Name: Dave's Odd And Unusual Olympics Souvenirs | Letterman
Uploaded: 2024-08-08T15:00:25.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Dave's Odd And Unusual Olympics Souvenirs | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-08-08. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Dave's Odd And Unusual Olympics Souvenirs | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-08-08. Transcript available.

The 1996 Summer Olympics, three days away from opening up down there in Atlanta,
Georgia,
and we thought, well, hell, tonight, ladies and gentlemen, what we're going to
do,
we're going to show you brand new, actual, certified Olympic souvenirs for sale
in the Olympic gift shop down there, Atlanta. Here we go, Paul, take it away.
In Atlanta, they've got souvenirs, whoa, Olympic souvenirs.
Yeah, all right, nicely done. Thank you very much, boys.
You know, few athletes can match the track and field achievements of Olympian
Carl Lewis.
Well, now, you can relive magic moments from his career while serving yourself
a tasty snack.
Look at this. It's the Carl Lewis Pizza Cutter. Take a look at that boy right
there.
Actual Olympic souvenirs.
Thank you, sir.
Knock yourself out.
Don't get any of that on your jacket.
You know, Olympic...
What happened?
That was good.
Tried it. Tried it.
Decided to pass.
Olympic athletes represent a level of achievement to which we can all aspire,
and the next time you need a confidence boost, just pick up one of these
official Olympic inspirational posters.
Look at that.
I didn't...
If I don't win a medal in this event, my whole life will have been a complete
waste of time.
Well, there.
Beautiful sample.
You know, now you can transform the tedious task of unclogging household drains
into the action-packed excitement of a popular Olympic event.
It's the Olympic Pole Vault Plunger.
Look at this baby here.
Nice.
There you go.
Is that...
What's the matter?
What's the matter?
What?
You're in the way.
You're in the way.
You're going to get hit.
Here, look out.
Watch it.
Look out.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Look at it.
Oh, my God.
Okay.
I'm going to get it stuck there on the lens.
Oh, my God.
What are we going to do now, son of a man?
Get stuck up.
I'm free alive.
Whoa, look out.
Look out.
Oh, my God.
Watch it.
Oh, look out.
Good thing I haven't been drinking.
Oh, my God.
You know, the Dutch track and field team may not win a lot of medals, but they
certainly
make up for it in style.
Here's what I'm talking about.
It's a pair of authentic Nike Dutch track shoes.
That's a nice item right there.
That's a good-looking item.
This controversial book was published by one of the Olympic teams as a fundraiser.
It's called Cooking with Steroids by the German Women's Track Team.
You know, long after the closing ceremonies have ended, you'll be reliving the
excitement of
the Olympics' most powerful event with this amazing audio souvenir.
It's a CD of Olympic weightlifter grunts.
Are you all right?
I didn't mean to hit you with that thing.
Are you all right?
You okay?
Seriously?
That's good.
Okay.
Yeah.
Now you can go for the gold every time you finish your meal.
Oral hygiene becomes a thrilling endeavor when you use this, the javelin thrower
toothpick
dispenser.
Look at that boy right there.
Party man.
Oh!
Oh!
My...
Oh!
Oh!
Oh!
Jeez, my eye!
You all right?
Oh, my gosh!
Oh!
Oh, my goodness!
Dang!
Oh, he was just cool.
You're crying out.
This next souvenir is perfect for professional law enforcement as well as
amateur home use Olympic
ring handcuffs.
Oh!
What else we got here?
Anything?
Huh?
Which one?
Which one?
This one here?
Oh, okay.
Thank you very much.
I guess you were at rehearsal, huh?
Next time you garnish a hot dog, why not enlist the aid of the best damn
basketball team
on the planet?
It's the 1996 Olympic Dream Team condiment dispenser.
Oh, there's soy sauce on the hot dog, you like soy sauce on the hot dog.
You like soy sauce on the hot dog?
I got on the hot dog.
And finally, for decades, beloved TV personality Fred Rogers has been helping
children find answers
to confusing questions.
Now, he unravels yet another timeless mystery with this new video, Why Men Don't
Compete on
the Balance Beam by Fred Rogers.
There you go.
New Olympic community.
Thank you.