Name: Dave Sends An NBC Page On A Cruise To Bermuda | Letterman
Uploaded: 2024-07-02T15:00:30.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Dave Sends An NBC Page On A Cruise To Bermuda | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-07-02. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Dave Sends An NBC Page On A Cruise To Bermuda | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-07-02. Transcript available.

you know uh what i was thinking today i was uh driving down the west side
highway have you seen
this paul you know the the queen elizabeth the qe2 occasionally they still have
these giant of
course in the excuse me years ago in the like the 30s and uh and the early 40s
that was a whole area
of nothing but cruise liners ocean going ships they'd be crossing the atlantic
and going to south
america and australia and and japan and ohio through the inland waterway
wherever they go
yeah and and it used to be just you'd see these giant boats one two three four
lined up one after
another and be taking people all over it was the busiest passenger port in the
world well obviously
uh since the uh jet plane became so popular uh passenger ship travel has dwindled
i have no
idea what i'm talking about thank you very much but i don't have to because i'm
disco dave dammit i don't
it's making us all sick dave thank you uh anyway what i'm trying to get to hal
turn on that external
camera here now over there on the hudson river look ladies and gentlemen it's
the qe2 the queen elizabeth
ii look at that what an unbelievable vessel that boat is getting ready to sail
in uh what time does it
leave bob in about 20 minutes 6.05 and if we time this right ladies and
gentlemen we will all now get to
enjoy the treat of seeing the queen chug down the hudson river and out into the
vast open waters of
the atlantic watch it depart tonight at 6 10. that's great paul uh turn on the
camera again
hal paul you play some music i'll read you some facts here about the queen do
we have another camera
out there too hal yes okay but that's uh that's the hudson river now this is
from the ship i guess
we're on board looking back east toward midtown you folks uh just take in the
sights look rubberneckers
rubberneckers and gawkers hello hi hello how do you do nice to see you hey may
i search your luggage
thank you care for a can of pay good nice to see you plenty of dramamine i hope
good for you
any word on the tropical disturbance okay it'll be fine all right
uh it's the flagship of the cunard line the queen elizabeth ii launched september
20th 1967
guess what guess by who guess who launched it queen elizabeth huh queen elizabeth
no vince lombardi
oh get out no it was it was queen elizabeth man i'm glad uh the overall length
of that vessel 963 feet
displacement guess the displacement in tons of that ship paul how many tons of
water does it displace
exactly that's right three tons oh no i'm sorry mr wizard it's this is
astonishing 48 923 tons man
yeah that's a lot of tonnage okay uh let's see uh they have a 40 car garage on
board they have a
hospital with complete medical services uh they have kennels uh they have a
laundrette daily newspaper
published on board oh i'm sure maybe any decision publishes her thing on it
could be where she got her
start uh they have 13 elevators four restaurants why am i reading this anybody
ever i thought we were
gonna look around while i was reading is there any chance you can turn that
other camera on hal and
we can look around no okay this is the lifeboat deck is he with us excuse me
sir we're gonna have to
confiscate your camera i'm sorry as long as there's a war on you can't be doing
that sir okay these people
are people dressed as they are on their way to bermuda in a matter of minutes
wow this is going to be a long voyage for these two guys here they're videotaping
one another well
and there's a there's a guy dressed for fun okay
all right so that's the uh the qe2 that'll be chugging out and if we're lucky
don't let this chance pass us by
bob because we would like to see the sight of that massive ship steaming down
the hudson out into the
open waters that'll be coming up a little bit later in the program as the sun
sets over there in new
jersey hal do me a favor turn on the uh picture of the queen elizabeth ii again
if you can man that is
one well that's not the boat but those are the passengers they're getting ready
oh look at how about
a setup or two do some setups what do you think while you're on board nice to
see you sir how are you
uh they're sailing there be in less than 15 minutes those folks will be on
their way to bermuda
paul a little dialing music is that what that is dialing music
okay gonna be calling our page out there in the hallway hi hello hello this is
chris hi chris it's
me dave hey disco dave yeah don't make me come out there and break you buddy uh
chris how you doing
doing fine thank you dave yeah kind of sleepy in here tonight oh come on yeah
chris oh you get any
free time in the next couple of days yes really yes you have some time off uh
after the show i have
free time after tonight show you have free time actually yes how much time do
you have how much time
