Name: Joe Biden: Comedy Gold | Letterman
Uploaded: 2024-07-10T22:00:01.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Biden: Comedy Gold | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-07-10. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Biden: Comedy Gold | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-07-10. Transcript available.

A BRAND NEW SEGMENT ON THE PROGRAM TONIGHT, IT'S CALLED "CONGESTED POLITICIAN
OF THE
NIGHT." "CONGESTED POLITICIAN OF THE NIGHT" FEATURING JOE BIDEN YESTERDAY ON "FACE
THE
NATION." "CONGESTED POLITICIAN." WATCH.
"CONGESTED POLITICIAN OF THE SUMMER." "SIGNIFICANT SUCCESS IN THE
ARABIAN PENINSULA. IN ADDITION TO THAT, HERE IS, UH, YOU KNOW, THE UNITED STATES
SCHEDULED
THE ARGUMENT. HE WAS A COURT COACH AND TWO PATH. FIRST, GOING SILENT. ONCE HE
--"
"President Obama, are you like me? I wouldn't give this guy's troubles to a MONKEY
ON A ROCK."
HE WAS DOING THE SPEECH LAST NIGHT AND HE'S BEGGING FOR MONEY AND HE SAYS, YOU
KNOW, WHATEVER
YOU CAN GIVE, SEND IT IN. WE NEED MONEY NOW. AND RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF HIS SPEECH
-- DID
YOU SEE THIS, PAUL? I THINK I -- I T-VOTED THIS. I SAID TO MYSELF, WHAT? SO I T-VOTED
AND
BROUGHT IT IN TO SHARE WITH YOU FOLKS TODAY. TAKE A LOOK AT WHAT HAPPENED DURING
THE PRIMETIME
SPEECH LAST NIGHT. FOR THE LAST DECADE, WE'VE SPENT MORE MONEY THAN WE'VE TAKEN.
IN THE YEAR
THE GOVERNMENT HAD A BUDGET SURPLUS. BUT INSTEAD OF USING IT TO PAY OFF OUR DEBT,
THE MONEY WAS
SPENT ON TRILLIONS OF DOLLARS IN NEW TAX CUTS. THIS HAS BEEN A MESSAGE FROM THE
PRESIDENT OF
THE UNITED STATES.
THIS HAS BEEN A MESSAGE FROM THE UNITED STATES.
THIS HAS BEEN A MESSAGE FROM THE UNITED STATES.
THIS HAS BEEN A MESSAGE FROM THE UNITED STATES.
THIS HAS BEEN A MESSAGE FROM THE UNITED STATES.
THIS IS THE ACTUAL FOOTAGE. TAKE A LOOK AT THIS. IT'S FASCINATING.
THIS HAS BEEN A MESSAGE FROM THE UNITED STATES.
THIS HAS BEEN A MESSAGE FROM THE UNITED STATES.
AND WAS WITH THE PRESIDENT AND WE DID THE DISCO FUNK DANCE TO CONVINCE CONGRESS
TO RESTART
THE GOVERNMENT.
HAVE YOU SEEN THESE PHOTOS OF PAUL RYAN WORKING OUT?
HERE HE IS.
THERE'S OUR BOY.
IT'S THE BACKSTREET BOYS, LADY GENTLEMEN.
HI.
I'M YOUR NEXT VICE PRESIDENT.
I COULDN'T BE CUTER.
WELL, NOT TO BE OUTDONE, THE OBAMA CAMPAIGN HAS RELEASED THIS FOOTAGE OF JOE BIDEN'S
FITNESS REGIMENT.
OKAY.
THIS IS HOW JOE BIDEN KEEPS IN SHAPE.
TAKE A LOOK, EVERYBODY.
WE'RE VIGILANT IN LOOKING OUT FOR INDIVIDUALS OF SUSPICION WHO MAY BE CROSSING
OUR BORDER.
THE CHANCES OF AN OUTBREAK OF AN EPIDEMIC HERE ARE EXTRAORDINARILY LOW.
THE CHANCES OF AN OUTBREAK OF AN OUTBREAK OF AN OUTBREAK OF AN OUTBREAK.
I'M BEING TOLD, LADIES GENTLEMEN, WE HAVE ANOTHER ROUND OF POLITICIAN SLEEP OFF.
AND THE GOOD NEWS IS THIS IS OUR FINAL ONE.
OKAY.
THIS, WE'LL LET YOU SEE WHO'S IN THIS ONE.
TAKE A LOOK.
IT'S OUR POLITICIAN SLEEP OFF.
THE CHANCES OF AN OUTBREAK OF AN OUTBREAK OF AN OUTBREAK.
THE CHANCES OF AN OUTBREAK OF AN OUTBREAK.
THE CHANCES OF AN OUTBREAK OF AN OUTBREAK.
THE CHANCES OF AN OUTBREAK OF AN OUTBREAK.
THE CHANCES OF AN OUTBREAK.
THE CHANCES OF AN OUTBREAK.
THE CHANCES OF AN OUTBREAK.
THE CHANCES OF AN OUTBREAK.
THE CHANCES OF AN OUTBREAK.
THE CHANCES OF AN OUTBREAK.
