Name: Dave Gets His Birthday Gift From NBC Appraised | Letterman
Uploaded: 2024-04-15T15:00:47.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Dave Gets His Birthday Gift From NBC Appraised | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-04-15. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Dave Gets His Birthday Gift From NBC Appraised | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-04-15. Transcript available.

Last year, this network, NBC, made a profit of over $800 billion.
$800 billion.
And this particular program was responsible for earning about half of that.
Now, that's the truth.
So when Brandon Tartikoff, the president of NBC Entertainment, if you can call
it that,
sent me a birthday gift that seemed a little inexpensive,
I thought it would be a good idea to get a second opinion.
Hi, this gentleman is Jamie Ross.
Tell the folks what you do for a living.
Well, we buy and sell precious metals.
A couple of weeks ago, I had a birthday.
It's not important how old I am, but I had a birthday.
By the way, how old do you think I am?
45.
Do I look 45 to you?
You look about 45, I'd say.
Oh, Christ.
Well, let's go back to the office.
Anyway, so NBC sent me a gift because it was my birthday.
And unless I'm completely wrong about this, I think what they sent me was a
piece of junk.
So I'm here just to kind of set the record straight and evaluate the gift that
they gave me.
Here it is.
Get ready.
And maybe we could, as I produce this, we can add some kind of a lovely
dramatic crescendo.
Oh, boy.
It's junk.
Well, we weren't even sure what it was.
We thought perhaps if I had a monkey and an organ, it'd be a lovely hat for my
monkey.
But anyway, here it is.
It's got a little felt bottom on it.
It's like plastic of some sort.
Most bottoms should be felt, don't you think?
Hey, what's that camera?
Are you doing your own show?
Kind of.
There's a little camera over there.
Okay.
What are you going to do now?
We're going to do a scratch a bit of it off.
And we're going to put a little bit of nitric acid on it.
Gosh, I hope you don't ruin it.
Well, just from scratching, I can tell you that I don't think it's over.
I really doubt very much they spent much more than $10.
And if you like, what we can do is melt it into a little button.
Oh, can you do that?
Oh, sure.
Yeah, take it apart.
Okay, so now we're going to dismantle the item.
Hi, how are you?
Okay, this is Doran.
Nice to see you.
Doran, David.
I'd like to see that Leonard fight happen.
As if it were.
Oh, never mind.
It's my birthday gift.
Well, so far so good.
Yeah, that's top quality scrap lumber right there.
You couldn't help me with a couple of cuticles I'm having trouble with, could
you?
Did you ever work at Burger King?
It's flame-boiling, you know.
Oh, that's, there's my birthday gift.
I love that joke.
Excuse me, Mr. Aaronman?
Yeah.
Hi, my name is Dave Letterman.
By the way, how old a man do you think I am?
You're 50.
All right, so anyway, what we want to do is engrave something and put it on
there.
Can you do that for us?
No problem.
Okay, great.
What do you want to engrave that?
It should be, To Brandon, Love, Dave.
Okay.
We're more than tripling the value of the initial gift by adding the engraving
to it.
Wow.
Can you see that, Carl?
It's better now than when we started.
Yeah, absolutely.
I have a birthday gift here that was given to me from Brandon Tartikoff.
How old a man do you think I am, by the way?
I just, I just had a birthday.
About 30, 5.
That's about it, just about 30, 5.
So there's the gift.
We need a box.
Yeah, that's all right, To Brandon, Love, Dave.
Okay.
Yeah, okay, and a little bag.
That's good.
How much do we owe you for this?
Three dollars and your piece of jewelry's in the bag.
There you are.
Thank you very much.
Piece of jewelry.
See, we've elevated it now to, from a piece of crap to a piece of jewelry.
A beautiful engraved piece of jewelry.
Thank you very much, Tracy.
Nice meeting you.
Bye-bye.
Have a good week.
Thank you.
So we have it in here.
We're going to mail this to Brandon Tartikoff.
It's gone.
It's gone.
I don't know.
It's been stolen.
Where is the lovely piece of, uh, huh?
What?
Oh, there's hysteria taking place back there.
Now, Gaines, where is it?
What?
Huh?
It's gone.
Where it fell out of?
Oh, thank God.
It's back.
Barbara Gaines, ladies and gentlemen.
It is.
Come back to Brandon.
All right.
We have to do a commercial.
Exotic poultry next.
Don't go to bed.
We have to do a commercial.