was ever written about you in any
publication that
really, really made you wince?
I mean, that was so far afield, something that was so completely preposterous.
There were a couple good ones there.
The one, I think, that really stands out the most...
We took a trip.
We went up to Yosemite, and there was an article that said that we were chased
out of Yosemite
Park by a talking grizzly bear.
Hmm.
And he was hurling small pine trees at us and chased us out of the...
A talking grizzly bear.
A speaking grizzly bear.
Speaking.
I had a big picture.
It was a full-color thing in the paper there.
It had a big picture of a bear and a little small picture of me and Demi over
on the side.
Where did they get this?
Where did they...
I mean, had there been talking...
Oh, they have sources.
No, they have sources.
They have...
Oh, they have sources.
You know, an insider.
Stringers at Yosemite.
Yeah, very close friend of the grizzly bear.
Well, that's all silliness, isn't it?
It's a little, uh, whimsical.
Yeah.
Does it bother you or is it just the kind of thing you have to deal with and
expect and
get on with your life?
Yeah.
That's it.
No.
Oh, and you had your appendix taken out.
I want to thank a good friend of mine.
He's up in Montreal right now doing a film.
John Goodman called me at the 11th hour at the hospital and offered to donate
his appendix
to me.
He's a very, very brave man and a very generous thing to have done.
He called me.
He said, if you need an appendix, you can have mine.
All right.
Now, I've never had any problem with my appendix, but I'm sure I will one day.
So when we get back here, I want you to tell me all about it.
Well, the doctor made a joke.
Okay, now wait a minute.
We have to do a commercial and then we'll come back.
That was my clumsy way to get out of this and then we'll come back.
We'll be right back.
There you go.
How do you know your appendix has gone out?
Well, I got some, uh, I had some, I had some bad abdominal pain.
Yeah, left or right side?
Right side.
It is on the right side.
The appendix is on the right side.
It's on the right side.
And actually, it's kind of a permeating pain that begins actually in your
appendix.
And, uh, I brought some graphs.
I don't know.
No, no, no, no.
But seriously, did you, did you know immediately it was your appendix?
No, I didn't.
I don't know what the heck it was.
I was, I was taking, uh, Pepto-Bismol and, uh...
So it lasted for a couple of days?
Well, it lasted for one whole day.
I was supposed to go to, uh, one of the Lakers playoffs games actually and, uh,
had to cancel
my ticket so, you know, that it was a little important, Dave.
It was kind of, it was kind of scary.
Uh, and I ended up going to the hospital and, uh, you know, doctors are just
not good comedians.
They just don't really have, uh, any kind of timing.
You know, I, I had my appendix out and I, I come back in the room and I'm all,
you know,
kind of conked out there and the doctor comes in and he's very chipper and he
says, uh, he
says, uh, well, you know, the good thing about having your appendix out is, uh,
if you ever
have any more, you know, problems down there, you know, it's not your appendix.
Yeah, that's kind of like saying, it's kind of like saying if you hear a, a, a
bad song
being sung, you know that it's not Kate Smith, you know, that it, there's a
strike on folks.
There is a writer's strike on and a friend of mine gave me that joke and I'm
going to.
Now, let's get back to the appendix.
What, what does the appendix, what function does it serve?
What does it do?
What is its purpose?
Um, I guess, well, I, I don't know.
Excuse me.
Here we go.
Yes, sir.
If we have, if we have a what?
Uh-huh.
Have you in your life swallowed a, a large number of pebbles, sir?
Well, you know, there may be something to that because I, I do live at the
beach and, and I.
Maybe I swallowed some sand.
It's something, it's something we've evolved beyond, I think, isn't it?
I have, yeah.
Yeah.
Do you, do you have your, I think I still have my appendix, yeah.
In fact, I know I still have it unless it was done by one of those guys that
come in in the middle of the night.
Pranksters, you know.
Prank doctors.
A Halloween kind of thing.
They've been pestering me for a couple of years.
Soap your windows and do minor surgery.
And it was just a, a horrible thought.
Uh, but, uh, so then after the thing was removed, you felt better instantly?
I felt good.
I was, uh, you know, I had a problem.
They, they don't sew you up anymore.
They, they staple you up.
Mm-hmm.
They staple you back together.
And I, I would.
But they're, they're, they're not actually metallic staples, are they?
They are metal staples.
Really?
They are metal staples.
And, uh.
Just one of these dudes.
Just get out the old swing line and away you go.
Uh, that's why I love doing this show.
I had staples in and I, I was watching some, some reruns of the Beverly Hillbillies
and I laughed.
This is true, Dave.
And I.
