Name: Michael Keaton and Dave Sing & Dance With Mary Tyler Moore | David Letterman
Uploaded: 2024-09-05T15:01:02.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Michael Keaton and Dave Sing & Dance With Mary Tyler Moore | David Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-09-05. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Michael Keaton and Dave Sing & Dance With Mary Tyler Moore | David Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-09-05. Transcript available.

Michael Keaton and Dave Sing & Dance With Mary Tyler Moore | David Letterman

I am really, really, really excited to be here.
We haven't seen you since the Academy Awards.
What do we have here?
I'm collecting a lot of...
Oh, yeah, that's the pictures of the show.
That's right.
And these are your shoes?
You know, I had the foresight last time I was here.
I don't know if I was coming back or going to be asked back,
so I had the foresight to, you know, take some memorabilia.
Well, you took some memorabilia.
Yeah, some things from the last show.
No, things I wanted to have.
What kind of things did you take?
I took a computer.
And some copper wiring.
That's very valuable.
But it's not exactly...
Huh?
I wouldn't call it memorabilia.
Oh, well, all right.
Anyway.
Nothing says...
But, you know, the last time you were here,
I dragged you through it,
and I did exactly probably what you were sick and tired of doing,
which was talking about your film,
but I was so taken by the movie Birdman,
I wanted to know everything about it.
Yeah, thank you.
Thank you.
I apologize.
Nope, nope.
It's okay.
But that experience,
it must, after a while,
it takes on a life of its own.
I feel like you're being dragged down a gravel road by a truck.
Yeah, it was extraordinary
and really oddly fun, you know.
You know what it's like.
Sometimes when things are really, really difficult
and you want to see if you can pull it off,
it's an odd kind of fun,
and the whole experience,
the grind, but it was a great grind.
And great reaction.
Oh, the reaction was crazy.
You know, when we were picking up,
and I was personally picking up a lot of awards,
and I have to tell you this thing,
because I've saved it.
Thank you for what you said
about me not receiving an Academy Award for Birdman
and how nice you were about that,
and we'll get to some other stuff later,
so thanks for that.
And when I heard that,
it was very,
it moved me, for one thing,
and I thought,
I have to save this story from.
They have a luncheon,
which is a great thing,
an Academy luncheon before the awards.
And it's really,
when you're in the room,
it's really something you think,
you know,
everyone in the world is there.
Every big name you've ever heard of
or even thought about is in the room,
and you really feel like
you're in the real world
of what I do for a living.
It's just a really great event.
And so I'm walking back,
I was kind of walking back to my table,
and I couldn't get around these people,
so I was kind of waiting,
and there was a gentleman sitting at a table,
really nicely dressed man,
probably in his 70s
and maybe even eight years old,
really nicely dressed,
looking like a real gentleman,
he looks up at me,
and I look at him,
and he's sitting by himself at a table,
and he calls me over,
and he says,
I want to tell you,
that's maybe the best performance
I've ever seen in a movie,
and he goes on,
I mean, he says,
I've been in this Academy
for some ridiculous amount of years,
like over 50 years or something,
and he said,
not only did I go back
and see the film in a theater
like three times,
which I never do,
your performance will go down,
and it was unbelievably,
like, you know,
it's that thing
where you're really uncomfortable
at first,
and then I thought,
just enjoy this,
and by the way,
when he finished,
and he was saying,
I didn't know what to say,
and I thought to myself,
I am a lock.
Sure,
because he's,
yeah,
I would think so.
This guy,
this guy,
he had been around forever,
he knew everyone in the Academy,
I thought,
well,
that's about it,
that's about all I need.
So,
we're talking,
and he says
these really nice things,
and I go,
boy,
that is awfully nice of you,
sir,
and thank you,
thank you very much,
and as I get up,
like this,
he goes,
he kind of grabs my arm,
and he says,
just remember,
Michael,
when it comes to winning
an Academy Award,
illness always wins.
Oh, my.
It's over.
I went from,
this is a done deal,
to I'm done.
I'm done.
Just remember,
Michael,
illness always wins.
Illness always wins.
Oh, my God.
