Name: The True Story Of The Fake Dishwasher Pete | Letterman
Uploaded: 2024-05-14T15:00:09.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The True Story Of The Fake Dishwasher Pete | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-05-14. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The True Story Of The Fake Dishwasher Pete | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-05-14. Transcript available.

Folks, our next guest has spent the last ten years working toward his ultimate
goal to wash dishes in every state of the union.
Here he is, a true American patriot, Dishwasher Pete.
Hi, Pete. Welcome to the show.
Thank you very much.
Pete, first of all, do we have the story correct? This is what you want to do?
Um, yeah.
How many states have you washed dishes in so far?
Approximately 25.
And when did this begin? Is it an obsession with you as a project or an avocation?
When did this start and how did it start?
It's, uh, it's a, it's a real easy job to get.
Right.
Uh, it's, and, uh, it doesn't require much resume building.
Now, the first time, the first time you were washing dishes, did you say to
yourself,
I'd like to do this in every state of the country, or did that come later?
It came a little later as I realized how easy it would facilitate traveling,
which I like to do a lot.
But they don't use machine, they don't, it's all machine operated now, isn't it?
They don't, by hand, you don't do so much anymore?
Um, actually, I do a lot of hand washing.
Is that right?
Yeah, it's, uh, some places use the, uh, the old, uh, Hobart's.
And, uh...
What is the old Hobart?
Uh, well, actually, a friend of mine has the, uh, it's, well, it's, it's, uh,
the brand
of dishwashing machine that most places use it.
A friend of mine has a tad, the insignia tattooed on his arm.
Wow!
Yeah, there he is.
Man, born to wash dishes, that guy.
Uh, well, so you would be good inside insight for us, uh, as to the condition
of American restaurants.
What is it like in the kitchen of most places you've worked?
Um, I, myself, choose not to eat in restaurants after...
Is that right?
Why, why is that?
Um, no matter how nice the place, generally, uh, it's overridden with, uh, at
least mice,
if not cockroaches.
Mice?
Cockroaches, sure.
And, um...
But they're everywhere.
We're sharing the planet with those creatures.
But what about the personnel?
What about the, the people cooking the food?
How are they?
Um, the, the, uh, the, the cooks are generally, uh, kind of, kind of crusty and
kind of, uh...
They, uh, I've seen many cooks, uh, drop ash from their cigarettes.
Uh-huh.
And, uh, there's, uh...
Well, that's how you get that blackened chicken and stuff.
It's actually a fine cuisine technique.
Um, have you worked in really nice restaurants or mostly not so nice?
Um, most, most of the places I work in are mom-and-pop, uh, restaurants.
And, uh, in fact, one of them I worked in, uh, a heat lamp exploded over a vat
of chili.
Uh-huh.
And, uh, and the cook just sifted out as much glass as he could.
And the, and the chili, the chili went on.
Sifted out the glass from the chili and then served the glass.
Well, that's the way it goes.
Who ordered the broken glass?
We have a plate right here.
Uh, and when will you complete this task?
You're about halfway through.
Well, um, I'm in no hurry.
I mean, uh...
I mean, uh...
You know, uh, like, I, I hate to finish it, you know, this whole thing.
My, my life dream, um, by the time, like, I'm 35, because there wouldn't be
anything left.
What are you gonna do?
That's right.
Um...
Once you've climbed Everest, man, it's a long way down.
Now, uh, Pete, as I, uh, understand, to while away sometimes the lonely hours
in the kitchen,
you've taught yourself sort of a little, kind of a trick.
And from time to time on this show, we have something called stupid human
tricks.
And I think this falls right smack in the middle of that category.
Well, yeah, actually, um...
Licking the plates.
That's what it is.
Um, you gotta get free food, too.
They don't pay enough.
Um, but, um, they, yeah, one of the, one of the tricks that I learned was, uh,
well, after an accident I had,
when I, I, I sliced my hand open, I don't know if you can see a...
Well, I don't know that we want to see the sliced feet, but we'll take your
word for it.
Um, it's a, it's a five and a half inch scar, and it's from slicing my hand
open.
I had nerve surgery, and, and my hand is dead, but, but I've, I've, um, but I
can still move it.
So the story has a happy ending, then.
But, but I, I can light cigarettes and cigars by catching my hand on fire and
putting them up to the, uh, smoking...
He can catch his hand on fire.