You should, you know, you really ought to reevaluate your life.
The Beverly Hillbillies.
And I, I've always wanted to do this and I think I'll do it right now.
All right.
Sing along if, if you know the words, okay?
Paul?
Paul?
Well, the first thing you know, old Jed's a millionaire.
The kinfolk said, I knew they knew it.
I knew that they would know that.
And you know what?
Dave?
No, no, we're done.
The sing along is over.
That's it.
This is not camp.
I'm stuck.
Uh, let's talk about your film.
Good, Die Hard, yeah.
Die Hard.
You and, uh, who else is in the movie?
Uh, Alan Rickman, uh, Alexander Gudunov, Bonnie Bedelia.
Alexander Gudunov, the, uh, Russian dancer.
Russian dancer.
He's still Russian.
Um, and he's, um, he plays one of the bad guys.
Alan Rickman's one of the bad guys.
Uh, big action adventure film.
Um, I, uh, jump off buildings and, and shoot guns and, uh, you were up for that,
weren't
you, Dave?
Yeah.
Yeah, I was.
Yep.
Yeah, I was.
Sure I was.
Uh, I'm getting all of the old Buddy Ebsen parts.
Uh, but, now, but is this, uh, you're, you're happy with this film?
You're, you're very excited about this film.
It opens next Friday.
When is, oh, next Friday going to be a blockbuster?
Uh, uh, a colossal blockbuster.
Now, when do you go back to work on Moonlighting?
All that's goofed up because of the strike.
The strike, yeah, I really haven't heard anything, um, actually, they, I think
they've been talking
to Buddy Ebsen to, to come back, uh, to, uh, come on and do a, kind of a, like,
my guest
uncle.
That's a, that's a really, uh, quite a, quite an entertaining show.
I was able to see a bunch of them, uh, in reruns now that, when I wasn't
working, because
when I'm working, I don't get to see it the first time around.
Those reruns are good, aren't they?
Well, no, but, I mean, I, I'm trying to pay a compliment here.
Oh, thank you.
Uh, and, and I was, I was taken at how, how witty and, and smart the shows are.
Thank you.
Very nice job, and, and you and Sybil are great.
Well, thanks very much.
Everything all right there?
Things are good, things are very good.
All right, nice to see you.
Congratulations on your, uh, upcoming, uh, birthday or, uh,
we'll, uh, do a station identification.

Bruce Willis Is Very Excited About His New Film "Die Hard" | Letterman

Our first guest tonight has won an Emmy for his role as David Addison on the
hit runaway series
on ABC Moonlighting and his brand new film is called Die Hard. Folks, please
welcome back here
Bruce Willis. Good to see you. What a show so far. Thank you very much. Thank
you. We're all quite proud.
Cooked, didn't it? It smoked. Screamed. Can I ask you a question? Sure. I want
to whisper this to you.
Well, no, we can't whisper. Did you say blows on TV? I may have, yeah.
I may have said something blew or blows. TV has changed.
It's changed, but it hasn't gotten better is the problem. You know, since the
last time you were here,
which was, I guess, two years ago, many different things have happened to you.
A few different things, yeah. For instance, you're married and have a baby on
the way.
Yes, I do. Congratulations. That must be terribly exciting. It is very exciting.
How long ago were you married? I was married, let's see, I guess.
Well, this is not a good sign. No, I was married. I was married within a year
of this time.
I was married about nine months ago, ten months ago. Just round it off.
Just round it off. And you got married in Las Vegas once?
I got married in Vegas once, and we weren't able to get any wedding gifts in
Vegas,
so we had a big wedding in L.A., of course. We got a lot of nice things then.
That was the whole point of the second wedding? You betcha.
And was it a big deal? Paul, was the wedding big?
Well, I didn't exactly get an invitation, but I would have...
It was real big, Dave. It was a...
It was a big way.
I think our producer was there. Robert Morton was there.
Did you know he had been invited?
He did get invited.
That wasn't a clerical error?
You know, I don't want to bring this up now because of the strike and
everything that's going on,
but, you know, Bob owes me a little bit of money, Dave.
Uh-huh.
Do you have any influence with him at all? Can you...
How much money are we talking about?
Close to 30 bucks.
Yeah, we can get it.
All right.
Yeah. We can... I won't say that.
We'll take care of that. Thank you anyway.
Thanks, buddy.
What a show, folks, huh?
Now, stop that. There's nothing wrong with this show.
This is a great show.
You know, about a half an hour of sweetening, and we're in business.
Mimes.
Got the mimes back there.
And now you're expecting a baby? When is the baby due?
We are expecting a baby. The baby's due at the end of September.
