Name: Dave's Birthday Surprise For Meg Parsont | Letterman
Uploaded: 2024-05-28T15:00:41.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Dave's Birthday Surprise For Meg Parsont | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-05-28. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Dave's Birthday Surprise For Meg Parsont | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-05-28. Transcript available.

Hey, hey, hey, how about some dialing music, Paul?
We're going across the street to visit our friend Meg Parsant over there in the
Simon and Schuster building.
All right, let's see. There's that one.
And then, boy, we have a brand new phone, a brand new set, and a personal
letter from my agent buddy.
I am one lucky boy.
Okay, now this woman, Hal, turn on the external camera, can you?
Here, she works right across the street, right there on the 13th or 14th floor.
Get right in there, Hal, if you can.
And, uh, hi, Meg, this is Dave Letterman, your friend across the street.
Can we put your voice on the air?
She said yes. Can we talk to you a little bit this afternoon?
Sure.
Oh, she's there to the left. Hi, wave to everybody, Meg.
Nice to see you.
Meg, how was your weekend?
It was fine.
Yeah? How's your job?
Very good.
And your boyfriend, Tony, is that his name?
Yes, that's his name.
Everything going well there?
Everything's fine.
Uh-huh. And did you expect him to propose to you one day soon?
I don't think so.
Yeah.
Uh, do your parents like this young man?
Yeah.
Uh-huh. And, uh, do his parents like you?
Yes.
Yeah? Are you chewing gum?
No.
Okay.
Uh, oh, say, Meg, by the way, did you hear what happened at that pet store this
afternoon?
No.
Um, listen, uh, boy, you look great today, Meg. Did somebody clean the windows
there? It looks terrific.
As a matter of fact, they did.
Now, do you, do you remember last time we phoned you, uh, we, we had you lower
the phone out the window?
Right.
Now, did, did you get the extension cord for the phone?
Yes.
Because, because...
Somehow I managed to do that.
Because last time it wasn't long enough.
Hal, do me a favor and, uh, widen out and tip down there and we can see if we
can find anybody beneath, uh, Meg there at work.
Meg, how's work going, by the way? Are you, uh, doing all right with those
people?
Yeah, I think okay.
Oh, look, he, he knew we were going to do this and he closed his blinds.
Oh, no.
How, how much cord do you have there, Meg?
I'd say, uh, about 15 feet.
All right, well, let's go down one more. Let's see.
Oh, gee, wait a minute. Oh, oh, there's a window that's open down and to the
right.
Meg, do me a favor.
If you, if you, you know anything about repelling? Ever done any mountain
climbing?
No.
All right, Meg, since the guy beneath us is apparently not in there or, uh,
doing something highly confidential.
Right.
Uh, just lower the phone out now and we'll see if we can't swing it into that
open office and get somebody to come there.
But, yeah, do you have your safety harness on?
I, I'm not prepared, I have to admit.
All right, well, be very careful.
How many floors down am I swinging?
You're just going to go one floor down and then one west.
One.
You're going to go one south and then turn west.
Okay.
Yeah, it's the, it's the first one down.
Right.
What are you working on these days?
I'm working on getting some mailings out right now.
What does that mean, mailings out?
Mailings, we send out books to the book reviewers hoping that they'll give us a
favorable book review.
Yeah, what, what's the book you're sending out?
The book I'm, I'm sending out for an entire month.
Yeah.
So it's about 20 books or 30 books.
What, what's your favorite?
Do you read all those books?
No, I don't.
I, I skip the military and some of the others.
Do you, do you, uh, many books printed in Portuguese these days?
Yeah, I imagine we do.
Yeah, yeah, all right.
Okay, go ahead, Meg.
All right.
Lower it out there.
Anton, a little, uh, phone lowering music.
Although I don't see anybody there.
Oh, I forgot to ask her to open the window.
I'm sorry, Meg.
You know, I figured it out, so.
Yeah, you're coming.
All right.
So, are you still there?
Okay, here we go.
The window's open.
Down one and over one.
Yeah, you're going to let it go down one.
Let it bang on this guy's window for a minute.
I have a feeling he wants no part of us.
Right.
And then we seem to have a wide open window there next to his.
So you're going to have to do a bit of swinging, perhaps some body English.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
Here we go.
Throw it away.
Good luck to you, Meg.
Thank you.
Here we go.
A little more.
Just a bit more.
A little more.
Is that it?
Now, let it go a little.
Oh, she's.
My God.
She's caught a bass.
Okay.
Now, Meg, was that the extent of it?
I don't think this is going to work.
Why not?
What happened?
Because I can't see how far down I'm having the phone go.
Was it the right level?
No, no.
You're about three feet short.
Well, should I try one more time?
Yeah, quickly.
Try it one more time.
Okay.
Just let it all out, Meg.
Let it go.
There.
Whoa!
Okay.
All right, now.
I don't know.
I can't.
Now, it's coming back up.
And it looks like we're a quart low.
Okay, I don't.