THE CHANCES OF AN OUTBREAK.
THE CHANCES OF AN OUTBREAK.
THE CHANCES OF AN OUTBREAK.
THE CHANCES OF AN OUTBREAK.
THE CHANCES OF AN OUTBREAK.
THE CHANCES OF AN OUTBREAK.
THE CHANCES OF AN OUTBREAK.
THE CHANCES OF AN OUTBREAK.
THE CHANCES OF AN OUTBREAK.
THE CHANCES OF AN OUTBREAK.
THE CHANCES OF AN OUTBREAK.
THE CHANCES OF AN OUTBREAK.
THE CHANCES OF AN OUTBREAK.
THE CHANCES OF AN OUTBREAK.
THE CHANCES OF AN OUTBREAK.
THE CHANCES OF AN OUTBREAK.
THE CHANCES OF AN OUTBREAK.
THE CHANCES OF AN OUTBREAK.
THE CHANCES OF AN OUTBREAK.
THE CHANCES OF AN OUTBREAK.
THE CHANCES OF AN OUTBREAK.
THE CHANCES OF AN OUTBREAK.
THE CHANCES OF AN OUTBREAK.
THE CHANCES OF AN OUTBREAK.
THE CHANCES OF AN OUTBREAK.
THE CHANCES OF AN OUTBREAK.
THE CHANCES OF AN OUTBREAK.
THE CHANCES OF AN OUTBREAK.
AND AS THINGS WILL DO, ONE THING LEADS TO ANOTHER.
AND HE'S TALKING ABOUT MOISTURIZING.
AND LO AND BEHOLD, THE VICE PRESIDENT SAYS,
YOU KNOW WHAT?
I LOVE MOISTURIZING.
MY WIFE, JILL, GOT ME TO MOISTURIZE.
AND YOU'RE THINKING, RIGHT.
YOU'RE NOT -- HE'S JUST PLAYING ALONG.
YOU KNOW, HE JUST WANTS TO GO HOME.
YEAH, YEAH, I MOISTURIZE.
SURE, YEAH, YEAH, NO, I DIDN'T.
THEN TODAY, DID YOU SEE THE SPEECH?
WELL, HERE'S THE VICE PRESIDENT'S WEEKLY SPEECH.
TAKE A LOOK AT THIS.
YOU THINK HE WAS LYING ABOUT MOISTURIZING?
WATCH.
AS YOU ALL KNOW, NEARLY ONE-THIRD OF HUMANKIND
IS ONLINE TODAY.
SOMETHING WE WOULD HAVE NEVER THOUGHT POSSIBLE
20 YEARS AGO.
MORE THAN 2 BILLION PEOPLE IN COUNTRY.
THE INTERNET -- THE INTERNET HAS BECOME THE PUBLIC SPACE.
IT'S A QUARTER HORSE, MAN.
THAT'S ALL IT IS, A QUARTER HORSE.
BUT THAT NEW STIG READY.
YO.
OH, OH.
YOU TACK THAT SUCKER UP TO SIX GRAND,
AND IT COMES OUT OF THE HOLE LIKE A BULLET, MAN.
YOU KNOW WHO I'M WORRIED ABOUT IS JOE BIDEN.
AND A LOT OF PEOPLE SAY HE'S A LITTLE FOGGY, A LITTLE PREOCCUPIED, A LITTLE ABSENT-MINDED.
HE CALLED TO CONGRATULATE A GUY WHO WON AN ELECTION EARLIER THIS WEEK, AND HE
GOT THE WRONG GUY.
AND HE CONGRATULATED A GUY, HIS NAME MARTY OR SOMETHING.
HE CALLED HIM, AND HE SAID, HEY, CONGRATULATIONS.
AND THEY TALKED FOR LIKE 20 MINUTES, AND FINALLY THE GUY SAID,
MR. VICE PRESIDENT, NO DISRESPECT, YOU GOT THE WRONG MARTY.
NOT A BIG DEAL, BUT THEN YOU START LOOKING BACK.
DO YOU REMEMBER WHEN HE WENT TO VATICAN CITY TO MEET THE POPE?
SURE.
AND THEY KIND OF HUSHED THAT THING UP.
AND NOW HERE'S POOR FOGGY JOE BIDEN ENGAGED IN A CONVERSATION WITH WHO HE BELIEVES
TO BE THE POPE.
WE HAVE THIS FOOTAGE.
I DON'T THINK I'VE SEEN THIS.
LOOK AT THIS.
TAKE A LOOK AT JOE BIDEN.
WELL, YOU KNOW WHO'S AT IT AGAIN, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, VICE PRESIDENT JOE BIDEN.
JOE BIDEN AT IT AGAIN EARLIER TODAY.
DID YOU SEE THIS?
TAKE IT AWAY, JOE.
NOW IS THE TIME TO HEED THE TIMELESS ADVICE FROM TEDDY ROSEVELT.
SPEAK SOFTLY AND CARRY A BIG STICK.
END OF QUOTE.
I PROMISE YOU, THE PRESIDENT HAS A BIG STICK.
THANK YOU.
THANK YOU.
THANK YOU.