A little arrival.
Babies.
Babies, yeah.
It's actually very exciting, having a baby.
Shopping for baby clothes is quite an exciting process.
You don't do that, do you?
I bought a little roller coaster.
We're a little toy roller coaster.
A little roller coaster?
It means nothing to you, I know.
A roller coaster?
A little, tiny, little roller coaster.
Well, that could really hurt the child.
You think so?
Oh, he'd whip his little head around.
No, don't.
Well, I figured if with a safety bar and a little harness.
Oh, Bruce, no, you've been misguided.
This is not a good idea.
I can tell Demi about that.
All right, and your wife is Demi Moore?
Demi Moore.
Lovely woman.
The lovely Demi Moore.
She's backstage with the mimes.
Yeah.
And you have a house now?
Where is your house?
I have a house.
Is this the same house where all the trouble took place?
No, Dave, it's not.
This is a different house.
Well, wait a minute.
Let's talk about the trouble.
Let's get right into that.
I'm glad.
We didn't even wait for that.
That was a long time ago, though, wasn't it?
That was, oh, gosh, that was about a year or so ago.
Memorial Day, Fourth of July or something?
Memorial Day.
I was celebrating the, you know, memory of the many veterans that, don't laugh
at that.
We were celebrating Memorial Day up at the house there.
And, you know, the whole thing got blown out of proportion by the tabloids, of
course.
I know you've had a lot of problems with the tabloids yourself.
But what happened, it was a real simple thing, you know, that the music, yes,
was a little
loud.
The cops came.
But what party, say you have 10 parties, maybe two out of 10 are going to have
louder music
than they should.
Yeah.
It's a very common thing.
It was 10 o'clock, Memorial Day.
We were celebrating, like I said, the memory of, you know, the many veterans of
foreign wars
in and about the country.
But the cops came to the door, and I made a mistake.
I didn't recognize the uniform.
I said, I'm sorry.
I said, I'm sorry, we don't want any cookies.
And he goes, and he says, hey, we're not rookies.
And I said, no, no cookies.
And he told his partner, write that down, insulting an officer.
And the guy made a mistake, and he wrote down, assaulting an officer.
And, of course, we had...
Oh, there you go from there.
Go to jail, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
So, it was a big mistake.
It just was a big mistake.
But all that sort of thing is behind you now.
You're a happily married family man, soon to be.
I am a married family man.
Was there one thing in particular that was ever written about you in any
publication that
really, really made you wince?
I mean, that was so far afield, something that was so completely preposterous.
There were a couple good ones there.
The one, I think, that really stands out the most...
We took a trip.
We went up to Yosemite, and there was an article that said that we were chased
out of Yosemite
Park by a talking grizzly bear.
Hmm.
And he was hurling small pine trees at us and chased us out of the...
A talking grizzly bear.
A speaking grizzly bear.
Speaking.
I had a big picture.
It was a full-color thing in the paper there.
It had a big picture of a bear and a little small picture of me and Demi over
on the side.
Where did they get this?
Where did they...
I mean, had there been talking...
Oh, they have sources.
No, they have sources.
They have...
Oh, they have sources.
You know, an insider.
Stringers at Yosemite.
Yeah, very close friend of the grizzly bear.
Well, that's all silliness, isn't it?
It's a little, uh, whimsical.
Yeah.
Does it bother you or is it just the kind of thing you have to deal with and
expect and
get on with your life?
Yeah.
That's it.
No.
Oh, and you had your appendix taken out.
I want to thank a good friend of mine.
He's up in Montreal right now doing a film.
John Goodman called me at the 11th hour at the hospital and offered to donate
his appendix
to me.
He's a very, very brave man and a very generous thing to have done.
He called me.
He said, if you need an appendix, you can have mine.
All right.
Now, I've never had any problem with my appendix, but I'm sure I will one day.
So when we get back here, I want you to tell me all about it.
Well, the doctor made a joke.
Okay, now wait a minute.
We have to do a commercial and then we'll come back.
That was my clumsy way to get out of this and then we'll come back.
We'll be right back.
There you go.
How do you know your appendix has gone out?
Well, I got some, uh, I had some, I had some bad abdominal pain.
Yeah, left or right side?
Right side.
It is on the right side.
The appendix is on the right side.
It's on the right side.
And actually, it's kind of a permeating pain that begins actually in your
appendix.
And, uh, I brought some graphs.
I don't know.
No, no, no, no.
But seriously, did you, did you know immediately it was your appendix?
No, I didn't.
I don't know what the heck it was.
I was, I was taking, uh, Pepto-Bismol and, uh...