Well, I let it go its full length.
Yeah, now, that was fine.
Now, let it go at the full length again.
And when it's down there, start swinging it.
All right?
Down again.
Okay.
Down again and then let it swing.
Okay.
All right, here we go.
Man, ought to be an easy.
Here it goes.
Whoa.
Okay, now swing that.
Oh, she can't hear me, can't she?
Okay, here we go.
Yes.
Oh!
And now, Meg.
Okay, now, Meg.
Meg?
Yes?
Yeah, okay.
I understand you're a little reluctant to be busting glass and stuff 12 floors
up.
It could be a problem, but I was trying.
I know.
I know.
You did your best, damn it, and we appreciate it.
Okay.
Now, I understand you have a birthday coming soon, huh?
Yeah, I do.
When is your birthday?
It's this weekend.
Okay.
And how old will you be?
That's very private information.
Okay, like what?
40?
50?
What?
A little younger than that.
All right.
Well, Meg, by way of saying happy birthday, we're going to send you up
something from Hurley's.
What would you like?
I don't know what their selection is.
Well, they have clams.
I'll leave it up to you.
All right.
We'll send up some lovely breaded clams.
That would be super.
How did you know it was my birthday?
Well, I don't know.
It's just the kind of thing we know here.
Oh.
Yeah.
Thanks for a nice try, Meg.
We'll talk to you soon.
Okay.
All right.
Bye-bye.
There's Meg over there.
Tony Danza will be out here in a minute.
Now, are we sending her clams or not?
We are going to send her clams?
Do we really want to send the woman clams?
Yeah, okay.
But, Paul, you understand, I think she was reluctant to be swinging that thing
around.
She didn't want to smash her.
For fear of killing somebody.
Right.
Yeah.
Who would be liable if she broke a window over there?
Not me, buddy.
No.
I'm here working.
I see her point, then.
You can see her point.
How could it be me?
Couldn't possibly do it.
Morty, have the clams arrived?
I'm going to be asking this question every five minutes.
What you're saying, basically, is send in the clams, I guess.
Hey, good one.
Exactly.
Well, he's jumped, man.
The clams have not arrived.
Keep us posted, will you, Morty?
All right.
Thank you.
I hear a high-pitched hum.
Yeah, that's coming from over here.
Let me see if I can tell you.
You doing some hearing tests over there again?
Oh, there's Meg.
You guys at it?
Okay.
Welcome back to the big show.
Tonight's big telecast.
Morty, have the clams arrived?
The clams have arrived.
Oh.
All right.
Let's see it.
Wait a minute.
There's Meg.
Meg can't hear me now.
I've got to talk to her on the phone.
You think she'd call me once in a while?
No.
And the clams are being delivered.
Oh, that's cute.
What's Meg's number?
Do I have time to call her over there real quick?
Let me see.
What the hell's that number?
Where's that number?
I don't have Meg's number.
Hey, hey, how do we get her?
Well, I don't.
Yeah, directory information.
That's it.
Gaines, do we have Meg's number?
Oh, oh, oh, thanks.
Okay, here we go.
We're going to call over there.
Let's see if she's...
As I recall, Meg doesn't care for clams.
What is she doing?
Sending them back?
Let's see what kind of tip she's giving.
Look at how good she looks.
Doesn't she look great, Paul?
A handsome young woman.
Man, look at that wine.
Hey, I ain't paying for no...
Hey, don't open that wine.
Hey, Meg, I ain't paying for wine.
Well, we got it.
The biggest bottle I ever saw.
That's a huge bottle of wine.
What kind is that?
What kind of wine is this?
Is that from the 7-Eleven?
No, I believe it's from Hawaii.
Is it like a big gulp?
It's a Mouton Cadet.
Oh, very nicely pronounced.
Now, Meg, what do you have in there besides the wine?
Well, we got the stuffed clams that you said we'd have.
Do you like clams?
I recall you don't care for clams.
No, I do like them.
Okay, all right.
That's all right.
And we have what look like those buffalo chicken wings.
Oh, very good.
But most impressive is the bottle of wine.
Yeah, and what are you going to tip this guy standing there in the red coat?
I thought you took care of that.
Oh, we will take care of that.
Meg, open the window and heave something out.
Okay.
Toss out a clam.
Toss out a clam.
That's terrible.
Or spill some wine.
You got plenty of wine over there.
Well.
Here we go.
She's going to heave a clam out the window.
Get ready, boys.
I'll heave a clam out the window.
All right.
Something I just wanted to do.
Meg, we were talking about this.
Why wouldn't you tell us how old you're going to be?
I don't know.
I was just trying to be mysterious.
Oh, I see.
All right.
Okay.
All right.
I say you're about 25.
That's close.
Okay.
Here we go.
A clam out the window.
Okay.
You got a clam coming at you.
She's going to do time for this.
Somebody will get killed.
You.
Okay.
Thank you very much, Meg.
Thank you.
Happy birthday.
Enjoy that wine.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.