well uh you tell me that's that's the kind of attitude i like around here uh chris
have you have
you ever been to bermuda uh no i have not been to bermuda in my conscious life
no well now what the
hell does that mean it's outside of a dream yeah i see i see now have you know
that boat is leaving
for bermuda in like 15 minutes uh it's over on the west side okay if you can
get over there and get on
the boat you can go okay what do you think you want to give it a try hey i'm
game i'm definitely game
now i'm serious because once you get on the boat you're on the boat you
understand okay
and what time does it sail bob six of five how much time does he have
you have 15 minutes chris okay where where does it depart from like 50th street
and uh well you'll
recognize it it's the river uh so chris i i have a ticket here okay come on in
here okay and i i have
some dough hurry you get no time got it all right let's see send this kid to
bermuda it's the first decent
thing that nbc has done for this guy since he's been a page hurry hurry you don't
have much time all
right now let's see
what is your ticket there's your ticket they're they're expecting you the
ticket is right there
and uh put some money in there it's 20 for us
and this handsome leatherette wallet here there you go now you gotta you gotta
make a uh try to get on
there okay okay okay all right now now listen uh find the cameraman and and
wave to us we want to see
you when this thing sails down the hudson we want to see you at the rail waving
but but hurry and you know
no goofing around don't don't call in so i couldn't get a cab we want you on
the boat all right all right
have a good time chris
he'll never make it he's lost in the building he's just yeah see what did i
tell you oh my just yeah the
elevator would have been my first choice there i yeah i know i hope he doesn't
get run over by a bus
now i just i'd feel terrible about that oh my gosh and there there are his
fellow passengers
awaiting the arrival of our friend to chris the page on his uh way to bermuda
my favorite part of
tonight's show is me endlessly reading a list of facts about queen elizabeth 2.
i suppose you thought
that we'd be seeing shots of the qe2 you know i didn't think much one way or
the other i see but
we're we're making a young man's dream come true here tonight i hope he makes
all he's got to do is
get over there to the hudson river and then and then what we'll see is him at
the railing there waving
and then he'll realize he has no passport so oh no yeah he has no passport
which means of course he will
not be able to get off the boat but it's a trip you know you can't that's right
ladies and gentlemen
a journey is its own reward is he there bob i've been told that chris has made
his way to the queen
wow it looks to me like he's been taken into custody by the nurse
he's going that would be the gang plank and with any luck at all oh my god
there it is
now are we going to see him push this thing off and take all all right paul a
little music here while
we're waiting for the behemoth of the oceans to uh go there uh yet uh on the
show tonight
jonathan solomon the boat is 938 feet long thank you very much there's the boat
uh
tomorrow on the program jerry seinfeld will be here and oh come back tomorrow
seriously come back
come back tomorrow you can stay at my house
uh musical group cracker boy that boat looks beautiful sailing down the hudson
doesn't it
there it is and uh actress amy madigan all right now let's just sit here and
wait for that thing to
sail what what do you mean we'll come back we've been waiting all night now
make it sail damn it
give them the go ahead morty let's sail that sucker let's go
yeah push row fire it let's go when are they gonna sail get get on the call the
bridge
what they're lifting the gangplank they're lifting well let's see that let's
see him lift that gangplank
let's let's get some of the atmosphere some of the magic oh this is very sad
bob's pretending to
give orders to the queen now weigh the anchor are we gonna miss it if we go
away no we'll get it back
we'll get it will we get it back or will we get the videotape back we'll get it
we're gonna get
highlights is what we're gonna get okay all right we're gonna do a commercial
and then we'll see
the queen sail hey all right can we look and see if the boat has sailed now all
right there it is
is it moving i can't see it is it no it hasn't moved at all now how come it
hasn't sailed bob the
thing is now 40 minutes late uh they're waiting for us no no oh they're well we're
we're ready we're
here let's go well they're getting ready and it'll be going soon
is this any way to run an airlines let's let's go out to the hudson here i've
been told now
the queen is is departing there's the ship can we see our friend chris anywhere
what a beautiful craft this is there he is
oh my yeah have fun chris who's the lady there on your right uh i don't know
but uh i'm gonna find out
in a little while yeah you'll have you'll have plenty of time to find out thank
you mr lineman
thank you do you have your passport or not i've got something like that
well they'll let you into the country or something like that too
