Name: Chuck Norris Was Bitten By A Rattlesnake...Five Days Later The Rattlesnake Died | Letterman
Uploaded: 2024-05-15T15:01:01.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Chuck Norris Was Bitten By A Rattlesnake...Five Days Later The Rattlesnake Died | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-05-15. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Chuck Norris Was Bitten By A Rattlesnake...Five Days Later The Rattlesnake Died | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-05-15. Transcript available.

Our first guest is a former karate world champion and the star of such films as
Delta Force and Delta Force 2.
I think that might have been the sequel to Delta Force.
Now he's about to begin a fourth, well look at this, he's beginning his fourth
season along with us here on the CBS Network.
Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Walker, Texas Ranger himself, Chuck Norris.
Hi Chuck!
Chuck Norris, Walker, Texas Ranger.
Congratulations on being on CBS for three years as, well we started about the
same time I guess.
Yeah, it is kind of nice to still be on.
Good for you, and like a real hit, you're like a big deal, a television hit
success story.
Congratulations for all of that.
Thank you.
That's nice of you.
What do you know about the Texas Rangers?
You know anything about these guys?
Oh yeah, yeah, we have two advisors on the show, so we try to keep it as
authentic as we possibly can.
Are these stories taken from the files of the Texas Rangers, are they actually
taken from the files?
Actually some of them are, yeah.
They have given us some storylines to work with, but of course we have a whole
writing staff in Los Angeles that really comes up with the ideas.
But it would be good though, Chuck, there would be an extra selling point for
the show if they were actual stories, true life stories from the Texas Rangers.
Yeah, we really would, and a couple of them have been.
Yeah, I know you said that, but, and the rest of them are like old.
I don't want to tell the stuff, but we have done some of the storylines.
And you've also used some old Gunsmoke scripts, right?
A-Team, Hunter, I used to have a showrunner that was, that created those shows,
so we got a lot of those scripts.
Who is that?
A guy named Frank Lupo.
Old, old Frank Lupo.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You know, I was looking at some film of the show this afternoon, and you were
working with, tell us what I'm talking about.
You were injured, tell them.
Oh yeah, well, an episode coming up on Walker here.
What's Walker's first name?
I'm sorry to keep it over here.
Cordell.
Cordell Walker?
Yeah, Cordell Walker.
Really?
Cordell Walker?
Yeah, Cordell Walker.
Why is he Cordell Walker?
Well, we were trying to come up, well, actually my name was going to be Emmett
Walker, but there was a guy in Dallas named Emmett Walker, and he says, you're
not going to use my name.
He wouldn't let you have the rights.
I wouldn't have the rights to Emmett, so we started looking down the list of
names to try to figure out who to play, and I'm looking at all these names, and
I thought, Cordell.
Cordell, yeah.
Cordell.
Now, is Cordell Walker, the real Cordell Walker, is he a Texas Ranger, an
actual Texas Ranger?
No, no.
See, that would be something if your name, the character, Cordell Walker, was
an actual Texas Ranger.
No, not a real, no, not the actual one.
That's too bad.
But anyway, this particular scene I'm doing is where I'm out with my Indian
blood brother, and what we're going to do is catch, each one of us catch a
snake, and whichever snake has the most rattlers on it, the other one has to
cook it.
Right.
Now, let me interrupt again.
Do the real Texas Rangers have blood brothers?
No.
Because my character in the show, I'm half Cherokee.
In real life, I am, too.
Yeah.
No, in real life, you're half Cherokee?
In real life, I'm half Cherokee.
You know, I know a lot about you.
I don't think that I knew you were half Cherokee.
Yeah, I'm half Cherokee and half Irish.
Mm-hmm.
And, um...
Now, how do you know that?
Hmm?
I say...
My dad told me.
Yeah.
So, but which...
How far back do we have to go to get Cherokee?
Well, actually, my grandfather came over from Ireland, married a squaw off the
reservation,
and then on my other side of the family, my grandmother was Irish, and I had
grandfathers
in both, and then...
So, your grandmother was a Cherokee?
Mm-hmm.
A full-blooded Cherokee.
Yeah.
And do you know a lot about the life and the history and the lore of the Cherokee
in this
country?
Not a lot.
I mean, you know, again, a lot of...
With Walker, we do a lot of Indian-type, Native American-type shows.
Well, you should.
Try to work that into the show.
Well, actually, the show where I'm talking about...
Yeah, your blood brother.
Yeah.
...deals with my blood brother.
Yeah, right.
