Name: Chris Elliott Tries To Read Dave's Mind | Letterman
Uploaded: 2024-08-01T22:00:38.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Chris Elliott Tries To Read Dave's Mind | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-08-01. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Chris Elliott Tries To Read Dave's Mind | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-08-01. Transcript available.

- Our first guest is an old friend.
He's been with us for a long time
and has now gone on to major show business stardom.
He was the star of the wildly successful Fox series,
Get a Life.
Ladies and gentlemen,
please welcome back to the program, Chris Elliott.
Chris!
- Thank you, thank you so much. Wow, geez.
You know, the place, it looks so much bigger on the boob tube
than it does here. It's pretty amazing.
Why don't you have a seat, Waldo?
- Oh, geez, you're hot tonight.
A thousand lashes with a wet noodle for you.
- Ah, Chris, how have you been?
Tell us a little bit about what's been going on,
what's new here. - How have you been?
- I've been great, never better.
Thank you very much. - It's very nice to see you.
You know, before we start with the little chuckles here
that we like to do, can I embarrass you for a second?
Which I know I tend to do, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it.
This man, we all know, he comes out here every night
and he panics him with his jokes.
He's got a real talent for that, I think you really do.
- Thank you very much.
- But one thing that I didn't know about you
that I found out last night is that
you are a hell of a song and dance man.
- Ah, yes, that's true.
- My mother and I went to see
the Will Rogers Follies last night,
and you are unbelievable.
Isn't he great enough?
- Thank you.
- It was wonderful.
- God bless you.
- I think, you know, one thing I would do,
I would kind of work on my lines a little bit more,
but don't be such a Butterfingers either.
'Cause when you dropped that baton,
my mother and I were like .
- I am so glad turtlenecks are back.
And with six, you get egg roll.
- Now, you mentioned your mom.
How is your mom?
My best, your mom.
- Oh, thank you.
- And hers to you.
- Thank you.
How's your family?
- My family's doing very well.
How's your family doing?
- My family is great.
Thanks for asking.
- How's little Cody?
- Cody is fine.
He's quite a boy.
- Yeah, I saw you on the show talking about him the other night.
I hear he's all potty trained.
- Yes, we've been very lucky.
- Now, what are those funny words that he's saying now?
- I have no idea what you're saying.
- You're not making sense anymore.
- No, no.
- Let's talk a little bit about your show, Get a Life.
It was, people love this program,
but it's, sadly, sadly it's not on the air anymore.
It was canceled.
- Yeah, you know, that's kind of a misnomer.
It was canceled, please.
Nobody's ever actually used the C word to this point, Dave.
I mean, I think it's just on hiatus.
I mean, we still have our fingers crossed.
I think it may be coming back.
I like to say the glass is half full.
- Oh, that's good.
- Our hopes are still up.
But you know what I've been doing in the meantime,
because I've been having a little bit of time on my hands,
is kind of developing, I'm somewhat of an entrepreneur,
and I've been developing something.
Everybody's into mind reading now, I think.
And you're, you're not a waiter at a seafood restaurant, are you?
- Why would you say that?
- It's just this kind of little nautical theme here,
your little outfit.
- What was that, man?
- I don't know.
It's wild here, this show is out there.
Anyway, what I have here is something that I'm developing,
I'm gonna try to sell,
and this helps people read each other's minds.
- That's great.
You know who's good at that is Kreskin.
I don't know who, is that a toothpaste?
What I'm doing, I'm talking to the Ronco and Popier people
about it. - The Popier people, yeah.
- The pocket fisherman folks.
- Yeah. - Again.
Anyway, this is called the telecup suction device,
and this will put-- - Well, I'm all for that.
- Okay.
I'm gonna put one on my head and one on your head.
- Okay, I'll put my own on my own head.
- Get over--
- No, no, don't come near me, hand it to me.
- Slip off all that makeup.
- Yeah, all right.
Now what do you do with this?
- Yeah, just put that right on your head.
- Okay.
- And I'm gonna be able to read your mind with it.
- Wait a minute.
- You really gotta, it helps if you lick it.
Do you want me to lick it?
- No, don't, don't.
Just stick it on real hard.
- Everything's fine, okay.
- Okay.
- Oh, geez, you have call waiting.
- Are you all right?
- Okay, now what we do with this--
- All right, let's try to be serious here.
- Yeah, if we can, because--
- Paul, some mind reading music, please.
