Name: Dave's Audience Show & Tell | Letterman
Uploaded: 2024-05-13T15:00:29.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Dave's Audience Show & Tell | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-05-13. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Dave's Audience Show & Tell | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-05-13. Transcript available.

have a little dialing music poncho
this will be art the guy who answers the phone upstairs here hey okay that's it
for the dialing
music when the call goes through yeah that's it wait joe hey art hey art it's
me dave down here
in the theater down here in the theater as we say in indiana doing the show how
are you my friend
i'm good dave hi how are you have any idea why i'm calling um i believe you're
calling to find
it if you received any message that's right so tell me now did oprah call today
no huh no no seriously
check again i'll check again all right no no calls from oprah nothing what
about sally jesse i'll check
no all right ricky lake no jerry springer nothing okay thanks art nice job okay
we'll see now this is i'll get out my oprah log here
and as you know it was one week ago tonight i began my quest one week ago
tonight it was
to be like only only yesterday time has flown by and i'm not discouraged and i'm
keeping my oprah log
here and this guides me in my journey here it is day number eight i'll just
enter today's entry
day eight did not hear from oprah all right
one week
i won't lie to you i would have thought by now we'd heard from oprah or an
attorney
at the very least at the very least with a cease and desist somebody a stooge
calling up to threaten me
anything anything we've heard nothing from oprah but i'm not going to let this
rock me here's what
it would be like if i was a guest on the oprah winfrey show take a look at that
there i am
gosh we would have a lot of fun
and i'll tell you how this all began uh last week i was uh ruminating and uh it
occurred to me
that uh in the in the 20 years that i've been a national television treasure
not not once have i been on the on the oprah show and i just thought well heck
how i you know
you don't know how much longer will i do this i don't i don't know maybe
another 10 years maybe
another year i just don't know so i thought well before i wrap up the career
gosh i'd like to have my
moment on on the oprah show yeah and so we uh that's my goal now that's what i
had to be a guest on
the and and and frankly and i said you know you got to be courageous you got to
persevere and keep
your chin up keep a smile on your face and a spring in your step but i'm
telling you a week has gone
by and today i find myself a little discouraged i would have thought at least
you would have called
up and said will you please stop it you're annoying oprah nothing we're going
to do something here tonight i
don't think we've ever done this or maybe we did it once a long time ago and it
didn't work so we
forgot all about it but in any event we're going to do it for you again here
tonight paul do you
have music for this sure i do all right there's a little something we call
audience show and tell
yeah now this is uh
this is a little like uh audience uh who asked for it but instead of who asked
for it when the audience
asks for questions uh they're going to show us and tell us things and i guess
we have people oh we got a
guy out there in the audience already how do you do sir hi dave hi what's your
name phil sorling phil
where are you from i'm from syracuse new york oh wow that's great what do you
do up there i'm a
teacher at fayetteville community college uh-huh what do you teach cinema
studies oh and what does that
entail actually what does that comprise you show a bunch of films to students
they talk about it later
uh-huh yeah that's about it what's your favorite movie phil probably casablanca
casablanca oh that's
a good one isn't it humphrey bogart yeah how often do you get to the city uh
new york city
no salt lake city
all right phil you seem like a nice guy and i'd love to go on talking to you
all night but it's
time to play our game yes are you a married man phil no i'm not i'm single all
right
uh and it's show and tell are you going to show and tell us something phil yeah
dave i have
this entire this giant sandwich i'm gonna eat the entire thing right here you're
gonna eat the
entire sandwich yep really yeah while we watch you you're gonna eat the entire
sandwich yes i am
let me see how much of that do you have left really it's about about a foot and
a half okay
all right he's going to eat the entire sandwich music here we go take it away
hold it hold it hold it hey hey hey phil how long you think this is going to
take
uh about 45 minutes oh sit down sit down we don't need that all right guys
hi how are you hi how you doing good what's your name sir chang cho i'm sorry
chang chang cho
welcome to the uh show thank you thank you you're saying chan or chang chang chang
chang all right
chang uh what do you do for a living uh i'm a co-owner of a bar wow great here
here in the city no
actually out in california in california great what's the name of the bar give
yourself a plug it's fred's
bar in mountain view
and and fred is back there looking after the bar now yeah exactly
all right uh what can i do for you chang well i wanted to show you my uh
autograph collection that i
have oh it's pretty valuable autographs and stuff yeah yeah absolutely who do
you have in there check
it out i got julia roberts oh she's great you got robert de niro oh yeah john
wayne wow yeah tom
cruz signed it uh-huh uh i got bill clinton signed it yes uh frank sinatra boy
it just goes on and on
wait hang on a second biff where where's biff if i i think i think i know what
you're driving it go
ahead biff take get the guys no you're gonna ruin it get them get the get the
guys i'll be happy
hi ma'am how are you i'm fine thank you what is your name jenny campbell jenny
yes nice to see
where are you from jenny new york city oh great great and you just came over
for the show today
yes good to have you here what what do you enjoy doing in new york well i do a
lot of weight training
because i like to walk i'm sorry you said weight you do a lot of weight
training yes i do
i like to walk
well you look you look like you're in terrific shape so it's paying off good
for you
and and do you have something uh to to show us or tell us about here on the
show yes can i show you
some photographs of the adorable grandson of your grandson oh sure we'd love to
see them is this your
first grandchild yes oh yeah let's see him can you hold him right up to one of
the cameramen right there
all right
love you grandma
thank you very much ma'am thank you very much we'll see you in the weight room
grandma
uh let's see oh yes hi how are you hi how are you good what is your name ma'am
uh my name is uh jane
bennett oh jane nice to see you where are you from uh fairfield connecticut oh
it's beautiful up there
yes it is yeah what do you do for a living i i'm a housewife homemaker housewife
and homemaker you have
kids yes i have three girls oh three girls yes what are their names uh nicole
who's nine uh mackenzie
is seven and katie is five well that you must have your hands full then oh yes
yes yes and you
just came down to town just to see the show today do you watch the show a lot
at the house um yeah
yeah we we yeah well i know i know you're busy with the kids and of course and
of course your
weight training that's no no uh well it's nice to have you with us thank you
for coming in today
what uh what can i do for you well actually i sort of have a problem a problem
what kind of a
problem is anything i can do can i help you with this could just a minute yeah
right come on up here
what is the nature of the problem i hate it when people have problems she seems
like a nice woman
you said your name is jane jane jane okay i wondered if you would uh touch my
hands your hands oh my god
they're they're cold you're damn right they're cold could you please turn the
heat up you idiot
you