Name: Chelsea Handler Leaks Her Own Naked Photos | Letterman
Uploaded: 2024-05-06T22:00:31.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Chelsea Handler Leaks Her Own Naked Photos | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-05-06. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Chelsea Handler Leaks Her Own Naked Photos | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-05-06. Transcript available.

Our first guest is a wonderfully funny, entertaining woman
who now has her first-ever stand-up comedy special
entitled, Uganda, Be Kidding Me Live.
Starting tomorrow, you can see it exclusively on Netflix.
Please, ladies and gentlemen, welcome the lovely Chelsea Handler.
It's so nice.
How about that?
You look like you've been on vacation, for God's sake.
Have you been on vacation?
I, um...
You look well-rested, youthful, relaxed, ready to go.
Thank you. Likewise.
No, you look well-rested.
Where have you been? What have you been doing?
I went to Spain. I went to Mallorca.
This is all part of your global comedy tour?
No, I just needed a vacation.
So I went to Spain, and I went to the south of Spain.
I went to Granada, Sevilla.
Is that beautiful?
Oh, it's so beautiful. And I like Spanish people.
I like that language.
I like a little bit of a language barrier when I travel, because it's easier
for me to hook
to hook up with men.
Wait a minute. I don't mean to pry, but why would the language barrier make it
easier to hook up with men?
Well, I don't know if you're familiar with me, but...
You see me coming, like a guy can see a girl like me coming and going, oh, she
looks nice, and then I start talking, and sometimes it doesn't go over so well.
So my personality can get in the way of me being penetrated, so I like to
travel to different parts of the world.
So I went to Spain, then I went to, um, I went all through Spain.
Then I went to Shanghai. Obviously, I wasn't trying to get penetrated there.
Oh, all right, I think we've said the word penetrated enough.
And then, I'm trying to be technical about it.
No, no, wait a minute. Spain to Shanghai, not really in the same hemisphere.
Well, I was trying to get over to French Polynesia because I went on a trip on
a boat, my friends and I got a boat, so we went, like, shark diving, we went scuba
diving, which is really scary.
Are you good at scuba diving?
I wouldn't say I'm good. I did it, and I'm here, but I wouldn't say that I'm,
like, a great scuba.
Are you certified?
I am certified.
Oh, there you go. That's all it takes.
But are you?
No, I'm not. I'm not even penetrated.
I, um, scuba diving is very, very hard because you have to really relax.
Yes.
And you have to breathe underwater through an apparatus that they call an
octopus.
And when I went, and I'm not a very safe person. I get into a lot of accidents.
Really, you're accident prone. Is that right?
Yeah, like, I get into, like, yeah, I got into a Vespa accident.
Everything that an American does loudly, I do by accident, and then I get into
an accident.
So, um, I, when I went, I got certified, and I was doing it with my girlfriends,
and you go under, and, you know, they teach you this breathing, and they're
like, you know, because you're really going under, like, 70, 80 feet when you
get certified.
Oh, my God. I was claustrophobic. I would get very claustrophobic.
Well, wait, it's the ocean, so you have plenty of space, but...
Yeah, but you're just all in here.
Yeah, yeah, if you get water in your thing, and you, like, freak out, like, I
had this, I had this, uh, this dive master.
They make you dive with people that know the area, obviously, if you're across
the world.
So, we went, and I had, we had one dive master for me, like a babysitter, like
a nanny dive master.
This is not a bad idea.
And one for the other eight people that I was with.
Right.
And, you know...
For the other eight.
Because I said, because when you're diving, you have, you have to have a buddy
system.
That's right.
And I said, I'm not going to be, anybody who's my buddy has no buddy.
Yeah.
You're not going to reciprocate in the buddy deal.
Right, like, if your air goes out, don't come to me.
Because I don't even know how to breathe my own air.
I'm not going to be like, oh, let me save your life.
I'm like, no, no, no.
Like, somebody came to me once, I was like, don't, go to the dive master,
please.