- I would like, well, first, Paul, before you do that,
if I know it's your show, if I can just get in tune here,
if you can give me a boop-dee-doo-boo,
something like that.
- I was working in the lab.
- Ah!
- A little too loud for you, okay.
- All right, I'm gonna try to read your mind,
and all you have to do, make your mind as clear as possible,
and I'll listen to what you--
- Okay.
- Okay, Dave, fine, I'll play.
Who's there?
Okay, bimpy, bimpy, bimpy, wimpy, who?
Okay, very funny.
Come on, anything else?
Yes, I've seen the Madonna book.
No, I don't know if it's a pop-up book.
Yeah, well, I don't know.
I mean, well, Dave, I'm single,
but if I got her in a room,
perhaps I'd like to do something like that.
Sure.
Ugh, you are sick.
I would never do that.
- Okay.
- Can I unplug my nuts?
- Let me, can I disconnect myself here?
- Sure, be careful.
Burp it.
- That's one of the Tupperware products.
Well, that was fun, Chris.
- Got a little red mark there.
But we're talking to the Ronco and Papiel people about it.
- I'll bet you are.
Now, you're off the show, Get a Life.
- Right.
- And I know you've done some film work.
Actually, I have.
I did two movies that are coming out in February.
One that stars Bill Murray and Andy McDowell.
- Bill Murray is very funny.
- Groundhog's Day.
- Groundhog's Day.
- Groundhog's Day in February.
Another one with Chris Rock and Alan Payne and Phil Hartman.
- Chris Rock from Saturday Night Live, exactly.
- And then I'm shooting a movie in January, actually,
that's being produced by Tim Burton and Denise DeNovi
and directed, actually, by Adam Resnick.
- Adam Resnick was a writer here.
- He was one of your top bananas here, wasn't he?
- That's right.
- And help out with your little mind-suction device,
I'm guessing, too.
- Sure, sure.
I don't know what that means.
Anyway.
- But now, let's see a clip of one of these films.
- Well, actually, I don't have a clip of that.
- Let's see if we have what?
- Because they come out later.
But actually, you know, the last month has been
kind of slow for me.
I haven't really been doing a lot.
It's the most exciting thing.
- Yeah, figure that.
- I'm sorry.
- Well, you may be--
- I'm sorry.
- No, you're absolutely right.
I never thought of that.
- The shirt is hypnotizing me.
Forgive me.
- Anyway, I actually, I got kicked out of one
of those sleep disorder clinics.
Are you familiar with these?
- No, somebody told me that you were having trouble sleeping.
- Yeah, I was a terrible insomniac,
and my wife sent me to one of these clinics.
- Was it the one up at Cornell?
- Yeah, it was the one up at Cornell.
- Wow, well, they do very good.
No, I haven't been up there,
but I know people who've been up there.
- Yeah, they were supposed to help you.
- If you're having trouble sleeping,
they send you up there for like three hours.
- It's horrible.
If anybody has had trouble sleeping,
you gotta go to one of these places,
'cause they help you, they watch you,
and they determine what's the problem with it.
And I actually got kicked out.
I brought a clip from that place, actually, if you'd like to.
- Really, you have a clip?
Yeah, well, how do we have the clip
from the sleeping disorder clinic?
- Which tree should I look at?
- Okay, let's take a look.
Here's Chris Elliott.
Now, do you wanna set this up or just use sleeping?
- Well, this is just one of those nights.
- Okay, here we go, Chris Elliott.
Oh, I'm still awake.
- Well, that's a waste of money.
Oh, we'd love to go to sleep.
Oh, sorry, nurse.
Boom, ba, boom, ba, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la,
la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la,
la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la,
la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la.
Would you please be quiet?
Would you just shut the hell up?
We have people here who are trying to sleep.
What are you doing?
I was sound asleep.
Why would you wake me?
Oh, I'm so sorry.
You know what would help me?
It helps me at home.
It might help me here.
Maybe if you and I made love.
I would rather eat glass.
I would rather stick needles in my eyes.
Is that a yes?
Why don't you lie back?
We have something here we find very relaxing.
Just lie back.
Just relax.
Where are you going?
Well, there you are.
And you went right to sleep.
I went right to sleep after that.
Nice piece of work.
Thank you.
Chris, good luck to you.
Congratulations on everything.
And happy Halloween.
Yes, sir.
Chris Elliott.
We'll be right back.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.