Name: Fan Request: Dave Steals TGI Friday's Balloons | Letterman
Uploaded: 2024-06-21T15:00:31.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Fan Request: Dave Steals TGI Friday's Balloons | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-06-21. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Fan Request: Dave Steals TGI Friday's Balloons | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-06-21. Transcript available.

Hal, do me a favor. Turn on the roof cam. We have a camera mounted on top of
the Ed Sullivan Theater.
We turned this on last night and saw something kind of disturbing.
Now, I want to show you, first of all, let me see what it is, Hal. Can you
punch it up there?
Turn it on. There it is. That's the Empire State Building.
That's the most lovely sight in all of Manhattan, don't you think, Paul?
The always majestic Empire State Building.
Now, I'm going to show you roughly what it looks like out my window.
This would be the view out of my office window. Let me see if this is what we've
got here.
Okay, now that's right down to Times Square. That's the Jumbotron.
Now, this one, I think, this is just below my office window.
Now, there. You see that? That's a TGI Fridays, or whatever they call it.
And then they have the balloons, and that's Broadway.
And then just to the right there, I'm going to show you the pizza place.
There, right there. That's San Leone Pizza.
Okay, so now let's go back. This is the TGI Fridays, and then here is the San
Leone Pizza.
Okay, let me show you my view once again. That's pretty much, that's what I
look at day in.
Okay, now which is better, this or this?
Okay, and is this better now, or is that better now?
Okay, now close your left eye. Is this better now, or is that better now?
Okay, fine. Well, we'll have the frames ready for you in about an hour. Thank
you.
But here, did you get that phone number there?
All right, Paul, I'm going to need a little dialing music. Just a little dialing
music.
We're going to be calling the San Leone Pizza Place.
And here we go.
We'll see if they can't take care of something for us.
We have a big program tonight. Bruce Willis is on the show, one of the stars of
that movie Pulp Fiction.
Man, is that a blockbuster?
Okay.
Well, they're closing for the...
There's a guy shooing away the vermin.
They're calling these...
Hello, hello, hello!
Hello!
Hello!
Hi, can I help you?
Yes, my name is Dave Letterman. Who am I speaking to?
You're speaking to Barbara.
Hi, Barbara, how are you? Do you remember me? It's Dave. I lived in the theater
right across the street.
Yes, Dave, I remember you. How are you doing this evening?
Good, how are you doing?
Good, thank you.
How are things there in the pizza place?
Very well, thank you.
Are you near the door, Barbara?
Close enough, Dave.
All right, Barbara, do me a favor. Come out into the street and stand right
under those balloons next door, okay?
Will do, Dave.
All right, we want to see you right over there.
Okay, she put down the phone. Don't hang up on me.
Okay, hold on, Dave.
All right, now, just go right outside.
And we should...
There she is right there, carrying her...
All right, is that... Where's Barbara? Let's go back to the pizza place. Maybe
we've lost Barbara.
That's not Barbara.
Okay, there. Oh, here comes Barbara.
Okay, yeah.
Okay.
All right, great.
Okay.
Okay, now she's hustling back in there to the pizza parlor.
Let's just wait for a second here.
Should be Barbara back on the phone.
Hello, Barbara. Hello. Hello. Barbara. Hello, Barbara. Hi, Barbara.
Did you catch that?
Yeah, I saw you. Thank you. You look very nice. Thank you very much for doing
that.
Thank you, dear.
How was your Columbus Day?
Very nice.
I guess that's your busy time of the year, isn't it?
That's for sure.
Listen, Barbara, did you see those balloons that the TGI Friday place has up
there?
Yes, sir.
Well, you know, I have to look at those damn balloons each and every day of my
life.
Yes.
When I look out of my office, all I see are those balloons.
And at first, I found them eerily hypnotic and delightful.
Because, as you can see for yourself, they couldn't be more colorful.
But now, now that I've been here over a year, they're making me sick.
I'm just tired of them.
You can see how those balloons, looking at them each and every day, would make
you sick.
Can't you, Barbara?
Yes, Dave.
You got a couple of burly guys in there with those pizza cutters?
Yeah, that's right, Dave.
Oh, jeez.
Go ahead, Dave.
Barbara, do you think you could send a couple of guys out there and cut those
balloons down for me?
You got it, Dave.
Right now, Dave?
Now, I'm serious.
Can you do this?
Yes, I can.
Now, do you know the people who run that restaurant?
Yes, not intimately, but I know them.
That's not what I've heard, Barbara.
Uh-oh.
So, you want to send them out now?
Now, listen, I'm serious because I don't want anybody beat up here.
You understand?
Okay, Dave.
All right, now be very, very careful.
Cut them down, and if you can, bring them on over to the theater, okay?
There you go, Dave.
Can you do that?
Can you do it, Dave?
Okay.
Okay, Dave.
All right, now we're going to watch you.
We're going to watch you.
Okay, now hang up and be careful.
How long?
We need this done pretty quickly.
All right.
Can you do it right now?
Yeah, we'll get a ladder out and some pizza cutters.
Okay.
All right, be careful.
Okay, Dave.
All right, be careful.
I'm going to put you on hold here.
All right.
We'll just watch here for a minute and see what happens.
All right.
See if Barbara can accomplish this task.
All right.
Let me, oh, let me adjust the roof cam.
All right.
Which is better?
How do you like, do you like that?
Or do you like that?
Okay.
Now close your right eye.
Now close your left eye.
Okay.
Which is better to you?