oh my well this is pretty exciting and i guess we will
oh pardon me i had the casserole thank you good night everybody um so there it
goes it's actually
slipping out of its birth there in the hudson i wish i was on the boat look at
that isn't that
isn't that beautiful it's majestic that enormous craft slipping into the hudson
on its way down to
wherever it goes and then out into the ocean man and i don't have a passport i
don't need a passport paul you
know why why is that my smile is my passport
paul a little dialing music please we're calling our friend uh chris the page
out there in the
hallway do i have to dial all seven here just the four okay so this should be
chris the page in the
hallway hi hey chris hi how are you it's me dave hey dave what's up good nice
to see you good to see
you sir now chris uh last week we sent you on the queen elizabeth ii to bermuda
yes now you didn't
know you were going to go did you i knew nothing about it yeah and you went
yeah on short notice
yeah did you get a passport uh i didn't need one i just hopped off the boat
with no problem okay how do
you have that videotape of uh there this was when was this last thursday last
wednesday last wednesday
lovely day who was that woman there she was the assistant purser and there you
are getting on the
qe2 did you were people nice to you chris yeah they were very nice they're all
great how long were you
actually under sale we sailed until friday that's when we reached bermuda and
then we set sale back for
new york and got here sunday morning yeah and he had plenty of money how much
did we give you you gave me
six hundred dollars and uh i got a little supplement on top of that uh-huh so
you spent the 600 uh by
necessity yeah i did what what exactly what exactly do you call necessities chris
what what comes under
that heading well i i needed a tuxedo did you were you invited to sit at the
captain's table uh yeah well
what happened was the social director of the ship who's the person who really
goes around the people's
table did sit at my table did you see gopher and all those people gopher is
actually a nice guy he
really is christy have you have photos that you took there in bermuda yeah sure
do yeah show us a
couple of them okay how was the weather weather is beautiful let's see what i
have here this is a
picture of the boat uh taken from the line holding the ship there to the dock
that's you right yeah now
who took this photo uh just a gentleman standing there he later ran off with my
camera
were people there from all over the world or pretty much uh new yorkers uh it
was pretty
much new yorkers as the guests but there were people from all over yeah any babes
on the boat
uh yeah there was one i met one yeah hey this is very nice now who took this
one uh a woman walking
along the beach uh-huh yeah that's a tugboat look at the color is that that's
in bermuda there is
that in hamilton yeah my name's in hamilton we're leaving there and did people
treat you kind of like
a celebrity on the boat yeah people who saw what happened would come up to me
and say hi and how's
how's dave etc yeah and what did you tell them when they asked how i was i said
uh he's as good as
you see him on tv he's a great guy now what does that mean i mean okay chris i'm
glad you had a
nice trip and i'm glad you're back safely thank you mr letterman good to be
back all right nice
talking to you chris bye-bye

Dave Sends An NBC Page On A Cruise To Bermuda | Letterman

you know uh what i was thinking today i was uh driving down the west side
highway have you seen
this paul you know the the queen elizabeth the qe2 occasionally they still have
these giant of
course in the excuse me years ago in the like the 30s and uh and the early 40s
that was a whole area
of nothing but cruise liners ocean going ships they'd be crossing the atlantic
and going to south
america and australia and and japan and ohio through the inland waterway
wherever they go
yeah and and it used to be just you'd see these giant boats one two three four
lined up one after
another and be taking people all over it was the busiest passenger port in the
world well obviously
uh since the uh jet plane became so popular uh passenger ship travel has dwindled
i have no
idea what i'm talking about thank you very much but i don't have to because i'm
disco dave dammit i don't
it's making us all sick dave thank you uh anyway what i'm trying to get to hal
turn on that external
camera here now over there on the hudson river look ladies and gentlemen it's
the qe2 the queen elizabeth
ii look at that what an unbelievable vessel that boat is getting ready to sail
in uh what time does it
leave bob in about 20 minutes 6.05 and if we time this right ladies and
gentlemen we will all now get to
enjoy the treat of seeing the queen chug down the hudson river and out into the
vast open waters of
the atlantic watch it depart tonight at 6 10. that's great paul uh turn on the
camera again
hal paul you play some music i'll read you some facts here about the queen do
we have another camera
out there too hal yes okay but that's uh that's the hudson river now this is
from the ship i guess