Oh, I think, I think that's responsible, honestly.
Yeah, I think so, too.
Because I can be a little bit reckless, and I, and I know that I should be more
careful,
and I don't want to be responsible for anybody else's injury.
So, and, you know, I had a great guy.
I had this great kind of...
All right, when we come back, we'll show a picture.
I'm in the middle of a story, but okay, yeah, I can wait.
We'll come back, we'll show a picture, and we'll continue the story.
I'm so dumb, I thought it was finished.
Here's the picture.
Ms. Handler.
Oh, yeah, look.
That looks fantastic.
Now, that's the French Polynesia, is that where that is?
It's French Polynesia.
So, to continue my story, that you interrupted with a commercial break, I had
this guy, and
he took me down, so I got really, I got water in my mask, and it's called
clearing it, and
you just go like that to get it out, but I couldn't get it out, and I got panicky,
and
you know, you can't go up right away, because you can, you know, you can get
sick and get
deep compression sickness, so he came running over my, you know, my, like,
babysitter, and
he shoved his hand in my face, and, you know, get the, to get the water out of
my mask, and
I was like, oh, God, because I thought, what am I going to do?
And he helped me, and I, and immediately when somebody takes care of you, a man,
and you're
a woman, you're just like, oh, my God.
Like, you really are, like, I'm like, oh, my God, I want to, I mean, I have a
crush on
him, like an underwater, an underwater crush, and, and so then he, and then he
looked at
me, and he goes, do you want to go up?
And I said, no, I'm, I said, I'm shaky, but I don't want to go up.
I need to get over this fear, and then he grabbed me by the neck, and was like,
are you
okay?
And then I was done.
I was like, we are going to be a couple.
We are, this is it, and then we held hands, and he held my hand, and we scuba'd
around
sharks for the next, like, 20 minutes, and I'm like, I'm in a relationship
underwater.
That's lovely.
That's a beautiful story.
Sweet.
Yeah.
Sweet.
Well, good for you.
Thank you.
Now, um, I, I'm surprised at a couple of things, one, that you've never done a,
a standup
comedy special.
I would have guessed that you'd had several that you had done, and also you've,
you've worked
your standup comedy all over the world, am I right about that?
Yeah, I've done it, well, all over the country.
I've done some other, you know, like, overseas places, but I've been to every
city in this country
that you could ever want to go to or not want to go to.
Fun?
Yeah, it's fun.
I mean, there are places where you're like, like Alaska thinks, it seems like
it's going
to be a great idea, and then you get there, and it's not.
What's the problem with Alaska?
Well, mostly the people, and then...
Oh, my God.
Wow.
Sure.
Yeah.
Well, the thing is with Alaskans, I didn't know what to expect going to Alaska
for the first
time, and I'm a real adventurous person, so I like to go anywhere, you know?
I'll go to, I'll go anywhere.
And, um, and I had this guy, I did a book signing, which is also silly, because
they're
not reading a ton, and I, this guy came up to me.
What city were we talking about?
Juneau.
I was in Juneau, and I, the guy came up to me after a book signing, he's like,
"You have
to, you have to wait.
My wife is in the bathroom.
She's your biggest fan.
She's your biggest fan.
She talks like you.
She walks like you.
She has the same exact sense of humor."
And this woman walked out of the bathroom, and she had one tooth.
And when something like that happens to you, you think to yourself, and I'm
like, "Hey, twin.
What's up, girl?"
What?
What's up, girl?
Oh, my God.
Oh.
When something like that happens to you, you really start to think, "Do people
think that
I don't have teeth?
Why does this man think that?"
And I was Googling myself that night, and I was like, "Chelsea handler plus no
teeth.
Is there a rumor?"
But, I mean, Alaska is just, you think it's going to be beautiful.
It's a wonderland.
It's the last frontier.
Yeah, I mean, and then I tried to go back once to redeem it, but it didn't work.