May we dim the lights, please.
you know what you're doing here oh yeah oh yeah all right shall i do you want
me to do the honors
uh yeah yeah sure why don't you uh all right let's move this a little bit yeah
sure by all means
don't want to set anything on fire here okay so i'll just douse it yeah you put
the light to it
okay and then stick this stick this cigar in your mouth and you'll be careful
though i don't
don't until back you don't need any hair catching on fire there
i got scared because i saw a guy with a dead flaming hand lunging at me
i don't know it put me off good luck to you pete
thank you very much one man thank you thank you our next guest is the author of
a new book
entitled dishwasher one man's quest to wash dishes in all 50 states please
welcome the one the only
dishwasher pete pete jordan welcome to the program now uh tell people what
happened the last time
you're supposed to be on the show did i did i get that mostly right uh yes uh
thanks for having me
back um last time i you invited me and i wasn't not interested in being on
television but a friend of
mine was and uh it doesn't work that way um it worked out well for him uh he
wanted to be on tv
um he was in san francisco he called you guys he flew him out here i was in new
york already so i
tagged along because i wanted to um get the backstage uh grub that i i imagined
there would be
um and there wasn't that much we had a sandwich and some beers uh this time you
don't even have
sandwiches or beers so uh but i sat back there in the green room while he came
out here and here's
here's the guy let's see let's see what the guy looks like what was his name
his name was jess hilliard
jess hilliard yeah and that's clearly not you am i right about that uh that's
not me no that's not
you no and and i talked to him about washing dishes and stuff that's right and
then he set fire to his
hand what was that all about um well he told you the story about how he had uh
cut his hand in a
dishwashing accident and that his nerves were dead and he could set his hand on
fire so he he set his
hand on fire to light your cigar uh-huh and uh almost burned your face wow now
now i i guess since he
set his hand on fire part of that story was true is that right um well he said
is uh he has a scar in
his left hand he showed you that but then he set his right hand on fire and
what what was the the net
result of this other than the free food did was there a great first of all why
didn't you want to be on
television what was so wrong with that you're washing dishes well uh i was
washing dishes but i wasn't
didn't want to promote anything i didn't want to be on tv and then the next day
i go looking for a
dishwashing job and they're like hey you weren't you the guy on tv so you might
actually hurt your gigs
then yeah yeah and also i uh just don't like tv and uh you don't like tv no
yeah so everybody turn
off your tvs now um but uh i just wasn't interested in being a friend of
audience and everything but uh
i liked the food the sandwich was nice well let's let's get back now to the the
quest for washing dishes
uh you did not make it in all 50 states is that sadly i did not no see i was
under the impression
as i read the book that you were going to complete the task but what happened
what what called it off
for you i fell in love ah well there you go congratulations with a lovely woman
named amy joy
that who i'm married to now and we have a two-year-old son all right good for
you congratulations
and you still wash dishes uh i only wash dishes uh not professionally just at
home now full-time gig at
home uh and i was right about this some people like myself have an aversion to
it other people seem to
take to it although not many i would guess you're a sort of a rare breed right
um maybe yeah in my
household i'm the only one of two people who are a good dishwasher and in the
book one of the great
things and maybe the best thing about washing dishes is the sense of freedom
you have knowing at
any moment you can just quit the job and and go somewhere else exactly yeah i
mean i i don't like
being tied down to a job after two or three or four weeks at a job i go stir
crazy so
um it's a great occupation for quitting a job and taking a week off and then
finding another job the
next week right right uh and you made a lot of friends along the way and all of
the 33 states you
were able to watch that's right and you published a magazine or an online
magazine what was that no
it's an online magazine it was a zine just a little self-published uh magazine
and uh also called
dishwasher that i would produce uh out of my duffel bag as i traveled right and
it attained quite a
following is that correct yeah i had people writing to me uh sometimes hundreds
of people each week
sending me letters and you had a copy on your desk last time but you didn't
hold it up so i'm glad
you held up the book this time oh sure helps to have the real guy yeah i want
to do everything i can
to make you comfortable now you you know
uh you you uh we get kind of beat out of our uh check did you get any of the
money last time or
not you you and your buddy split it uh no he got the whole check because his
rent was due but um
this time you guys were trying to cheat me uh when you showed me when i had me
had me sign
uh the release backstage it was for less money than 10 years ago huh i wonder
why but then the woman came back
but after i pointed out she she came back and uh she had crossed it out and uh
increased the amounts
again thank you and what do you do for a living now did we mention that well
now i'm trying to make a
go at writing writing yes and uh but i also have been training as a bike
mechanic i live in amsterdam
and my wife's a bike mechanic there and uh hopefully maybe by next year we'll
own a bike shop there good
for you and the book is a very very entertaining it's not just about washing
dishes it's about the
locations the restaurants and the various personalities with whom you come in
contact
and it's uh fascinating nice to have you here thank you very much thank you