Name: Roy Wood Jr.'s Network Television Debut | Letterman
Uploaded: 2024-03-22T22:00:30.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Roy Wood Jr.'s Network Television Debut | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-03-22. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Roy Wood Jr.'s Network Television Debut | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-03-22. Transcript available.

our next guest is a very funny gentleman and he is making his network
television debut with
us tonight he will be appearing at the improv comedy club in cleveland ohio
from october 17th
through the 19th ladies and gentlemen please welcome roy wood jr oh welcome how
y'all doing
y'all all right man good evening man oh man i feel good man a lot of couples
out here tonight
man good for you because i suck at relationships suck it love you ever been on
a date so bad the
girl makes you drop her off at another dude's house you ever been through that
i've had bad
breakups too my last relationship my girlfriend tried to my ex-girlfriend tried
to manipulate me
into taking her back she decides she's gonna fake her own suicide taking
sleeping pills she sends me
text messages to let me know when she's taking a few more pills which was
making me mad because
i was over my text limit for the month so i'm trying to block them you know but
every 20 30 minutes here
comes a text 14 pills roy 22 pills i just took 33 sleeping pills aren't you
gonna say something yes
why aren't you sleep yet why are you still up thank god
and and i'm not saying that i condone suicide but you have to agree if you're
going to kill yourself the
least you could do is get name brand pills this is your last day on earth spoil
yourself get the good
stuff what are you saving money for write a check you're not going to be here
when the check bounces
where do you care go to sleep a lot of diversity in new york man a lot of arabs
up here they get a
bad rap because of that taliban stuff you know say what you want about al qaeda
and the taliban but
they've been able to do one thing that most groups in america can't do and that's
get the government to
change laws overnight to make this country a better place because every time al
qaeda does something what
happens the next day is 10 new rules of stuff you can't do yeah don't park at
the airport don't stop
at the airport take your shoes off strip butt naked you can't take no shampoo
and couldn't even take
a bottle of water on the plane for a while they took my skittles i'm not making
this up this really
happened i'm back home in birmingham but the apple did the dude took my skittles
candy
took it snatched it out my hand sir you cannot take this candy on the plane
because it has gel inside you
must check these skittles underneath the plane with your luggage this could be
an explosive
are you serious an explosive
really if even if i was a terrorist i'm not gonna make my bombs bite-sized and
fruit flavored i'm not
what are you talking about man
are you serious
are you serious
and if al qaeda's gonna make bombs you think the least they could do for america
is make bombs out of
stuff we don't want on the plane in the first place that way if they're caught
with it that gets banned
from the plane and the flight is more enjoyable for everybody make make a bomb
out of a talkative old
lady that won't shut up for four hours straight yeah you ever been through that
won't shut up showing
your pictures of a dog make a fake talking old lady bomb let's see how that
works out
metal detector i'm sorry sir you can't take your talking grandmother on the
plane she won't shut her
mouth she might be an explosive the grandson will get upset oh you can't tell
my mama to ride underneath
the plane what's she gonna eat give her these skittles i took from that black
more latinos in america and black people while we're on minorities did you know
that more latinos than
black people man and what's funny about that is that in some countries and some
some parts of america
blacks and latinos don't get along it's just like that in america i got a buddy
back home he can't
stand the whole latino movement in america man only reason these latinos
getting rights only reason
latinos getting rights and immigration green cars is because of the struggles
black folks put down
during the civil rights movement which is true but that was the whole point of
the civil rights movement
to be sure that everybody got rights
am i right that doesn't make any sense to me as a race you cannot march for
equal rights and then get
jealous when another race starts trying to get equal rights
what are you talking about i heard martin luther king's i have a dream speech
he did that for all
races it wasn't a puerto rican disclaimer at the bottom of the speech
he didn't march on washington i have a dream blacks and protestants jews and
gentiles but no puerto
ricans and cubans unless they got a good curveball i have a dream i'm roy wood
jr thank you all a lot
roy wood jr boy wood jr everybody will be right back thank you very much for
deb here
you