Well, let me just say, on behalf of the people in Alaska, the woman thinks so
highly of you,
and is desperately trying to emulate you and your spirit, and your joie de vie,
if I can
drop in a little French there, that the dental lack of teeth didn't bother her,
didn't occur
to her.
You see what I'm saying?
You should be greatly flattered.
I'm not following you.
But it could have gone the other way.
Which way?
The guy could have said, "My wife really can't stand you.
She's in the bathroom right now, and she could come out, and she could have
looked exactly
like you, with all teeth and everything.
That would have been bad."
No, I would have been better with that.
Been better with that.
No, you mentioned Vespa, and you had some trouble with the... Oh, did you buy a
house
in Spain?
Yeah, I did.
I bought a house in Spain.
I bought a house in Spain.
I can't even believe that I have a house in Spain.
Man, this is big.
This is like George Clooney time.
Well, yeah, no, not quite, but yeah, it is a little George Clooney-ish, and I'm
after
him.
Oh, he just got married.
No, I'm not.
Um...
No, I bought a house in Spain, but I've had this fantasy, because my dad speaks
Spanish.
My dad's really old, and he's in an assisted living facility, and he keeps
getting kicked
out because he sexually harasses the staff.
He does.
He's been through four in New Jersey, and there aren't that many more, and
every time
he gets kicked out, we have to pay off the nurse, whatever he said to her.
How old is your father?
He's 83, and he's not technically--he doesn't have Alzheimer's or dementia,
because he knows
what day it is, and he knows who the president is, so there's nothing we can do
to him,
except just keep moving him around, so I had this vision of buying this house
in Spain and
lowering him into the sea with cement or something, you know?
Not permanently, just as a good scare, like, listen, you've got to shape up,
you know?
And he loves--and he loves the water.
You want to frighten your father.
That was my motivation.
So, anyway, that was my motivation, so, you know, let's just--we'll see.
How much time will you get to spend in here?
I don't know.
I'll see.
You know, I'm--I'm really excited about my new, like, place in life and this
Netflix deal.
I'm just like--
Oh, the Netflix thing.
That's huge.
Yeah, I'm just like--
That's kind of pioneering as well.
Yeah.
They're great.
They're pioneers.
Now, where was the Vespa deal?
Was that in Spain?
I got into an accident in Mallorca.
I was in--yeah, I was on a Vespa.
Some girl wanted a ride on my Vespa, and I've ridden Vespas several times, but
I've never
had a passenger.
And you really have to distribute your weight.
It goes back to scuba diving.
Nobody should be on anything motorized.
Right.
With me.
Yeah.
Well, again, I think that's responsible on your part.
I said, I'll give you a ride, but I can't guarantee your safety.
Sure.
And we went right into a guardrail 50 feet from where we took off.
We did.
It was--it was a bad accident.
My feet were swollen for, like, two weeks.
She fell right on top of me, and I said, "You've got to get off my Vespa.
You're bringing me down, girl."
Was anyone injured, other than your swollen--
I was injured.
I have, like, this little--I've come to some scratches, but I always get
injured on vacation.
I have a picture that I brought to you--
Let's see it.
--of it--of me in Spain on the Vespa--oh, whoops.
Oops.
Oh, that's--whoopsie.
Oh.
Oh, that's--whoopsie.
I see now how you're able to use the language barrier to--
--overcome difficulties in hooking up.
I, um--I see now how you're able to use the language barrier to overcome
difficulties
in hooking up.
I don't know how that picture got on there.
Well, why--why would you--why would you do that?
I mean, I'm not against it.
I'm just saying, why would you do that?
Why would you--first of all, okay, do it all you want, but then why would you
bring it here?
And again, I'm all in favor of it.
Not many of our guests bring photos in that candid.
There is a photo leaking scandal. I don't know if you're aware of it, and I
wanted to get ahead of it.
Oh, so--so you're leaking your own photos.
That's right.
That's right.
It's come to that.
