Name: Heather Locklear & Dave's Sticky "Melrose Place" Scene | Letterman
Uploaded: 2024-07-09T22:00:10.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Heather Locklear & Dave's Sticky "Melrose Place" Scene | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-07-09. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Heather Locklear & Dave's Sticky "Melrose Place" Scene | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-07-09. Transcript available.

Our first guest tonight stars as the tough but sexy Amanda.
I love that. I love the way you say that.
On the wildly popular Melrose Place,
she is also featured on the cover of a recent issue of Rolling Stone magazine.
There she is right there.
Suddenly we're in Parrot Jungle.
Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the very fetching Heather Locklear.
Yes, Siree!
How are you doing?
How are you?
My heart's beating really hard.
Well, that's good. Good. That means you're excited.
And I take that as a compliment in some odd way.
It's a compliment.
Now, what was I talking about?
Was a few years ago everybody on TV shows named Heather or were they all you,
as Paul mentioned?
They were all me and there was maybe another one eight years ago.
Who was the other one eight years ago?
I don't remember.
Oh, come on.
There must have been somebody you knew eight years ago.
Heather Thomas.
Heather Thomas.
What was she on?
The Fall Guy.
The Fall Guy.
Yeah.
And were you on Dynasty?
Dynasty and T.J. Hooker.
See, they're here.
Now we're getting someplace.
So we have two Heathers, three shows.
There you go.
You can't go wrong.
You can't.
And then now you're on the Melrose Place.
Melrose Place, which think, I mean, you know, on the cover of that, my hair, I
almost got cut out there.
What are you talking about?
What are you talking about?
Well, I mean, if you open it, there's two more women.
Two more Heathers?
Yes.
See the rest of the cast.
How many Heathers are there?
There they are.
Wow.
Now, how come, now, are those people steamed that they're not on, you know,
because?
You know what?
I would be steamed, and I just missed it.
Because if there's trouble at the post office, they're gone.
They're history.
Yeah, me too.
See, my arm's missing.
Now, who are these people?
Can you name these people?
This is Laura Layton, Josie Bissette, me, Daphne Zuniga, and Courtney Thornsmith.
And what's the deal on those two?
They seem to be closer than the other three.
Maybe it's just as well they were in the back room.
Yeah, put that away.
Now, tell people, and myself included, because for a long time, I thought Melrose
Place had something to do with Beverly Hills, 9101.
9-0-2-1-0.
But it's not really a spin-off, is it?
Well, Grant's character, Jake, was there for a couple episodes, and then he
just moved over to Melrose Place.
Oh, I see.
Graduated from high school, I guess, before everyone else.
So now everybody who lives in Melrose Place, Melrose Place is the apartment
complex, right?
Yeah, that I own.
Oh, that you own?
You don't watch the show?
Well, you know, I have my community service work I have to do.
Picking up cans on the highway, and you know, when that's...
Okay.
But I'll be there as soon as that's finished.
Okay, okay.
But it's not like everybody went to high school is now living in Melrose Place.
No, no, because the 9-0-2-1-0 people have to stay in Beverly Hills.
They can't come over to our place.
I won't let them in.
So it's not like an incentive program for the cast of Beverly Hills.
If you do really well, we'll bump you up to Melrose Place.
Well, with all the shows doing well, I think it's now doing like the same kind
of ratings
as Beverly Hills.
Well, now, you know what I heard?
I heard that before you joined the cast, you weren't in the original bunch, is
that right?
Before you joined it, it was just doing so-so, and then you joined it, and they
think,
oh, man, we got us a Heather.
Boom!
The ratings went through the roof.
What if the Heathers would do?
I guess they could do.
So you're pretty much the franchise there for those folks.
Well, and also the storylines got better.
They just kind of made it more, you know, soapier, so that each...
Soapier, meaning it's...
It's a soap.
It's a nighttime soap.
It's kind of an ongoing inter-tanglement of relationships.
Yes, and there's cliffhangers at the end to keep you coming back the next week.
Now, speaking of next week, that makes no sense, but Saturday night...
Last week.
Last week.
See, that's where it was going.
Just the other night.
Saturday Night Live, you were on that show.
Yes.
How was that?
Was that scary?
Actually, I was more nervous coming out here just now than doing that.
Really?
But, yeah, it was kind of scary, but they, you know, it's just funny that at
the last minute,
they cut skits and they change everything around, and actually, there was a skit
Coffee Talk with Linda...
Mike Myers dresses up like his mother-in-law.
Right, and I...
Exactly.
Yeah, that's right.
And I dressed up as his friend, Lila Klein, and I had these big hips and big
boobs and the wigs and everything,
and it comes on before, you know, they say it's Saturday night, and my mom said,
oh, you were so good yesterday, she said, you were good in this and that, and I
said,
well, what about, you know, when I was doing Coffee Talk?
Yeah.
And she didn't even know it was me.
No one knew it was me.
Well, that's good.
I guess it's good.
Yeah, well, I guess that means it was an excellent acting job or an excellent...
Yeah, but no one noticed.
Well, yeah, but you don't want people saying, oh, look, it's just Heather Locklear
doing a character.
You want to fool people.
Well, I guess I fooled them.
Yeah.
Was it difficult because the show is live, it's 90 minutes long, you've got a
lot of stuff to remember.
Well, not only that, I mean, they have cue cards, which you don't have any.
Yeah, take a look around.
There's not a cue card within a mile of this place.
Go there!
Hey!
It's an audience, it's a guy from the audience.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Brought in his own...
Sit down, sir, you're making a fool of yourself, will you?
Go back to your seat, you bum.
Yeah, it says Heather Locklear right there, or Heather Thomas.
The audience member's volunteering.
Well, he's got some folks sitting in the band for mile eight.
That's nice.
It's a big responsibility, though.
Yeah, well, you know, you have to know which, where the cue cards are.
And they also said, Phil Hartman, they said, okay, just read the cue cards, it'll
be no problem.
You don't have to memorize these things.
But talk to Phil Hartman, because he knows all the tricks.
So, okay, fine.
And he says, well, first of all, you memorize all your lines.
And if you need to know anything, you look at that one cue card, you find it
way over there.
And it just freaked me out.
So I just stared at them, like staring at the camera there, and did it like
that.
But, yeah, no, it's kind of a tough thing.
And they did mess up a little during one of the skits.
Which one?
Which one?
During the...
So many times, during the Melrose Place skit, there was something where I had a
couple paragraphs to say.
And they dropped them and did something.
And I went, I'm an important executive businesswoman.
And I ran out.
Yeah.
And lucky that.
So you're saying the cue card people screwed you.
It wasn't me.
It wasn't me.
We have a clip from your show.
From Melrose Place.
Yeah.
Do you know what we're going to show?
Not a clue.
All right.
You've seen it, though.
You know what we're talking about?
What show?
It's from Melrose.
No, I don't know.
Melrose, yeah.
Yeah, like last week.
This may have been the big season finale.
Oh, sure.
Well, that explains it.
Okay, go ahead and roll it, Al.
Here's Heather Locklear in Melrose Place.
Hey!
Melrose Place!
Is it all right if I drink the rest of this syrup?
No.
Oh, come on!
I said no.
Oh, my God.
You bastard.
Get out.
Oh, they're so good.
It was wonderful working with you.
Lovely to work with you.
Lovely to work with you.
Lovely to work with you.
Lovely to work with you.
Lovely to work with you.