we're on board looking back east toward midtown you folks uh just take in the
sights look rubberneckers
rubberneckers and gawkers hello hi hello how do you do nice to see you hey may
i search your luggage
thank you care for a can of pay good nice to see you plenty of dramamine i hope
good for you
any word on the tropical disturbance okay it'll be fine all right
uh it's the flagship of the cunard line the queen elizabeth ii launched september
20th 1967
guess what guess by who guess who launched it queen elizabeth huh queen elizabeth
no vince lombardi
oh get out no it was it was queen elizabeth man i'm glad uh the overall length
of that vessel 963 feet
displacement guess the displacement in tons of that ship paul how many tons of
water does it displace
exactly that's right three tons oh no i'm sorry mr wizard it's this is
astonishing 48 923 tons man
yeah that's a lot of tonnage okay uh let's see uh they have a 40 car garage on
board they have a
hospital with complete medical services uh they have kennels uh they have a
laundrette daily newspaper
published on board oh i'm sure maybe any decision publishes her thing on it
could be where she got her
start uh they have 13 elevators four restaurants why am i reading this anybody
ever i thought we were
gonna look around while i was reading is there any chance you can turn that
other camera on hal and
we can look around no okay this is the lifeboat deck is he with us excuse me
sir we're gonna have to
confiscate your camera i'm sorry as long as there's a war on you can't be doing
that sir okay these people
are people dressed as they are on their way to bermuda in a matter of minutes
wow this is going to be a long voyage for these two guys here they're videotaping
one another well
and there's a there's a guy dressed for fun okay
all right so that's the uh the qe2 that'll be chugging out and if we're lucky
don't let this chance pass us by
bob because we would like to see the sight of that massive ship steaming down
the hudson out into the
open waters that'll be coming up a little bit later in the program as the sun
sets over there in new
jersey hal do me a favor turn on the uh picture of the queen elizabeth ii again
if you can man that is
one well that's not the boat but those are the passengers they're getting ready
oh look at how about
a setup or two do some setups what do you think while you're on board nice to
see you sir how are you
uh they're sailing there be in less than 15 minutes those folks will be on
their way to bermuda
paul a little dialing music is that what that is dialing music
okay gonna be calling our page out there in the hallway hi hello hello this is
chris hi chris it's
me dave hey disco dave yeah don't make me come out there and break you buddy uh
chris how you doing
doing fine thank you dave yeah kind of sleepy in here tonight oh come on yeah
chris oh you get any
free time in the next couple of days yes really yes you have some time off uh
after the show i have
free time after tonight show you have free time actually yes how much time do
you have how much time
well uh you tell me that's that's the kind of attitude i like around here uh chris
have you have
you ever been to bermuda uh no i have not been to bermuda in my conscious life
no well now what the
hell does that mean it's outside of a dream yeah i see i see now have you know
that boat is leaving
for bermuda in like 15 minutes uh it's over on the west side okay if you can
get over there and get on
the boat you can go okay what do you think you want to give it a try hey i'm
game i'm definitely game
now i'm serious because once you get on the boat you're on the boat you
understand okay
and what time does it sail bob six of five how much time does he have
you have 15 minutes chris okay where where does it depart from like 50th street
and uh well you'll
recognize it it's the river uh so chris i i have a ticket here okay come on in
here okay and i i have
some dough hurry you get no time got it all right let's see send this kid to
bermuda it's the first decent
thing that nbc has done for this guy since he's been a page hurry hurry you don't
have much time all
right now let's see
what is your ticket there's your ticket they're they're expecting you the
ticket is right there
and uh put some money in there it's 20 for us
and this handsome leatherette wallet here there you go now you gotta you gotta
make a uh try to get on
there okay okay okay all right now now listen uh find the cameraman and and
wave to us we want to see
you when this thing sails down the hudson we want to see you at the rail waving
but but hurry and you know
no goofing around don't don't call in so i couldn't get a cab we want you on
the boat all right all right
have a good time chris
he'll never make it he's lost in the building he's just yeah see what did i
tell you oh my just yeah the
elevator would have been my first choice there i yeah i know i hope he doesn't
get run over by a bus
now i just i'd feel terrible about that oh my gosh and there there are his
fellow passengers
awaiting the arrival of our friend to chris the page on his uh way to bermuda
my favorite part of
tonight's show is me endlessly reading a list of facts about queen elizabeth 2.
