Name: Dave And Paul's Pledge To Help Endangered Species | Letterman
Uploaded: 2024-03-05T16:00:16.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Dave And Paul's Pledge To Help Endangered Species | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-03-05. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Dave And Paul's Pledge To Help Endangered Species | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-03-05. Transcript available.

You know, this show, I don't know of any other television show anywhere quite
like this one.
Tonight, ladies and gentlemen, we're going to turn over 8, 10 minutes of our
airtime
and have members of our studio audience stand up and request custom-made things
they would like to see on our television program.
It's called Who Asked For It?
And here's an eager young man working his way down to the microphone now.
Yes, sir, how do you do? Nice to see you. What's your name?
Jason Watts.
Jason, where are you from, sir?
Mechanicsburg, Pennsylvania.
Oh, that's a lovely part of the country. What do you do for a living out there?
I'm a student.
Student, where do you go to school?
Harrisburg Community College.
Yeah, what are you studying there?
Just liberal arts.
Liberal arts? And what do you hope to do with that degree?
I really don't know yet. I'm still thinking about it.
Come from a big family?
Yeah.
Brothers and sisters?
Five brothers, yeah.
All right.
Okay, Jason, what can I do for you tonight here on Who Asked For It?
Okay, well, Dave, I've come here to see the show a couple of times,
but something always ends up spoiling it for me.
Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.
And tonight, this jerk keeps waving at the camera.
I was wondering if he could do something about it.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
That is, that actually, that's fairly distracting.
I can see where that would be a burden to you, sir.
Excuse me.
Do we have any pages up there?
Yeah, can you guys come down and take care of this fellow who's doing the
waving?
Yeah, it's right here in the second row.
Yeah, that guy.
Okay, that's fine.
Okay, that's fine.
All right.
Thank you very much.
Thanks, boys.
Thank you.
I hope you enjoy the show now, Jason.
Thank you very much.
That one page looked kind of old, didn't he?
Yeah.
I thought there was a certain cutoff age for pages here.
I always thought there was, actually.
A page like in his 40s or something up there.
How long have you been a page, by the way, sir?
I just broke in, sir.
Okay.
Well, why don't you break out, okay?
He just broke in.
I just broke in, sir.
Yeah.
Yes, sir.
What can I do for you, please?
What is your name?
My name is Dan Grogan.
Dan, nice to have you here.
What do you do for a living?
I run a convenience store in Neptune, New Jersey.
Convenience store?
Yes, sir.
Is that one of those 24-hour deals?
Yes, sir.
You get held up a lot, do you?
No, it hasn't been too bad this year.
And you sell lottery tickets, that kind of thing?
Yes, we do.
What's the most popular item that you sell there?
I would say it's Milky Way bars.
I guess so.
I didn't really think about it.
All right, what can we do for you tonight?
I have an idea to improve your show.
Why don't you try guest hosts?
Oh, geez, that's interesting, guest hosts.
You know, I appreciate the suggestion,
but I really enjoy doing all of these shows myself.
And it's funny that you mention it, though,
because tonight, right tonight, this very night,
we're starting something brand new.
We're having celebrity guest stars
sit in for various audience members.
Boys, bring him down if you can.
This will be kind of exciting.
Get him out of here and bring in the celebrity guest star
for tonight's audience replacement.
All right, there we go.
Get him out of there and just...
Thank you very much.
Thank you.
Tony Randall on that page seemed to be about the same age.
Did you notice that?
Yes, sir, what's your name, please?
My name is Jack Shane.
Jack, nice to have you here.
What part of the country do you live in?
Corning, New York.
Oh, that's beautiful up there, too, upstate New York.
What do you do for a living up there?
Disc jockey.
You're a disc jockey at where?
A radio station?
Yeah, WCBA.
Okay, what can we do for you tonight, sir?
Well, I've always wondered what would happen
if you pointed two of these TV cameras
directly at each other.
Yeah.
Gee, I don't know.
We've never really done that on purpose.
So there may be some kind of like feedback or something.
Yeah, that's what I was thinking.
Yeah, well, how can we try that?
It would turn a couple of these cameras around,
like one and three here,
and point them at each other?
Yeah, that's right.
Okay, one and three.
Okay, that's our director, Hal Gertner.
And just turn them around,
and there they go.
And so far, nothing.
Now, they're looking...
Uh-oh.
Head on.
Okay.
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
Something...
Gee, what is going on here?
What the...
Hi, Dave.
Oh, my gosh.
Ladies and gentlemen,
it's the ghost of Hall of Famer Stan Musial.
Stan, what brings you here tonight?
By pointing those two cameras at each other,
you somehow summon me
from beyond the reaches of time and space.
Yeah.
Stan, correct me if I'm wrong here,
but aren't you still alive?
Yeah, pretty mysterious, huh, Dave?
But there's no mystery
about the best family-style restaurant
in St. Louis.
At Stan Musial's,
you get chicken and ribs,
cooked to perfection
at a price that'll score a home run.
Uh-huh.
And on Saturday and Sunday afternoon...
Hal, separate the cameras.
Hal, pull them apart.
Separate them, Hal.
Okay, fine, Stan.
Thank you very much.
Stan Musial, ladies and gentlemen.
Hall of Famer.
Anybody else?
Oh, how do you do, ma'am?
Nice to see you.
What can I do for you?
What is your name, please?
Susan Donahue.
Susan, nice to have you here.
And what do you do for a living?
I go to the University of Wisconsin.
Oh, I've been there in Madison, right?
Yes, Madison.
Yeah, what are you studying there?
Forestry.
Forestry?
Forestry.
All right, and what is your question for us tonight?
Well, I'd like to know what you and your show
are doing about the environment.
Especially the protection of endangered species.
Good point, good point.
And I'm sad to say we're probably not doing enough,
but I'm telling you, beginning tonight, Paul,
all right, this will be the last one.
All right, Paul, this is it.
No more.
This is the last one.
This is the last one.
This will...
This will be our last...
This will be our last bald eagle, but...
Okay.
But it's almost...
But it's almost done,
and Sid made this fabulous curry and mint eagle sauce here,
but after this, no more.
Okay, all right.
Hey, by the way, speaking of barbecues,
you know, and I forgot to introduce him
from the Willie Nelson family.
He's going to be with us sitting in all tonight.
Mickey Raphael from the family on...
On harmonica.
Nice to see you, Mickey.
Thank you.
Okay.
They have a big barbecue, too, you know, every year,
but they don't, you know, they stay away from this.
You wouldn't want to do that.
That would be immoral and outrageous and stupid.
Ah, you can sit down, by the way, ma'am.
Thank you very much.
No, no, no.
Woo!
Okay, George Carlin is here at Willie Nelson.
We'll be right back, folks.
Take a look at some of these.