Name: Dave's Olympic-Sized Offer To Canada | Letterman
Uploaded: 2024-07-30T15:00:30.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Dave's Olympic-Sized Offer To Canada | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-07-30. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Dave's Olympic-Sized Offer To Canada | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-07-30. Transcript available.

Maybe you've seen, let me show you this right here.
We have a bag of popular candy here in America, M&M's.
And there you can see that this is the official snack food of the 1984 Olympics.
I have a list here of all of the official product endorsements for the 1984
Olympics.
The official airline is United Airlines.
The official shoe of the 1984 Olympics, these beauties right here, Converse
Athletic Shoes.
The official automobile, yes, we gave one of these away earlier, it's a Buick.
That's the official, all of these are on the up and up.
The official beer, there it is.
You see the insignia right down there in the corner.
The official magazine of the Olympics is Sports Illustrated.
The official car and truck rental company.
Rent-a-car company.
It goes on and on.
The official convenience food store is 7-Eleven.
The official water and purification system of the 1984 Olympics.
Arrowhead drinking water.
The official film is Fujifilm right here.
Let's see, what else do we have?
The official outfitter, Levi Strauss.
All of these people have been licensed by the Olympic Committee and are the
official whatever of the Olympics.
We also have the official snack food.
We covered that.
The official soft drink is Coke.
You know most of your top Olympic teams train on M&Ms and Coke.
What else do we have here?
The official truck is GMC.
The official television network is ABC.
NBC wanted to be the official one but found out they had to pay for it.
The official camera is Canon.
And, oh, the official mineral water is Perrier.
This is my favorite.
The official office furniture of the 1984 Olympics is Westinghouse, ladies and
gentlemen.
Well, we decided, with all of these products and companies, becoming the
official whatever for the Olympics that we would like to be,
the official talk show of the 1984 Olympics.
And so we phoned our own Olympic Committee and briefly what they told us was no
way in hell.
So they just weren't interested.
And so we decided that we'd still like to sponsor an Olympic team.
We're going to now call the Canadian Olympic Association in Montreal, Paul,
your home country.
And we're going to find out if we cannot become the official talk show of the
Canadian Olympic team for 1984.
So if they don't want us down here, we'll just go north.
There's the area code.
Do you know what it is for Montreal, Paul?
For something.
That's right.
That's what it says here.
For something.
This will be our first international phone call.
There's the ring.
We're calling Montreal, Canada.
Yes, is this the Canadian Olympic Association?
Yes, it is.
Can you hear me?
Yes, sir, I can hear you.
My name is David Letterman.
I'm calling from New York City, New York and the United States of America.
I need to speak to someone up there who is in a position to make a deal.
You're coming in fairly weak.
You're looking for someone who is in a position to do what?
To...
I tell you what, I'm looking for a man in charge, a woman in charge, somebody I
can talk to about the Canadian Olympic team.
Well, you've got the last man in the office, and my name is Jack Lynch.
I'm the technical director of the Olympic Association.
Perhaps I can help you.
All right, Mr. Lynch, very nice of you to talk with us tonight.
First of all, how does the Canadian Olympic team look this year?
Well, this year, the Canadian Olympic team doesn't exist yet, of course.
It will be formed only next year in the process of putting together the Pan
American Games team.
And I guess most of the athletes who go to the Pan Am Games this year will be
at least trying for the Olympic team next year.
Uh-huh.
Your feeling, though, does it look like it's going to be a good year for the
old maple leaf?
My feeling, yes.
All right.
I'm glad to hear that.
I have a proposal to make to you, Jack.
I do a television show down here in the United States, and we would like to
sponsor the Canadian Olympic team at the 84 Olympics in Los Angeles, California.
You're on.
Jack, you're coming in very weak down here.
That's all we do.
It sounded like you said, no way in hell.
No, so you'd be willing to have our participation?
Absolutely.
I said the other way around.
I said, absolutely, we'd love to have your participation.
Okay, now, you're not considering another talk show, then?
Not yet.
What, financially, what would it take for us to get in there?
We'd like to have, if we could get on the warm-up stuff, you know, the blazers
and the sweat clothing,
if we could just have a little emblem of our own on your outfits, you know?
Well, are you being serious?
Yeah, we'll pay you, you know, within reason, whatever it takes to become the
official talk show of the Canadian Olympic team.
You should have called Toronto.
Don Simpson in Toronto would have been right there with you in any instant.
I can't give you exact figures, but I can be serious about it.
We do, we are looking for sponsors.
We are a privately funded organization.
Okay, so...
And I know sponsorship fees start at about $15,000 and go up to, uh, go up to
about the $1.5 million that Labatt's is giving us this time around.
Well, um...
Gee, it's a darn shame we missed Mr. Simpson.
We don't have $1.5 million.
We don't have, we don't even have the other figure.
I was, I was looking maybe at tops a grand.
What would that do for us?
Uh, well, it would get you an introduction to our athletes in the village.
We'd get you accredited to visit the athletes.
Yeah, well, that's pretty good.
Um, we, we just would like to, uh, buy enough of the licensing fee so every
night we could say the official talk show of the Canadian Olympic team.
I never thought of that.
Now, what would that cost?
Oh, that would be, uh, the official talk show?
You're the first offer.
I'd have to talk to Don about that one.
Talk to Don.
I couldn't give you a figure right now.
Okay, I'll tell you, Jack, uh, talk it over with Don, and, uh, we're just a
little show down here, kind of a local deal.
Oh, I think you'd have to call back something.
So, uh, talk it over and let us know, Don, and we'd, we'd be happy and proud to,
uh, be the official talk show.
The official talk show of the Canadian Olympic team?
Yes, sir.
Uh, would you do it out of Canada, or would you stay in New York City?
No, we'd stay it in New York City, and then when, when, uh, Canada swept all of
the medals, we'd kind of rub it in everybody down here, so.
That sounds, well, yeah, we, we're going to do well.
We, we won't do as well as the states or the, or the USSR, but, uh, we're going
to do as well as we've ever done.
Well, we're pulling for you, Jack, so you, you, you call me back with a dollar
figure, and we'll see what we can work out here.
Uh, you're on.
Okay, thank you very much, Jack.
Fine.
Nice talking with you.
Bye-bye.
Bye-bye.
There's, uh, we'll get this straightened up.
Uh, we'll be right back with, uh, Cheryl T.