i suppose you thought
that we'd be seeing shots of the qe2 you know i didn't think much one way or
the other i see but
we're we're making a young man's dream come true here tonight i hope he makes
all he's got to do is
get over there to the hudson river and then and then what we'll see is him at
the railing there waving
and then he'll realize he has no passport so oh no yeah he has no passport
which means of course he will
not be able to get off the boat but it's a trip you know you can't that's right
ladies and gentlemen
a journey is its own reward is he there bob i've been told that chris has made
his way to the queen
wow it looks to me like he's been taken into custody by the nurse
he's going that would be the gang plank and with any luck at all oh my god
there it is
now are we going to see him push this thing off and take all all right paul a
little music here while
we're waiting for the behemoth of the oceans to uh go there uh yet uh on the
show tonight
jonathan solomon the boat is 938 feet long thank you very much there's the boat
uh
tomorrow on the program jerry seinfeld will be here and oh come back tomorrow
seriously come back
come back tomorrow you can stay at my house
uh musical group cracker boy that boat looks beautiful sailing down the hudson
doesn't it
there it is and uh actress amy madigan all right now let's just sit here and
wait for that thing to
sail what what do you mean we'll come back we've been waiting all night now
make it sail damn it
give them the go ahead morty let's sail that sucker let's go
yeah push row fire it let's go when are they gonna sail get get on the call the
bridge
what they're lifting the gangplank they're lifting well let's see that let's
see him lift that gangplank
let's let's get some of the atmosphere some of the magic oh this is very sad
bob's pretending to
give orders to the queen now weigh the anchor are we gonna miss it if we go
away no we'll get it back
we'll get it will we get it back or will we get the videotape back we'll get it
we're gonna get
highlights is what we're gonna get okay all right we're gonna do a commercial
and then we'll see
the queen sail hey all right can we look and see if the boat has sailed now all
right there it is
is it moving i can't see it is it no it hasn't moved at all now how come it
hasn't sailed bob the
thing is now 40 minutes late uh they're waiting for us no no oh they're well we're
we're ready we're
here let's go well they're getting ready and it'll be going soon
is this any way to run an airlines let's let's go out to the hudson here i've
been told now
the queen is is departing there's the ship can we see our friend chris anywhere
what a beautiful craft this is there he is
oh my yeah have fun chris who's the lady there on your right uh i don't know
but uh i'm gonna find out
in a little while yeah you'll have you'll have plenty of time to find out thank
you mr lineman
thank you do you have your passport or not i've got something like that
well they'll let you into the country or something like that too
oh my well this is pretty exciting and i guess we will
oh pardon me i had the casserole thank you good night everybody um so there it
goes it's actually
slipping out of its birth there in the hudson i wish i was on the boat look at
that isn't that
isn't that beautiful it's majestic that enormous craft slipping into the hudson
on its way down to
wherever it goes and then out into the ocean man and i don't have a passport i
don't need a passport paul you
know why why is that my smile is my passport
paul a little dialing music please we're calling our friend uh chris the page
out there in the
hallway do i have to dial all seven here just the four okay so this should be
chris the page in the
hallway hi hey chris hi how are you it's me dave hey dave what's up good nice
to see you good to see
you sir now chris uh last week we sent you on the queen elizabeth ii to bermuda
yes now you didn't
know you were going to go did you i knew nothing about it yeah and you went
yeah on short notice
yeah did you get a passport uh i didn't need one i just hopped off the boat
with no problem okay how do
you have that videotape of uh there this was when was this last thursday last
wednesday last wednesday
lovely day who was that woman there she was the assistant purser and there you
are getting on the
qe2 did you were people nice to you chris yeah they were very nice they're all
great how long were you
actually under sale we sailed until friday that's when we reached bermuda and
then we set sale back for
new york and got here sunday morning yeah and he had plenty of money how much
did we give you you gave me
six hundred dollars and uh i got a little supplement on top of that uh-huh so
you spent the 600 uh by
necessity yeah i did what what exactly what exactly do you call necessities chris
what what comes under
that heading well i i needed a tuxedo did you were you invited to sit at the
captain's table uh yeah well
what happened was the social director of the ship who's the person who really
goes around the people's
table did sit at my ta