Name: CBS Mailbag: A Riverdance Tribute To Dave | Letterman
Uploaded: 2024-06-27T15:01:00.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'CBS Mailbag: A Riverdance Tribute To Dave | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-06-27. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'CBS Mailbag: A Riverdance Tribute To Dave | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-06-27. Transcript available.

- Actual letters, ladies and gentlemen,
from actual viewers all across North America.
And now, the single most annoying thing on television,
the ceremonial presentation of letters.
Letter number one.
- Letter number one.
- Letter number one.
- Paul, for the next round,
do you mind if Alan wears your glasses?
- No, I don't mind at all.
- Okay, get 'em over there to him for the next round.
- Give 'em right to him right now.
- Yeah, right now, you better hurry.
Just pass 'em over there.
Just to make it even more annoying,
because I think you look fine in 'em.
- It's a nice suit, by the way.
Yeah, very summery.
Okay.
I see that was supposed to be a surprise.
I wanted to surprise people.
Now we've already seen it.
You might as well get 'em back.
- Get 'em back?
No!
- No, no, no.
You look good, you been working out?
- No, hardly.
- Yeah, you look-- - Thank you, though.
- You look pumped.
- I got a tank top underneath it.
- Thumped and buffed, right?
Okay, here we go, ladies and gentlemen.
Letter number one.
"Dear Dave, how do you get the energy required to keep going?"
Question mark.
An admiring fan, Jerry Scales, Covington, Kentucky.
You know, this is a pretty good question,
because I pride myself on being in the top physical condition
of my life, and I do.
I'll be honest with you.
I have a little pre-show health regimen,
a little routine that I go through every night.
Here, let me take you through it.
Go ahead and roll the videotape.
First, I brew up a nice, hot, fresh pot of coffee,
and I get some sugar.
I always take a little sugar in my coffee.
There it is.
That's just regular, you know, Domino's, cane sugar.
Then I add a little sugar to the coffee,
and then I mix it up, and I have one or two bags of that,
and I'm ready to go.
It makes me feel like a new man.
Damn good.
Try it at home.
Tony, damn.
Okey, hey, Tony, you want to get in on this?
Huh?
You want to get in on this?
You be after Paul.
You go after Paul, all right?
OK, here we go.
Okey-dokey, numero dos.
Okey-dokey, numero dos.
Okey-dokey, numero dos.
Okey-dokey, numero dos.
Hey, Tony, don't worry about standing up.
That's fine.
Just lay on the floor.
You know what that does?
It shows disrespect to me and the program and the home viewers.
No, you're fine.
Don't bust your ass.
You just stay there prone with your little cards, all right?
Dear Dave, have you ever seen "Love Lines" on MTV?
I think you should start giving some love advice
on your show like they do.
Garrett Edwards, Spartanburg, South Carolina.
Thanks for the letter, Garrett.
Let me see if I can read the cards here.
The boy's on the floor now.
OK, that's fine.
I got him right here.
That's just perfect.
Garrett, of course, you know one of the strong suits
here on "The Late Show" is relationship advice.
We have been giving out relationship advice
year after year after year.
In fact, here's another installment of a little something we call
Biff Henderson, one of our stage managers.
Biff Henderson, "The Rules."
When you and your date arrive at the restaurant, pull out her chair before she
sits down.
She'll applaud your thoughtfulness.
Nothing charms a date more than good old-fashioned listening skills.
When the bill comes, tell her to put her money away.
If you're playing by "The Rules," you know the mill is always on "The Gentleman."
Okay, number three.
Ladies and gentlemen, get ready.
Grab something.
Sit real close to the big colored picture moving box.
Letter number three.
Okay, number three.
Ladies and gentlemen, grab something.
Sit really close to the big red moving box.
Letter number three.
The big red moving box?
Is that what you said?
Oh, I don't know what I said.
All right.
Letter number three.
All right, your turn, Fidel.
Okay, ladies and gentlemen, get ready.
Grab something good.
Sit by the TV.
Number three.
Pathetic, isn't it?
Close the covenant house and this is what happens.
And I love just the straight eagle aspect of it, too.
Oh, okay.
Yeah, that's nice.
Yeah, let's make you sick.
Okay, number three.
Grab something.
Sit by the TV.
Here we go.
Letter number three.
Really, really is awfully annoying tonight.
Dear Dave, why don't you or Paul ever appear on "Celebrity Jeopardy?"
Ah, just a thought.
Brent Larson, Ypsilanti, Michigan.
Ah, good question.
You know, Brent, apparently you missed, what was it, Paul?
Two weeks ago?
I was on "Celebrity Jeopardy."
Yes?
Watch.
The answer is "Range of Mountains" where Danny Kaye, Alan King, and Rip Van Winkle
gained fame.
You've got 30 seconds.
Good luck.
Six weeks in the making.
Six weeks in the making.
Six weeks in the making.
Six weeks in the making.
Six weeks in the making.
All right, Grandma, get ready to load up and fly.
Here we go.
Letter number four.
All right, Grandma, get ready to load up and fly.
Here we go.
Letter number four.
Okay, Grandma, get ready.
Load up and fly.
Letter number four.
Okay, Grandma, get ready to load up and fly.
Letter number four.
Boy.
He's drunk.
He's drunk.
All right.
Dear Dave, can you dance the tango?
Just had to ask Jenny Carroll, Okanta Falls, Wisconsin.
No, no, no.
I wish I could, but I don't really dance at all.
But here's something even better.
Do me a favor.
Please welcome the leader of the smash hit Irish step dancing sensation, Riverdance,
Colin Dunner.
Colin.
Good to see you, Colin.
Thank you very much.
Colin Dunner, ladies and gentlemen.
Top of the morning to you, Dave.
Oh, that's cute, Colin.
Thank you very much, but you know, it's actually closer to midnight.
I know, but people just go nuts for that Irish crap.
Am I right, folks?
Yeah, okay.
Colin, you're to be, uh, you're to be congratulated because
everywhere I go now I, I hear something or I read something all about the Riverdance.
I know.
People are beginning to recognize me on the street, huh?
In fact, I brought a clip.
Oh, really?
Roll it, Hal.
Okay, let's take a look at this.
Hey, excuse me.
I'm sorry to bother you.
I'm glad I have your autograph.
Sure.
Hey, everybody.
It's that fat opera singer from the Three Tanners.
Hey.
Well, yeah.
Is that thing on your forehead drawn on, or is that actually a little thing?
No, no, that's leather.
Oh, is it?
It's actually leather.
It's traditional.
Is it cutting off circulation?
Are you okay?
It's traditional.
All right, good.
So things are really starting to go your way, Colin, and thank you very much
again for stopping
by.
Well, before you kick me out, Dave, Riverdance and I put together a little step
dancing tribute
to you and the Late Show.
Come on out, boys.
Oh, my God.
This will be something.
Hey, Paul, bring in the noise, bring in the funk.
All right, Riverdance.
Riverdance, ladies and gentlemen.
Thank you.