Well, "Uganda Be Kidding Me" live, you can get it on the Netflix beginning
today.
This is Chelsea Handler. Good luck with everything, my dear.
Thank you.
We'll be right back.
Thanks, Dan.
With Keegan, Michael Key, and Jordan Peele, everybody.
We'll be right back.
We'll be right back.
We'll be right back.
We'll be right back.
We'll be right back.
We'll be right back.
We'll be right back.
We'll be right back.
Thanks, Dan.

Chelsea Handler Leaks Her Own Naked Photos | Letterman

Our first guest is a wonderfully funny, entertaining woman
who now has her first-ever stand-up comedy special
entitled, Uganda, Be Kidding Me Live.
Starting tomorrow, you can see it exclusively on Netflix.
Please, ladies and gentlemen, welcome the lovely Chelsea Handler.
It's so nice.
How about that?
You look like you've been on vacation, for God's sake.
Have you been on vacation?
I, um...
You look well-rested, youthful, relaxed, ready to go.
Thank you. Likewise.
No, you look well-rested.
Where have you been? What have you been doing?
I went to Spain. I went to Mallorca.
This is all part of your global comedy tour?
No, I just needed a vacation.
So I went to Spain, and I went to the south of Spain.
I went to Granada, Sevilla.
Is that beautiful?
Oh, it's so beautiful. And I like Spanish people.
I like that language.
I like a little bit of a language barrier when I travel, because it's easier
for me to hook
to hook up with men.
Wait a minute. I don't mean to pry, but why would the language barrier make it
easier to hook up with men?
Well, I don't know if you're familiar with me, but...
You see me coming, like a guy can see a girl like me coming and going, oh, she
looks nice, and then I start talking, and sometimes it doesn't go over so well.
So my personality can get in the way of me being penetrated, so I like to
travel to different parts of the world.
So I went to Spain, then I went to, um, I went all through Spain.
Then I went to Shanghai. Obviously, I wasn't trying to get penetrated there.
Oh, all right, I think we've said the word penetrated enough.
And then, I'm trying to be technical about it.
No, no, wait a minute. Spain to Shanghai, not really in the same hemisphere.
Well, I was trying to get over to French Polynesia because I went on a trip on
a boat, my friends and I got a boat, so we went, like, shark diving, we went scuba
diving, which is really scary.
Are you good at scuba diving?
I wouldn't say I'm good. I did it, and I'm here, but I wouldn't say that I'm,
like, a great scuba.
Are you certified?
I am certified.
Oh, there you go. That's all it takes.
But are you?
No, I'm not. I'm not even penetrated.
I, um, scuba diving is very, very hard because you have to really relax.
Yes.
And you have to breathe underwater through an apparatus that they call an
octopus.
And when I went, and I'm not a very safe person. I get into a lot of accidents.
Really, you're accident prone. Is that right?
Yeah, like, I get into, like, yeah, I got into a Vespa accident.
Everything that an American does loudly, I do by accident, and then I get into
an accident.
So, um, I, when I went, I got certified, and I was doing it with my girlfriends,
and you go under, and, you know, they teach you this breathing, and they're
like, you know, because you're really going under, like, 70, 80 feet when you
get certified.
Oh, my God. I was claustrophobic. I would get very claustrophobic.
Well, wait, it's the ocean, so you have plenty of space, but...
Yeah, but you're just all in here.
Yeah, yeah, if you get water in your thing, and you, like, freak out, like, I
had this, I had this, uh, this dive master.
They make you dive with people that know the area, obviously, if you're across
the world.
So, we went, and I had, we had one dive master for me, like a babysitter, like
a nanny dive master.
This is not a bad idea.
And one for the other eight people that I was with.
Right.
And, you know...
For the other eight.
Because I said, because when you're diving, you have, you have to have a buddy
system.
That's right.
And I said, I'm not going to be, anybody who's my buddy has no buddy.
Yeah.
