Name: Stupid Human Tricks: Guy Shoves Spoon Up His Nose | Letterman
Uploaded: 2024-04-22T15:00:41.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Stupid Human Tricks: Guy Shoves Spoon Up His Nose | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-04-22. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Stupid Human Tricks: Guy Shoves Spoon Up His Nose | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-04-22. Transcript available.

And now, boys and girls, moms and dads, and kids of all ages, it's time for a
little something we
like to call stupid human tricks. Silly little games, little stunts, little
things people have
taught themselves to do. Let me remind you of one thing. This is only an
exhibition.
This is not a competition. Please, as always, no wagering.
Do me a favor, ladies and gentlemen, please say hello to Alan Cochern. Alan,
come on out.
Here is Alan Cochern. Alan, how are you doing?
Pretty good, Alan. How are you?
Good. Alan, and you go to school here in the area?
I go to BU.
It's a BU kid, everybody.
There's an orange shoe. Mom and Dad, if you're watching, Alan needs shoe money.
Send it immediately. How long have you been going to school here?
A long time.
Really?
Yeah.
I have no idea how many years, how many months. It's been a long time.
I've been in Boston like six years.
Having a good time?
Oh, yeah.
What are you studying?
English.
English. And when you get out of college with an English degree, what do you?
Beg on the corner for money.
There you go, buddy.
Alan, what are you going to do for us tonight by way of a stupid human trick?
I'm going to jump rope with my arms.
Jump rope with his arms instead of a jump rope.
Yeah.
Well, that explains now why you're not wearing shoes.
And is there something that I can do for you, Alan?
Just stand clear.
Yeah.
All right.
Like a drum roll or anything from the band?
All right.
Anton.
Alan now, jumping rope with his arms.
Here we go.
Here we go.
Yeah.
Yeah.
There you go.
Here we go.
Nice job.
Take a look at it now.
Full motion.
Instant replay.
Alan Cochran, jumping rope with his hands.
Nice job.
Thank you.
Thank you, Alan.
Thanks for being part of the show.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you, Alan.
Thanks for being part of the show.
He has no idea how long he's been in college, but he can jump rope with his
hands.
You know what I mean?
Is there a Rich Palonza back there?
Rich Palonza, come on out.
Rich, ladies and gentlemen, say hello to Rich.
Palonza?
Palonza.
I'm sorry, I got it wrong.
Palonza.
Nice to see you.
Rich, where are you from?
Mansfield, Mass.
Uh-huh.
You go to school here?
You just work, live in the area?
All of those?
I went to graduate school and undergrad at Northeastern University.
All right, sir.
And what do you do for a living?
I work at a computer company.
Working at a computer company doing what?
Service.
You're like one of them Bill Gates guys, aren't you?
You're already probably worth like a half a billion dollars right now, aren't
you?
At least.
I can tell by looking at you.
You are a guy that is screaming to me money.
Big, big dough.
Rich, what are you going to do for us tonight?
Well, I take one gumball and divide it into eight equal gumballs.
Wow.
Something you taught yourself on the computer?
No.
All right.
Let me get this straight, Rich.
You're going to, by chewing up the gum, you're going to divide it in one gumball
into two
pieces.
Yep.
And then into four pieces.
Right.
Uh-huh.
And then into eight pieces?
That's right.
Oh, my God.
It's never been done, has it?
Ever been done?
Not to my knowledge.
I think there was a Russian back in the 50s that did it once.
And then he died.
Killed him.
Uh, drum roll, music, anything?
Music would be good.
Okay, here we go.
Rich, a computer genius, dividing gum with his mouth.
Here we go.
One.
There's the gumball, yeah.
Two.
Let's see it.
There, two.
We're working on four here.
Four?
Let's see, four.
Anybody see something?
Yeah, four.
Anyway, is it done?
Are you working on eight now?
I'm on eight.
Okay.
There we go, Pete.
You know, that's nice.
The best thing about the computer age, it's given people a lot of free time to
pursue
hobbies.
Can you do 16?
That'll take a little longer.
Can you go for 16?
Why don't you just stand right over there with Paul, and while we continue, let
me know when
you've got 16, all right?
All right.
Rich Polonza, ladies and gentlemen, from Mansfield.
Working on 16.
Working on 16.
Never been done anywhere.
He's a brave man.
Our final participant in tonight's installment of Stupid Human Tricks, Joey Weidel.
Joey, come on out.
Here's Joey Weidel right here.
Hi, Joey.
How you doing?
Nice to see you.
Where are you from, Joey?
I'm from Pennsylvania.
Pennsylvania?
Where do you go to school?
Harvard University.
Go to Harvard University.
Oh!
I know.
You couldn't get in, so you hate him.
I love it.
Anyway, we have a gentleman over there chewing gum.
Don't pay any attention to him.
How do you play football for Harvard?
Yes, I do.
How did Harvard do this year?
We're 3-3 right now.
Oh, yeah.
Pretty good, huh?
Mm-hmm.
All right.
And what position do you play?
Outside linebacker.
All right.
Good for you.
You're going to do something for us tonight that's never been done, as far as I
know,
on the planet.
Okay.
I'm going to put most of this spoon up my nose.
Yes.
And then I'm going to eat some of this with it.
He goes to Harvard, ladies and gentlemen.
He's a genius.
He attends Harvard.
This kid couldn't go on.
No.
A community college?
No.
A state college?
No, sir.
Harvard.
All right.
He's going to put the spoon up his nose and then eat the Rice Krispies.
Yes.
All right.
Hold this one.
Sure.
I'd be happy to.
Here we go.
Let's take a look at that and see what we can do.
All right.
Yes.
Oh.
Ah.
Nice job, Joey.
Good luck the rest of the season.
Thank you very much.
Joey Weidel.
Harvard.
Are we going to do this?
How are you doing?
Do we have time for this?
All right.
Let's see.
This should be 16, right?
I've been dividing a gumball all night.
Ron and Joey.
You know that Ron and Joey, they're missing a bet if they don't get together.
And I'm serious, they could travel across the country, you know, just making
people sick.
And now, ladies and gentlemen, because you've been so darn good tonight, please,
it's time
for our bonus stupid human trick.
Say hello to Rob Steen.
Rob, come on out here.
All right, buddy.
Nice to have you with us, sir.
Nice to meet you.
Now, you're in the bonus position, so the heat is really on you.
Yes.
All right.
Where are you from?
Beverly, Massachusetts.
Huh?
Huh?
And what do you do for a living?
I work at a supermarket in downtown Beverly.
Uh-huh.
Did they tell you we were in a hurry and to talk really fast?
Nope.
I'm psyched.
All right, Rob.
What are you going to do for us?
I'm going to take a thumbtack and spin it on a penny on top of a straw on my
nose.
Oh, really?
Yeah.
All right, let's go.
Here we go.
Here we have the equipment right there.
It's all set.
A straw, a thumbtack, and a penny.
Okay, here we go.
Drum roll, music, anything?
Yes.
All right.
I'm going to take that thumbtack.
Ordinary, it's not like a trick thumbtack, is it?
No.
Uh-huh.
How old a man are you?
What the hell was that?
That was pretty good, though.
It's a bonus.
Yeah, a lot of nights had it have been a trick.
There.
Wow.
Wow.
Look at that.
This is the guy, right there, that's the guy, that other kid, Harvard, with a
spoon up
his nose, now, gotta get a scholarship to MIT with that.
Nice going, Rob.