So it lasted for a couple of days?
Well, it lasted for one whole day.
I was supposed to go to, uh, one of the Lakers playoffs games actually and, uh,
had to cancel
my ticket so, you know, that it was a little important, Dave.
It was kind of, it was kind of scary.
Uh, and I ended up going to the hospital and, uh, you know, doctors are just
not good comedians.
They just don't really have, uh, any kind of timing.
You know, I, I had my appendix out and I, I come back in the room and I'm all,
you know,
kind of conked out there and the doctor comes in and he's very chipper and he
says, uh, he
says, uh, well, you know, the good thing about having your appendix out is, uh,
if you ever
have any more, you know, problems down there, you know, it's not your appendix.
Yeah, that's kind of like saying, it's kind of like saying if you hear a, a, a
bad song
being sung, you know that it's not Kate Smith, you know, that it, there's a
strike on folks.
There is a writer's strike on and a friend of mine gave me that joke and I'm
going to.
Now, let's get back to the appendix.
What, what does the appendix, what function does it serve?
What does it do?
What is its purpose?
Um, I guess, well, I, I don't know.
Excuse me.
Here we go.
Yes, sir.
If we have, if we have a what?
Uh-huh.
Have you in your life swallowed a, a large number of pebbles, sir?
Well, you know, there may be something to that because I, I do live at the
beach and, and I.
Maybe I swallowed some sand.
It's something, it's something we've evolved beyond, I think, isn't it?
I have, yeah.
Yeah.
Do you, do you have your, I think I still have my appendix, yeah.
In fact, I know I still have it unless it was done by one of those guys that
come in in the middle of the night.
Pranksters, you know.
Prank doctors.
A Halloween kind of thing.
They've been pestering me for a couple of years.
Soap your windows and do minor surgery.
And it was just a, a horrible thought.
Uh, but, uh, so then after the thing was removed, you felt better instantly?
I felt good.
I was, uh, you know, I had a problem.
They, they don't sew you up anymore.
They, they staple you up.
Mm-hmm.
They staple you back together.
And I, I would.
But they're, they're, they're not actually metallic staples, are they?
They are metal staples.
Really?
They are metal staples.
And, uh.
Just one of these dudes.
Just get out the old swing line and away you go.
Uh, that's why I love doing this show.
I had staples in and I, I was watching some, some reruns of the Beverly Hillbillies
and I laughed.
This is true, Dave.
And I.
You should, you know, you really ought to reevaluate your life.
The Beverly Hillbillies.
And I, I've always wanted to do this and I think I'll do it right now.
All right.
Sing along if, if you know the words, okay?
Paul?
Paul?
Well, the first thing you know, old Jed's a millionaire.
The kinfolk said, I knew they knew it.
I knew that they would know that.
And you know what?
Dave?
No, no, we're done.
The sing along is over.
That's it.
This is not camp.
I'm stuck.
Uh, let's talk about your film.
Good, Die Hard, yeah.
Die Hard.
You and, uh, who else is in the movie?
Uh, Alan Rickman, uh, Alexander Gudunov, Bonnie Bedelia.
Alexander Gudunov, the, uh, Russian dancer.
Russian dancer.
He's still Russian.
Um, and he's, um, he plays one of the bad guys.
Alan Rickman's one of the bad guys.
Uh, big action adventure film.
Um, I, uh, jump off buildings and, and shoot guns and, uh, you were up for that,
weren't
you, Dave?
Yeah.
Yeah, I was.
Yep.
Yeah, I was.
Sure I was.
Uh, I'm getting all of the old Buddy Ebsen parts.
Uh, but, now, but is this, uh, you're, you're happy with this film?
You're, you're very excited about this film.
It opens next Friday.
When is, oh, next Friday going to be a blockbuster?
Uh, uh, a colossal blockbuster.
Now, when do you go back to work on Moonlighting?
All that's goofed up because of the strike.
The strike, yeah, I really haven't heard anything, um, actually, they, I think
they've been talking
to Buddy Ebsen to, to come back, uh, to, uh, come on and do a, kind of a, like,
my guest
uncle.
That's a, that's a really, uh, quite a, quite an entertaining show.
I was able to see a bunch of them, uh, in reruns now that, when I wasn't
working, because
when I'm working, I don't get to see it the first time around.
Those reruns are good, aren't they?
Well, no, but, I mean, I, I'm trying to pay a compliment here.
Oh, thank you.
Uh, and, and I was, I was taken at how, how witty and, and smart the shows are.
Thank you.
Very nice job, and, and you and Sybil are great.
Well, thanks very much.
Everything all right there?
Things are good, things are very good.
All r