You're not going to reciprocate in the buddy deal.
Right, like, if your air goes out, don't come to me.
Because I don't even know how to breathe my own air.
I'm not going to be like, oh, let me save your life.
I'm like, no, no, no.
Like, somebody came to me once, I was like, don't, go to the dive master,
please.
Oh, I think, I think that's responsible, honestly.
Yeah, I think so, too.
Because I can be a little bit reckless, and I, and I know that I should be more
careful,
and I don't want to be responsible for anybody else's injury.
So, and, you know, I had a great guy.
I had this great kind of...
All right, when we come back, we'll show a picture.
I'm in the middle of a story, but okay, yeah, I can wait.
We'll come back, we'll show a picture, and we'll continue the story.
I'm so dumb, I thought it was finished.
Here's the picture.
Ms. Handler.
Oh, yeah, look.
That looks fantastic.
Now, that's the French Polynesia, is that where that is?
It's French Polynesia.
So, to continue my story, that you interrupted with a commercial break, I had
this guy, and
he took me down, so I got really, I got water in my mask, and it's called
clearing it, and
you just go like that to get it out, but I couldn't get it out, and I got panicky,
and
you know, you can't go up right away, because you can, you know, you can get
sick and get
deep compression sickness, so he came running over my, you know, my, like,
babysitter, and
he shoved his hand in my face, and, you know, get the, to get the water out of
my mask, and
I was like, oh, God, because I thought, what am I going to do?
And he helped me, and I, and immediately when somebody takes care of you, a man,
and you're
a woman, you're just like, oh, my God.
Like, you really are, like, I'm like, oh, my God, I want to, I mean, I have a
crush on
him, like an underwater, an underwater crush, and, and so then he, and then he
looked at
me, and he goes, do you want to go up?
And I said, no, I'm, I said, I'm shaky, but I don't want to go up.
I need to get over this fear, and then he grabbed me by the neck, and was like,
are you
okay?
And then I was done.
I was like, we are going to be a couple.
We are, this is it, and then we held hands, and he held my hand, and we scuba'd
around
sharks for the next, like, 20 minutes, and I'm like, I'm in a relationship
underwater.
That's lovely.
That's a beautiful story.
Sweet.
Yeah.
Sweet.
Well, good for you.
Thank you.
Now, um, I, I'm surprised at a couple of things, one, that you've never done a,
a standup
comedy special.
I would have guessed that you'd had several that you had done, and also you've,
you've worked
your standup comedy all over the world, am I right about that?
Yeah, I've done it, well, all over the country.
I've done some other, you know, like, overseas places, but I've been to every
city in this country
that you could ever want to go to or not want to go to.
Fun?
Yeah, it's fun.
I mean, there are places where you're like, like Alaska thinks, it seems like
it's going
to be a great idea, and then you get there, and it's not.
What's the problem with Alaska?
Well, mostly the people, and then...
Oh, my God.
Wow.
Sure.
Yeah.
Well, the thing is with Alaskans, I didn't know what to expect going to Alaska
for the first
time, and I'm a real adventurous person, so I like to go anywhere, you know?
I'll go to, I'll go anywhere.
And, um, and I had this guy, I did a book signing, which is also silly, because
they're
not reading a ton, and I, this guy came up to me.
What city were we talking about?
Juneau.
I was in Juneau, and I, the guy came up to me after a book signing, he's like,
"You have
to, you have to wait.
My wife is in the bathroom.
She's your biggest fan.
She's your biggest fan.
She talks like you.
She walks like you.
She has the same exact sense of humor."
And this woman walked out of the bathroom, and she had one tooth.
And when something like that happens to you, you think to yourself, and I'm
like, "Hey, twin.
What's up, girl?"
What?
What's up, girl?
Oh, my God.
Oh.
When something like that happens to you, you really start to think, "Do people
think that
I don't have teeth?
Why does this man think that?"
And I was Googling myself that night, and I was like, "Chelsea handler plus no
teeth.
