Name: Stupid Human Tricks: The Beer-Drinking Nose | Letterman
Uploaded: 2024-03-20T15:00:46.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Stupid Human Tricks: The Beer-Drinking Nose | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-03-20. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Stupid Human Tricks: The Beer-Drinking Nose | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-03-20. Transcript available.

Say hello to Jason Bareford.
Jason, come on out and say hello to the folks.
Hi, Jason, how are you?
Very well.
Where are you from, Jason?
I'm from Pittsburgh.
Pittsburgh. Oh, how about those Steelers, am I right?
Go to Steelers.
Yeah. What do you do for a living in Pittsburgh?
I'm an independent filmmaker.
Independent filmmaker? What kind of things do you make?
Just documentary, genre stuff.
Pretty much stuff with no money.
Right.
And one day you hope to...
Be on projects with a little more money.
We're not talking about porn here, are we?
No, it's not.
Well, no, I don't think you want to...
Jason, good to have you here tonight on Stupid Human Tricks.
And you have a little something you're going to do for us?
Yes, sir.
What is that?
I'm going to kick myself in the head 30 times in 30 seconds.
Well, that's where the real money is.
Kick yourself in the head 30 times in 30 seconds.
I mean, 15 times in 15 seconds would have been just fine.
Why do we want to do this 30 times?
I saw somebody trying to do it before.
And you said, hey, I can do that.
They were doing it wrong.
Yes.
Oh, there's a trick to it.
Don't kid yourselves.
And how long and what were the circumstances of the first time?
He was wasting energy, wasting time.
And you said, here, let me show you.
All right.
So we're going to put up a clock.
Is that all you need besides the clock?
Yes, sir.
Okay, here, take a look.
There's the clock, 30 seconds.
Jason Bareford going to kick himself in the head.
Here we go.
Oh, let's go.
You're going to kick yourself in the head.
You're going to kick yourself in the head.
You're going to kick yourself in the head.
You're going to kick yourself in the head.
You're going to kick yourself in the head.
You're going to kick yourself in the head.
You're going to kick yourself in the head.
You're going to kick yourself in the head.
You're going to kick yourself in the head.
You're going to kick yourself in the head.
You're going to kick yourself in the head.
You're going to kick yourself in the head.
You're going to kick yourself in the head.
You're going to kick yourself in the head.
You're going to kick yourself in the head.
You're going to kick yourself in the head.
You're going to kick yourself in the head.
Wow. Wow. Jason, always use your powers for good, never evil. Let's take a look
at that
in the replay.
Here we go.
You're going to kick yourself in less than 30 seconds.
You have this going, my friend.
All right. We get to the idea.
Thank you very much, Jason.
Travel safely.
Good luck to the Steelers, Jason Bareford, ladies and gentlemen.
That is why the world hates us.
Ladies and gentlemen, say hello to Mark Hayward. Is there a Mark Hayward back
there?
Mark, how are you doing?
Good.
Good to see you.
Where are you from, Mark?
Pittsburgh.
Pittsburgh. Do you know the guy that was just here?
Well, I just met him on the way in.
Yeah, do me a favor, kick him in the ass on your way out.
Get out of here.
What do you do for a living in Pittsburgh, Mark?
I'm an artist.
Oh, what kind of an artist?
Sculptor.
Sculptor.
Sculptor.
Sculptor.
Sculptor.
So this is interesting.
Our first two competitors, or participants, not a competition, are both
involved in the world
of art.
Right.
Um, sort of, you know, wood things, occasionally furniture.
But mostly wood things.
Yeah.
I see.
Well, I'd like to pick up some of those.
I understand they can be a little pricey.
Ooh.
Uh, Art, Mark, what are you going to do for us tonight?
I am going to use a blowgun and a mousetrap to eat a marshmallow.
What?
Well, this is going to be some plane ride back to Pittsburgh.
Uh, all right, a blowgun, say it again.
I'm going to use a blowgun and a mousetrap to eat a marshmallow.
All right.
Here we go.
Anything we can do?
Do you want a clock just for the fun of it?
Yeah.
All right.
You know, whatever you want to do.
Mark Hayward, also from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania.
Yeah, the one thing that might be nice actually would be a drum roll.
Oh, drum roll.
Anton?
Yeah.
Wait, wait, hold on a second.
All right.
By all means, take your time.
Yeah, thanks.
Don't make me kick you in the head.
Wow, that's very elaborate, isn't it?
Oh, yeah.
Okay, now the blowgun.
Where do you get a blowgun, for God's sakes?
That's just, that's like a commercially manufactured blowgun, isn't it?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, you get it from the internet.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Iron City blowguns.
Wow.
Get it from the internet.
Hold it.
Wait a minute.
I don't like the ambulance.
Oh, what happened?
I missed.
I missed.
Ooh.
Just you missed.
But we lost a saxophone player.
Whoa!
Oh!
Oh!
Oh!
Oh!
Oh, man.
Oh, yeah.
Let's try that again.
Try that again.
Ooh, now.
Now I'm excited.
Let's try it again.
You got another one in you there?
Yeah.
Okay.
I'm gonna use the same one.
Oh, sure, you can use the same marshmallow.
And are you using deadly poisonous darts?
No.
No.
No, you wouldn't want to do that, would you?
No.
No.
Okay, here we go.
Try it again.
Wow, that was exciting, wasn't it?
A lot of energy here.
All right.
Take it easy.
This is very impressive.
The slow motion, instant replay.
There it is.
Oh, it's a thing of beauty.
Nice job.
Thanks, Mark.
Have a good trip home.
Thank you.
I was wrong.
That's why the world hates us.
That first thing, not a problem.
That was it.
Ladies and gentlemen, Chris Hansen.
Chris, come on out and say hi.
Chris.
Hey, Chris, how you doing?
Good to see you.
Where are you from?
Green Bay, Wisconsin.
Oh, my God.
How about those Packers?
Reno.
How about that Brett Favre?
How about them?
Playing like a kid, isn't he?
You're damn right.
What do you do for a living in Wisconsin?
I own a bar.
Oh, I own a bar.
Good for you.
Very well.
Nice place?
Nice.
Very nice.
It's not a dump, is it?
Of course it's a dump.
It is a dump?
Well, good for you.
It's called the sardine can.
That's correct, yes.
That's kind of cute, yes.
And what is your trick involved tonight here, Chris?
I'm going to drink a beer through my nose.
I'm sorry?
Do what?
Drink a beer through your?
Through my nose.
Oh, through your nose.
Through my nose.
Wow.
All right.
Do you do this all the time?
No.
No.
Back in the old days.
Does it burn?
Must burn like crazy, doesn't it?
Yes.
Yeah.
And anything else we need to know about this?
No.
OK.
Well, we'll have the blowgun standing by just in case.
All right, here is Chris Hansen, ladies and gentlemen,
drinking a beer through his nose.
I'll be over here.
Let's take a look at this.
Here we go.
Drink.
Sure, thanks.
Thank you.
Man alive was that impressive. Good heavens. Let's take a look a little bit of
that. I think we kind of got the idea. There you go. Enjoy a tissue.
Thank you, sir. You know, the beauty of that is you don't have to take your
cigarette out while you're drinking. You just keep smoking and enjoy a beer at
the same time. Thank you very much, Chris. Good luck. Say hello to the folks
back in Green Bay.
I really need to apologize to the first two guys because that's really why the
world hates us right there.
We'll see you next time.