Now, when you see this, we're going to show this to you.
Chuck, have you explained it, that you go out to catch the rattlesnakes?
Yeah, right.
Yeah.
Okay.
Now, we're going to show the real one first, and then the one...
Yeah, right.
Yeah.
What we're doing here, again, like I said, is catching the rattler.
Well, with the actor, the one that plays my blood brother, they just handed him
the snake.
Right.
You know, so you hang on to the snake, and...
But with me, I had to go down and actually snatch it off the ground.
Because you're Walker, Texas Ranger.
Well, they want to, yeah, they want to see me do it.
Exactly.
Sure.
Here we go.
Take a look at this.
Yeah, so now, that looks fine.
Yeah.
So, but now we'll show you what really happened in slow motion.
All right, watch this very carefully, slow motion.
There's his hand.
There's Walker's hand, the right hand.
There's the snake.
Yeah.
There you go.
The audience is beside the subway.
Yeah, he got me.
Like, what, you see that every day on the subway?
Man, are you all right?
Yeah.
You know, the first time I did the take, I actually got him.
You got it fine.
And I picked him up, did the whole scene.
He said, okay, take two.
Take two, the snake was ready.
He says, try it again.
Second time I tried to grab him, of course, he was waiting, came around and got
me.
Got you, right.
Yeah.
Was it very, very painful?
Well, it was like two needles going into the hand.
But it hit a vein, and blood was flying all over the place.
Now, those rattlesnakes, they're deadly poisonous.
Yeah, well, this one supposedly, well, it was de-venomized.
But after I...
How do they de-venomize them?
What do they do?
They actually cut right inside the guns there.
They take the gland out, the venom gland.
Yeah, the gland.
But anyway, I had to shoot about three more hours of the show, and then they
had to take
me to the hospital to verify that.
Right.
When it happened, did you go back into the old karate?
You're just going to get like chopped up.
No.
No, I ate the snake.
Really?
I don't really eat the snake, but in the scene that follows that, of course, we're
sitting
by a campfire.
Oh, and your blood brother has played a joke, and he's cooked up the snake.
Anyway, we're supposed to eat the snake.
Tell me about your honeymoon.
Congratulations.
I knew you were talking about getting married the last time you were here, and
that's great
to hear.
Well, I didn't get married.
I just went on my honeymoon.
How does a thing like that work?
Has anyone out there had a big wedding?
We...
I don't know about you, but it was a nightmare.
No, what happened, actually...
Anybody out there had a small wedding?
Yes.
Small wedding.
Well, that's what I'm going to have next time.
How many of you have enjoyed an ugly divorce?
There you go.
No, what happened, actually, is that, you know, we were going to invite all of
our friends
and relatives.
You want to do it upright, of course.
Do it upright.
Yeah.
And all of a sudden, we had more friends and relatives than we knew what we
could do with
here, and it actually grew out of proportion.
We only had room for 280 people at the wedding, and it grew up to like 400.
Yeah, that's because you were inviting your blood brothers.
Yeah.
But anyway, I knew it was getting bad when I came home one night, and my fiancée's
out
in the backyard, and she hasn't smoked in four years, and she's got a cigarette
in her hand
and a drink.
And I says, we have a problem here, and she said, yeah.
I said, it's gotten completely out of hand.
She said, I don't know what we're going to do with these people.
I said, then let's back off and just regroup and try it again.
Back off and regroup, which is, by the way, something the Texas Rangers would
do.
Yeah, absolutely.
Whenever there's trouble, back off, regroup.
But we went on the honeymoon anyway.
So you went on the honeymoon anyway.
Yeah, we went to Greece.
So screw the wedding, you went on the honeymoon.
That's what I was looking forward to anyway.
How long were you in Greece?
By boat?
Is that how you travel?
Yeah, we rented a boat, and we cruised the Greek islands for like eight days.
Oh, that sounds beautiful.
Was it, haven't you?
It was gorgeous.
I'd never been to Greece before, and it was really beautiful.
Yeah, yeah.
Well, good for you.
And then now, will you get married?
I mean, you've had the honeymoon.
Oh, yeah.
But we're going to just have our immediate family.
Yeah, that'll be nice.
That'll be nice.
Good for you.
A slight easier.
Congratulations on the beginning of your fourth season here on CBS.
It's good to have you with us, Chuck.
We're proud to have you on the network.
Yeah, it's good to be on the network.
It's good to be here for four years, I'll tell you.
Chuck Norris, ladies and gentlemen.