Can you see more?
All right.
Which is less blurry now?
All right.
Which is more red now?
Which is more green now?
Are the numbers bigger here or are they bigger here?
Can you read the bottom line now or can you read the bottom line there?
How about now?
Can you read the bottom line now?
How about the top line?
Can you read the top line?
I'm going to bust some equipment.
All right.
Here they come.
I'm told they're, let's see.
Are they out there?
Well, let me get right in there and let's see.
Oh, here it comes.
There's guys in aprons.
You know, something's going down when guys in aprons show up.
All right.
Okay.
Now be very, oh, I just, here we go.
All right.
Here we go.
You know someone's going to get hurt at the very, yes.
All right.
All right.
All right.
They're stealing their balloons.
Yeah.
And if you're doing them, you're the best witness of crime.
They've stolen their balloons.
They're walking up Broadway with a great sense of pride for a job well done.
Let's see.
Are they coming in?
Can we, can we wait till they come in or do we have to go away?
What are we going to do?
Wait for them to come in?
Do what?
All right.
They're coming right in.
Oh, no.
They're, yeah.
They don't want to break any traffic laws now that, now that they've stolen
something from
the restaurant.
They, this is a lovely display.
Ladies and gentlemen, they have stolen something from their neighbors, but yet
they don't want
to break any traffic rules or regulations.
Do they know where to come in?
Okay, well, that's interesting.
Here they come.
Somebody open that door.
Oh, my God.
Nice job.
Thank you very much.
I hope you don't get arrested.
That's very nice of you.
What's your name?
John.
John.
John and Barbara from San Leone Pizza.
Wow.
Look at that.
Beautiful, isn't it?
What a lovely, what a lovely new set.
Hal, turn on that shot of Friday's across the street.
Well, things just aren't so damn cheerful over there now, are they?
Hey, no siree.
Let me place a quick call over there, just.
Okay, just see what's going on at Friday's.
Yeah, I'm surprised they're still open.
They lost their balloons.
DJ, Friday's day, speaking, how may I help you?
We have your balloons.
Did I detect a certain note of sadness in the young man's voice?
Possibly.
A certain tone of melancholia?
Maybe so.
We have your balloons.
Click.
What a lovely addition to the set, isn't it?
I love the set.
Absolutely delightful.
Jerry.
Hi, this is Dave, TGI Friday's.
How may I help you?
We have your balloons, punk.
That's what I should have added.
Punk.
Yeah.
Should have got that punk right in there.
Call him back.
All right.
All right.
Well, since there's company, I'll call him back.
Kind of like the sound of that myself.
There we go.
TGI Friday's day, speaking, how may I help you?
We have your balloons, punk.
I know exactly how this works.
As I'm driving home tonight, I'll be thinking about this, and I'll hate myself
for it.
But you know, there for a second, calling the guy punk like that was a lot of
fun.
Right now.
Especially when we're talking about a thousand colorful balloons.
I know.
Well, I'm telling you, nothing invigorates you like a successful crime, does it?
Everybody's in.
Knock it off or I give the balloons back.
I don't suppose that ever appeared in a Clint Eastwood movie.
What was that?
We have your balloons, punk.
Oh, I got my balloons.
What'll I do now?
Here, now, do you want to call over there?
Friday's?
Yeah, let's call.
Yeah, just scare the guy.
Let's call him.
Do...
Let's see.
You got the number?
I got the number right there.
Okay.
Should I scare him?
Yeah, scare him.
Scare him.
But have it, you know, if you can, keep it related to the balloons.
I used to do it for a living.
Believe me, I used to make extra money.
Okay, there, I'll dial it up.
You ready, Bruce?
No, hit me.
Do you have a line?
You're ready to give the guy?
I'm ready to go.
Okay, it'll be Scott.
Hi, Scott, TGI.
How may I help you?
You got no balloons, punk!
You can't help me!
No, wait a minute.
Oh, oh, oh, I'm so damn nervous.
It's difficult, this team dialing, you know.
Okay, here we go.
Okay, here we go.
Should be Scott at Friday's.
Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh.
Yeah, we encourage silence here from the audience.
TGI, Friday's Dave speaking.
How may I help you?
Yeah, let me have Scott.
Scott who?
Get Scott on the phone.
Scott who?
Scotty.
I don't think there's a...
Who's this?
Is Johnny?
Who's Ed?
Dave.
Dave.
Dave.
Dave, yeah, I want to talk to you.
Forget Scott.
Oh, okay.
Yeah, listen, I, uh, I know who has your balloons, tough guy.
Who got your balloons?
Hey, don't you worry about it.
I'll be over there in about five minutes.
We'll straighten this out, all right?
Okay.
All right?
That sounds...
What's your name?
Remind me of your name again?
My name's Dave.
Yeah, well, I knew what your name was, punk, okay?
I'll be over there in about five minutes.
Okay.
You'll meet me out in front in about five minutes.
Five minutes, be there.
Five minutes, pal.
Oh, man.
How do I do, though?
Good.
Huh?
Sounds to me like they're...
He still has it.
Oh, yeah.
They're taking this balloon caper kind of hard, is what I think.
My goodness.
You know, every time I see those balloons, I want a couple of margaritas and
some of those
fried potato skins.
Yeah, don't blame me.
Let's check in now over at, uh, what's the name of that place?
Friday's with Bruce Willis.
Let's see if he's over there.
I have no idea what's transpiring now.
It looks like something from Bruce's earlier film career.