And then,
you have the big event,
and then it comes,
and it goes,
but your life is different now,
regardless,
isn't it?
Yes,
to some degree.
I mean,
you know,
I think it is,
but you know,
I still,
you know,
live basically the life I want.
I mean,
it's great,
and you know,
I mean,
I was picking up some W's there.
You know,
we were doing okay,
and it was such a great experience
to be in it,
and to go through the whole thing
and the movie.
Well, you were very gracious
and graceful about it.
Thanks.
And when we come back,
I want to hear,
I think this is an old story,
about you meeting the Pope.
Oh, sure.
Sure.
Now, this is true, isn't it?
It's totally true.
I'm a big fan
of the current Pope.
I'm not kidding,
I've got a statue
of St. Francis of Assisi
I've had in my yard
since forever
because I'm a very lapsed Catholic,
but I love this new guy.
Yeah.
He's the greatest.
When you were at the Vatican,
did you pick up any memorabilia?
No, no, no.
I didn't.
I didn't.
Yeah.
I didn't leave him empty-handed.
Let's put it that way.
Spiritually or material.
Whatever you need.
All right, all right.
I don't know what's planned.
I don't know what...
We've got plenty of time.
This is supposed to be...
I'm going to get this out of the way.
Okay, this is good.
I want to thank you
for all these years.
Oh, you're welcome.
It's been tremendous.
Oh, no, no.
Stop.
No, no, no, no, no.
I know, I know.
Look, look, look.
You're just going to have to
sit back and hate this
just for a minute.
Just bear down.
Just bear...
All right.
Man up.
Just bear down with me.
Not only...
When he showed up in L.A.,
everyone knew it.
This guy was so funny and fast.
It was like somebody...
When we were standing around
these places like
The Comedy Store
or The Improv
and this guy showed up
and everybody just
kind of looked at one another
and said,
How long has this guy
been doing this?
And it had been
about 15 minutes
and you would have thought
he was doing it for a year.
It was so clear
how bright and funny
and you had that great,
really great Midwestern thing
that to this day
I find funny
like Bob and Ray
and all those guys.
And we became friends
and you've been
consistently a friend
and not only what you did
and we...
Look, you had a paper route, right?
Yes, I did.
You had one?
Look at this.
Well, that's...
You're right.
You're right.
You kidding me?
That's right.
You were some kid
in Indiana
with a paper route
just living life
and look what you are.
I mean it.
It's extraordinary.
Shame could be said
for you eight times over.
Definitely.
I was shoveling that.
Big family
in the Pittsburgh area.
Yep, Pittsburgh area.
Worked on the Mr. Rogers show.
Yes, I had a whole lot
of other jobs.
But congratulations.
Congratulations to you, Michael.
Not only what you've done
for comedy
and shows like this.
No, I've done that for comedy,
but it's been a lot of fun.
And thanks for all the stuff
it did for me.
I really mean it.
Thank you.
You know, there's...
I can't tell you...
I can't tell you
how much I'm going to miss it.
Thank you.
I really mean it.
I kind of hate...
I kind of hate being here
to be honest with you.
Well, you'll...
Other people will invite you
to places.
But Michael is...
There's a handful of guys
and Michael is the kind of guy
that you wake him up
in the middle of his sleep
and he will have
something funny to say.
He's always funny
and he's the right kind of funny.
And excuse me
if that sounds a feat,
but it happens to be true
in this man's case.
Well, thank you very much.
And by the way...
I have awakened him
in the middle of the night.
And it wasn't that funny.
Hello, Mike.
It's Dave.
What the hell are you doing here?
So anyway,
you were at the Vatican.
Oh, no.
I wasn't at the Vatican.
Oh, you weren't at the Vatican.
No, Broca loves this story,
by the way.
Oh, Broca.
He always asks me
to tell this story.
And I told her here
and I thought,
you know what?
Not like it's a best of,
but I may as well
tell this story
because I was raised Catholic
and I'm a bad Catholic.
I'm a lapsed Catholic.
I don't even know
if I'm a lapsed Catholic.
I'm a relapsed Catholic.