Is there a rumor?"
But, I mean, Alaska is just, you think it's going to be beautiful.
It's a wonderland.
It's the last frontier.
Yeah, I mean, and then I tried to go back once to redeem it, but it didn't work.
Well, let me just say, on behalf of the people in Alaska, the woman thinks so
highly of you,
and is desperately trying to emulate you and your spirit, and your joie de vie,
if I can
drop in a little French there, that the dental lack of teeth didn't bother her,
didn't occur
to her.
You see what I'm saying?
You should be greatly flattered.
I'm not following you.
But it could have gone the other way.
Which way?
The guy could have said, "My wife really can't stand you.
She's in the bathroom right now, and she could come out, and she could have
looked exactly
like you, with all teeth and everything.
That would have been bad."
No, I would have been better with that.
Been better with that.
No, you mentioned Vespa, and you had some trouble with the... Oh, did you buy a
house
in Spain?
Yeah, I did.
I bought a house in Spain.
I bought a house in Spain.
I can't even believe that I have a house in Spain.
Man, this is big.
This is like George Clooney time.
Well, yeah, no, not quite, but yeah, it is a little George Clooney-ish, and I'm
after
him.
Oh, he just got married.
No, I'm not.
Um...
No, I bought a house in Spain, but I've had this fantasy, because my dad speaks
Spanish.
My dad's really old, and he's in an assisted living facility, and he keeps
getting kicked
out because he sexually harasses the staff.
He does.
He's been through four in New Jersey, and there aren't that many more, and
every time
he gets kicked out, we have to pay off the nurse, whatever he said to her.
How old is your father?
He's 83, and he's not technically--he doesn't have Alzheimer's or dementia,
because he knows
what day it is, and he knows who the president is, so there's nothing we can do
to him,
except just keep moving him around, so I had this vision of buying this house
in Spain and
lowering him into the sea with cement or something, you know?
Not permanently, just as a good scare, like, listen, you've got to shape up,
you know?
And he loves--and he loves the water.
You want to frighten your father.
That was my motivation.
So, anyway, that was my motivation, so, you know, let's just--we'll see.
How much time will you get to spend in here?
I don't know.
I'll see.
You know, I'm--I'm really excited about my new, like, place in life and this
Netflix deal.
I'm just like--
Oh, the Netflix thing.
That's huge.
Yeah, I'm just like--
That's kind of pioneering as well.
Yeah.
They're great.
They're pioneers.
Now, where was the Vespa deal?
Was that in Spain?
I got into an accident in Mallorca.
I was in--yeah, I was on a Vespa.
Some girl wanted a ride on my Vespa, and I've ridden Vespas several times, but
I've never
had a passenger.
And you really have to distribute your weight.
It goes back to scuba diving.
Nobody should be on anything motorized.
Right.
With me.
Yeah.
Well, again, I think that's responsible on your part.
I said, I'll give you a ride, but I can't guarantee your safety.
Sure.
And we went right into a guardrail 50 feet from where we took off.
We did.
It was--it was a bad accident.
My feet were swollen for, like, two weeks.
She fell right on top of me, and I said, "You've got to get off my Vespa.
You're bringing me down, girl."
Was anyone injured, other than your swollen--
I was injured.
I have, like, this little--I've come to some scratches, but I always get
injured on vacation.
I have a picture that I brought to you--
Let's see it.
--of it--of me in Spain on the Vespa--oh, whoops.
Oops.
Oh, that's--whoopsie.
Oh.
Oh, that's--whoopsie.
I see now how you're able to use the language barrier to--
--overcome difficulties in hooking up.
I, um--I see now how you're able to use the language barrier to overcome
difficulties
in hooking up.
I don't know how that picture got on there.
Well, why--why would you--why would you do that?
I mean, I'm not against it.
I'm just saying, why would you do that?
Why would you--first of all, okay, do it all you want, but then why would you
bring it here?
And again, 