So, but my mom,
devout,
not my father
was not a Catholic,
my mom was devout.
Mass every morning,
you know,
really old school
Catholic woman.
Every morning.
Every morning.
Every morning.
I have,
those are great stories,
but that's for another time.
So, so, so,
Pope John,
and I forget,
I think it was 94
or something
or late 80s.
I forget when it was.
The Pope was doing a tour.
They had jackets
and everything.
No.
Yeah.
Yeah.
He called it the,
yeah.
It's a tour jacket.
Silk.
They were those stuff.
Yeah.
You know,
satin, I think.
Satin.
Oh, they're nice.
Yeah, they are nice.
Yeah.
It was the kick-ass tour.
It was, yeah.
The Pope's kick-ass tour.
Yeah.
I don't know.
Whatever.
What did you have?
Did you have a laminate?
Did you have a laminate?
I had my laminate.
All access laminate?
I got the laminate.
Fantastic.
Anyway.
You can get anywhere.
You should have been to that party.
Right on stage.
Oh.
Anyway.
He's doing it,
literally doing a tour of the world
and he's coming to the United States
and there was a person
who had a position in the Vatican
who was from Pittsburgh
and knew my story and everything
and called
and they wanted certain people
from the show business world
to show up at this event
in South Carolina
at the stadium
at the University of South Carolina.
You know,
also other people
were showing up
from all walks of life.
And so,
I get this call
and it's unbelievable.
And this is true.
I forgot about this.
The guy told me
in the Vatican
there were a lot
of Johnny Dangerously fans.
I swear to God.
I swear to God
that's what he said.
I'm not making it up.
So,
I go,
I'm listening to this phone call
and I go,
I didn't want to say,
how'd you get my number?
I didn't want to say that.
It was the Vatican.
So,
I said,
honestly,
out of respect to you
and everyone involved,
I'm not the right person.
It's inauthentic of me.
It's not,
I would think
it would almost be sacrilegious
somebody who's not
a practicing Catholic
would be part of this.
So,
I hang it up.
Now,
I start thinking about it
and I go,
man,
if my mother ever finds out,
I need to shut.
And now,
I start thinking,
wait a minute,
I might be able
to negotiate something here.
I swear to God,
I call back,
I get the guy on the phone
and I go,
all right,
I'll tell you what,
let's work this deal out.
And I go,
and I go,
I'll do it.
You know,
we'll go over what I have to say
and not say and everything.
And,
but,
you know,
my mother's going to meet the Pope.
He goes,
oh,
yeah,
yeah.
And I go,
no,
no,
no,
no.
No,
I mean,
not like,
hey,
hi,
Leona,
how you doing?
I mean,
like,
face-to-face blessing,
the whole thing.
Not a mass,
not a big,
like,
you know,
millions of people.
I said,
it's got to be face-to-face.
That's the deal.
When I work,
we go back and forth.
And he goes,
well,
no,
I don't do it unless this is what happens.
He goes,
fine,
deal.
So I'm negotiating a deal with the Vatican.
So,
so,
yeah,
yeah.
Plus she wants 15 grand.
No,
no.
No,
no,
no,
no.
So,
so here's how,
so here's how it works.
So how it works is he's doing,
he,
I've seen the Stones maybe five times.
I've seen Springsteen and all these guys.
I never saw anything like this.
He comes in,
there's a line of limos that comes in through the parking lot at Gamecock
Stadium,
University of South Carolina comes in like this.
And there's religious leaders from all over the world.
The place is packed,
filled,
packed.
He goes and,
and,
and the,
they run it,
they run it through you.
Here's how it's going to work.
He's going to come in.
He's going to go up.
He's going to go on stage.
I'm on stage.
He's going to say what he says.
He's going to say prayers.
Then everyone who's there will get a blessing and you line up because he's
going to get back in the limo and get to the next gig, which I think was Syracuse.
You know,
I don't know.
No,
no,
no,
no,
no.
I think he,
I think he had a gig with,
uh,
with Journey.
His journey was opening up.
Syracuse.
No,
no,
no,
no.
So,
so he,
then he com